Pearls Before Swine | Search

WE GOT AN ANGRY LETTER FROM
A GUY IN HARRISBURG, PA. HE
SAYS, "THE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN
YOUR STRIP MAKE MY HAIR STAND
ON END. EITHER GET AN EDITOR
OR LEARN PROPER ENGLISH."
WHOA. DOES
ANYONE REALLY
GET THAT MAD
ABOUT ERRORS
IN A COMIC
STRIP
THIS
GUY
DO.
I FEEL TERRIBLE.
I BETTER LIE
THIS PILLOW DOWN
ON THE GROUND
AND LAY DOWN
ON IT.
ME
TO.
SOMEWHERE IN HARRISBURG, PENNSYLVANIA...

ACME HEALTH INSURANCE.
HOW CAN WE HELP YOU?
YES. I HAD TO BE RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL WITH A MASSIVE INFECTION AND YOU WOULDN’T PAY FOR IT.
CAN I ASK WHY?
YES. THAT WAS AN ELECTIVE PROCEDURE.
BUT I WOULD HAVE DIED.
AND YOU ELECTED TO LIVE.
THEY’VE GOT ME THERE.

PARDON ME, BUT
I WAS OFFENDED
BY SOMETHING YOU
SAID LAST WEEK.
OKAY, BUT
I'M GONNA
KEEP SAYING THE
THINGS I SAY.
BUT
I'M
OFFENDED.
RIGHT.
WHAT NOW?
I DON'T
KNOW.
AND THEN
HIS HEAD
EXPLODED.
HE LED
A FULL,
COMPLAINY
LIFE.

A Message of Hope.
by Rat
Everything will be okay.
PROVIDED WE ALL SURVIVE THE COMING APOCALYPSE
IT'S GOOD TO KEEP EXPECTATIONS LOW.

ACME HEALTH INSURANCE
HOW CAN WE HELP YOU?
YEAH, I HAD TO HAVE AN
EMERGENCY APPENDECTOMY
AND YOU GUYS WOULDN'T
PAY THE BILL. CAN I ASK
THE REASON WHY?
SURE. LET ME LOOK
THAT UP...
AH... HERE IT IS...
DIDN'T FEEL LIKE
IT.
IT'S NICE WHEN THEY'RE
UP FRONT.

THIS SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE SAYS THEY NOW HAVE A NEW PRIVACY POLICY. WONDER IF I SHOULD CLICK THE "REVIEW DETAILS" BUTTON.

GO FOR IT. I DOUBT ANYONE EVER CLICKS IT.
OUR NEW POLICY
1) Same as old one.
2) Hahaha.
AT LEAST THEY'RE CONSISTENT.

ELLY ELEPHANT WROTE IN HER DIARY.
dear diary,
i want a
boyfriend.
one I can go
out with once
a week.
who is quiet but
impactful.
solid but fun.
who supports
nothing but
never chastises.
and above all,
gives me space.
almost like i can
just take him out
when i want and
put him away
when i don’t.
ELLY ELEPHANT REALIZED
SHE HAD JUST DESCRIBED
A BOWLING BALL.
elly lived happily
ever after.

HEY, RAT, THIS IS MY PAL, PETEY THE PERMANENTLY OFFENDED GUY.
WHAT'S HE YELLING ABOUT?
OH. I'M NOT YELLING. IT'S JUST THAT IF YOU SPEND YOUR WHOLE LIFE GETTING OFFENDED YOUR FACE AND ARM EVENTUALLY FREEZE LIKE THIS.
WHAT A JOY YOU MUST BE AT PARTIES.
OKAY, NOW I'M OFFENDED!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
RAT SAYS MY PRONUNCIATION OF WORDS IS OFF. SO HE GAVE ME SOME WORDS TO PRACTICE.
WELL, THAT WAS NICE OF HIM. WHAT WORDS DID HE GIVE YOU TO PRACTICE?
- EYE
- YAM
- FLAT
- CHEW
- LEANT
SO MATURE.
HEY, WHERE IS EVERYONE GOING?

HEY, RAT, MY
FRIEND THE
TURKEY IS ON THE
PHONE.
THE ONE
WHO MOVED
TO THE ARCTIC?
YEAH, HIS FEATHERS DON'T KEEP
HIM WARM AT ALL. ANYWAYS,
HE HEARD YOU GAVE UP BEER
AND WANTED TO KNOW IF IT WAS
GRADUAL OR ALL OF A SUDDEN.
SUDDEN.
COLD TURKEY,
COLD TURKEY.
YOU MAKE ME WANT TO
DRINK AGAIN.

HEY, RAT, THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DOOR ASKING IF YOU RECENTLY GAVE UP BEER.
YEAH. IT MAKES ME BLOATED AND FAT AND I JUST DIDN'T WANT IT IN MY LIFE ANYMORE. WHY?
BECAUSE SOME OF US HAVE FEELINGS, BRO!
BEER IS MORE SENSITIVE THAN YOU'D THINK.
THOUGHT WE WERE TIGHT, MAN!!

You're born.
Waaah
You get, on average, 77 years to live.
Until you buy the great dirt farm.
Today, you moved one step closer to the dirt farm.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
I've gotten better birthday cards.
Sure. But mine are realistic.

I'M SO OLD I CAN REMEMBER A WORLD WITH ONLY SEVEN T.V. CHANNELS.
I'M SO OLD I CAN REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO PARADE WOMEN AROUND IN PAGEANTS WHERE WE JUDGED THEM BASED ON THEIR LOOKS.
I THINK THAT'S STILL HAPPENING.
WHOA.
WAIT.
WHAT YEAR IS THIS?

