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WHAT'S WITH THE CROWN?
I AM THE PHILOSOPHER KING... ASK ME A QUESTION.
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR STUPID GAMES.
QUESTIONS END IN QUESTION MARKS.
DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?
MUCH BETTER.

CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?
YES, I'D LIKE TO RETURN THIS BOOK IT DOESN'T BELONG TO ME.
WHO DOES IT BELONG TO?
IT'S FOR BOB.
WHAT'S A DEDICATION PAGE?

I DON'T TRUST OUR NEW NEIGHBOR.
YOU MEAN JOEY, THE DANCE INSTRUCTOR?
YEAH... I THINK HE BROKE INTO OUR HOUSE AND STOLE SOME OF MY C.D.'S.
ARE YOU SURE IT WAS HIM?
I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN.

... SO THEN THE GUY SAYS TO ME...
YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES TO FINISH THIS STORY.
NEVER DATE A METER MAID.

I HEAR RAT AND YOUR NEIGHBOR FLOYD ARE FRIENDS AGAIN.
YEAH, THEY FIGURED IT WAS DUMB TO END THE WORLD OVER KONKWATS.
WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO WITH THOSE NUCLEAR MISSILES IN THEIR BACKYARDS?
I THINK FLOYD’S WIFE HAD AN IDEA.

THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE, FLOYD. EITHER ELIMINATE YOUR WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION OR ELSE...
OR ELSE WHAT?
I WILL DESTROY YOU WITH MY WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION.
...DID I MENTION THAT GOD IS ON MY SIDE?

PIG SPOKE TO GOD.
HOW'D HE DO THAT?
HE SAID HE GOT IN HIS CAR AND JUST
STARTED DRIVING…THEN HE ASKED GOD
A QUESTION AND THIS VOICE ANSWERED.
WHAT'D HE ASK?
WHETHER PRAYER
COULD ACTUALLY
CHANGE THINGS.
WHAT'D
GOD
SAY?
"Dude, I just make the tacos."
...AND WHY DO BAD THINGS
HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?

LISTEN, FLOYD, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO POSSESS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.
WHY NOT? YOU'VE GOT ONE.
BECAUSE I AM RESPONSIBLE AND I LOVE PEACE.
YOU THREATENED TO DROP IT ON ME BECAUSE MY KUMQUAT TREE WAS DROPPING KUMQUATS ON YOUR LAWN!
I LOVE PEACE, NOT KUMQUATS.

DID YOU HEAR THAT RAT HAS THE BOMB?
THE BOMB? WHAT'S HE GONNA DO WITH IT?
DROP IT ON OUR NEIGHBOR FLOYD. THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER KUMQUATS.
WHAT?? THAT'S INSANE. WHAT'S YOUR NEIGHBOR GONNA DO?
ooooOOOOOOOoo. oOOhhh... wook AT DA' wittle KUMQUATS.

THERE'S A POLICE OFFICER AT THE DOOR. HE SAYS HE'S GOTTEN REPORTS OF YOU THREATENING NEIGHBORS WITH A NUCLEAR MISSILE AND HE WANTS TO KNOW IF IT'S TRUE.
NO.
NO.

HELLO, SWEETIE... CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
THAT'S MY WIFE, @#!#@#!
HOW 'BOUT WE STEP OUTSIDE SO I CAN POUND YOUR FACE?
YOU FEELIN' LUCKY?

WHAT DO YOU WANT, RAT?
LISTEN, FLOYD...YOUR KUMQUAT TREE KEEPS DROPPING KUMQUATS ON MY G%#@*ED LAWN.
WELL, PICK 'EM UP, THEN...I'M YOUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR, NOT YOUR G%#@*ED GARDENER
I'VE GOT THE BOMB, FLOYD.

IT SAYS HERE IN THE PAPER THAT THE RUSSIANS ARE SELLING OFF THEIR STOCKPILE OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS.
GEEZ, THAT'S SCARY... IMAGINE ALL THE NUTBALLS THAT ARE GONNA GET THEIR HANDS ON ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
THERE'S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN.

WHO ARE THESE GUYS?
IT'S MY WAGON O'SHAME... I TAKE ALL THE BAD DRIVERS I FIND AND STICK THEM IN HERE...
YEAH, I'M CLAUDE. I DRIVE PAINFULLY SLOW IN THE LEFT LANE BECAUSE I LOVE TO MAKE EVERYONE PASS AROUND ME.
I'M RICHARD... I TURN MY BLINKER ON ONLY AFTER I'VE SLOWED WAY DOWN AND STARTED TURNING... IT'S ALWAYS FUNNY TO WATCH PEOPLE SLAM ON THEIR BRAKES.
AND I'M FLOYD. I'M AN UNSTABLE, VIOLENT NUTBALL WHO JUST ESCAPED FROM THE MAXIMUM SECURITY WING AT STATE PRISON.
WAIT A MINUTE... WHAT'S THAT LAST GUY HAVE TO DO WITH DRIVING?
NOTHING.
YO, %$#@&*... WHICH ONE OF YOU TWO DOUBLE-CROSSED MOTHER&$@&*. JUST KICKED IN MY @#%&** BACK?

