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Rat's Guide to People you can Do without
The guy whose every Facebook post is Sadder than the last.
The fat guy in the Aisle seat who unapologetically takes both arm rests.
The friend who peppers his language with Words he barely knows.
The aunt who forwards every health-related email on the internet.
The cartoonist who appears in more of his characters and his strip because he's too lazy to draw new ones.

NEIGHBOR BOB CAME BY AND GAVE US A GIFT.
I DON'T TRUST THAT GUY. ARE THERE ANY STRINGS ATTACHED?
NO.
ALRIGHT, THEN. WHAT IS IT?
A GUITAR.
IT'S HARD TO PLAY.

DID YOU EVER NOTICE THAT THE RETURN NETFLIX ENVELOPE IS ADDRESSED TO THE 'NEAREST NETFLIX SHIPPING FACILITY'?
YEAH. SO?
SO COULD I ADDRESS A LETTER TO THE 'NEAREST HOT WOMAN'?
NO.
'DEAR HOT WOMAN... YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING HOW I FOUND YOU...'

CHOMP
CHOMP CHOMP
CHOMP CHOMP
CHOMP
NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, SYNCHRONIZED EATING WILL NEVER BE AN OLYMPIC EVENT.
YOU NEVER KNOW.
I LOVE THE PRACTICE.

HEY, PIGITA. I WAS THINKING WE SHOULD HAVE ONE OF OUR ROMANTIC NIGHTS.
WELL, PIG, I HAVE SOME LINGERI --
LINGERIE?
LINGERING DOUBTS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP.
LANGUAGE IS CRUEL.

WHAT'S ON YOUR SWEATER,PIG?
A MEANDERING BODY OF WATER. IT GOES RIGHT OVER THE SEAMS.
WHO MADE IT?
A SEAMSTRESS I KNOW. SHE USED A STEAM-POWERED SEWING MACHINE. BUT WHEN I PICKED IT UP, SHE LOOKED WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THE STEAMED-SEAMED STREAM SEAMSTRESS SEEMED STRESSED.
HAVE YOU NOTHING BETTER TO DO?

HEY, PIG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I RECORDED ALL OF THE OLYMPICS AND I'M GONNA WATCH THIS ONE EVENT BECAUSE IT LOOKS THE MOST INTERESTING.
WHICH ONE IS IT
THIS ONE WHERE THEY GIVE MEDALS FOR SHOWERING A LOT AND BEING RUDE.
THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY MEAN BY "THE CLEAN AND JERK."
"THE BREAST STROKE"?? HAVE THEY LOST ALL SENSE OF DECENCY :)

TOOK PIG A TEST CALLED "HAY." HE NEEDS IT IN ORDER TO BECOME A TRAVEL ADVISER.
THOSE GUYS MAKE A LOT OF MONEY. WHEN DOES HE FIND OUT HOW HE DID?
ANY MINUTE. I'M WAITING FOR HIS CALL.
HERE HE IS NOW.
RINNNG
I DID IT! I PASSED!
PIG PASSED AWAY! HE PASSED AWAY!!
THIS IS A VERY SICK COMIC STRIP.

WHATCHA READING, GOAT?
THIS BOOK ABOUT STANLEY AND LIVINGSTONE. DO YOU KNOW MUCH ABOUT THEM?
STAN LEE CREATED SPIDER-MAN.
NO.
PLEASE. I KNOW MY SUPERHEROES.

HELLO. I'M RAT, AND I'M RUNNING FOR OFFICE.
I REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT POLITICS. THE WHOLE THING SEEMS RIGGED.
WAIT. DO YOU LIKE YOUR COUCH?
YEAH.
IS IT BOUGHT AND PAID FOR?
YEAH.
WELL, SO AM I.
I'M GOING BACK INSIDE.

THIS GUY IN DECATUR, GEORGIA, HAS BUILT A POTATO EMPIRE. AND WITH ALL HIS WEALTH, HE NOW HAS TOTAL POWER OVER THE TOWN.
OH, YEAH. THAT RICHARD GUY. THE ONE WHO NAMED THE POTATO COMPANY AFTER HIMSELF.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?
THE DICK'S TATOR DECATUR DICTATOR.
LET'S GO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE REPEATEDLY.

EVERY TIME I GET DEPRESSED ABOUT PEOPLE'S INTELLIGENCE,
I SEE A STORY THAT GIVES ME REAL HOPE.
LIKE WHAT?
LIKE THIS STORY.
IT SAYS BOOK SALES ARE UP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN NINE YEARS.
WHAT'S DRIVING THE SALES?
HISTORY BOOKS?
SCIENCE BOOKS?
ADULT COLORING BOOKS.
WE'RE DOOMED.
LOOK.
READING LEARNS ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HANG ON, DUDE. THERE'S A POKÉMON ON YOUR HEAD.
DIE, POKÉMON, DIE!!
I DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW POKÉMON WORKS.
OH. TELL ME THE RULES AGAIN.

