Pearls Before Swine | Search

LOOK AT YOU SHOVING
ONION RINGS IN YOUR
FACE WHILE US
CYCLISTS DRINK KALE.
ONION RINGS
BRING ME JOY,
JEF... AND
I LIKE JOY
IN MY LIFE.
WHOA WHOA WHOA... THAT'S AN
OPTION?
MAINTAIN
OUR
SUPERIORITY,
FRED!
WAIT...
WAIT...
WHAT'S
THIS JOY
THING?
HERE...
THIS ONE HAS
EXTRA
GREEASE.

HEY, RAT. DID YOU SEE THAT POLITICAL ARTICLE I RE-TWEETED?
I DON'T THINK SO.
HAVE YOU GONE ON TWITTER TODAY?
I HAVE.
AND YOU DIDN'T SEE MY POST?
WELL, I...
IF YOU MUST KNOW, I MUTED YOU BECAUSE I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID POLITICS!!
OH. I AM SO MUTING YOU BACK.
TOO LATE! BLOCKED! BLOCKED! BLOCKED! BLOCKED!

RACISTS
BAD
WELL, LOOK AT YOU BEING SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS.
Wuha dat mean?
YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE JUDGED ON THEIR RACE. YOU WANT THEM TO BE JUDGED ON THE CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER. WHICH IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN MOVE FORWARD AS A SOCIETY.
RACISTS
BAD
RACE CAR DRIVER CRASHES INTO KEG PARTY
OH.
RACISTS
WORST PEOPLE EVER!
LEARN HOW TO DRIVE, RACISTS!

THIS FITNESS MAGAZINE SAYS THAT THE KEY TO LOSING WEIGHT IS TO PUT YOUR FOOD ON SMALLER PLATES.
WHY IS THAT?
BECAUSE YOU CAN FILL THE PLATE AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY, IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE GETTING MORE THAN YOU ACTUALLY ARE.
I'M LOSING WEIGHT.

HELLO? BOMBLAST CABLE? I'M CALLING TO SAY I'M CUTTING THE CORD. NO MORE CABLE! NO MORE BAD SERVICE! NO MORE OVERCHARGING!
SO SCREW YOU, YOU FOOLS! YOU AND ME ARE DONE! FINISHED! BECAUSE NOBODY NEEDS CABLE ANYMORE! WE HAVE THE INTERNET NOW!!
WE PROVIDE YOUR INTERNET.
THE CABLE COMPANY IS SATAN INCARNATE.

Whuh you doing, son?
I HAVE TO DO A PAPER ON REPTILES, SO I'M LOOKING IT UP IN WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY.
Oh, yeah. We reptiles greatest guys on earth. Whuh book say?
reptilian
adjective
deeply disliked, despised, repulsive
Typo.

WHAT'S GOING ON, RAT?
MISS AMERICA.
I MISS IT, TOO.
NEVER MIND.
REMEMBER WHEN WE ALL GOT ALONG?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
DRAWING DESIGNS FOR A HUGE DOG KENNEL I WANT TO OPEN. ONE ROOM PER BREED.
WHAT'S THAT ROOM THERE?
IT'S FULL OF SHIH TZU.
WELL, THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.
WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE DOGS?
GIVE HIM SHIH TZU, RAT.

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB?
I DON'T HAVE ONE.
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE IN THE DREAMS I CAN REMEMBER, I THINK I'M GENERALLY UNEMPLOYED.
NOT WHAT THAT MEANS.
YOUR DREAMS SOUND MISERABLE.

HOW TO KNOW YOU'RE IN LOVE
YOU'RE OBSESSED.
YOU PRIORITIZE YOUR TIME TOGETHER OVER TIME WITH ANYONE ELSE.
TIME SPENT APART CRUSHES YOUR SOUL.
YOU OVERLOOK ALL OF THEIR BAD TRAITS.
HEAVEN IS BEING WITH THEM.
WHICH IS HOW I KNOW...
I LOVE YOU, PIZZA.
SOME PEOPLE LOVE PEOPLE.
CHEESE BEATS PEOPLE.
I LOVE YOU, BOOZE.

TODAY WE LIVE IN THE MOST AMAZING ERA EVER. ALL THE WORLD'S INFO AND GOODS AND SERVICES AT OUR FINGERTIPS.
FOODS, RIDES, DATES, TICKETS - ANYTHING YOU WANT - INSTANTLY AVAILABLE.
AND WE'RE NOT ONE BIT HAPPIER.
IN FACT, WE'RE QUITE MISERABLE !!
CURSE YOU EVIL LITTLE THING.

WITH TEAMWORK,
EVERYTHING
IS
POSSIBLE
Like getting
backstabbed
by your
co-workers
Because
only the
Suck-ups
win
LET'S NOT
MAKE OUR OWN
WORKPLACE
POSTERS.
HOLD STILL.
I'M DRAWING
YOU AS
A WEASEL.

HEY, RAT, PIG AND I NEED YOUR HELP. MY CAR BATTERY'S DEAD AND WE'RE STRANDED.
OH, NO, I’D HELP, BUT I'M HAVING MY OWN EMERGENCY. I CAN'T LEAVE MY HOUSE.
OH MY GOD. WHAT HAPPENED?
NEW SEASON OF 'GAME OF THRONES'.
I QUESTION WHETHER THAT'S AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY.
CAN'T MOVE.
SEND FOOD.

