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WHAT HAPPENED TO PIG'S EUROPEAN VACATION?
HE HAD TO NIX IT. IT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE.
HE MUST BE KINDA DOWN.
YEAH, BUT I TOLD HIM THE WAY TO GET OVER IT WAS TO GET EXCITED ABOUT SOMETHING HE CAN DO HERE AT HOME.
IT'S LAUNDRY DAY!
IT'S LAUNDRY DAY!
ALMOST AS FUN AS PARIS.
OOOOOH. THIS LOAD NEEDS BLEACHY BLEACH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOAT?
THIS EXERCISE TO HELP YOU BE MORE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE. YOU START BY WRITING DOWN WHAT, IF ANYTHING, YOUR FAILURES MIGHT HAVE IN COMMON.
Me.
THAT SOLVES THAT.

TODAY IS GONNA BE CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. TERRIBLE. AWFUL. CRAP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SETTING THE BAR FOR TODAY SO LOW THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS WILL BE A PLEASANT SURPRISE.
THAT'S ONE WAY TO DO IT.
HEY, RAT, I CRASHED THE CAR.
WAY TO GO!

WORK EMAIL
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To: aRobinson5342@
From: pearlscomic@gmail.com
Subject: Insurance
Sounds good. Let's do it for this year.
To: Robinson5342@
From: pearlscomic@gmail.com
Subject: Speaking
Sure. Do we want to meet on the...
To: DSimons4827@
From: pearlscomic@gmail.com
Subject: Scheduling
We really want him to...
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IT WAS THE ONLY SENSIBLE SOLUTION.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW E-MAIL WORKS.
LET THAT BE A LESSON.
E-MAIL.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
RE-WATCHING MY TEAM'S LOSS IN THE SUPER BOWL.
WHAT FOR?
IN THE HOPE THAT THIS ONE PLAY GOES DIFFERENTLY.
GOOD LUCK.
THAT INTERCEPTION HAPPENED AGAIN!

MY EMPLOYER IS HAVING THEIR WEEKLY MEETING WHERE THEY ENCOURAGE THE FREE FLOW OF IDEAS.
SO WHY AREN'T YOU THERE?
BECAUSE IN A FREE FLOW OF IDEAS, I AM LIKE A HAIRBALL.
I SEE.
IF I GO, I HAVE TO BRING DRANO.

IF YOU HAD TO COMMIT ONE CRIME THAT YOU KNEW YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I'D STEAL DISPOSABLE WHITE COLLARS.
WHY THOSE?
BECAUSE IT'S EASIER TO GET AWAY WITH WHITE COLLAR CRIME.
STUPID JOKES ARE NOW A FELONY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I GOT A JOB MAKING ROAD SIGNS FOR THE COUNTY. THEY'VE GIVEN ME A LOT OF LEEWAY TO MAKE THE SIGNS THAT ARE THE MOST NECESSARY.
DON'T DRIVE IN A WAY THAT WILL MAKE ME WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE HEAD.
THAT SEEMS AGGRESSIVE.
IT'S THE MOST NECESSARY OF ALL.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
RAT GOT ME A C.D. OF AMBIENT SOUNDS TO LISTEN TO WHILE I MEDITATE, SO I THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT A TRY.
THIS BILL IS AN INSULT TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE!
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!
THE GENTLEMAN IS OUT OF ORDER!
THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE EMBARRASSMENT!
I WILL NOT YIELD MY TIME!
I'M NOT ENJOYING THE SOUNDS OF CONGRESS.

I WAS JUST IN PERU AND I SAW ALL THESE PARADES THEY HAD AS PART OF RELIGIOUS HOLIDAYS.
WHY HAVE A PARADE?
BECAUSE WHAT THEY'RE COMMEMORATING MEANS A LOT TO THEM. WOULDN'T YOU HAVE A PARADE FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS THAT SPECIAL TO YOU?
GOD BLESS BEER
I JUST THOUGHT OF A RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY.
I'M GUESSING YOU DIDN'T.

A PLEA FOR TOGETHERNESS
FOR THE GOOD OF MANKIND, WE ALL NEED TO COME TOGETHER AS ONE.
ALL RACES
ALL CREEDS
ALL SEXUAL ORIENTATIONS
ALL NATIONALITIES
ALL WELCOME TO JOIN TOGETHER IN COMMON CAUSE FOR PEACE AND GLOBAL HARMONY
EXCEPT FOR GUYS WITH MAN BUNS
SO MUCH FOR THE HARMONY
THERE ARE LIMITS
NECKBEARDS ARE NEXT!!

PIG IS SUCH A BIG FAN OF THE N.B.A. THAT HE GOT A JOB DOING COLOR COMMENTARY.
OH, HE'LL BE GREAT.
THE BALL IS BROWN. THE RIM IS ORANGE. THE SEATS ARE BLUE.
THIS COULD BE A LONG GAME.

HEY, STEPH. I HEARD A RUMOR THAT YOU'RE SORT OF AN EXPERT ON THE TAPIR AND THAT YOU DO A LOT OF RESEARCH ON THE ANIMAL IN SOUTH AMERICA.
WELL, I USED TO. BUT MY PASSION FOR THE ANIMAL ISN'T QUITE THE SAME THESE DAYS.
IT'S STARTED TO DECLINE?
TAPIR OFF.
I TAPERED HIM OFF.

