Pearls Before Swine | Search

I THINK I'M GONNA APPLY FOR A POSITION AT APPLE.
OH, DON'T BOTHER.
WHY NOT?
NO MORE JOBS.
MY COUSIN IN LOUIS TOLD ME THAT ONE.
OH, GREAT. IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY.

PEARLS BEFORE SWINE ENTERPRISES PRESENTS...
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??
FIND ALL TEN THINGS!
ANSWER: IT'S UPSIDE DOWN.

WHAT MOVIE ARE YOU WATCHING, GOAT?
TITANIC... THIS IS THE END WHERE THE BOAT SINKS.
SPOILER ALERT!
PIG... IT HIT AN ICEBERG 105 YEARS AGO.
ICEBERG? PLEASE STOP.

HEY, PIG, I HEARD YOU WENT TO VISIT YOUR MOM. HOW IS SHE?
HEALTHY AS A HORSE.
TERRIFIC.
TERRIFIC? I ONLY KNOW ONE HORSE.
SIX MONTHS TO LIVE.
LET'S START OVER.
YOU'RE SO CRUEL.

I MOPED EVERYWHERE
I MOPED EVERYWHERE
WELL, THAT'S SAD. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN MOPING ABOUT?
WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT MOPING?
CLEVER.
ONLY PESSIMISTS READ IT THE SAD WAY.

WHERE'S DAD TODAY?

HE GOT A JOB DOING TECH SUPPORT.

DOES HE KNOW HOW TO DO THAT?

WHY ELSE WOULD THEY HIRE HIM?

YES. FOR THE SIXTH TIME, IT'S PLUGGED IN.

Oh. Den me out of solutions.

I SET THE DVR TO RECORD THE WARRIORS GAME THIS AFTERNOON. THAT WAY, I CAN WATCH IT LATER TONIGHT.
OH, GOOD.
YEAH, BUT IT'S BEEN TOUGH BECAUSE I'VE HAD TO SPEND ALL DAY BEING CAREFUL TO AVOID ALL TEXTS, INTERNET, RADIO, CABLE T.V.
NO CABLE T.V. ? SO YOU MISSED THE WARRIORS BEATING THE SPURS ?
THIS SEEMS HARSH.
JUSTICE OFTEN DOES.

I THINK THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH YOUR HOMEMADE 'GARAGE SALE' SIGN.
YEAH. THE 'A' AND THE 'E' KEEP BLOWING ACROSS THE YARD.
DOES IT HAPPEN A LOT?
YES. I HAVE FREQUENT VOWEL MOVEMENTS.
YOU'RE QUITE IRREGULAR.
THE HUMOR COMES AND GOES.

IT'S NOT FAIR THAT WE ALWAYS HAVE A RANDOM UNKOWN.
THIS IS GREAT RANDOM UNKNOWN, AND IT'S NOT RIGHT. I WANT TO KNOW HOW I DIE.
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW.
WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING I'VE INVENTED THE BALLOONY METABOLOGRAM INDICATOR.
B.M.I.?
BALLOON METABOLOGRAM INDICATOR. YOU BLINDFOLD YOURSELF AND THROW A DART AGAINST THAT FENCE. THE BALLOON YOU HIT INDICATES YOUR FATE.
TRAMPLED BY BULLS 2023.
HEART ATTACK 2022.
FELL DOWNSTAIRS 2019.
DROWNED AT SEA 2045.
HIT BY TRAIN 2022.
CAN I TRY?
SURE.
WOOOSH
HEY, GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU
OH
GOD
WELL, WE KNOW HOW HER GONE.
YEAH, WE KNOW. HOW EERIE.

HEY, PIG. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!
PLAYING A GAME THAT SENIOR CITIZENS LOVE. I WAS THERE WITH AN AUSTRALIAN DOG AND A DRUMMER FROM LIVERPOOL. I'VE EVEN LEARNED THE TERMS THEY ALL USE.
BINGO DINGO RINGO LINGO-
DO YOU SUPPOSE "BEETLE BAILEY" IS HIRING?

SOCIETY OF ANGLES
ANNUAL MEETING
Uh. Hello. Can I raise a point of order?
NO. YOU'RE OBTUSE.
HOW ABOUT ME?
SURE.
Why do you let her talk?
SHES ACUTE ANGLE.
That's totally unfair.
SHUT UP. I'M ALWAYS RIGHT.
HAVING FUN?
YEP.
ARE YOU GAY?
NOPE. STRAIGHT.

WHERE WERE YOU?
COMIC CONVENTION IN SAN FRANCISCO. I BOUGHT AN ORIGINAL 'B.C.' COMIC STRIP DRAWN BY JOHNNY HART.
COOL. CAN I SEE IT?
NUTS. IT'S NOT HERE.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I LEFT MY HART IN SAN FRANCISCO.
BEST YOU CAN DO?
YES.