I MUST GET TO SHELTER!
And racing as fast as he could, Jojo just made it into a castle.
Welcome to the Castle O' Personal Success, said the court jester. Here, you forget your problems.
So Jojo lived in the castle for many years and partook of all it had to offer.
Until one day he went outside to get some sun and take a break from the debauchery. AHHHH--
And ran into the Dragon O' Personal Problems.
I'M STILL HERE!
Jojo was swallowed whole.
I'M GUESSING THERE'S A LESSON HERE.
NEVER STOP THE DEBAUCHERY.
And sunshine's BAD.

HI, NEIGHBOR NANCY. HAVEN'T SEEN YOU AT THE CAFE LATELY, SO WE THOUGHT WE'D COME VISIT YOU AT YOUR OFFICE.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN CRAZY BUSY HERE.
WOW. PLUS YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL WITH THREE YOUNG KIDS AT HOME.
YEAH. LOVE THOSE LITTLE GUYS.
YOU'RE STAYING HERE TO AVOID THEM.
THE LITTLE MONSTERS DRIVE ME NUTS!

HI, NEIGHBOR BOB, HOW ARE YOU AND YOUR WIFE DOING?
NOT GOOD. WE HAVE A NEW CANADIAN NEIGHBOR AND I THINK MY WIFE IS SECRETLY SPENDING TIME WITH HIM...
OH, PLEASE! JUST BECAUSE I SAID HE'S MY FAVOURITE NEIGHBOUR AND THAT I LIKE THE COLOUR OF HIS HOUSE??!! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE COME TO THE DEFENSE OF MY HONOUR?!
OH, PLEASE, JUST BECAUSE I SAID HE'S MY FAVOURITE NEIGHBOR AND THAT I LIKE THE COLOR OF HIS HOUSE??!! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE COME TO THE DEFENSE OF MY HONOR?!
CANADIAN SPELLING. PLAIN AS DAY.
I DON'T GET THE HUMOUR OF THIS STRIP.

SOMETIMES I THINK WE SHOULD USE THE PLATFORM WE HAVE WITH THIS COMIC STRIP TO CHANGE THINGS AND PROMOTE IMPORTANT CAUSES.
YEAH. I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
ATTENTION, JELLY BEAN MANUFACTURERS... NO ONE EATS THE WHITE ONES!!
NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
MORE RED INSTEAD!! MORE RED INSTEAD!!

WHERE SHOULD WE GO TO EAT TONIGHT?
THIS HAMBURGER PLACE. THEY HAVE THE 'LEGENDARY' DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER.
SO?
SO IF IT'S LEGENDARY, IT'S OBVIOUSLY GREAT.
PIG. ANYONE CAN WRITE 'LEGENDARY' IN FRONT OF ANYTHING. IT'S NOT LIKE IT HAS TO BE VERIFIED.
THE LEGENDARY PIG FINDS THAT INTERESTING.

HEY, GOAT, COME OVER TO MY HOUSE. I'M HAVING A HUGE PARTY! WE'RE GONNA GET BLITZED.
OH, TERRIFIC. WHAT'S THE OCCASION?
TUESDAY!
ONE OF US IS LIVING LIFE WRONG.

I'VE BEEN TAKING LONG WALKS FOR MONTHS AND I'M NOT LOSING ANY WEIGHT. SO I'M THINKING ABOUT QUITTING AND JUST SITTING AROUND ON MY BUTT. BUT I'M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD DO THAT.
JUST DO IT.
THANK YOU, NIKE.

DING DONG
DING DONG
HANG ON..
HANG ON..
I'M COMING
HI.. I'M ROBBY.
I'M NEIGHBOR BOB'S KID.
ROBBY, YOU'VE GROWN UP SO MUCH I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU.
YEAH, AND NOW
I'M GRADUATING
COLLEGE.
OH MY GOODNESS,
HOW EXCITING!
YOU'VE GOTTEN
ALL THAT EDUCATION!
ALL THAT
KNOWLEDGE!
ALL THAT WISDOM!
AND NOW YOU'RE
GRADUATING!
YEAH, THAT'S
WHY I'M
HERE ACTUALLY.
TO INVITE ME TO
THE GRADUATION?
TO BEG. I'M $350,000 IN DEBT.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
COLLEGE AND
DEBTORS PRISON?
PRISON HAS FREE FOOD.
HEY, LOOK! NOW HE'S CLEANING
WINDSHIELDS AT THE STOPLIGHT.

HEY, GOAT, WHAT KIND OF SAUCE
DO YOU WANT ON YOUR PASTA...
TOMATO, ALFREDO OR PESTO?
YOU'LL HAVE PESTO.
WE HAVE A RATHER AGGRESSIVE
HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION.

I WROTE OUT A LIST OF ALL MY GOALS, BUT I NEVER ACHIEVE ANY OF THEM.
LET ME SEE. I THINK I CAN HELP.
Lose weight NO
Paint house NO
Save money NO
Scribble Scribble Scribble
Fail a lot

YOU SEEM A LOT CALMER LATELY, RAT... NOT NEARLY SO ANGRY... HOW DO YOU DO IT?
WELL, WHEN I GET UP IN THE MORNING, I TAKE A FEW MINUTES JUST FOR MYSELF.
I SEE. TO BREATHE DEEPLY? MEDITATE?
TO SLEDGEHAMMER THE $%@# OUT OF A ROCK.
NOT QUITE MEDITATION.
WE'RE LIVING IN SLEDGEHAMMER TIMES.

HEY, GOAT, RAT AND I WERE WONDERING... WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO SUCCEED IN LIFE? IS IT LUCK? TIMING?
YOU KNOW, PIG, IT REALLY JUST COMES DOWN TO A WILLINGNESS TO WORK HARDER THAN OTHERS.
WE'RE SCREWED.