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A MAGIC GENIE!
A MAGIC GENIE!
CAN I HAVE MY THREE WISHES, MAGIC GENIE?
SORRY, KID. WITH ALL THAT'S GOING ON IN THE WORLD, WE'VE GOT TOO MANY PEOPLE WISHING FOR TOO MANY THINGS.
IT'S SAD WHEN WE BURN OUT THE GENIES.

HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, SIR. WILL YOU BE PAYING WITH CASH OR CREDIT CARD?
CREDIT CARD.
GREAT. JUST FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS ON THE SCREEN.
Tip 20%
Tip 25%
Tip 30%
Give nothing and risk looking like a cheap idiot that everyone hates.
I NEED TO START PAYING WITH CASH.

HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, SIR.
THANK YOU. MA'AM... AND JUST TO SPREAD SOME GOOD KARMA, LET ME PAY FOR WHOEVER THE GUY BEHIND ME ORDERS.
HERE YOU GO, SIR. PAID FOR BY THE LAST CUSTOMER.
AWW. LET ME PAY FOR THE NEXT PERSON.
PAID FOR BY THE LAST CUSTOMER.
AWW. LET ME PAY FOR THE NEXT PERSON.
PAID FOR BY THE LAST CUSTOMER.
AWW. LET ME PAY FOR THE NEXT PERSON.
PAID FOR BY THE LAST CUSTOMER.
I SAVED FOUR BUCKS! I SAVED FOUR BUCKS!
KARMA HAS ITS LIMITS.
IN YOUR FACE, PAYING CUSTOMERS!

I HAVE A NEW TEST FOR WHETHER OR NOT I TWEET SOMETHING.
WHAT'S THAT?
I ASK - IS IT INSPIRED BY LOVE? LOVE OF OTHERS, LOVE OF COMMUNITY, LOVE OF THE PLANET.
IF IT IS, I DON'T TWEET IT.
WE ALL HAVE TO HAVE STANDARDS.

WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT?
I JUST REALIZED THAT IF GLOBAL WARMING REALLY IS GONNA MAKE THE PLANET UNLIVABLE, DOES IT REALLY MATTER IF WE NO LONGER HAVE A FUNCTIONING DEMOCRACY?
IT DOES NOT!
I TAKE COMFORT IN THE LITTLE THINGS.

WHAT'S ALL THIS?
THE ANARCHY SYMBOL. I'M A PROPONENT OF ANARCHY.
THWACK
THWACK
THWACK
FUN, HUH?
I NEED TO RETHINK THIS.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? IT'S "I GET THE WORLD ALL TO MYSELF WEDNESDAY."
WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?
"I GET THE WORLD ALL TO MYSELF" WEDNESDAY.
ONE SHOULD NEVER DISTURB THE SANCTITY OF "I GET THE WORLD ALL TO MYSELF WEDNESDAY."

HEY, GOAT, DO YOU KNOW THE FOUNDERS OF HAIR-AIR - THE COMPANY THAT SHIPS WIGS VIA AIRMAIL?
I DON'T.
WELL, THEIR KIDS - THE ONES WHO WILL BE INHERITING THE COMPANY - ARE TRYING TO RAISE MONEY FOR THEIR CHARITY, AND THE FOUNDERS WERE WONDERING IF YOU COULD SEND A CHECK.
TO WHERE?
THERE.
WHERE'S THERE?
THEIR HAIR AIR HEIRS IS WHERE.
LEMME OUTTA THIS COMIC!!

ARE YOU SELLING A BED COMFORTER?
NO.
EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!
SOMEONE'S GOTTA DO IT.

OH, NUTS.
HI, BETTY.
UGGGH...I'VE HAD A TERRIBLE DAY. FIRST I GOT A PARKING TICKET, THEN I LOST MY KEYS...
THEN I...
'BAD ENERGY' BETTY?
SPREADS IT TO ME EVERY TIME.

HEY, BARTENDER. I'M TRYING TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT. GOT ANY LIGHT BEER ?
WE DO.
GREAT. GIMME ELEVEN OF THEM.
IT'S IMPORTANT TO BE HEALTH-CONSCIOUS.

I WANT YOU.
TO CLEAN OUT THE GARAGE.
I NEED TO BE A LOT MORE SPECIFIC.

LOOK AT THIS STORY ON THIS WOMAN WHO JUST DIED. SHE DEVOTED HER ENTIRE LIFE TO SAVING AT-RISK YOUTH AND GETTING THEM THROUGH COLLEGE. SHE HELPED THOUSANDS OF KIDS.
WHEN YOU READ ABOUT A LIFE LIKE THAT, IT'S HARD TO NOT COMPARE IT TO YOUR OWN.
FOR SURE.
LIKE, DO I HAVE MORE SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWERS?
NOT WHAT I MEANT.
AND I DO!

