Pearls Before Swine | Search

HONEY, THIS IS MY FRIEND, JUANITA. WE SPEND TIME TOGETHER.
ALSO, I MAY HAVE PICKED UP A DISEASE.
NOT THE RIGHT TONE?
NOT REALLY.

Larry, I asked you to empty the garbage three hours ago.
Me no wanna go outside right now.
DON’T WANT TO GO OUTSIDE? WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU? Of all the stupid excuses.
SMART MOVE, LARRY.
Peese fly away now, uneecon.

I'VE HEARD ZEBRA IS STILL GOING AROUND DRESSED AS A UNICORN.
WHAT FOR?
I GUESS SOME PEOPLE FIND IT INTIMIDATING.
WHO THE @#$% IS INTIMIDATED BY A UNICORN?
NOW DON'T MAKE ME CRUSH YOU WITH MY MAGICAL RAINBOW.
PEESE NO, UNEECORN.

HEY, GOAT. WHATCHA DOING?
PRACTICING MY SINGING. I’VE BEEN TAKING VOICE LESSONS.
GOOD. HOW’S IT GOING?
OKAY. EXCEPT FOR THE HIGH NOTES. I DON’T KNOW WHY, BUT THE TREBLE RANGE IS HARD FOR ME.
YOU REALLY STRUGGLE WITH IT?
YEAH. SO MUCH SO THAT WHEN I SING IT, I SCRUNCH UP MY FACE, WRINKLE MY BROW AND SING THIS DEEP, FURROW-Y LOOK....OR AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT MY VOICE TEACHER TOLD ME YESTERDAY.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?
YESTERDAY, ALL MY TREBLES SEEMED SO FURROW-Y.
GOD. I HATE THIS COMIC STRIP.
LET IT BE.

CAN I HELP YOU?
YEAH. JUST WANTED TO INTRODUCE MYSELF... I'M BILL, YOUR NEW NEIGHBOR.
WHY ARE YOU FACING THE OTHER WAY?
I'M A HISTORIAN. WE LOOK BACKWARDS.
CAREFUL CROSSING THE STREET.
THANKS. I'LL PROCESS THAT COMMENT IN TEN YEARS.

DO YOU THINK ADDING A SMILEY-FACE EMOTICON TO AN OTHERWISE NEGATIVE EMAIL MAKES THE WHOLE COMMUNICATION OKAY?
HOW DO YOU MEAN?
Dear my boyfriend Pig,
You are fat.
You are dumb.
You are boring.
I want to break up.
I'D SAY NO.
HAHA. BUT THAT SMILEY GUY SURE IS CUTE.

WHAT ARE YOU READING, GOAT?
THIS BOOK ON ATTAINING HAPPINESS. IT SAYS THE KEY IS EXPRESSING GRATITUDE FOR ALL THE LITTLE THINGS IN YOUR LIFE- THE SUNSHINE, A CUP OF COFFEE, A PRETTY ROSE.
I'M GRATEFUL I'M SMARTER THAN HIPPIE YAHOOS LIKE YOU.
NOT SURE THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT.
I'M GRATEFUL TECHNOLOGY LETS ME TUNE YOU OUT.

I'M AFRAID I OFFENDED THE WHOLE L.G.B.T. COMMUNITY.
YOU? WHAT DID YOU DO?
I DIDN'T USE GREASY ENOUGH BACON ON MY BACON, LETTUCE AND TOMATO SANDWICH.
WHY WOULD THEY CARE ABOUT THAT?
WHAT ELSE WOULD THE LETTUCE GREASY BACON TOMATO COMMUNITY CARE ABOUT?
PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.

HEY THERE, GOAT... I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND, WALLY THE WALRUS. HE JUST GOT A TEACHING JOB.
OH, YEAH? TEACHING WHAT?
AEROBICS CLASSES.
THEY'RE SHORT CLASSES.

HEY, RAT... DO YOU HAVE TO OPEN A NEW BAG OF CHIPS? THERE ARE THREE OPEN ONES IN THE CUPBOARD.
YEAH, BUT THERE'S BARELY ANYTHING IN THEM.
THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST THROW THEM OUT?
BECAUSE AS A GENIUS, I MUST GUARD MY TIME ZEALOUSLY.
THAT GETS HIM OUT OF A LOT OF THINGS.

