Pearls Before Swine | Search

HAVE YOU SEEN PIG TODAY? WE'VE GOT A COMIC STRIP TO DO.
HE DROPPED HIS CAR KEYS BETWEEN THE PANELS AND GOT STUCK TRYING TO REACH FOR THEM.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
FOURTH PANEL.
THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN TO OTHER COMIC STRIPS.
JUST MOVE ON TO 'BABY BLUES.' PLEASE.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR THE SUN TO TRAVEL AROUND THE EARTH?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THE SUN DOESN'T TRAVEL AROUND THE EARTH. THE EARTH TRAVELS AROUND THE SUN.
DON'T TELL ME YOU FELL FOR THAT EARTH-ROUND-THE-SUN HOAX, YOU GULLIBLE GOVERNMENT STOOGE.
WHEN DID WE ALL LOSE OUR MINDS?
I MAY NEVER HAVE HAD ONE.

I HAVE A NEW TECHNIQUE FOR HANDLING MY TEMPER.
THAT'S GREAT. WHAT IS IT?
WELL, WHENEVER I GET ANGRY, INSTEAD OF HAULING OFF AND PUNCHING A GUY, I TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND COUNT TO THREE.
AND THEN I PUNCH THEM.
THEY NEVER SEE IT COMING.

MY FRIEND ERNEST AND I HAVE FORMED A THINK TANK WITH OTHER PEOPLE TO COME UP WITH REALLY BIG IDEAS.
HOW'S THAT WORK?
WELL, THE IDEAS GENERALLY START IN ERNEST'S BRAIN, AND THEN THE REST OF US FLUSH THEM OUT.
SO IT BEGINS IN ERNEST.
YOU SHOULD END IN EARNEST.

WELL, I'M FINALLY GONNA VISIT AUSTRALIA!
TERRIFIC!
HOW RELAXING IT'LL BE TO BE IN A COUNTRY WITH THE MOST POISONOUS SPIDERS, MOST VENOMOUS SNAKES, DEADLIEST JELLYFISH, BIGGEST SHARKS, AND SCARIEST MAN-EATING CROCODILES.
MAYBE I'LL JUST STAY IN THE HOTEL.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN DIE FOR FREE HERE.

I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT GEOGRAPHY. IT'S AMAZING HOW LITTLE MOST PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT IT.
DON'T LECTURE ME... I KNOW PLENTY.
OH, YEAH? SHOW ME WHAT YOU KNOW ON THIS MAP.
THE OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE NAMES.
I STICK TO THE IMPORTANT STUFF.

HEY, PIG. WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?
RICA. SHE'S A LAMB I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH.
BUT SHE'S ALWAYS LIVED ON HER OWN AND NOW SHE'S MOVING INTO A BARN WITH OTHER ANIMALS. SO I'M HELPING HER.
HELPING HER WITH WHAT?
BARN ETIQUETTE.
OKAY, RICA, A MARE NEXT TO YOU SNEEZES. WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?
A MARE? I DON'T KNOW.
'GOD BLESS' A MARE, RICA, LAMB THAT I LOVE.
UNCLE SAM WOULD LIKE TO DEPORT YOU NOW.

WHAT'S ALL THAT?
TEMPTATION MOUNTAIN. A GIANT MOUND OF CHOCOLATE-COVERED ICE CREAM DESIGNED TO TEST MY WILLPOWER.
SO FAR I'VE BEEN ABLE TO LIMIT MYSELF TO ONE SPOONFUL.
TEN MINUTES LATER...
NEVER MESS WITH TEMPTATION MOUNTAIN.

I'M REALLY STARTING TO THINK THAT THE EARTH MAY IN FACT BE FLAT.
IF THE EARTH IS FLAT, WHY DOESN'T AN AROUND-THE-WORLD CRUISE SHIP GO RIGHT OVER THE EDGE?
I THINK IT HITS THOSE LITTLE BUMPER THINGIES.
HELP ME, LORD.
SORTA LIKE WITH THOSE KIDDIE BOWLING LANES.

WHAT'S THAT THING?
VISION BOARD. YOU PUT WHAT YOU WANT TO HAVE HAPPEN ON IT AND IT HELPS MAKE IT HAPPEN. YOU SHOULD TRY.
VISION BOARDS ARE DUMB AND SHOULD GO AWAY.
YOU CAN'T VISION BOARD AWAY VISION BOARDS.
I CAN TRY.

HI, BOB. I'M GIVING YOU A LITTLE WILLOW TREE THAT WILL ONE DAY BE VERY PLEASANT TO SIT UNDER.
AND I'M GIVING YOU THIS LITTLE MAPLE WHOSE FALL FOLIAGE WILL ONE DAY BE VERY PLEASANT TO LOOK AT.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?
EXCHANGING PLEASANT TREES.
THIS WORLD WOULD BE SO PLEASANT WITHOUT YOU.

HEY, RAT, I'M JUST CURIOUS. DO YOU--
"I'M JUST CURIOUS" NEVER HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH CURIOSITY. ALL IT MEANS IS, "I HAVE AN AGENDA, AND THE QUESTION YOU'RE ABOUT TO HEAR IS A REAL ZINGER."
SO I'M JUST CURIOUS. ARE YOU AS DUMB AS YOU LOOK?
I CANNOT BE ZINGED.

