Pearls Before Swine | Search

HOW IS IT SOME ARTSY MOVIES WIN THE RESPECT OF THE BIG CRITICS, WHILE REGULAR, EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND MOVIES DON'T?
OH, YOU HAVE TO BE
FOCUS!
OUR CAMERAMAN LEAVES SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED.

Whuh you doing, son?
ALGEBRA. IT’S HARD.
Me help. Geey me probbum.
3X + 4 = 13. WHAT IS THE VALUE OF X?
‘X’ have no value. Probbum have no value.
Algebra waste of time. Quit school. Geet job at car wash.
I DON’T THINK MY ALGEBRA TEACHER WILL ACCEPT THAT.
What she know? She teach algebra.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
I'VE DECIDED TO BECOME A GOTH PIG. THEY SEEM TO BE OUTSIDERS LIKE ME, SO I THOUGHT I'D FIT RIGHT IN.
HMM...SO WHAT DO YOU GOT ON YOUR IPOD?
HANNAH MONTANA.
I'M NOT YET FULLY COMMITTED TO THE CAUSE.

Okay, wawmun... Larry invent puzzle book... It next beeg ting... Have look...
WHERE'S ZEEBO?!?
It so hard, it not even funny.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie...
DUDE, DO YOU MIND? I'D LIKE TO ENJOY THIS AQUARIUM IN PEACE.
SORRY... HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
THAT'S A MORAY.
PLEASE RETIRE EARLY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I GOT A STUPID HOUSEFLY ON MY KEYBOARD. I'M GONNA KILL HIM.
WAIT.
WHY?
HE'S WRITING A BLOG.
THIS TREND IS OUT OF CONTROL.

HOP
PoOf
WHO ARE YOU?
HAPPINESS! COME AND GET ME!
BoINK
SPROING
WHAP
SMACK
HOP
IUP
SPLoMFF
KLINk
Heeeeeey... loooook what I've found!
AAARRGHH
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM?
WHO KNOWS. HE'S ALWAYS LIKE THAT.

WHAT'S THAT MUSIC?
CHOPIN’S “FUNERAL MARCH”...IT'S COMING FROM OVER THERE.
THAT GUY NEEDS SOME MARKETING HELP.

I'M TURNING OFF THE INTERNET.
WHY?
BECAUSE INSTANT COMMUNICATION IS A DOMINEERING MISTRESS. SHE IS CRUEL, IMPATIENT AND ADDICTIVE.
BUT HOW WILL YOU COMMUNICATE WITHOUT E-MAIL?
MEET TIMMY THE TELEGRAM-TOTING MONKEY.
WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY DON'T CARE IF IT GETS THERE OVERNIGHT.

THE CROCODILE IN THE SERENGETI KNOWS THE ZEBRA'S ROUTINE... HIS PATTERNS... HIS DAILY MIGRATION.
SO HE PICKS A CAREFULLY CONCEALED SPOT ALONG THAT ROUTE AND LIES IN WAIT... POISED FOR THE DEADLY SURPRISE ATTACK.

WAKE UP, FATTY. YOU BETRAYED YOUR FRIENDS.
WHUH? HUH? I DIDN'T BETRAY ANYONE.
YOU TIPPED OFF 'CAPTAIN CRUNCH' THAT THE KRISPIES WERE TRYING TO WHACK HIM, SO HE THREW POP OFF A BUILDING, SHOT SNAP, AND TOOK CRACKLE PRISONER.
YOU MEAN...
POPS BEEN DROPPED, SNAP'S BEEN CAPPED, AND CRACKLE'S IN SHACKLES.
SILLY RABBIT. BAD JOKES ARE FOR "PEARLS" CHARACTERS.
YEAH. WHO WRITES THIS STUFF?

WHATSA MATTER WITH YOU?
COULDN'T SLEEP... MORE NIGHTMARES... THE RICE KRISPIES GUYS... THEY WANTED ME TO DO SOMETHING... I LET THEM DOWN.
DUDE... GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF... THESE ARE FICTIONAL CEREAL BOX CHARACTERS... WHAT COULD THEY POSSIBLY WANT YOU TO DO?
KILL CAPTAIN CRUNCH.

OH, NO... PIG ATE CEREAL BEFORE BED.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
IT ALWAYS GIVES HIM NIGHTMARES.
WHAT KIND OF NIGHTMARES?
WE WILL NOT BE IGNORED.

