Pearls Before Swine | Search

WISE ASS
ON THE HILL
OH, GREAT WISE ASS,
IS IT NORMAL FOR LIFE
TO BE FILLED WITH
HIGHS AND LOWS?
OF
COURSE,
MY SON.
THEN WHY IS MINE ALL
LOWS AND LOWERS?
STUMPED HIM ON THAT
ONE.

LET US IN! LET US IN!
GO BACK TO YOUR OWN COUNTRY!
THERE'S TOO MUCH POLITICAL INSTABILITY!
DON'T CARE! YOU CRAZY AMERICANS!
THOSE CANADIANS SURE ARE MAKING OUR LIVES DIFFICULT..
POST-ELECTION BORDER SURGE.
AND CANADIANS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SO NICE.

WHICH OF THESE TWO CANDIDATES ARE YOU GONNA BE VOTING FOR?
THAT GUY ON THE RIGHT. HIS POLICIES BENEFIT ME MOST.
YES, BUT ISN'T THERE ANY PHILANTHROPY IN YOU? I MEAN, DON'T YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD?
YES.
WHAT'S GREATER FOR ME IS GOOD.
SUDDENLY I'M IN FAVOR OF VOTER SUPPRESSION.
SOUNDS LIKE I'VE BEEN A PHILANTHROPIST FOR YEARS.

A BOY AND HIS DAD ARE IN
A CAR ACCIDENT. THE DAD
DIES. THE BOY IS RUSHED
TO THE HOSPITAL..
THE SURGEON AT THE
HOSPITAL SAYS, "I CAN'T OPERATE
ON THIS BOY. HE'S
MY SON. HOW IS
THAT POSSIBLE?
DUH.
THE PERSON
OPERATING
IS HIS
MOTHER.
VERY GOOD. THAT'S
DESIGNED
TO SHOW
GENDER BIAS,
AND YOU--
AND SHE'S
OBVIOUSLY A
PATHOLOGICAL
LIAR BECAUSE
ONLY MEN CAN
BE SURGEONS.
SO CLOSE
TO GIVING ME
HOPE.
AND WHY HASN'T
SHE BEEN
ARRESTED FOR
IMPERSONATING
A MEDICAL
PROFESSIONAL?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
PUTTING TOGETHER A WOMEN'S CONFERENCE ALL ABOUT OBTAINING GOOD, RELIABLE INFORMATION IN THE AGE OF THE INTERNET.
AT THE END OF IT, WE'RE GONNA CROWN THE ONE WOMAN WHO HAS DONE THE MOST TO FURTHER OUR GOALS.
CROWN HER WHAT?
"MISS INFORMATION 2024."
MAYBE PICK A DIFFERENT TITLE.
IS "MISS INFORMED" BETTER?

HEY, DO YOU WANT TO GO TAILGATING WITH ME?
SURE. WHAT GAME ARE YOU GOING TO?
NO GAME. I JUST FOLLOW PEOPLE CLOSEY ON THE FREEWAY.
I NEED NEW FRIENDS.

DO YOU REMEMBER BEING SAD ON THE DAY KURT COBAIN DIED?
OH, YEAH. IT WAS SO TERRIBLE AND SHOCKING. WHY DO YOU ASK?
IT'S A TEST TO SEE IF YOU'RE OLD.
TURNS OUT YOU ARE.
I DON'T NEED THE REMINDER.
ARE HIS SONGS OLDIES BUT GOODIES?

BALLOON TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE
BALLOON TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE
SOME WEEKS ARE HARDER TO HANDLE THAN OTHERS.

YOU’RE OVERWEIGHT AND NOT THAT SMART.
I THOUGHT THIS AREA WAS JUDGMENT FREE.
IT IS. I DON’T CHARGE A NICKEL.
THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE COULD BE MUCH MORE PRECISE.

I'VE HAD IT WITH OTHER PEOPLE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. FROM NOW ON, I'M GONNA SEEK MY OWN HAPPINESS AND DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT, WHERE I WANT.
BUT THAT'S HOW YOU'VE LIVED YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.
WHAT DO I DO NOW?

LANDFILL
COMPOST
RECYCLABLES
LANDFILL
COMPOST
RECYCLABLES
I DON'T
KNOW WHAT
THE HECK
TO DO

PLAN FOR IF ELECTION DOESN'T GO THE WAY I HOPE.
THAT'S GREAT, PIG. IT'S IMPORTANT THAT PEOPLE NOT BE ALARMIST AND INSTEAD BE READY TO RE-ENGAGE WITH THE PROCESS. CAN I SEE WHAT YOU HAVE?
THAT'S NOT REALLY ENGAGING.
I PREFER ESCAPING.

HERE, RAT, TAKE ONE OF THESE.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A "SAVE THE DATE" FOR A GENDER REVEAL PARTY.
EVERYONE'S SPECIAL DIETARY NEEDS WILL BE ACCOMMODATED AND PEOPLE CAN BRING THEIR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMALS.
SOMETIMES I MISS JOHN WAYNE.

