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WHAT ARE YOU WRITING, GOAT?
A LETTER TO MY PEN PAL. HE LIVES IN WALES.
THE COUNTRY. NOT THE SEA CREATURES.
OHHHHHHHH...

THE CROCS REMODELED THEIR HOUSE.
OH, YEAH? WHAT, TO MAKE IT BIGGER? MORE MODERN?
I'D STAY OUT OF THERE.
Which one you Gretel?

DO YOU SUPPOSE ANYONE EVER READS THE COPYRIGHT LINE BETWEEN THE PANELS?
I DOUBT IT... I THINK PEOPLE'S EYES ARE PRETTY ACCUSTOMED TO IGNORING IT.
THAT DOESN'T SEEM SAFE. I MEAN, WHAT IF SOMEONE WERE TO GET AHOLD OF THAT SPACE AND SAY SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T WANT THEM TO SAY?
HASN'T HAPPENED YET, SO WHY WORRY ABOUT IT?
GOOD POINT.
TAKE IT DOWN.

HULLOOO ZEEBA NEIGHBA...VEESTEN...CROCS BUY YOU OSTRKEG EGG...ESSE GEEFT...PUT EEN HOUSE.

WHY WOULD I WANT AN OSTRICH EGG?

ESS LOTTA EGG. YOU MAKE OMMLEET.

YEAH, WELL IT LOOKS A LITTLE BIG FOR AN OSTRICH EGG...HOW DO I KNOW THAT'S NOT A CROC IN THERE?

OOH, DAT VERY OFFENSIVE. NOW YOU SEE, IKE, DIS ALL ON HIM NO CALL OUT HE LIAR. MEBBE YOU NOT KNOW STREECH BABIES HUGE.

NO, NO, NO. I KNOW OSTRICH BABIES ARE BORN LARGE, SO IT MAKES SENSE THEIR EGGS WOULD BE LARGE. I'M JUST BEING CAUTIOUS. HERE, FORGET ABOUT IT...HAVE A BEER.

OKAY. BEER MAKE BETTER.

WHERE MY @#!# BEER?

BABY'S FIRST WORDS.

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO, PIG?
PUTTING AN AD IN THE PERSONALS ON CRAIGSLIST... WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Pudgy, unsmart pig seeks new me.
I THINK WE NEED TO WORK ON YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.
OH, NO NEED... THE NEW ME SHOULD HAVE OODLES.

LOOK AT THIS... I GOT A DEATH THREAT FROM THE GATORS NEXT DOOR TELLING ME WHEN THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME AND HOW THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME..
OH MY GOODNESS! AREN'T YOU SCARED?
IT'S HARD TO BE SCARED OF A DEATH THREAT WRITTEN ON "DORA THE EXPLORER" STATIONERY.
Nice goeng, Bob.
Is only paper me had, Larry.

HEY, GOAT, WANT TO HIT EACH OTHER WITH THE WATER NOODLE IN THE SWIMMING POOL?... IT'S REAL SOFT... IT'S JUST FOAM... ME AND RAT LOVE IT.
SURE. HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE?
JUST ONE.
JUST ONE? THEN WHAT DOES RAT USE?
A BEDPOST.
TRY TO AVOID IT.
CHECK PLEASE.

HEY RAT...WHAT'S GOING ON?
EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT.
ENOUGH.

WHAT ARE YOU READING?
SOME POETRY BY WORDSWORTH.
I GUESS YOU HAVEN'T HEARD 'RAT MAXIM NO. 14'.
I GUESS I HAVEN'T.
"POETRY IS A HOAX PERPETRATED BY EDUCATED PEOPLE TO CONFUSE AND ANGER THE REST OF US."
I'M LEAVING NOW.
YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH.

I LIKE THIS POLITICIAN. HE SEEMS LIKE A NORMAL GUY.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A NORMAL GUY. SEE RAT MAXIM NO. 9.

RAT MAXIM NO. 9?

"THERE ARE ONLY TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE: ABNORMAL PEOPLE, AND PEOPLE YOU DON'T YET KNOW WELL ENOUGH."
I DON'T THINK I'LL PUT "RAT'S BOOK OF MAXIMS" ON MY SUMMER READING LIST.

"CLIFFSNOTES" VERSION: "WE ARE ALL FREAKS."

We are all
Gulf
residents.

HEY LIFEGUARD! I THINK THAT MAN IS FLOATING OUT TO SEA!
CAN'T HELP. BUSY.
DOING WHAT?
ROCKING THE LEOPARD-SKIN MAN THONG.
SOME LIFEGUARDS SAVE LIVES.
WHY SAVE LIVES WHEN YOU CAN ROCK THE MAN THONG.

HELP! HELP! THAT PERSON OUT THERE'S DROWNING! THEY'RE GONNA DIE!
DO NOT FEAR, LADY IN THE RED BIKINI! DREAMBOAT DONNY IS HERE TO HELP THE HELPLESS AND RISK HIS LIFE FOR THE GOOD OF OTHERS!!
NO NO NO...IT'S THE FAT GUY WHO'S DROWNING!
WHAT'S ONE LESS FAT GUY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I AM 'DREAMBOAT DONNY,' LIFEGUARD STUD, HERE TO SAVE LIVES AND MEET BABES.
HELP! HELP! HELP!
BUT MOSTLY MEET BABES.

