Pearls Before Swine | Search

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, NEIGHBOR BOB?
MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME. SHE SAID I'M NOT TALL ENOUGH OR STRONG ENOUGH OR SMART ENOUGH.
HEY, TO HECK WITH HER, BOB. IT'S WHAT'S IN HERE THAT COUNTS.
AWW, THANK YOU, RAT...I GUESS I DO HAVE A PRETTY DECENT HEART.
HEART?...I THOUGHT THAT'S WHERE YOU KEPT YOUR WALLET.
NEVER MIND.

Danny Donkey stood on the edge of the cliff and pondered the end.
The end of the headaches and the stomach aches.
The end of the bills and the calls.
The end of the half-truths, the lies and the outright frauds.
The end of all that is bad.
And threw his lawyer over the cliff.
THIS IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE CHILDREN'S BOOK.
BUT I WROTE SUCH AN UPLIFTING ENDING.
YAY FOR DANNY! YAY!

What dat sound?
I DON'T KNOW... IT SOUNDED LIKE A DOOR BREAKING.

HOW'S YOUR SON DOING?
GOOD. THAT LITTLE ZEBRA HE WAS DATING IS LEAVING TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, SO I GUESS HER SPRING BREAK IS OVER, THANK GOD.
WONDERFUL. AND HOW'S YOUR SON TAKING IT?
OH, HAHAHA... HE'S FINE. HE KNOWS IT WAS JUST A SILLY CHILDHOOD CRUSH...
World ending.

I miss you.

WHAT'S THE
MATTER
WITH YOU,
PATTY?
OH, MYRNA
YOU CAN'T
TELL
ANYONE.
IT'S SO
HUMILIATING.
I WON'T.
I SWEAR.
WHAT IS IT?
I CAUGHT
JUNIOR
DATING
A ZEBRA.
YOU
WHAT ?!?
SHE'S THE NIECE
OF THAT ZEBRA
NEXT DOOR...
BUT I'VE LOCKED HIM IN
HIS ROOM AND TAKEN
AWAY HIS CELL PHONE
AND COMPUTER, SO AT
LEAST THEY'LL HAVE NO
WAY TO COMMUNICATE.

WELL, LARRY, IT LOOKS LIKE JUNIOR'S FINALLY OVER HIS "VEGETARIAN" PHASE... I CAUGHT HIM SNACKING ON A LITTLE ZEBRA YESTERDAY.
Hahaha...He cheep off ol' block.
YOU SHOULD GO CONGRATU- LATE HIM, LARRY... OUR PRAYERS HAVE FINALLY BEEN ANSWERED. OUR SON IS KILLING THINGS!
You right! Me tell heem!
He have funny way of killing tings.

LISTEN, JOY, I STARTED TO TELL MY MOM ABOUT US, BUT SHE FREAKED OUT. SHE SAID IF SHE EVER HEARS I DATED PREY, SHE'S SHIPPING ME OFF TO PREDATOR SCHOOL.
WHAT? SO WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?
JUNIOR, I'M HOOOODONE...
DIDN'T I ASK YOU NOT TO SNACK BEFORE DINNER?
BUH I WUHH HUNEEE.
I AM NOT PLEASED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, L'IL GUARD DUCK?
I HAVE NO GIRLFRIEND.
I AM LONELY.
I AM EXPRESSING THAT, SIR.
OKAY. BUT IT GETS A LITTLE ANNOYING WHEN YOU JUST KEEP SAYING "LONELY" OVER AND OVER.
SORRY, SIR.
IT'S OKAY.
Companionaless.
Companionaless.
Companionaless.
Companionaless.
Companionaless.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
GOAT ASKED ME TO WATCH HIS GOLDFISH WHILE HE'S ON VACATION.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN FOR YOU TO SIT THERE AND GUARD HIM. HE JUST WANTS YOU TO FEED HIM AND STUFF. IT'S NOT AS IF HE'S GONNA STEAL A CADILLAC.
VROOM VROOM VROOOOM
WELL YOU DIDN'T MENTION HE LIKED JOYRIDING.
ON THE ROAD! STAY ON THE ROAD!!

WHEN YOU DIE, ARE YOU GONNA BE A BIG FAT IDIOT AND PUT "CREATOR OF 'PEARLS BEFORE SWINE'" ON YOUR TOMBSTONE?
WHAT'S IDIOTIC ABOUT TAKING CREDIT FOR CREATING A COMIC STRIP?
NOTHING'S WRONG WITH TAKING CREDIT FOR A COMIC STRIP... THE IDIOTIC PART IS TAKING CREDIT FOR THIS COMIC STRIP.
PLEASE GO AWAY.
HEY, SAY YOU DREW "PEANUTS". THAT'S GOT CACHET.

DAD. I'M AFRAID YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I WANT TO DATE A ZEBRA.
HAHAHA.. Dat gud one! Uhh.. Me want date..uh.. CHEEKEN LEG!! HAHAHA.. Does you want see movie, pretty cheeken leg??
What? What dat? You already going movies wid mash potato? ..Oh well.. Dat okay... Me see what ham sandwich doing.
BAAAAHAAHAHAW HOOHOOHOOHEE HEE SNNOOOORT
THIS MAY TAKE AWHILE.