I ORDERED A PIZZA FROM THAT NEW PLACE OPENED BY MY BUDDY, JESUS MARTINEZ, BUT NOW HE'S SAYING HE CAME TO DELIVER IT AND COULDN'T FIND OUR ADDRESS.
SHOULD WE JUST ORDER A PIZZA FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE?
NO.
JESUS WILL COME AGAIN.
I WISH YOU'D GO AWAY FOR GOOD.

ACCEPTING
OF OTHERS
OH, THANK GOODNESS... I'VE SEARCHED A LIFETIME FOR ACCEPTANCE...
ACCEPTANCE OF WHO I AM. WHAT I REPRESENT. WHAT I DO.
THAT'S WONDERFUL. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?
BURN STUFF DOWN.
FOOSH
I'M NOT GONNA ACCEPT SOME PEOPLE.

THESE SELF-DRIVING CARS TERRIFY ME. I DON'T WANT MY SAFETY HINGING ON A CAR DRIVEN BY A COMPUTER.
GOOD POINT.
BETTER TO HAVE IT HINGE ON A HUMAN CHECKING THEIR CELL PHONE.
MAYBE I'LL NEVER LEAVE HOME.
I'M SURE HUMANS CAN DO TWO THINGS AT ONCE.

Two stars.
Was expecting more.
WHAT ARE YOU REVIEWING?
MY LIFE SO FAR.
SADLY, NO ONE IS TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.

I'LL JUST HAVE A GRILLED CHEESE AND A GLASS OF WATER.
DON'T FORGET, RAT... I'M GETTING THE CHECK THIS WEEK... YOU GOT IT LAST WEEK.
SIR, IF YOU CAN, I'D LIKE TO CHANGE THAT TO STEAK AND LOBSTER, THIS ALASKAN SALMON AT MARKET PRICE, AND ANY BOTTLE OF BRANDY YOU HAVE, PROVIDED IT'S FROM THE NINETEENTH CENTURY.
I FORGOT I HAD GRILLED CHEESE YESTERDAY.

MY GRANDFATHER FAILED
AT EVERYTHING. MY FATHER
FAILED AT EVERYTHING. I'VE
FAILED AT EVERYTHING.
SO THERE HAVE BEEN
SUCCEEDING GENERATIONS?
DO YOU NOT LISTEN TO
ANYTHING I SAY?
'SUCCEEDING'
CAN HAVE
DIFFERENT
MEANINGS.
DON'T TRY
TO MAKE
ME FEEL
BETTER.

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO,
CARTOON BOY?
I'M DOING BOOK SIGNINGS IN
THESE THREE CITIES AND
I'M TRYING TO CALCULATE
HOW MANY BOOKS EACH STORE
SHOULD HAVE ON HAND.
HOW HARD IS IT TO CALCULATE ZERO?
THAT'S
NOT
HELPFUL.
IF THEY'RE
SMART, THEY'LL
LOCK THE
DOORS.

ONE QUESTION I ALWAYS
LIKE TO ASK DURING AN
INTERVIEW IS HOW YOU SEE
YOUR ROLE IN THE COMPANY.
I'M A FIX-IT GUY.
AFTER I LEAVE, YOU HAVE
TO FIX IT.
DIDN'T GET THE JOB.

A PEARLS MURDER MYSTERY
Mr. McDodo has been found dead just outside of the crime scene. Nearby to him is a knife, a gun, and a spear. Head officer glue figure out which of these is the murder weapon.
Judy Croody hated Mr. McDodo for his political beliefs, vowed to one day stab him.
He'll pay! DIE!!
Victor Vengeful, the gay hitman, swore to one day shoot Mr. McDodo with his Luger.
NO ONE CROSSES ME AND AMAZINGLY ESCAPES UNHARMED!
The reverend Spencer Random preaches at random people.
NO ONE EVER ESCAPES UNHARMED!
I've never seen such a difficult murder mystery in all my career.
HOW can you horrible... surely YOU know, Mr. McDodo's? The grisly answer lies in the next panel!
A murder mystery has to have a murderer.
Have you not seen the price of eggs?

WISE ASS ON THE HILL
OH, GREAT WISE ASS, I HAD THE MOST AMAZING DREAM LAST NIGHT. BUT NOW I'M BACK TO REGULAR OLD REALITY.
WHY ARE YOU SO SURE THAT THAT PART'S THE DREAM AND THIS PART'S THE REALITY?
MY BRAIN JUST BROKE FOR THE DAY.

DON'T YOU HATE HOW SOME MINORITY GROUPS ARE GIVEN CERTAIN ADVANTAGES IN SOCIETY?
LIKE WHO?
SMART PEOPLE.
NOT WHERE I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING.
WE SHOULD START HOLDING THEM BACK.

HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB. HOW GOES WORK?
GOOD. WE'RE THINKING ABOUT HIRING A GUY WITH A GREAT SKILL SET.
TEN YEARS AGO, PEOPLE JUST USED THE WORD "SKILLS." BUT NOW, PRETENTIOUS PEOPLE LIKE YOU, IN AN EFFORT TO LOOK SMART, SAY "SKILL SET" INSTEAD. THAT'S ANNOYING AND NOW I HAVE TO THROW YOU OFF A CLIFF.
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO HANDLE THAT.

You ween lottery?
Son replied to text.
Parenting sound horrible.
We live for da leetle tings.