STUPID @#%&$#% DRIPPING CONE.
WHAT ARE YOU WHINING ABOUT?
WHINING??? MY ICE CREAM CONE IS DRIP -- ZEBRA?
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
BLEACH ACCIDENT. SPILLED IT EVERYWHERE. SORT OF MAKES YOUR LITTLE PROBLEM SEEM TRIVIAL, HUH?
TRIVIAL? STICKY ICE CREAM IS TRIVIAL?! THEN HERE, HAVE SOMETHING TRIVIAL.
UNICORN! UNICORN!
WHAT HAPPENS IN NORMAL COMIC STRIPS?
FLY ME TO CANDYLAND! FLY ME TO CANDYLAND!

HEY, GOAT,
WANT SOME OF MY
CHILI
CHEESE
FRIES?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ON SOME NEW DIET WHERE YOU BURN OFF MORE CALORIES THAN YOU TAKE IN.
I WALKED TO THE KITCHEN TO GET THEM.
I'D GO BACK FOR A MILKSHAKE, BUT I'M TOO WINDED.

RAT PITCHES NEW CHARACTERS TO McDONALD'S
SIR, I KNOW YOU'VE REJECTED ALL MY CHARACTERS, BUT HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? I CALL HIM "SATCH."
SATCH, HUH? KINDA CUTE. IS IT SHORT FOR SOMETHING?
SATURATED FAT MOLECULE.
SECURITY, PLEASE.
LOOK, KIDS! I CLOG YOUR VEINS.

RAT PITCHES NEW CHARACTERS TO MCDONALD'S
SIR, WE APPRECIATE YOUR PITCHING NEW CHARACTERS TO US, BUT WE'RE HAPPY WITH THE ONES WE'VE GOT.
BUT YOU NEED AN ANTAGONIST.
YES, WELL, WE AT MCDONALD'S HAVE THE HAMBURGLAR FOR THAT, SO I THINK WE'LL PASS ON...ON...WHAT'S HIS NAME AGAIN?
MR. MC-PUNCH-YOU-IN-THE-FACE.
RIGHT.

RAT WENT TO MCDONALD'S CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS.
WHAT FOR?
HE'S TIRED OF ALL THEIR OLD CHARACTERS, LIKE RONALD McDONALD AND GRIMACE AND MAYOR McCHEESE, SO HE WANTS TO PITCH A NEW ONE TO THEM.
NEW, THAT'S NICE. WHO'S THE CHARACTER?
I THINK WE'LL PASS ON 'MR. McWHISKEY BARREL.'

HEY CHIEF… WE ALWAYS SWIM
IN SHOOLS, HOPING THAT THE
OTHER GUY GETS EATEN, BUT
HOW 'BOUT SOMETHING MORE
ORGANIZED. LIKE DYING
ALPHABETICALLY? :)
MAKES
SENSE
TO ME.
ANYONE
OPPOSED?
WHAT NOW, AARON AARONFSKY? :)

I'LL SEE YOU LATER, RAT. I HAVE TO FLY WITH THESE MINERS TO THEIR MINING CONVENTION.
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?
AIRLINE RULES.
WHAT AIRLINE RULES?
NO UNACCOMPANIED MINERS.
DO YOU REALLY MAKE A LIVING FROM THIS?