DAD, I'M GOING ON A DINNER DATE.
Me see you dinner. Where you date?
WE SHOULD TALK, DAD.

DO YOU COME FROM A HUGE FAMILY, SIR?
NO, BUT A COUPLE OF THEM ARE A LITTLE PUDGY.
YOU'RE A COUPLE CANDIES SHORT OF A PIÑATA, SIR.

DAD, I MET A GIRL I REALLY LIKE.
Gud for you, son...Gud woornun important...She support you...Help you hunt.
DON'T COUNT ON IT.

I HAVE FIGURED OUT LIFE.
IT IS AIL CHARTED OUT ON
THIS. RAT'S ULTIMATE DIAGRAM oF
O'LIFE
IS THAT
SO ?
SEE ... IT ALL STARTS HERE WITH A STAGE I CALL “LIFE'S CHOICES'... YOU CAN: (1) STUDY HARD, (2) WORK HARD, OR (3) SIT ON YOUR REAR.
THESE CHOICES LEAD TO LIFE'S CONSEQUEN - (4) STUDY AND ACHIEVE SMARTNESS ... (5) WORK HARD AND ACHIEVE WEALTH ... OR (6) SIT AND ACHIEVE BUPKIS.
SO, YOU SAY, I'LL PICK (1) OR ri OR ri, BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY DEMAND A LOT OF WORK, THEY ULTIMATELY LEAD TO BETTER THINGS THAN ri, RIGHT? WRONG.
THEY ALL GO TO THE SAME @#o*@#!*o PLACE!
AND TO THINK SOME PEOPLE CALL THIS STRIP ‘DARK’....
KEEP IT UP, GUY! THIS'LL BE A HUGE HIT IN
CUBA!

LOOKS LIKE THAT ONE FAT SUMO SQUIRREL IS JUST DOMINATING THE COMPETITION... HE CAN'T EVEN FIND ANYONE FAT ENOUGH TO GIVE HIM A GOOD MATCH...
UH... LOOKS LIKE HE FOUND SOMEONE.
THIS IS SO HUMILIATING.

WELL, HELLO, I'M SUMO SQUIRREL... WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
NO, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS TRADITIONAL FOR SUMO WRESTLERS TO THROW SALT BEFORE A MATCH AND THAT YOU HAD RUN OUT OF SALT.
WELL, I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ANY SALT, BUT I CAN CHECK IN THE KITCHEN AND SEE WHAT I CAN FIND.
WHY IS THAT SQUIRREL THROWING MY LEFTOVER RAVIOLI ON THE LAWN?
DO ALL YOUR SQUIRRELS WEAR JOCK STRAPS?

GRUNT
GRUNT
GRUNT
GRUNT
GRUNT
LOOKS LIKE WE’VE GOT SUMO SQUIRRELS AGAIN.
BONZAI!
RRRRRRRGG

IF ONE MORE TALKING HEAD ON
FOX, CNN OR MSNBC BEGINS
THEIR SENTENCE WITH THE WORD
"LOOK," I AM GOING TO DRIVE
TO THE STUDIO AND BEAT
THEM WITH A FROZEN HAM.
LOOK, THE SITUATION
IS AS FOLLOWS...
I'LL BE BACK.

RAT WENT GREEK DANCING.
GEE, I LOVE GREEK DANCING, BUT SINCE WHEN DOES RAT WANT TO HOLD HANDS WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND GO AROUND IN CIRCLES?
OHHH, THAT’S NOT WHY HE GOES.
THEN WHY’S HE GO?
MIND SAVING SOMETHING FOR US TO EAT ON?

HEY, RAT... DID YOU BREAK MY COFFEE MUG?
NO. I JUST BUMPED IT WITH MY ELBOW.
WHILE THE FORCE OF MY ELBOW DID INDEED MOVE IT FROM ITS POSITION OF REST AND TOWARD THE EDGE OF THE COUNTER, IT WAS GRAVITY THAT TOOK OVER AT THAT POINT AND SUCKED IT TOWARD THE SURFACE OF THE EARTH.
SORRY FOR BLAMING YOU.
NO PROBLEMO.

THE UNSUSPECTING ZEBRA APPROACHES THE WATERING HOLE...
HE TAKES A DRINK...HE DOES NOT SEE THE CROCODILE LURKING JUST BENEATH THE SURFACE...
THE CROC STRIKES.
AND THE ZEBRA...
IS NO MORE.
WOOHOOHOOHOOOO!
SO WHEN DO YOU GET YOUR DRAPES BACK FROM THE DRY CLEANERS?
NOT SOON ENOUGH.
WE NUMBA ONE! WE NUMBA ONE!

I'M THE KIND OF GUY THAT WOMEN FIND REALLY ATTRACTIVE.
IS THAT SO?
YEAH, BUT THEN I THINK I DO THINGS THAT MAKE ME SEEM LESS ATTRACTIVE.
LIKE WHAT?
I TALK.
THEY'RE SO JUDGMENTAL.

LOOK, RAT, IT'S TIMMY THE OWL. HE'S THE NEWEST CHARACTER IN OUR STRIP.
DUDE, OWLS ARE NOCTURNAL. WHILE WE'RE UP WORKING AND TELLING JOKES, HE'LL BE FAST ASLEEP ... HE'S USELESS ... LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
TWO DRUNK RABBIS WALK INTO A BAR.