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SIR, WE HAVE A BAD EVENT WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH.
SEND 'EM OUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.
OKAY, WELL, THERE WAS A SECOND EVENT.
THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.
WELL, THERE WAS ANOTHER UNFORTUNATE...
THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS! THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS! THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!
AND HERE I THOUGHT WE MIGHT ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING.
TOO TIRED FROM ALL THIS PRAYING.

WAKING
MOMENTARY BLISS THAT A NEW DAY BRINGS
RECOLLECTION OF THE CURRENT STATE OF THE WORLD
RETREAT

6:30 a.m. -- Wake up.
7:00 a.m. -- Shower. Get ready.
8:00 a.m. -- Bike three miles to work.
9:00 a.m. -- Write memo for next week's meeting.
10:00 a.m. -- Prepare presentation.
12:00-1:00 p.m. -- Short break for lunch.
1:00 p.m. -- Do all sales reports by end of day.
Shoolp.
Overslept.
Not enough time to run three miles.
I’ll do it tomorrow.
I didn't run, so do I really need to shower?
I can probably write the memo tomorrow.
I'm definitely gonna have to work on the weekend now.
Might as well see what the presentation is.

I'm hungry, but I have no food.
I'll get something at the pub.
Sure, I'll have another. The wife's pretty mad I missed my shot.
I hate myself.
There’s always tomorrow.
NO. UGH. HUNGOVER.
AT LEAST PUT ON HIS WORKOUT SHORTS!!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
I'M IN THE 'SENT EMAIL WHIRLPOOL OF WORRY.'
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S WHEN YOU SEND AN EMAIL AND DON'T GET AN IMMEDIATE RESPONSE, SO YOU RE-READ AND ANALYZE YOUR EMAIL 6000 TIMES TO SEE IF YOU POSSIBLY SAID ANYTHING WRONG.
I'LL BE LEADING A NORMAL LIFE IN THE OTHER ROOM.
'THE'... IT WAS THE WAY I SAID 'THE'!

GOODBYE, DAD... OFF TO SCHOOL.
GOODBYE, SON.
PLEASE DON'T GET SHOT.
PLEASE COME BACK TO ME ALIVE. PLEASE LET
ME HOLD YOU AGAIN.
PLEASE.

I'VE FINALLY REALIZED THAT MOST OF MY PROBLEMS ARE DUE TO PROCRASTINATION. SO MY RESOLUTION THIS YEAR IS TO CHANGE THAT ONCE AND FOR ALL.
GREAT. STARTING WHEN?
PROBABLY SOON.
THESE THINGS SHOULDN'T BE RUSHED.

NO. I DON'T KNOW SQUAT ABOUT THAT PRO. I NEVER READ. I JUST LIKE CHILLING IN FRONT OF THE T.V. FOR HOURS.
PARDON ME. BUT...
IDIOT FREE ZONE
SOME PEOPLE ARE SO INCONSIDERATE.

WHAT ARE
YOU READING
THIS GREAT BOOK,
'1,000 PLACES TO
SEE BEFORE YOU
DIE.'
INTERESTING, 'CAUSE I'M
WRITING A BOOK FOR
TEMPORARILY BLIND
PEOPLE LISTING ALL THE
CLIFFS AND LEDGES
THAT POSE A DANGER...
WHAT'S IT
CALLED
'1,000 PLACES TO DIE
BEFORE YOU SEE.'
SOME
CARTOONISTS
TAKE PRIDE IN
THEIR
WORK.
PRIDE IS
OVER-
RATED.

HEY, JEFF THE CYCLIST, WHERE WERE YOU THIS MORNING?
CITY COUNCIL. I'M PETITIONING THE CITY TO BETTER ENFORCE ALL THE TRAFFIC LAWS REGARDING CARS. IT'S VERY INFURIATING AND I DEMAND CHANGE.
BUT YOU NEVER STOP FOR STOP SIGNS.
THEN HE BEAT ME WITH GRANOLA BARS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WERE ABLE TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT. ALL THE CRITICISM WOULD CRUSH ME.
WHAT CRITICISM?
YOU DON'T HEAR ALL THE PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU?
COMPLAINING? I ONLY HEAR PRAISE. SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED AN EGO BUBBLE.
WHAT'S AN EGO BUBBLE?
WELL, FIRST YOU BLOCK ALL THE PEOPLE YOU DON'T LIKE ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK. THEN YOU GO TO EVENTS THAT HAVE YOUR FANS.
THEN WHAT?
THEN YOUR OWN CARBON DIOXIDE AND LOVE OF SELF FORMS A PROTECTIVE BUBBLE AROUND YOU. LIKE THIS...
WHOAH.
PUSH ME OUTSIDE SO YOU CAN SEE IT AT WORK.
CORRUPT HACK.
MORON.
I WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.
JERK.
YOU'RE THE WORST.
WHAT A CROWD. DO YOU SUPPOSE THEY WANT AUTOGRAPHS?

RAT HAS NEW NEIGHBORS, LYNN AND JIM.
OH, GREAT. DOES RAT HATE THEM ALREADY?
I ADORE THEM. THEY ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE. AND I LOOK FORWARD TO A REWARDING FRIENDSHIP FILLED WITH LOVE AND MUTUAL RESPECT.
THEY HOME BREW AND OFFERED HIM AS MUCH BEER AS HE WANTS.
I SEE.
HOME BREWERS ARE GOD'S GIFT TO THE THIRSTY!!
HE ASKED THE POPE TO CANONIZE THEM.

