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STEPHAN GETS OWNED BY THE SECOND-GRADER ACROSS THE STREET
LISTEN, LIBBY, I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE RANDOMLY RIPPING MY DRAWING. NOW IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE TO SAY, SAY IT.
IT'S OKAY, MR. PASTIS! CALM DOWN. LET ME THINK OF A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY TO SAY THIS.
YOU DRAW LIKE G#%$.
OH, SO TRUE.
GO AWAY NOW, LIBBY.
OH, AND YOU WRITE LIKE G#%$, TOO.

EXCUSE ME, MR. PASTIS. MY NAME'S LIBBY. I LIVE ACROSS THE STREET. FOR MY SECOND GRADE CLASS PROJECT, I HAVE TO INTERVIEW A CARTOONIST.
SURE, LIBBY. HAPPY TO HELP.
GREAT. DO YOU KNOW A CARTOONIST?
I LIKE YOUR STYLE, LIBBY.
YOU POOR LITTLE STICK FIGURE.
GET OFF MY LAWN NOW, LIBBY.

HEY, LABRADOR LENNY. HOW GOES IT?
NOT GOOD. I'M LONELY AS HECK.
THERE'S A CUTE POODLE OVER THERE. WHY DON'T YOU GO TALK TO HER?
NO WAY. I'D BLOW IT.
MAYBE YOU'RE TOO EAGER. GIRLS HATE GUYS WHO APPEAR TOO EAGER.
I'M ALWAYS EAGER. I GET EXCITED.
THAT'S STUPID. YOU HAVE TO LOOK INDIFFERENT. UNIMPRESSED. BUSY. IF ANYONE KNOWS YOU'RE EXCITED, YOU'RE DEAD.
WHOA. I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THAT. I'LL GO TRY IT RIGHT NOW.
HEY.
HEY.
I'LL BE LONELY FOREVER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
BEING MY FAVORITE PIXAR CHARACTER, BUZZ LIGHTYEAR.
TO INFINITY AND BED, BATH AND BEYOND!
YOU MAY HAVE THAT WRONG.
YEAH...WHY DO I NEED BEDDING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, NEIGHBOR BOB?
PUTTING MONEY IN THE SWEAR JAR. IT'S SOMETHING MY KIDS MAKE ME DO EVERY TIME I SWEAR.
I CAN'T IMAGINE DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT, EVEN IF I DID HAVE KIDS.
WHY NOT?
COLLEGE IS PAID FOR, DAD.
@#*&! THAT WAS FAST.

DO YOU THINK THERE WILL EVER BE PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST?
NO WAY. NOT WITH THE WAY THEY CREATED THOSE COUNTRIES.
YOU MEAN WITH HOW THEY CREATED ISRAEL AND PALESTINE?
WITH HOW THEY NAMED A COUNTRY FOR MICHAEL JORDAN.
I THINK YOU'RE CONFUSED.
SURE, HE WAS GREAT, BUT STILL.

DO YOU KNOW ANY OF THE SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD?
ONLY ONE.
THAT A COUPLE CAN STAY TOGETHER FOR FIFTY YEARS WITHOUT KILLING EACH OTHER.
THAT IS WONDROUS.
I'D KILL HIM, BUT THEN I'D MISS HIM.

DID YOU HEAR THERE'S A BREWERY IN MINNESOTA THAT STARTED SHIPPING BEER VIA DRONE? IT'S THE GREATEST ADVANCEMENT IN CIVILIZATION SINCE THE POLIO VACCINE.
THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT STOPPED THEM. THEY SAID IT'S ILLEGAL TO FLY DRONES COMMERCIALLY.
OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT!!
I'M NOT WITH HIM.

DID YOU HEAR THIS STORY ABOUT A LOCAL BREWERY IN MINNESOTA THAT DEVELOPED A DRONE DELIVERY SYSTEM? THEY USE IT TO FLY BEER TO REMOTE ICE FISHERMEN.
MY GOD. THEY’LL WIN A NOBEL PRIZE.
THEY DON’T AWARD A NOBEL PRIZE IN BEER.
WOW. THAT AWARD JUST LOST ALL CREDIBILITY.

WANT TO BUY A "RAH RAH CORPORATIONS" BUMPER STICKER?
CORPORATIONS! WHY ARE YOU HYPNING CORPORATIONS??
BECAUSE WHEN ANYTHING GOES WRONG, AN EMPLOYEE CAN BLAME A MANAGER.
AND A MANAGER CAN BLAME A VICE PRESIDENT.
AND A VICE PRESIDENT CAN BLAME A PRESIDENT.
AND A PRESIDENT CAN BLAME A C.E.O.
AND A C.E.O. CAN BLAME A BOARD OF DIRECTORS.
AND A BOARD OF DIRECTORS CAN JUST SAY THEY WERE LOOKING OUT FOR THE SHAREHOLDERS.
WHICH SOMEHOW, BURIED SOMEWHERE IN THE MUTUAL FUNDS IN MY 401K ACCOUNT...
... IS ME.
AND I HAVE NO MORALS!
PLEASE STOP CELEBRATING.
ALL BLAME DISAPPEARS IF YOU DISPERSE IT ENOUGH.

WHAT'S THAT BIG BOOK YOU'RE READING, GOAT?
PHILOSOPHY BOOK. IT'S ALL ABOUT PLATO.
WHAT'S THERE TO KNOW? JUST DON'T EAT IT.
PLATO. NOT PLAY-DOH.
ALTHOUGH IT DOES LOOK QUITE TASTY.

THIS STEPHAN PASTIS MIDLIFE CRISIS THING IS RIDICULOUS.
YEAH.. AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE HIS WIFE STACI LEFT HIM.
YOU'RE RIGHT. WE NEED TO SOMEHOW GET HER TO TAKE HIM BACK.
HOW?
HE'S REGRESSED TO INFANCY.

