Pearls Before Swine | Search

Neighbor Bob is really bugging me lately.
Well, you know what they say--let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Whoa. Thanks. I didn't even think about throwing rocks at him.
Never say that to someone who thinks he's perfect.
And take that, you fathead!
And that!

PIG, OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS GOTTEN QUITE COMPLEX, AND I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.
KISS.
AWWW.
KEEP
IT
SIMPLE,
STUPID.
I'M NO LONGER IN A RELATIONSHIP.

ARE YOU THE KIND OF GUY WHO LIKES TO PUT CREAM IN YOUR COFFEE OR DO YOU JUST LIKE IT BLACK?
BLACK?
RIGHT ANSWER.
SOME ISSUES AROUSE REAL PASSION.

INTRODUCING... THE UNDERSTANDER FROM Pig, Incorporated.
AVAILABLE WHEREVER GADGETS ARE SOLD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, NEIGHBOR NANCY?
THAT GUY IN THE PURPLE SHIRT DOWN THE BAR CUT ME OFF WHEN I WAS TURNING INTO THE PARKING LOT. NOW I WANNA PUT A DRINK ON HIS HEAD.
OH...SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED "THE UNDERSTANDER!"
JUST PUSH THE BUTTON
THE MAN DOWN THE BAR LOST HIS MOM TO CANCER LAST WEEK. HE WANTED TO FLY TO HER FUNERAL, BUT COULDN'T BECAUSE HE GOT LAID OFF AND DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY.
HE'D NORMALLY DISCUSS THIS SORT OF THING WITH HIS AUNT, BUT SHE'S RECENTLY SPIRALLED INTO LIFE AFTER HIS PET TURTLE OF SEVEN YEARS DIED.
EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.
I THINK IT CAN SAVE THE WORLD.
I'LL TAKE TWELVE.

BE HONESTDO YOU THINK THIS HAT I JUST BOUGHT LOOKS COOL ON ME
DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO BE HONEST
YES MORON THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING
IT DOES NOT LOOK COOL
CRACK
NO ONE WHO WANTS HONESTY WANTS HONESTY

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
FLOATING CLUELESSLY THROUGH LIFE.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT. YOU GOTTA FOLLOW THE NEWS, STAY INFORMED, WORRY LIKE THE REST OF US!
I THOUGHT SO TOO, BUT IT TURNS OUT I CAN JUST BE HAPPY.
NOW I FEEL UNINFORMED.

WHAT CAN I DO TO BE A GOOD GUY?
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.
THAT'S NOT THAT HARD.
WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
I HATE MYSELF.
LET'S TRY AGAIN.
AND I HATE MY NEIGHBOR. I MUST BE GREAT.

HEY, NEIGHBOR NIKKI... HOW GOES IT?
I'M BARELY HOLDING IT TOGETHER.
GEE, YOU'D NEVER KNOW FROM LOOKING AT YOU.
DOES THAT HELP?
A LITTLE CLEARER.

HEY, PIG. HOW'S IT GOING?
GOOD. JUST SITTING HERE WITH MY FRIEND, ASHLEY. IT'S KINDA STRANGE, BUT WE CALL HER 'ASH.'
WHY IS THAT STRANGE? 'ASH' IS A PRETTY COMMON NICKNAME FOR SOMEONE NAMED ASHLEY.
SHE'S CREMATED.
SOMEONE SHOULD BURN DOWN THIS COMIC STRIP.

WELL, I'M OFF TO HAVE SURGERY.
SURGERY? WHAT ARE YOU HAVING DONE?
I'M GETTING THE CONFUSER TAKEN OUT OF MY HEAD.
THE WHAT?
THE CONFUSER. IT'S THE PART OF YOUR BRAIN THAT MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND MATH, LITERATURE, AND WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD.
THAT COULD BE HELPFUL.

OH, HIGH HEAVENS, THERE IS SO MUCH SUFFERING.
PAIN, FEAR, LONELINESS.
DESPERATION, WARS, DISASTERS.
PANIC, DISEASE, DEATH.
GIVE US ONE REASON WHY ANY OF US SHOULD WANT TO GO ON!
THE LOVE OF A DOG.
IT'S ALL OKAY.

WHERE’S PIG TODAY?
STILL IN BED. HE COULDN’T SLEEP LAST NIGHT.
AGAIN? I TRIED TO TELL HIM WHAT I DO WHEN I CAN’T SLEEP AND NEED TO RELAX.
WHAT’S THAT?
I GET ON MY PHONE AND GOOGLE RANDOM STUFF I WANT TO LEARN ABOUT.
I WONDER IF HE TRIED THAT.
Google
All the ways you can die

WELL, RAT, IN ORDER TO HAVE AN EDUCATED AND INFORMED STAFF, I'M GONNA START GIVING YOU A WORD OF THE DAY THAT I'LL PICK RANDOMLY FROM THE DICTIONARY.
LET'S SEE... TODAY'S WORD IS...
ERGOPHOBIA',
THE DEFINITION OF WHICH IS, UH... 'FEAR OF WORKING.'
HE WENT HOME ON DISABILITY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE WORLD'S HARDEST PROFESSION? SOLDIER? BRAIN SURGEON? COP?
BARBER.
EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY, YOUR WORK IS BEING UNDONE.
NOT THE ANSWER I WAS EXPECTING.
IT'S A TORTURED EXISTENCE.