DID YOU SEND THAT BEREAVEMENT CARD TO OLD MAN HUDSON FOR ME?
YOU MEAN THE GRADUATION CARD.
NO, I DON'T...THE GRADUATION CARD WAS FOR THE BROWNS.
OH, WELL...IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
"CONGRATULATIONS ON PUTTING ALL THAT HARD WORK BEHIND YOU...NOW YOUR LIFE BEGINS!"

HERE'S YOUR TACO FROM THE DRIVE-THRU.

WHAT THE?? THIS TORTILLA'S FILLED WITH NAPKINS, STRAWS AND SALT PACKETS

YEAH...THAT DRIVE-THRU'S BEEN WORSE THAN USUAL LATELY.

WHAT KIND OF MALCONTENTS ARE THEY HIRING NOW??

I HAVE FOUND MY CALLING.

OH, PIGITA, YOUR EYES ARE LIKE LIMPING POOLS.
LIMPID.
LIMPING LIMPIDS.

LOOK AT THIS SHOW
ON THE LOST CITY
OF ATLANTIS.
I GOT
LOST IN
ALBUQUERQUE
ONCE.
NO, PIG...THIS IS
ABOUT A WHOLE
CITY THAT WAS
LOST.
GEE...EVEN
THOSE
HELPFUL
GAS STATION
GUYS?
THEY DIDN'T
HAVE
GAS
STATIONS.
NO WONDER
THEY
GOT
LOST.

I'VE JUST DONE A STUDY OF EVERYONE IN A RELATIONSHIP WHO'S EVER SAID, "I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER."
WHAT FOR?
WELL, I WANTED TO TRY AND CALCULATE AN AVERAGE FOR JUST HOW LONG "FOREVER" WAS.
WHAT'D YOU FIND?
IT'S SEVEN MONTHS.
THAT'S NOT VERY FOREVER.
NO, BUT "FOREVER AND EVER" BUYS YOU ANOTHER SIX WEEKS.

HEY, THOSE ARE GREAT LITTLE FIGURINES...
WHAT ARE THEY, SPACE ALIENS?
YEAH, THEY COME IN THESE FROZEN VEGETABLE PACKAGES WE BUY.
GOSH, I'D LOVE TO GET SOME, BUT I'M AFRAID I WOULDN'T KNOW WHICH VEGETABLE PACKAGE TO BUY.
DO NOT BE AFRAID.
THEY COME IN PEAS.

hi there. I’m your cartoonist this week. Stephen left me in charge of the strip.
I'm john, Stephen's neighbor.
Everyone else is busy. He also compelled me to fill in for him with physical threats.
But without any cartoon training, how do I even start?
hmmm.... how about a joke? Cartoons always have jokes. A guy walks into a bar...
He takes a step and waits for the laughter to come.
Better yet, I'll just copy Stephen's notes and draft a response.
"Dear weenie head,
I'm your biggest fan and have begun knitting my own lion scarves in your honor.
Would it help improve your comic strips on larger paper, dork?"
NO THANKS
A+
GREAT WORK.
Okay, now let's see how he constructs the strip.
Stephen’s hand movements are very confusing. But I think I've managed to complete it.
FA LA LA LA
Still, there seems to be so much more to this than drawing.

One more detail: the lane in front of Stephen's house is blocked due to the garbage.
YIKES!!!

LOOK AT THIS POOR GUY TESTIFYING BEFORE CONGRESS... I THINK HE'S SPEAKING ON BEHALF OF PEOPLE WITH DISFIGURING MARKS ON THEIR FACE.
YOU DUMB PIG... THAT BLACK RECTANGLE IS OVER HIS EYES BECAUSE HE WANTS TO HIDE HIS IDENTITY.
I DON'T BLAME HIM.

WELCOME TO ROCKBUSTER VIDEO. MAY I HELP YOU?
UH... YEAH. ...I'D LIKE TO RENT THIS ONE...
...OKAY THEN... WE'VE GOT "BUXOM PIGGY BABES AFTER DARK"!!! ISN'T THAT NICE... SOMETHING THE WHOOOLE FAMILY CAN SEE!!!
I'M THINKING WE NEED "PAY PER VIEW."

TELL ME, SHAMUS, PATRON SAINT OF THE MONKEYS ... DO MONKEYS SIN?
OH, YES. ESPECIALLY THE RHESUS.
AND THEY CONFESS TO YOU?
YES ... IF THEY WANT TO ACHIEVE INNER PEACE.
RHESUS PEACE?
NO THANKS ... I DON'T EAT CHOCOLATE.

I'M PIG. WHO ARE YOU?
SHAMUS... PATRON SAINT OF THE MONKEYS.
PATRON SAINT OF THE MONKEYS?
YES... I LED THE MONKEYS OUT OF IRELAND.
THERE ARE MONKEYS IN IRELAND?
NOT ANYMORE.