OUR CREATOR, STEPHAN, IS HAVING SOME SORT OF MIDLIFE CRISIS.
YOU MEAN LIKE WHERE HE BUYS A SPORTS CAR AND TRIES TO RELIVE HIS 20s?
I THINK HE'S AIMING FOR A LITTLE YOUNGER THAN THAT.
PEEK-A-BOO! I SEE YOU!
PLEASE GO AWAY.

DO YOU THINK OUR CREATOR, STEPHAN, HAS BEEN ACTING A LITTLE LESS MATURE LATELY?
WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?
I'M IN MY CHOO CHOO JAMMIES.
THERE'S THAT.
HA HA. STEPHAN LIKE CHOO CHOO JAMMIES.

DO YOU THINK COMIC STRIP CENSOR-SHIP IS MORE STRICT THAN THE CENSORSHIP YOU SEE IN OTHER FORMS OF MASS ENTERTAINMENT?
DOES A BEAR SIT IN THE WOODS?
CURSE YOU, TRICKY RAT.
WHAT NOW?
NO MORE TALK OF BEARS IN THE WOODS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
PLAYING WITH MY VIKING ACTION FIGURINES. THEY'RE ABOUT TO BATTLE.
OOOH... VIKING COMBAT... I LIKE THAT... WHAT DO THEY USE? SPEARS? SWORDS? BATTLE AXES?
Q-TIPS.
AT WORST, THEY'LL GET CLEAN EARS.

IF ABRAHAM LINCOLN HAD TWEETED...
-An Alternative History-
THANK YOU, LITTLE TYRANT STEPHEN DOUGLAS
@Honest_Abe
87 years ago, our fathers did stuff. Now big war. Got by people ends.
OH NO YOU DIDN'T
SLAVES FREE! (IF LIVING IN CONFED.) REST OF YOU - NOT SO MUCH. #DOINGBESTICAN
PLAY S'POSED 2 B GOOD. AM DYING TO SEE.
PLEASE DON'T WRITE ABRAHAM LINCOLN TWEETS.
IT'S LIKE I'M CHANNELING THE GUY.
DID HE ENJOY THE PLAY?

COMIC STRIP WEEK ON "WHEEL OF FORTUNE".
THE CATEGORY IS FAMOUS COMIC STRIP QUOTES. IT'S YOUR TURN, LARRY.
GO AHEAD.
'HULLOOOO ZEEBA NEIGHBA.'
NO.
DAT MOST FAMOUS COMIC STRIP LINE EVER!
ANDY CAPP'S PUKING AGAIN!

COMIC STRIP WEEK ON ''WHEEL OF FORTUNE''
OUR CATEGORY IS FAMOUS COMIC STRIP CREATORS. THIS IS THE TOSS-UP ROUND, SO IF YOU KNOW THE ANSWER, JUST BUZZ IN.
OH, COME ON, NOW!
Is you a homeless guy-?
PLEASE, SIR, WE HAVE NO SPARE CHANGE.

OUR CATEGORY IS FAMOUS FILMS. ANDY CAPE, YOU'D LIKE TO SOLVE IT?
YES, I WOULD, PAT.
GONE WITH THE WINO.
I'M SORRY, NO.
GXX@#.
'GONE WITH THE JESUS'?

HOW'S 'COMIC STRIP WEEK' ON 'WHEEL OF FORTUNE' GOING?
ANDY CAPP AND THE GUY FROM "B.C." ARE STILL FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER.
WHAT'S THE THIRD CONTESTANT DOING?
PLEASE DON'T SIT ON THE WHEEL.
@#%$!@ you, Pat. Me want go for ride.

HEY, PIG, ARE YOU WATCHING COMIC STRIP WEEK ON "WHEEL OF FORTUNE"?
YEAH. WHY?
WELL, DON'T YOU THINK THIS GROUPING OF CONTESTANTS IS A LITTLE BIT AWKWARD?
AWKWARD HOW?
HAVE YOU HEARD THE GOOD NEWS?
LET ME DRINK MY G@#$&*%@ PINT.

WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?
IT’S COMIC STRIP WEEK ON WHEEL OF FORTUNE.
DID I MISS MUCH?
JUST THE FRIENDLY LITTLE CHITCHAT WHERE PAT SNEAK ASKS EACH OF THE CONTESTANTS TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THEIR LIFE AND FAMILY.
I GET DRUNK AND THE MISSUS BEATS ME.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT LITTLE MOSQUITO HAS BEEN ENCASED IN THAT AMBER FOR SIXTY MILLION YEARS.
IT'S STRANGE, HUH?
YEAH. AND HE'S BEEN TOTALLY PRESERVED.
THAT'S TRUE. PROBABLY DOESN'T LOOK MUCH DIFFERENT THAN HE WAS THEN.
SO BEING FOSSILIZED LIKE THAT IN TREE RESIN IS A BIT LIKE BEING IMMORTAL. YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH GUARANTEED TO BE AROUND FOREVER.
ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU.
YOU CAN'T BREATHE IN RESIN.
WHO CARES ABOUT BREATHING WHEN YOU CAN BE IMMORTAL?
WOULD IT BE WRONG TO GO THROUGH HIS WALLET?

HEY, RAT. WHERE WERE YOU?
BUYING TOILET PAPER AT THE GROCERY STORE.
WHY'D YOU ONLY BUY ONE ROLL?
BECAUSE BUYING MORE LOOKS LIKE I NEED IT TOO MUCH.
I LIKE TO KEEP MY PUBLIC ASSOCIATION WITH TOILET PAPER AT A MINIMUM.