To all the
people who said
I would amount
to very little..
HA!
I wouldn’t
amount to
ANYTHING
IT FEELS GOOD
TO PROVE PEOPLE WRONG.

EXCUSE ME, BUT I NOTICE THERE'S A NUMERICAL KEYPAD ON THE BATHROOM DOOR. CAN I GET THE CODE?
SURE. IT'S THE YEAR THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR STARTED.
I DON'T KNOW THE YEAR.
THEN I GUESS YOUR DUMBNESS PRECLUDES YOU.
I LIKE TO INCENTIVIZE READING.

A Message of Hope in these Difficult Times.
by Rat
RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
BEST I COULD DO.

CITIZENS...CITIZENS...CAN I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU?
WHO ARE YOU?
TRUTH. AND I'VE TAKEN A REAL BEATING LATELY.
WHAT HAPPENED?
TWEETS. SOCIAL MEDIA. TELEVISION. PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ARE LYING MORE EFFECTIVELY THAN EVER BEFORE.
WHAT DO WE DO, MR. TRUTH?
QUESTION THINGS. QUESTION SOURCES. PAY FOR JOURNALISM. READ HISTORY. THINK CRITICALLY. BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, THINGS ARE GONNA GET MUCH, MUCH WORSE.
THEN WE YAWNED AND BEAT HIM WITH HIS LANTERN.
THE TRUTH HURTS.
HE WAS PROBABLY A SOCIALIST FASCIST TERRORIST.

THIS STORY SAYS THAT WITH THE WORLD'S ICE MELTING AT A RECORD RATE, POLAR BEARS ARE FINDING IT HARDER AND HARDER TO HUNT FOR SEALS.
OH MY GOODNESS... WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO TO SURVIVE?
DOMINO'S? GIMME A LARGE PEPPERONI.

TONIGHT ON THE NEWS, CORRUPT PEOPLE STOPPED BEING CORRUPT, GREEDY PEOPLE STOPPED BEING GREEDY, AND EVERYONE STARTED CARING ABOUT OTHERS.
IN OTHER NEWS, WINGED BUNNIES FLEW OUT OF MY REAR.
IT'S SAD WHEN THE NEWSCASTERS CRACK.
FLY ME AWAY, BUNNIES!

I DON'T GET IT. WOMEN NEVER SEEM TO LIKE ME.
THAT'S BECAUSE WOMEN LIKE TOUGH GUYS, RULE-BREAKERS, RISK-TAKERS.
LADIES, THIS IS MY iPHONE! IT DOES NOT HAVE A PROTECTIVE CASE!!!
KEEP TRYING.
DROPPED THE PHONE.

HEY THERE, SAMMY SPONGE. HOW GOES IT?
NOT GOOD. I'VE BEEN READING A LOT LATELY, BUT I NEVER SEEM TO RETAIN THE INFORMATION.
THAT'S ODD. I WOULD THINK YOU'D SOAK UP INFO LIKE A--
SPONGE? A SPONGE? I DON'T!!! SO @#$% YOU AND YOUR RACIST METAPHORS!!!
YOU GOTTA WATCH WHAT YOU SAY THESE DAYS.

SO THE PUBLIC RESTROOM HERE HAS A FAUCET AND SOAP DISPENSER THAT START AUTOMATICALLY WHEN I PUT MY HANDS UNDER THEM. AND A HAND DRYER THAT DOES THE SAME.
YEAH. ALL FOR SANITARY REASONS SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO TOUCH ANYTHING.
WHICH IS GREAT.
'TIL IT'S ALL CANCELLED OUT WHEN I HAVE TO PULL THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN!!
YOUR PASSION IS NOTEWORTHY.
HAND-WASHING: A BIG WASTE OF TIME.

HEY NEIGHBOR NANCY, HOW GOES IT?
GOOD. TRYING TO SEE IF I CAN GET MY HAIR PERMED TODAY.
WHO DOES IT?
LO FROM THE COMIC STRIP HI AND LOIS. BUT SHE'LL ONLY DO A FEW PERMS A DAY, SO I HAVE TO CALL AND SEE HOW MANY SHE HAS SCHEDULED.
WHAT'S SHE CALLING ABOUT?
LO'S PERM COUNT.
OKAY, COMIC STRIP OVER.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST GOOD GROOMING?

BUY LOTTERY TICKET.
WIN LOTTERY.
Woo hoo
COLLECT MONEY.
SPEND MONEY.
SPEND MONEY.
SPEND MONEY.
AND THERE'S YOUR NEW RETIREMENT PLAN.
I NEED A NEW FINANCIAL ADVISER.

HEY OUTDOOR QWIE, WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO IF YOU'RE IN THE WILD AND A HUGE BEAR CHARGES TOWARD YOU?
WELL, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T RUN.
WHY NOT?
YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE THE BEAR WORK TOO HARD FOR HIS FOOD.
AWW... HOW THOUGHTFUL.
NOT THE REASON.
DO BEARS KNOW YOU'RE HELPING THEM?