RAT THE PRESIDENT
I'VE DECIDED I'M GONNA START RUNNING THIS COUNTRY LIKE A SHERIFF IN THE OLD WEST...WITH FRONTIER JUSTICE AND HANGIN'S.
IS THAT THING REAL?
NO. IT'S JUST A PROP.
FAKE NOOSE! SAD!
I BURIED HIM ON BOOT HILL.

HEY, LISTEN TO THAT, PIG. IT SOUNDS LIKE THE ICE CREAM TRUCK.
THE ICE CREAM TRUCK! THE ICE CREAM TRUCK!
HEY KIDS IT'S BEER!
MORE
ALCOHOL
THAN AN
IPA
THAT'S WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS.
BEER-SICLES! BEER-SICLES!

HEY, PIG. MY FRIEND ARTIE IS COMING TO JOIN US. BUT HE'S A LITTLE SENSITIVE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HE JUST BLEW THE LAST SHOT OF HIS BASKETBALL GAME.
OKAY. I WON'T BRING IT UP.
HI, GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU EATING?
ARTICHOKES.
ARRR RRRRGGGH!!!
SOME GUYS JUST DON'T LIKE VEGETABLES.

HEY, PAIGE. WHY IS OUR ART IN THE PAGE BEFORE SWINE TODAY?
IT'S THE REVENGE OF STEPHAN PASTIS.
WHAT?
LAST YEAR HE MADE FUN OF "PEARLS" IN THIS VERY STRIP.
YEP. AND NOW HE'S CHANGING ALL THE DIALOGUE.
HOLY @#$%! I FEAR HE'LL MOCK OUR CREATOR, BILL AMEND, FOR BEING A LAZY, LITTLE WEASEL.
JUST BECAUSE BILL DECIDED TO ONLY DRAW SUNDAY STRIPS SO HE CAN SPEND 18 HOURS A DAY PLAYING "WORLD OF WARCRAFT"?
I'M GONNA RUN BEFORE THIS GEG GETS UGLY.
AT LEAST WE DIDN'T END WITH A STUPID PUN.
AMEND TO THAT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOAT?
I'M JUST ENJOYING THE MOMENT.
I'M NOT TWEETING ABOUT IT, OR POSTING IT ON INSTAGRAM, OR SHARING IT ON FACEBOOK.
GOAT'S LOST HIS %&@* MIND.

THIS COMPANY WANTS TO PUT A SERVER FARM IN OUR TOWN.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
A PLACE WHERE THEY RAISE LITTLE WAITERS AND WAITRESSES.
NO.
HERE AN ENTREE THERE AN ENTREE EVERYWHERE AN ENTREE ENTREE

HEY, STEPHAN... I'M HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT... WANT TO COME?
SURE.
I'M GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999!!
WHEN THE FUTURISTIC REFERENCES IN YOUR FAVORITE SONGS ARE 17 YEARS OLD, YOU'RE OLD.
THIS IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE... WHEN CARTOONISTS CRY.

WHERE'S PIG TODAY?
FIELD DRESSING A DEER.
WHOA... I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS A HUNTER.
I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS EITHER.
YOU LOOK JUST GREAT, BOB.

RAT THE PRESIDENT
SIR, WE HAVE SOME NEW COFFEE HERE IN THE WHITE HOUSE. IT'S YUBAN.
WHY YUBAN?
BECAUSE YUBAN EVERYONE YOU DON'T LIKE.
I DEPORTED HIM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
I'M WRITING A BOOK ON JUST OVER FOUR DOZEN WAYS YOU CAN SET UP YOUR WINDOW LOUVERS TO HELP REGULATE THE TEMPERATURE IN YOUR HOUSE..
LIKE HOW?
LIKE LEAVING THEM UP TO CATCH THE SUN'S HEAT WHEN IT'S COLD, OR LEAVING THEM DOWN WHEN IT'S HOT. THAT SORT OF THING.
WHAT'S IT CALLED?
'FIFTY WAYS TO LOUVER YOUR LOUVERS.'
MAKE A NEW PLAN, STEPH.

LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM.
LOVE ME FOR WHO I COULD BE.
LIKE ME AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.
LIKE ME ALOT.
JUST LIKE ME.
TOLERATE ME.
I'LL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET.
LIFE IS A SERIES OF COMPROMISES.
HOW LOW CAN HE GO?

DO BRITISH PEOPLE HAVE MORE CAR CRASHES THAN OTHER PEOPLE?
WHY WOULD THEY HAVE MORE CAR CRASHES??
THEY DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD.
WHERE DO I START?
DON'T TRY?
NO WONDER THEY NEED FREE HEALTH CARE.

PIG, THIS IS MY BRITISH MATE, PAUL. HE'S A WRITER.
YES, BUT I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE AND COULD REALLY USE A RUBBER.
SLAP
FAMILY NEWSPAPER!
PLEASE TELL HIM IT MEANS ERASER.
AND THEY DO NO GOOD AFTER!