“Let’s tear all our clothes off,” yelled Anna.
“Yes!” answered Bob...
“Because all of our clothing has been exposed to bubonic plague.”
THAT'S WHERE I THINK IT LOSES SOMETHING.

LOOK AT THAT CHARMING WOMAN OVER THERE. SHE HAS SUCH A WINSOME SMILE.
SORRY, PIG. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS?
YES.
YOU WIN SOME, YOU LOSE SOME.
NO.
TRUE. I NEVER WIN ANYTHING.

HELLO, SIR. I NOTICE YOU DON'T HAVE THE CROWN TODAY.
YOU SAID I'M NOT A KING, SO I DITCHED IT. BUT I STILL WANT A HAT THAT COMMANDS LOYALTY. RESPECT.
WELL, SIR HOW 'BOUT A NICE FEDORA OR MAYBE EVEN A MODEST TOP HAT OR--
BAD IDEA, SIR.
BLESS YOU. MY IDIOT STAFFER.

HELLO, SIR. YOU LOOK DIFFERENT TODAY.
YES. WELL, I FIGURED IF I'M GONNA BE KING OF THIS COUNTRY, I MIGHT AS WELL LOOK THE PART.
YOU'RE A PRESIDENT, NOT A KING.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN'T CHOP OFF HEADS.
THIS WILL BE A LONG FOUR YEARS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOAT?
MY NEPHEW HERE IS INTERESTED IN HOW TO IMPROVE HIS COMMUNITY THROUGH BETTER LAWS.
SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE WHITEBOARD?
DRAWING HIM A CHART OF ALL THE STEPPING STONES NECESSARY TO GET THE ATTENTION OF HIS CONGRESSMAN.
SEE, THIS IS JOHNNY CITIZEN, AND THESE ARE ALL THE STEPS HE NEEDS TO TAKE.
VERY INSPIRING. I WONDER IF I COULD ADD A LITTLE SOMETHING?
SURE... THE MORE I TEACH HIM, THE BETTER.
GIVE ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
OKAY, I GUESS THE LESSON IS OVER. THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY.
WHY'D YOU LEAVE? HE SHOWING UNCLE'S LAST-NAME OFF THE STEPPING STONES.

HI, GOAT. I'M PLAYING WITH MY PALS, THE LETTERS. LOOK. THEY'RE FORMING A WORD.
THAT'S CUTE.
HAHA. IT'S THE WORD, 'LISTEN.' TALK TO ONE OF THEM.
OKAY. UH... HELLO, 'I'... HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
THE 'I' IS SILENT.

HEY, LENNY THE WISP... WHY DO YOU LOOK SO SAD?
HAD TO BREAK UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE OF HER CAREER.
OH, NO... WHAT DOES YOUR GIRLFRIEND DO?
WRITE WRITE WRITE
She sells seashells by the seashore.
IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE.
OF ALL THE CAREERS!

SO I'M READING THIS GREAT PHYSICS BOOK ON DARK MATTER. IT COMPRISES 85% OF ALL THE MASS IN THE UNIVERSE, BUT WE CAN'T SEE IT.
I BELIEVE IT.
WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
BECAUSE WHEN I GET WATER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, I'M ALWAYS STUBBING MY TOE ON SOMETHING.
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T DISCUSS SCIENCE.
HAVE SCIENTISTS TRIED TURNING ON THE LIGHTS?

DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD LET PEOPLE RUN AROUND NAKED?
NO. IT'S NOT APPROPRIATE.
DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD GIVE DANGEROUS WEAPONS TO KIDS?
NO. OF COURSE NOT.
WHAT IF THEY JUST SHOOT AT US ONE DAY A YEAR?
ARE YOU NUTS?
NOBODY LIKES YOU.

MY FRIEND JUST DID ONE OF THOSE DNA TESTS AND FOUND OUT HE'S PART ITALIAN, PART GREEK, SO I TOOK ONE ALSO TO SEE WHAT I AM.
WHAT'S IT SAY?
Bacon.
THESE ARE A REAL RIP-OFF FOR PIGS.

GOODBYE, GOAT. PIG AND I ARE TAKING OFF IN OUR EMERGENCY ESCAPE BALLOON.
HOW COME?
THE WORLD IS JUST TOO NUTS RIGHT NOW. WE CAN'T TAKE THE ANXIETY.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GO?
DON'T KNOW YET. WE JUST KNOW WE WANT TO GET OUT WHILE WE STILL CAN.
WELL, WHY AREN'T YOU GOING ANYWHERE?
IT'S A LITTLE CROWDED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SHOPPING ONLINE. I'M LOOKING AT THIS SITE THAT HAS A GUY OUT DOING JUMPING JACKS. IT'S COOL.
YEAH. BUT I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SUPER RARE.
WHAT IS IT?
THERE WAS THIS BROADWAY PLAY ABOUT BRAHMINS. AND SOMEONE TOLD ALL THE ACTORS TO BREAK A LEG, AND GAVE THEM A CAST TO COMMEMORATE THAT. AND APPARENTLY IT'S FOR SALE.
WOW.
YEAH. AND I THINK I FOUND IT. COME LOOK.
WHO CARES? I THINK I FOUND THE FLASK. DON'T YOU WANT TO SEE ONE OF THESE INSTEAD?
JUMPING JACK FLASK? IT'S A CASTE CAST CAST.
WILD HORSES CAN DRAG HIM AWAY.