AHHHHHA
NO FIREARMS ALLOWED ON PREMISES
RULES ARE RULES.

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING, YOU GET ABOUT TWO SECONDS OF BLISS BEFORE YOU REMEMBER ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS AND ARE SAD AGAIN?
YEAH. WHY?
BECAUSE WHEN IT HAPPENS, GO BACK TO BED, SLEEP ANOTHER EIGHT HOURS AND HAVE YOUR HAPPY TWO SECONDS AGAIN. THEN REPEAT THAT OVER AND OVER UNTIL ONE DAY YOU DIE.
SO THE KEY TO A HAPPY LIFE IS TO SLEEP IT AWAY?
I THOUGHT OF IT FIRST.

I THINK I'VE REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF MATURITY.
HOW SO?
I NO LONGER CARE WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT ME. I DON'T THINK ABOUT IT AFTER. I DON'T STAY UPSET.
GREAT. WHAT'S THE KEY TO ACHIEVING THAT LEVEL OF PEACE?
I PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE.
HOW PEACEFUL.
THEN I JUST MOVE ON.

DID YOU HEAR AMAZON IS PLANNING TO DELIVER PACKAGES USING DRONES?
YEAH. I WAS SO INSPIRED BY IT THAT I'M TESTING OUT A HUGE NEW SERVICE.
PRRRRP
NEVER RUN WITH SCISSORS.
AMAMOM. COULD BE ANNOYING.
YOU NEED AMAMOM PRIME.
PRRRR PR
I LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY!

THINGS I THOUGHT I'D HAVE ACCOMPLISHED BY THIS AGE:
- Married to perfect person.
- Traveled world.
- Two kids.
- Successful career.
- Dream house.
THINGS I'VE ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED:
Knee hurts.
AT LEAST IT'S SOMETHING.

HI. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN THE PROPERTY?
UH. YEAH.
WHAT SIZE HOUSE ARE YOU IN THE MARKET FOR?
UH, LIKE THIS SIZE.
FOUR BEDROOM, TWO BATH?
UH. RIGHT.
IS THERE ANOTHER REASON FOR AN OPEN HOUSE?
MAYBE I COULD SELL SOCKS.
HAHAHA.
LOOK WHAT THEY KEEP IN THEIR SOCK DRAWER!

PIG'S BEEN WATCHING THOSE HOME IMPROVEMENT SHOWS AND NOW THINKS HE CAN TACKLE ANY HOME FIX-IT JOB.
IS THAT SAFE?
HE'S STARTING OUT SLOW. LIKE RIGHT NOW, HE'S JUST PLUNGING A CLOGGED TOILET.
HAHA... WELL, THAT'S SAFE ENOUGH.
CALL 9-1-1. I'M BLIND.

I DON'T KNOW.
NO IDEA.
YOU GOT ME.
WHAT THE @#%* IS HAPPENING TO THE COUNTRY I KNEW?

Dear Guy Who Cut Me Off On The Freeway,
You seemed very angry today.
But I'd like you to be happy. So here's a big happy face for you.
HE'S HAPPY CAUSE HE'S STANDING ON YOUR HEAD.
PLEASE DON'T EDIT MY LETTERS.

WHAT HAPPENED TO PIG'S EUROPEAN VACATION?
HE HAD TO NIX IT. IT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE.
HE MUST BE KINDA DOWN.
YEAH, BUT I TOLD HIM THE WAY TO GET OVER IT WAS TO GET EXCITED ABOUT SOMETHING HE CAN DO HERE AT HOME.
IT'S LAUNDRY DAY!
IT'S LAUNDRY DAY!
ALMOST AS FUN AS PARIS.
OOOOOH. THIS LOAD NEEDS BLEACHY BLEACH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOAT?
THIS EXERCISE TO HELP YOU BE MORE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE. YOU START BY WRITING DOWN WHAT, IF ANYTHING, YOUR FAILURES MIGHT HAVE IN COMMON.
Me.
THAT SOLVES THAT.

TODAY IS GONNA BE CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. TERRIBLE. AWFUL. CRAP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SETTING THE BAR FOR TODAY SO LOW THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS WILL BE A PLEASANT SURPRISE.
THAT'S ONE WAY TO DO IT.
HEY, RAT, I CRASHED THE CAR.
WAY TO GO!

WORK EMAIL
Inbox (325)
To: aRobinson5342@
From: pearlscomic@gmail.com
Subject: Insurance
Sounds good. Let's do it for this year.
To: Robinson5342@
From: pearlscomic@gmail.com
Subject: Speaking
Sure. Do we want to meet on the...
To: DSimons4827@
From: pearlscomic@gmail.com
Subject: Scheduling
We really want him to...
Inbox (0)
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Inbox (417)
IT WAS THE ONLY SENSIBLE SOLUTION.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW E-MAIL WORKS.
LET THAT BE A LESSON.
E-MAIL.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
RE-WATCHING MY TEAM'S LOSS IN THE SUPER BOWL.
WHAT FOR?
IN THE HOPE THAT THIS ONE PLAY GOES DIFFERENTLY.
GOOD LUCK.
THAT INTERCEPTION HAPPENED AGAIN!