HONEY... WHO THE HECK IS THAT?
NO IDEA.
SIR... WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR LIVING ROOM?
SORRY. THE MAP SHOWS THERE'S A POKEMON IN HERE.
THIS MIGHT BE THE WORST TREND EVER.
DON'T MOVE. HE'S ON YOUR WIFE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DAD?
Me reel estate guy. Sell homes. Okay, shut mouf now. Me work.
HI. MY PRIDE OF LIONS WANTS TO MOVE INTO THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
Me sorry. House no good for you.
HI. MY CHEETAH FAMILY-
Too bad. You no qualify for loan.
HI. WE BENGAL TIGERS-
Sorry. House no longer on market.
DAD, YOU'RE BLATANTLY DISCRIMINATING AGAINST OTHER SPECIES WHO WOULD COMPETE WITH YOU FOR PREY.
Whuh? Me no dis-criminate.
HI. MY FAT. MERRY FAMILY OF LIMPING IMPALAS ARE LOOKING FOR A HOME.
House free. Here keys.
I'M REPORTING YOU.
You want me coat you een butter for housewarming gift?

HEY, RAT, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND, ROBERT. HE'S A UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR WHO WRITES BOOKS.
MY CURRENT WORKS ON THE TREND TOWARD REDUCTION-ISM IN THE INSTITUTIONAL TRANSFORMATION OF THE EDUCATIONAL RESEARCH PARADIGM.

DO YOU KNOW YOU BORE OTHERS, OR IS YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR REAR THAT IT COMES AS A REVELATION?
LET'S MEET SOME DIFFERENT FRIENDS.
LOOK, THE SHEER WEIGHT OF YOUR BOREDOM HAS PINNED ME TO THE GROUND.

PIG AND I INSTALLED A PANIC ROOM IN OUR HOME.
ONE OF THOSE SAFE ROOMS YOU RETREAT TO IN CASE OF A HOME INVASION?
NO. JUST A PLACE TO PANIC.
OH MY GOD! MY LIFE IS FALLING APART!!
WE SHOULD SOUNDPROOF IT.

I'M STARTING A PAGEANT FOR WOMEN THIS YEAR. BUT IT'S NOT BASED ON THEIR LOOKS. IT'S BASED ON THEIR DEMEANOR.
GREAT, PIG.
WHAT'S IT CALLED?
MISS DEMEANOR 2016.
LET'S RE-THINK THIS.
DO FELONS QUALIFY?

Dear President Obama,
This country needs reform.
A whole lot of reform.
So I propose we start with the following new law:
The next hipster to make the peace sign in a photo gets both of those fingers fed to a wolverine.
IT'S NICE TO BE PART OF THE SOLUTION.

HEY
NEIGHBOR NANCY,
HOW GOES IT?
NOT WELL. MY UNCLE
JUST WROTE HIS LAST
WILL AND TESTAMENT
AND BEFORE I'M
ALLOWED TO INHERIT ANY
MONEY, I HAVE TO BE
WEIGHED TO MAKE SURE
I'M NOT FAT.
SOMEONE'S
GONNA
WEIGH
YOU?
YEP. JUST LIKE IN
HIS PRIOR WILL.
AND THE ONE
BEFORE THAT.
SO WHERE THERE'S A WILL,
THERE'S A WEIGH?
YOU'RE WEIGH OUT OF
CONTROL.

WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING, PIG?
SOME MOVIE ABOUT PEOPLE IN THE 1970s. BUT THEIR PLANE IS ON FIRE AND THEY'RE ALL GONNA DIE.
THEIR PLANES NOT ON FIRE, PIG. THEY'RE ALL JUST SMOKING CIGARETTES.
HAAHAA... YOU'RE DUMBER THAN ME !! PEOPLE WERE NEVER ALLOWED TO SMOKE ON PLANES!!
LET ME EXPLAIN THE 70s.
AND HOW COME PEOPLE HAVE LEGROOM?

YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB.
JUST BREATHE.
DEEP, SLOW BREATHS.
JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE.
VISUALIZE YOUR CERVIX OPENING.
DO YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN LABOR DAY TO HIM OR SHOULD I?
AND RUIN ALL THIS FUN? NO CHANCE.

YOU KNOW, RAT, YOU'RE A LITTLE OBNOXIOUS TO BE AROUND SOMETIMES.
IF YOU THINK IT'S HARD FOR YOU, IMAGINE HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME. I CAN'T GET AWAY FROM ME.
I'M NOT SURE WHETHER TO CONSOLE YOU OR FLEE.
FLEE. WITH MY KIND, ALWAYS FLEE.

HELLO, SIR... ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT MAKING A PURCHASE?
YEAH. BUT IT'S A BIG DECISION, SO I NEED SOME TIME TO SLEEP ON IT.
WE GET VERY TIRED OF THAT JOKE, SIR.
I WAS PRETTY PROUD OF IT.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE THERE, PIG?
MY 3D TRIBUTE SCULPTURE TO THE LATE ACTRESS ANNIE MEARA. ALL OF THESE OBJECTS EMANATING FROM HER GIFTS TO THE WORLD, LIKE HUMOR, LAUGHTER, JOY.
HERE, TRY ON THESE 3D GLASSES. IT’LL LOOK LIKE THE OBJECTS ARE FLYING RIGHT AT YOU.
OUCH
BE CAREFUL. OBJECTS IN MEARA ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.
THERE WILL BE NO TRIBUTE SCULPTURES TO YOU.