I MISSED MY FITNESS CLASS AGAIN TODAY.
WELL, WHEN IT COMES TO FITNESS, IT'S BETTER IF YOU SET A GOAL.
Tomorrow I will miss my fitness class.
I'M NOT SURE HOW THAT HELPS.

CAN I HELP YOU?
YEAH, I'M GOING AROUND REMINDING PEOPLE THAT A LOT OF THE THINGS THEY DON'T LIKE CAN BE FIXED IF WE AMEND THE CONSTITUTION.
YEAH, LIKE CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM AND TERM LIMITS AND THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE?
BANNING SPEAKING UNTIL I'VE HAD MY FIRST CUP OF COFFEE.
IT SEEMS PEOPLE HAVE OTHER PRIORITIES.

HOW TO COPE WITH WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD
$5
HOW TO COPE WITH WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD
$5
CLOSE YOUR EYES AND HOPE IT ALL GOES AWAY.
I MAY NEED HELP HOME.

HEY, STEPH... DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS IN YOUR CAREER? LIKE STRIPS YOU'D CHANGE IF YOU COULD TURN BACK THE CLOCK?
STRIPS? NO. BUT IVE ALWAYS SPENT SO MUCH TIME DRAWING THAT I DON'T THINK I'VE SPENT ENOUGH TIME WITH MY KIDS.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?
I DON'T KNOW... JUST LIKE PLAY BALL.
OR JUST TALK TO THEM ABOUT SCARY MONSTERS WHILE TAKING TIME TO GET ICE CREAM.
OR MAYBE BUILD THEM A PILLOW FORT!
WELL, DO IT NOW! DO IT NOW!
HEY, DAD, I'M DRIVING TOM TO THE BAR FOR TRIVIA NIGHT. DON'T WAIT UP.
SOME CHOICES YOU CAN'T TURN BACK.
BRING ME BACK A BEER!

DO YOU CARE IF OTHER PEOPLE THINK POORLY OF YOU?
NOPE. THEY CAN THINK WHATEVER THEY WANT.
BUT IF THEY EXPRESS IT, I'LL PUNCH 'EM IN THE HEAD.
THAT WAS ALMOST MATURE.
WE ALL HAVE TO DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE.

HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE A NEWS STORY?
FACTS GATHERED BY A REPORTER WHO TALKS TO WITNESSES AND CROSS-CHECKS SOURCES BEFORE HAVING IT ALL REVIEWED BY A SEASONED EDITOR WHO HAS THE ENTIRE STORY FACT-CHECKED.
AND NOW YOU CAN JUST HAVE A HUNCH.
THEN TAP. TAP. TAP.
AND BOOM - YOU POST IT.
ISN'T PROGRESS AMAZING?
OH, IT'S AMAZING.
HEY, YOU HAVE 56,000 RETWEETS!

HEY, WANT TO GO WITH ME TO A PARTY AT PAUL'S HOUSE?
NO CAN DO. PAUL OVERCHARGED ME ON A USED COUCH ABOUT A DECADE AGO.
WHAT DO YOU DO - KEEP A MENTAL LIST OF EVERYONE WHO'S WRONGED YOU?
TOO MUCH TO REMEMBER.

HEY, FANNY THE FORTUNE-TELLER, CAN I GET MY FORTUNE TOLD?
SURE PIG.
DO YOU WANT THE GOOD NEWS FIRST OR THE BAD?
I GUESS THE BAD.
OKAY UH LET'S SEE...
OH GOD.
NOOOOO
OH, WHAT A TRAGEDY!! HE WAS SO YOUNG! OHHH, POOR PIG!!
AND WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?

MORNING, GOAT. HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD DAY.
UH. SINCE WHEN ARE YOU NICE IN THE MORNING?
I GOT A LETTER FROM THE GOVERNMENT.
Dear Sir,
You have exceeded
your pain-in-the-@##
quotient in this life and
now must be kind.
I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS.
MY LAWYERS ARE APPEALING.

Work Goals
'WORK GOALS'... SMART... HELPS TO KEEP YOUR CAREER ON TRACK. WHICH WORK GOALS DO YOU HAVE SO FAR?
Not have to do any.
I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WERE OTHER GOALS.

HELP ME, GREAT WISE ASS.
TO DO WHAT?
TO NOT BE SO AFRAID. I SPEND EVERY MOMENT IN FEAR OF EVERYTHING.
TO WHAT END?
TO BE SAFE.
TO DO WHAT?
TO LIVE LONGER.
TO LIVE LONGER WHY?
TO HAVE MORE YEARS ON THIS EARTH!
TO SPEND MORE TIME AFRAID?
FEAR IS STUPID.