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO THE U.S. SUPREME COURT
SPENDING LARGE SUMS IN CONNECTION WITH ELECTIONS DOES NOT GIVE RISE TO CORRUPTION.
- MCCUTCHEON V. F.E.C.
HELLO, I AM CONGRESSMAN RAT.
THERE IS A LARGE SUM OF MONEY FOR WHICH I EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN.
I COULD NOT GIVE YOU ANYTHING BECAUSE IT WOULD BE QUO QUID PRO QUO CORRUPTION.
OF COURSE. AS A SIDE NOTE, IF I CAN EVER HELP YOU AGAIN, YOU CAN BET THAT I WILL BE VERY MUCH AGAINST YOU.
I SEE, I WILL CONSIDER YOUR POSITION WITH THE LAW AND THIS SUM THAT I LOST.
NEXT!
SEE, I WILL GIVE YOU POSITION TO THE EXACT SUM THAT YOU WILL GET WHILE THE MAN WHO JUST SINGLEHANDEDLY FUNDED MY ENTIRE CAMPAIGN.
THANK YOU, HONEST CONGRESSMAN.
THANK YOU, VALUED CONSTITUENT.
I'M JOE NOBODY. I HAVE NO MONEY TO GIVE BUT I WOULD REALLY LIKE YOU TO VOTE FOR THE BILL THAT RESTORES MY TAXPAYER RIGHTS.
SORRY.
THAT SETTLED, THEY ALL RODE AWAY ON UNICORNS TO CANDYLAND.
SO MONEY DOESN'T INFLUENCE ANYONE!
NOPE, NOW HAVE A GUMDROP FROM THE GUMDROP TREE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
STUDYING FOR MY UPCOMING OPEN BOOK TEST.
WHAT'S THE TEST ABOUT?
WHETHER YOU CAN OPEN A BOOK.
WHY DO I GET INTO THESE DISCUSSIONS?
IT'S MUCH TRICKIER THAN IT LOOKS.

HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB. HOW GOES IT?
CONGRATULATE ME, PIG! MY WIFE AND I HAVE A KID IN THE OVEN!
YOU SHOULDN'T PUT KIDS IN THE OVEN, BOB.
THE WORLD HAS LOST ITS MORAL COMPASS.

I'M SORRY, DOC. BUT I'M JUST NOT COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR PHARMACEUTICAL REP. HE SEEMS LIKE TOO MUCH OF A SLICK MARKETER.
I DISAGREE. TRY A VIAL OF HIS CHOLESTEROL PILLS.
BUT WHY SHOULD I
BECAUSE HIDDEN INSIDE FIVE BOTTLES ARE GOLDEN TICKETS TO PHILLY WONKA'S PHARMACEUTICAL FACTORY.
I'M GOING HOME NOW.
BUT WE ARE THE DREAMERS OF DREAMS!
I WANT TO GO! I WANT TO GO!

RAT, THE MEDICAL DOCTOR
WELL, FRED, LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE HIGH CHOLESTEROL. FORTUNATELY, MY PHARMACEUTICAL REP JUST STOPPED BY WITH SOME GREAT NEW DRUGS.
I'M A LITTLE LEERY OF THAT, DOC. I HEAR THOSE GUYS CAN SOMETIMES PUSH THEIR PRODUCT A LITTLE HARD.
OH, NOT MY GUY. HE'S VERY PROFESSIONAL.
PILLS! PILLS! PILLS!
SOMETIMES HE GETS EXCITED.

TABLE FOR ONE, PLEASE.
SURE. ONE MOMENT.
CLEAR ALL THE EXTRA PLACE SETTINGS OFF TABLE FOUR, 'CAUSE THE GUY IS EATING ALL BY HIMSELF AS IN HE HAS NO FRIENDS AND NOBODY WILL DATE HIM!...
I SHOULD DINE OUT LESS OFTEN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, STEPH?
WRITING DOWN THE TITLE OF THIS BOOK I JUST FINISHED. I KEEP METICULOUS TRACK OF ALL THE BOOKS I'VE READ. BEEN DOING IT MY WHOLE LIFE.
JUST SO YOU KNOW... WHEN YOU DIE, YOU DON'T GET A PRIZE.
PLEASE DON'T DENY ME THE TRICKS I USE TO GIVE THIS LIFE MEANING.
OH, AND NO ONE WANTS THE STUFF YOU SAVE IN THE ATTIC.

LEFT!
HALT!
GO AWAY, BOB. THE SCHOOL PROVIDES ME WITH PROTECTION.
SWIMMING IN A BIG SCHOOL AGAIN, TIMMY?
IT DOES, HUH. WHAT IS IT, TIMMY - THE SIZE? THE SHAPE?
I DON'T KNOW, BOB. YOU HAVE TO ASK MY BUDDIES.
E
A
T
T
I
N
Y
THAT IS A CRUEL JOKE.
THAT HAS A BRIEF CHARACTER.
CARTOONING IS A CRUEL BUSINESS.
WE'LL MISS YOU LITTLE TIMMY!