WELL, JUST FINISHED WORKING OUT FOR THREE HOURS. I DO IT EVERY MORNING FROM 4 A.M. TO 7.
THAT'S AMAZING.
NOT REALLY. I THINK EACH OF US IS ABLE TO BE DISCIPLINED IN SOME ACTIVITY IN THEIR LIFE... SOMETHING THEY CAN STICK TO EVERY DAY. WHAT'S IT FOR YOU?
BREATHING AND EATING CHEESE.
SIT FURTHER AWAY.
AM I BREATHING TOO MUCH?

ECONOMICS 101 EXAM
What is the significance of low interest rates?
A low interest rate means people have very little interest in what someone is saying.
For example, when you teach economics, there is a very low interest rate.
I SHOULD RETIRE AND LIVE IN A VAN.
HEY, THAT'S MY RETIREMENT PLAN.

DUDE, WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR ALMOST TWELVE HOURS.
I'VE BEEN READING THIS BUDDHIST BOOK THAT SAYS LIFE IS SUFFERING.
SO I'M SKIPPING HALF OF IT.
PERHAPS WE'RE LIVING LIFE WRONG.

YOU'D KNOW WHO WAS COMING TO MY PARTY BY GUESSING IT'S ALL BOYS.
SEE, I INVITED BENNY. SON, PIERRE.
ANNA POULDS IS COMING.
WHO?
ANNA WHO?
ANNA POULDS MINE
WHAAA??!!!
SHY AND ANNA??
WHAT ABOUT HUSBAND TRENT?
NO MARRIED. SONIA SAID NO SPOUSES.
I'M MAD.
WELL, TRENT IS INVITED, TOO. JUST NO SPOUSES.
TRENT'S NOT COMING. HE'LL BE DANCING FOR A BIG-BUCK BILL THAT DAY ANYWAY.
SO TRENT'S NOT COMING, BUT YOU'RE INVITING YOUR BOSS?
TON OF PEOPLE INVITE THEIR BOSSES TO PARTIES.
ANYONE ELSE INVITED FROM THE BIZ?
GONNA INVITE HAROLD, MANN?
HAR IS HAR, OBVIOUSLY MANN. HURRY, I'M CHARGING A FEE.
JUST AHEAD OF YOU, NED.
JA, HE MAKES US LOOK CHEAP. A FEE!
CHEAP? DO YOU KNOW WHAT SOME PEOPLE PAID TO ATTEND A CAR PARTY?
HAVE A HEART. HARD-LUCK PARTY COMPETING. AND TO BE FRNK, FOR DID GREAT.
WELL, ANYWAY... AN 18-ALBUM DEMO DRESS COST TEN TIMES WHAT I'M CHARGING.
EIGHTEEN

Whuh you look at, Zeeba?
THIS BOOK ALL ABOUT MY GUIDING PRINCIPLE IN LIFE -- LOVING OTHERS AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A GUIDING PRINCIPLE?
Eat the slow.
Fast ones big waste o' time.

LOOK AT THIS CRAZY STORY ON TWITTER.
OKAY.
YOU KNOW, RAT, BEFORE YOU START SPREADING STUFF YOU SEE ON TWITTER, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY DO A LITTLE INVESTIGATION OF YOUR OWN TO DETERMINE IF IT’S TRUE.
THIS SNARKY COMMENT SAYS YES.
REMEMBER JOURNALISM?
NOT RINGING A BELL.

DO YOU PAY MUCH ATTENTION TO TWITTER?
I USED TO BUT IF YOU'RE GONNA DO THAT, YOU REALLY HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SEPARATE THE BAD TWEETS FROM THE GOOD.
WHAT ARE THE GOOD?
TWEET
TWEET
TWEET
TWEET
AND THERE ARE NO SNARKY REPLIES.

HEY, GUYS.
HEY, GOAT.
YOU'RE REALLY SMART.
AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS.
I LIKE MY COMPLIMENTS TO BE VAGUELY INSULTING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SIR?
WATCHING THE HORIZON. I KNOW IT'LL BE A GOOD DAY IF THE SUN RISES IN THE EAST.
THE SUN ALWAYS RISES IN THE EAST.
IT DOES!
OPTIMISTS ARE A BEFFLING BREED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
FILLING OUT THIS PERSONALITY QUESTIONNAIRE. BUT I DON'T GET THIS ONE QUESTION. IT ASKS WHAT I WANT MY "LEGACY" TO BE.
LEGACY IS WHAT YOU LEAVE BEHIND FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS.
A WHOLE LOT OF CHEESE WRAPPERS.
DON'T KNOW HOW THAT'S RELEVANT.

GRRRRRR
TERRY JOHNSON
234 MAIN ST.
SPRINGFIELD
Dear Terry...
WHAT YOU SAID TO ME TODAY WAS MORONIC!!
P.S. YOU'RE A FATTIE.
One stamp please.
WHY LETTERS ARE BETTER THAN E-MAIL.
OOOH... I SHALL REPLY TO THAT HASTILY.

HEY, PIG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HIDING THIS PLATE OF COOKIES FROM MRS.IE. IT'S EITHER THAT OR I SCARF DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM.
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
THEY'RE HIDDEN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS.