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SIR, YOUR RÉSUMÉ IS QUITE IMPRESSIVE. YOUR CREDENTIALS ARE AMAZING. THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT I'M NOT SURE IS RIGHT FOR THE JOB. PERHAPS IT'S YOUR NAME.
SLOTH MAN :)
I THINK THAT'S IT.
IT'S AN APPEARANCE THING, ISN'T IT?

WHERE WERE YOU?
PUTTING BIG ROCKS OVER ALL THE GOPHER HOLES IN OUR YARD. I FIGURE IF THOSE LITTLE IDIOTS CAN'T GET OUT, THEY'LL GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.
RRRRR RRRRRR
RESOURCEFUL LITTLE GUYS.

WHAT IS VICE?
IMMORALITY. WRONGDOING.
SO JOE BIDEN IS THE PRESIDENT OF IMMORALITY AND WRONGDOING?
LET'S START OVER.
THAT MAN SHOULD NOT GET NEAR THE WHITE HOUSE.

YO, FRED. I'M HERE FOR THE PARTY.
YOU DIDN'T R.S.V.P.
WHO CARES?
WELL, THAT'S HOW WE KNOW HOW MANY GUESTS TO EXPECT.
WHAT DOES THAT MATTER?
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW WE KNOW HOW MUCH FOOD TO PREPARE.
THERE'S FOOD BEHIND YOU. I'LL EAT THAT.
YEAH, BUT THAT MEANS THAT SOMEONE WHO COMES LATER WON'T GET ANY FOOD.
OH. BECAUSE YOU HAVE TOO MANY GUESTS?
EXACTLY.
HEY, FRED. I'M HERE FOR THE PARTY.
SHOVE
STUCK. QUICK, LOCK THE DOOR BEFORE HE GETS MY FRUIT SALAD.

HOW COME IF YOU LOOK AT PHOTOS OF PEOPLE FROM THE 1800S, ALMOST NOBODY IS EVER SMILING?
WELL, PIG, THAT'S A COMPLEX QUESTION, BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S BECAUSE--
THEY HAD NO SUPER BOWL, NETFLIX, OR CHEESE PUFFS.
OF COURSE.
NO. NOT "OF COURSE."
THERE WAS NO HAPPINESS BEFORE THAT.

WELL, RAT, MY GIRLFRIEND PIGITA AND I ARE OFF TO THE BIG SACK RACE AT THE PARK.
YOU GUYS ARE GOOD AT THAT?
OH, SHE'S GREAT IN THE SACK.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA SET HER OFF.

HEY, RAT, THIS IS MY FRIEND, BARNEY BARNACLE. I WAS TALKING TO HIM ABOUT POLITICS, BUT HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHO BARACK OBAMA IS.
WHAT - HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK?
THAT HURTS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I HAVE A LITTLE PAIN IN MY KNEE. I'M GONNA GO ON THE INTERNET AND LOOK UP WHAT IT MIGHT BE.
OH, GREAT. I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA DIE!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!
LIFE WAS MUCH LESS SCARY BEFORE THE INTERNET.

PARDON ME, RAT, BUT I'M PASTOR PORCUPINE, AND THE CHURCH HAS ASKED ME TO PUNISH YOU FOR TAKING CASH FROM THE CHURCH BASKET.
PUNISH ME? HOW?
WELL, I GUESS I'D CRASH INTO YOU A FEW TIMES AND STICK YOU WITH SOME OF THESE QUILLS. BUT I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THAT BECAUSE I THINK THE GUILT YOU FEEL IS PUNISHMENT ENOUGH.
DON'T FEEL GUILTY.
BUT YOU SHOULD.
I NEED A FILTER.

HELLO, RAT. SORRY TO BOTHER YOU AT HOME, BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN CHURCH IN QUITE A WHILE. IS THERE A REASON FOR THAT?
IT'S THE BASKET YOU PASS. IT MAKES ME FEEL GUILTY.
NOT PUTTING MONEY IN THE CHURCH BASKET IS NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY.
I TAKE CASH OUT OF IT.
PLEASE DON'T STEAL CHURCH MONEY.
I SAW IT AS A GIFT FROM GOD.