HULLOO, ZEEBA NEIGHBA... LEESTEN, CROCS KNOW YOU IS BEG "PEENUT" FAN. SO USEES MAKE YOU "TALKING CHARLEE BROWN" LAMP FOR EENSIDE YOU HOUSE.
HULLO, SNOOPEE DOG.
WELL, THANKS, BUT YOU KNOW, THAT LIGHT BULB IN THE SOCKET LOOKS A LITTLE ODD.
ME KICK FOOTBALL!
MAYBE I SHOULD PLUG IT IN AND TEST IT BEFORE I PUT IT IN MY HOUSE.
HOLY GUAC, ME GONNA DIE !!!!
WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T HEAR CHARLIE BROWN SAY A LOT.
UH... GOOD GRIEF. I MEAN TO SAY.

BEHOLD! I AM RATISTOTLE, PHILOSOPHER KING, HERE TO SHARE MY DEEP, DEEP, PHILOSOPHICAL THOUGHTS OF DEEPNESS.
OH, GREAT. LIKE WHAT?
LIKE THIS... WE LIVE OUR LIVES NOT KNOWING WHEN WE WILL DIE AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT, AND WORSE, THIS UNKNOWN STAGE APPARENTLY GOES ON FOREVER.
SO?
SO I FIND THIS ANNOYING.
THAT MAKES TWO OF US.

Okay zeeba neighba, leesten... Crocs rent airplane. One meenute ago, me order para-troop drop on zeeba house.
WHERE'D YOU GET ALL THE PARA-CHUTE GEAR?
Abort.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I'M MAKING THE FIG OUR NEW UNIT OF CURRENCY. I HAVE A LARGE FIG TREE AND NO CASH. THIS SOLVES ALL MY PROBLEMS.
A FIG FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LARRY?
Me lying een wait for zeeba neighba... Me gonna jump on hed. Me gonna keel.
YOU'RE IN OUR LIVING ROOM, LARRY. THE ZEBRA DOESN'T HAVE ACCESS TO OUR LIVING ROOM!
Need me change any lightbulbs?

LOOKS LIKE I GOT ANOTHER E-MAIL FROM A DEPOSED NIGERIAN KING ASKING ME FOR MY BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER.
WHAT KIND OF FRAUD GOES AROUND POSING AS NIGERIAN ROYALTY JUST TO SCAM PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR MONEY?
Meow.

I'VE DECIDED THAT FROM NOW ON, WHEN PEOPLE ARE MEAN TO ME, I'M JUST GOING TO PRETEND I'M THE HAPPINESS FAIRY SPRINKLING FRIENDLY DUST ALL OVER THE WORLD TO MAKE IT A KINDER PLACE.
THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING YOU'VE EVER SAID.

*Yawn*
OH, BOY... WHAT A MORNING.
ARE YOU UP YET, QWE?
Please don't hate me for not waking you. I knew it was my one chance to be free and I couldn't bear to see you cry.
My only consolation is in knowing that you can be so happy even while attached to a chain... I love you.
Dear Andy, My chain broke during the night. I didn't know how it happened. It just snapped.

ANDY! I THINK I DISCOVERED SOMETHING. YOU HAVE BIG LIPS! IF YOU PUFF THEM OUT FAR ENOUGH, WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO KISS!
KISS? OH BOY! LET'S TRY!
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
WHOA. IT'S MICK JAGGER ON A DOG CHAIN.

LOOK, GUARD DUCK! I WAS PANESWALK- ING AND DECIDED TO STAND ON TOP OF THE PANEL!
YOU MUSTN’T DO THAT! IF YOU FALL, YOU DIE!
OH, BUT IT’S REAL LEVEL UP HERE, AND BESIDES, ALL THE COMIC STRIP CHARACTERS ARE DOING IT NOW!
THAT’S MADNESS! NOT ALL COMIC STRIP PANELS ARE SHAPED LIKE YOURS! IF ONE OF THEIR CHARACTERS TRIED IT, THEY COULD SLIP AND–
“Hasta la vista, Jeffy.”

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, GUARD DUCK... YOU'VE TAUGHT ME HOW TO PANEWALK... I'M DEFYING COMIC STRIP GRAVITY THROUGH MIND CONTROL..
YES, AND IF YOU CAN DO THAT WITH YOUR OWN BODY, YOU CAN SOON LEARN TO DO THE SAME WITH OTHER OBJECTS. BUT BE CAREFUL... IT IS AN EXTRAORDINARY POWER THAT ONE SHOULD USE FOR ONLY THE MOST CRITICAL OF TASKS.
THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE RAIDING THE REFRIGERATOR.

HEY, LITTLE
GUARD DUCK...
WHATCHA
DOING?
I HAVE BECOME
A MEMBER OF
THE ORDER OF
PANEWALKERS.
I WANT TO BE
ABLE TO
DO THAT.
I CAN TEACH YOU.
BUT IT'S QUITE HARD.
YOU MUST FIRST BE
ABLE TO CLEAR YOUR
MIND OF ALL IDEAS,
ALL THOUGHTS, ALL
CEREBRAL ACTIVITY.
WHAT'S
THE HARD
PART?