HI, NEIGHBOR BOB... WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?
SOMEONE'S SHOOTING HOLES IN MY GARDEN GNOMES AND SPRAY-PAINTING "POPPED BY EL BANDITO" ON THEM.
GOSH, NEIGHBOR BOB... I WOULD NEVER DO THAT.
I KNOW YOU WOULDN'T, PIG, BUT DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO WOULD?
LET'S NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
I'M WEARING MAGIC PANTS.
THEY'RE YOUR MONKEY PAJAMA BOTTOMS. AND YOU'VE PULLED THEM UP TO YOUR NECK.
NO. THEY'RE MAGIC PANTS. AND THE HIGHER I WEAR THEM, THE MAGIC-ER I AM.
THAT'S TOO HIGH.

YOU KNOW, GUYS, I'VE BEEN THINKING...
OUR STRIP NEEDS A GO-TO GAG...
SOMETHING RELIABLY FUNNY THAT
WE COULD RETURN TO OVER AND
OVER.
AUGHHH
OUR
OWN.
OH.
THAT'S
BEEN
DONE
BEFORE?
GOOD
GRIEF.

DO YOU REALIZE THAT AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT, YOU'RE AS YOUNG AS YOU'LL EVER BE?
SO WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
IF YOU WANT TO JUMP AROUND LIKE A LITTLE KID, THERE'S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT.
CRACK
PAIN
AGONY
TORMENT
TORTURE
DO YOU REALIZE THAT AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT, YOU'RE AS OLD AS YOU'LL EVER BE?
SILLY STEP...
KNEES DON'T BEND THAT WAY.

THE VENDING MACHINE O' DREAMS
SO, PIG, WHAT ARE MY CHOICES HERE? MY WIFE AND I ARE HAVING PROBLEMS.
WELL, NEIGHBOR BOB, YOU'VE GOT YOUR BAG O' TORRID ROMANCE, YOUR BAG O' STABLE LONG-TERM MARRIAGE, YOUR BAG O' ...
FINE, FINE. GIMME ONE BAG O' TORRID ROMANCE AND ONE BAG O' LONG-TERM MARRIAGE.
YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH. IT JAMS THE MACHINE.
NUTS. THEN GIMME A BAG O' JUST-FINE-AS-LONG-AS-I-GET-MY-ONE-VEGAS-WEEKEND-A-YEAR.

WHEN DID YOU PUT THIS VENDING MACHINE IN YOUR HOUSE, PIG?
LAST WEEK. BUT IT'S NOT JUST ANY VENDING MACHINE... IT'S THE VENDING MACHINE O' DREAMS.
WHAT'S IN THERE?
WELL, YOU'VE GOT YOUR BAG O' HEALTH, YOUR BAG O' CONTENTMENT, YOUR BAG O' LASTING HAPPINESS... HEY... WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BAGS O' IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION?
I KNEW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE STOCKED THAT.

HEY, STEPH, I KNOW I'VE NEVER SAID A BAD WORD IN THE STRIP BEFORE. BUT I THINK I REALLY NEED TO.
OKAY, PIG. GO AHEAD.
^%$$# YOU, BRITISH PETROLEUM.
WELL SAID, BUDDY.

HI, RAT.
YOU LISTEN TO ME, PIG. EVEN THOUGH YOU MOVED OUT, YOU SAID YOU'D STILL MOW THE LAWN, AND YOU DIDN'T DO IT THIS MORNING.
WELL, I WOULD HAVE, BUT I WAS INTRODUCING MY WIFE TO ZEBRA. THEN AN ELEPHANT FELL OFF THE ROOF AND SQUISHED HER. NOW SHE'S FLAT AS A TORTILLA AND I'M A WIDOWER.
YOU REALLY NEED TO WORK ON YOUR EXCUSES.

HEY, ZEBRA,
WHY DO
YOU HAVE
OFFICER
POTUS ON
YOUR ROOF?
BECAUSE I’M SHUTTING DOWN
MCZEBA'S FOR ZONING VIOLATIONS. I JUST NEED OFFICER
POTUS TO CONFIRM MY ZONING
CALCULATIONS WITH HIS
SURVEYING EQUIPMENT.
NEW. TERRIFIC. LISTEN. I JUST WANT TO
INTRODUCE YOU TO MY WIFE, SWEET FANNY.
WE JUST GOT MARRIED AND ARE HOPING
FOR A LONG LIFE TOGETHER FILLED WITH--
WHOAAAA--
THUD
THESE THINGS HAPPEN.

HEY, RAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HITTING EVERY HOUSE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD TO SEE IF THEY'RE INTERESTED IN McZEBRA FRANCHISING OPPORTUNITIES.
WHY WOULD THEY BE?
WHY? WHO WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN MAKING TONS OF CASH WHILE SERVING THE JUICIEST MEAT IN TOWN?
ZEBRA MEAT IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER.
THIS IS AWKWARD.

ANIMAL SHELTER
GRRR
Keel
Keel
GRRRRRR
RIP RIP TEAR TEAR
Gud dog
Gud dog
Keel
GRRRRRRR GRRRR GRRR
pt pt pt
pt pt pt
GRRRR
Unkeel