HEY, RAT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
DRINKING. IT'S A BAR.
BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD TO WATCH NEIGHBOR BOB'S KID.
I DO.
SO YOU JUST LEFT HIM AT HOME BY HIMSELF?
YOU CAN'T LEAVE A LITTLE KID AT HOME BY HIMSELF.
YOU CAN'T BRING HIM INSIDE A BAR.
I KNOW THAT.
HEY, SO...OH GOD.
THAT WAS ALL KINDS OF WRONG.
OH, GREAT. NOW HE'S GONNA WANT A BEER.

OKAY, LIBBY, I WANT TO DO A STRIP WHERE RAT AND PIG ARE AT A HUGE BATTLE AND THERE ARE PLANES AND FIREBOMBS AND TANKS AND MAYBE EVEN A DINOSAUR AND...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LEAVING. I'M BORED OF DRAWING. BESIDES, THERE'S A MAGICAL WORLD OUT THERE TO EXPLORE.
BUT IT'S NOT EVEN SNOWING.
DO I NEED TO HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH THE SYMBOLISM ?
HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD! HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD!! HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD!!

LISTEN, KID, I KNOW I WAS A LITTLE HARD ON YOUR ART SKILLS, BUT DO YOU THINK THERE'S ANY WAY YOU COULD--
DRAW YOU AS A SQUARE-JAWED CARTOONING GOD SURROUNDED BY SCANTILY CLAD WOMEN?
OOH, STEPHAN!
WHAT A MAN!
I'LL BET STACI'S SORRY SHE LEFT ME NOW!
PLEASE DRAW MY COMIC FOREVER.
NAH. THE ART FORM'S DYING.

PEARLS IS NOW DRAWN BY A SECOND-GRADER
SO DO YOU THINK THE KIND OF STUFF HE TALK ABOUT WILL CHANGE NOW THAT WE HAVE A REAL ARTIST?
NO. HE'LL ALWAYS BE A TALKING HEAD STRIP.
THAT SOMETIMES HAS MARTIAN ROBOT ATTACKS?
STOP SHOWING OFF.
I COULD DO BETTER IF I HAD MORE SPACE.

HI, MR. PASTIS. YOU DRAWING A CROC SCENE?
YES, LIBBY, I AM... AND LET ME GUESS... YOU CAN DRAW IT BETTER. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? HERE'S MY PEN, LIB. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
Ugh, Stephan taste like @&*# !
GOOD RIDDANCE!
Now we drawn gud, dis strip funnier already!
I DON'T APPROVE.
FIRST TRY.

STEPHAN GETS OWNED BY THE SECOND-GRADER ACROSS THE STREET
LISTEN, LIBBY, I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE RANDOMLY RIPPING MY DRAWING. NOW IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE TO SAY, SAY IT.
IT'S OKAY, MR. PASTIS! CALM DOWN. LET ME THINK OF A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY TO SAY THIS.
YOU DRAW LIKE G#%$.
OH, SO TRUE.
GO AWAY NOW, LIBBY.
OH, AND YOU WRITE LIKE G#%$, TOO.

EXCUSE ME, MR. PASTIS. MY NAME'S LIBBY. I LIVE ACROSS THE STREET. FOR MY SECOND GRADE CLASS PROJECT, I HAVE TO INTERVIEW A CARTOONIST.
SURE, LIBBY. HAPPY TO HELP.
GREAT. DO YOU KNOW A CARTOONIST?
I LIKE YOUR STYLE, LIBBY.
YOU POOR LITTLE STICK FIGURE.
GET OFF MY LAWN NOW, LIBBY.