THANKS FOR GOING ON A DATE WITH ME. JUST SO YOU KNOW, MY OPERATIVE NUMBER IS THREE.
OPERATIVE NUMBER? I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
THE NUMBER OF DATES YOU HAVE TO GO ON WITH ME BEFORE REALIZING YOU’VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
I SHOULD STOP REVEALING MY OPERATIVE NUMBER.

ME TRYING
TO ORGANIZE
MY LIFE,
ACTIVITIES,
AND TRAVEL IN
THE DAYS BEFORE
SMARTPHONES.
ME TRYING
TO DEAL WITH
EVERYTHING
THAT COMES WITH
SMARTPHONES.
DOES EVERY
PLUS COME
WITH A
MINUS?
AND EVERY
MINUS WITH
A PLUS.

I CAN.
CAN YOU SMELL HER?
YES.
IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES, CAN YOU SEE HER?
OF COURSE.
AND IF YOU THINK REALLY HARD, ARE ALL THE THINGS YOU DID TOGETHER SOMEWHERE IN YOUR HEAD?
YES.
OKAY, AND HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART...IS SHE RIGHT THERE IN YOUR HEART?
ALWAYS.
SO SHE'S NOT GONE. SHE JUST MOVED.
THANK YOU, PIG.
OH, AND SHE LIVES IN EVERY HUG.

HAVE YOU SEEN PIG TODAY? WE'VE GOT A COMIC STRIP TO DO.
HE DROPPED HIS CAR KEYS BETWEEN THE PANELS AND GOT STUCK TRYING TO REACH FOR THEM.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
FOURTH PANEL.
THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN TO OTHER COMIC STRIPS.
JUST MOVE ON TO 'BABY BLUES.' PLEASE.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR THE SUN TO TRAVEL AROUND THE EARTH?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THE SUN DOESN'T TRAVEL AROUND THE EARTH. THE EARTH TRAVELS AROUND THE SUN.
DON'T TELL ME YOU FELL FOR THAT EARTH-ROUND-THE-SUN HOAX, YOU GULLIBLE GOVERNMENT STOOGE.
WHEN DID WE ALL LOSE OUR MINDS?
I MAY NEVER HAVE HAD ONE.

I HAVE A NEW TECHNIQUE FOR HANDLING MY TEMPER.
THAT'S GREAT. WHAT IS IT?
WELL, WHENEVER I GET ANGRY, INSTEAD OF HAULING OFF AND PUNCHING A GUY, I TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND COUNT TO THREE.
AND THEN I PUNCH THEM.
THEY NEVER SEE IT COMING.

MY FRIEND ERNEST AND I HAVE FORMED A THINK TANK WITH OTHER PEOPLE TO COME UP WITH REALLY BIG IDEAS.
HOW'S THAT WORK?
WELL, THE IDEAS GENERALLY START IN ERNEST'S BRAIN, AND THEN THE REST OF US FLUSH THEM OUT.
SO IT BEGINS IN ERNEST.
YOU SHOULD END IN EARNEST.

WELL, I'M FINALLY GONNA VISIT AUSTRALIA!
TERRIFIC!
HOW RELAXING IT'LL BE TO BE IN A COUNTRY WITH THE MOST POISONOUS SPIDERS, MOST VENOMOUS SNAKES, DEADLIEST JELLYFISH, BIGGEST SHARKS, AND SCARIEST MAN-EATING CROCODILES.
MAYBE I'LL JUST STAY IN THE HOTEL.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN DIE FOR FREE HERE.

I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT GEOGRAPHY. IT'S AMAZING HOW LITTLE MOST PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT IT.
DON'T LECTURE ME... I KNOW PLENTY.
OH, YEAH? SHOW ME WHAT YOU KNOW ON THIS MAP.
THE OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE NAMES.
I STICK TO THE IMPORTANT STUFF.

HEY, PIG. WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?
RICA. SHE'S A LAMB I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH.
BUT SHE'S ALWAYS LIVED ON HER OWN AND NOW SHE'S MOVING INTO A BARN WITH OTHER ANIMALS. SO I'M HELPING HER.
HELPING HER WITH WHAT?
BARN ETIQUETTE.
OKAY, RICA, A MARE NEXT TO YOU SNEEZES. WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?
A MARE? I DON'T KNOW.
'GOD BLESS' A MARE, RICA, LAMB THAT I LOVE.
UNCLE SAM WOULD LIKE TO DEPORT YOU NOW.

WHAT'S ALL THAT?
TEMPTATION MOUNTAIN. A GIANT MOUND OF CHOCOLATE-COVERED ICE CREAM DESIGNED TO TEST MY WILLPOWER.
SO FAR I'VE BEEN ABLE TO LIMIT MYSELF TO ONE SPOONFUL.
TEN MINUTES LATER...
NEVER MESS WITH TEMPTATION MOUNTAIN.

I'M REALLY STARTING TO THINK THAT THE EARTH MAY IN FACT BE FLAT.
IF THE EARTH IS FLAT, WHY DOESN'T AN AROUND-THE-WORLD CRUISE SHIP GO RIGHT OVER THE EDGE?
I THINK IT HITS THOSE LITTLE BUMPER THINGIES.
HELP ME, LORD.
SORTA LIKE WITH THOSE KIDDIE BOWLING LANES.