HEY, LABRADOR LENNY. HOW GOES IT?
NOT GOOD. I'M LONELY AS HECK.
THERE'S A CUTE POODLE OVER THERE. WHY DON'T YOU GO TALK TO HER?
NO WAY. I'D BLOW IT.
MAYBE YOU'RE TOO EAGER. GIRLS HATE GUYS WHO APPEAR TOO EAGER.
I'M ALWAYS EAGER. I GET EXCITED.
THAT'S STUPID. YOU HAVE TO LOOK INDIFFERENT. UNIMPRESSED. BUSY. IF ANYONE KNOWS YOU'RE EXCITED, YOU'RE DEAD.
WHOA. I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THAT. I'LL GO TRY IT RIGHT NOW.
HEY.
HEY.
I'LL BE LONELY FOREVER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
BEING MY FAVORITE PIXAR CHARACTER, BUZZ LIGHTYEAR.
TO INFINITY AND BED, BATH AND BEYOND!
YOU MAY HAVE THAT WRONG.
YEAH...WHY DO I NEED BEDDING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, NEIGHBOR BOB?
PUTTING MONEY IN THE SWEAR JAR. IT'S SOMETHING MY KIDS MAKE ME DO EVERY TIME I SWEAR.
I CAN'T IMAGINE DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT, EVEN IF I DID HAVE KIDS.
WHY NOT?
COLLEGE IS PAID FOR, DAD.
@#*&! THAT WAS FAST.

DO YOU THINK THERE WILL EVER BE PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST?
NO WAY. NOT WITH THE WAY THEY CREATED THOSE COUNTRIES.
YOU MEAN WITH HOW THEY CREATED ISRAEL AND PALESTINE?
WITH HOW THEY NAMED A COUNTRY FOR MICHAEL JORDAN.
I THINK YOU'RE CONFUSED.
SURE, HE WAS GREAT, BUT STILL.

DO YOU KNOW ANY OF THE SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD?
ONLY ONE.
THAT A COUPLE CAN STAY TOGETHER FOR FIFTY YEARS WITHOUT KILLING EACH OTHER.
THAT IS WONDROUS.
I'D KILL HIM, BUT THEN I'D MISS HIM.

DID YOU HEAR THERE'S A BREWERY IN MINNESOTA THAT STARTED SHIPPING BEER VIA DRONE? IT'S THE GREATEST ADVANCEMENT IN CIVILIZATION SINCE THE POLIO VACCINE.
THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT STOPPED THEM. THEY SAID IT'S ILLEGAL TO FLY DRONES COMMERCIALLY.
OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT!!
I'M NOT WITH HIM.

DID YOU HEAR THIS STORY ABOUT A LOCAL BREWERY IN MINNESOTA THAT DEVELOPED A DRONE DELIVERY SYSTEM? THEY USE IT TO FLY BEER TO REMOTE ICE FISHERMEN.
MY GOD. THEY’LL WIN A NOBEL PRIZE.
THEY DON’T AWARD A NOBEL PRIZE IN BEER.
WOW. THAT AWARD JUST LOST ALL CREDIBILITY.

WANT TO BUY A "RAH RAH CORPORATIONS" BUMPER STICKER?
CORPORATIONS! WHY ARE YOU HYPNING CORPORATIONS??
BECAUSE WHEN ANYTHING GOES WRONG, AN EMPLOYEE CAN BLAME A MANAGER.
AND A MANAGER CAN BLAME A VICE PRESIDENT.
AND A VICE PRESIDENT CAN BLAME A PRESIDENT.
AND A PRESIDENT CAN BLAME A C.E.O.
AND A C.E.O. CAN BLAME A BOARD OF DIRECTORS.
AND A BOARD OF DIRECTORS CAN JUST SAY THEY WERE LOOKING OUT FOR THE SHAREHOLDERS.
WHICH SOMEHOW, BURIED SOMEWHERE IN THE MUTUAL FUNDS IN MY 401K ACCOUNT...
... IS ME.
AND I HAVE NO MORALS!
PLEASE STOP CELEBRATING.
ALL BLAME DISAPPEARS IF YOU DISPERSE IT ENOUGH.