Pearls Before Swine | Search

I DON'T GET IT. I KEEP BUYING THINGS TO TRY AND MAKE MYSELF HAPPY, BUT NONE OF IT MAKES ME HAPPY.
WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?
I'M BUYING THE WRONG THINGS.
NO.
I NEED BETTER, MORE EXPENSIVE THINGS!!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOAT?
PROTESTING THE CIRCUS THAT'S COMING TO TOWN. I DON'T LIKE THEIR TREATMENT OF ANIMALS.
OH, THAT'S A GREAT CAUSE. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN OUT HERE?
ALL DAY. NOW I'M HUNGRY. WHAT ARE YOU EATING?
NEVER EAT CIRCUS ANIMAL COOKIES AT A CIRCUS ANIMAL PROTEST.

THE CIRCUS IS COMING TO TOWN
I KNOW. AND THEY STILL USE TRAINED ELEPHANTS. HOW MUCH LONGER ARE WE GONNA DEBASE THESE GREAT ANIMALS BY FORCING THEM TO DO HUMAN TRICKS FOR US?
IS IT THAT BAD?
YEAH. SOMEONE MIGHT AS WELL CAPTURE HUMANS AND FORCE THEM TO DO ELEPHANT TRICKS. WHO WOULD THINK SOMETHING LIKE THAT IS OKAY?
NOW BLOW THE WATER OUT YOUR NOSE, FRED.

WHY ARE YOU SO LATE?
I TOOK A WRONG TURN.
BUT YOU'VE COME HERE A MILLION TIMES.
I KNOW, BUT THE G.P.S. TOLD ME TO GO A DIFFERENT WAY, SO I OVERRODE MY OWN INSTINCT AND CHOSE INSTEAD TO LET THIS LITTLE COMPUTER THING RUN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
BOOM
THAT WAS CATHARTIC.

HEY, GOMER GOLDFISH, HOW'S IT GOING?
BEEN A BIT WORRIED ABOUT MY OWN MORTALITY THESE DAYS, BUT I'LL BE OKAY. WHATCHA EATING?
NEVER EAT GOLDFISH CRACKERS IN FRONT OF YOUR GOLDFISH.

The Moneysaurus wanted money.
But everyone knew it. So they hid their money.
Money here. Money there. Money everywhere.
So the Moneysaurus got a job.
MONEY... First of all, I don't have any, Moneysaurus...
Moneysaurus boss did not want to do any work.
So Moneysaurus boss pulled him aside.
You're fired, Moneysaurus. You don't do any work. All you say is, "Money."
That made Moneysaurus sad.
Why do you need money so bad anyway, Moneysaurus?
But Moneysaurus was not moved.
Well, if you needed money for food, maybe you should have thought of that sooner and been a harder-working dinosaur.
Moneysaurus was not moved.
MONEY...
So Moneysaurus decided to bypass capitalist system.
CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP
We should all just eat our bosses!
Most do have a lot of meat on them.
Mmm... tastes like chicken.

HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB. HOW GOES IT?

GOOD. THOUGHT I'D COME DRINK WITH YOU. FIRST BEER CAN BE ON ME.
SLOOSH
CAN I DRINK THE NEXT ONE?

HOW'S YOUR DAY GOING, PIG?
BIG PROBLEMS, GOAT. MY BOX OF 100 COMIC BOOKS GOT RUINED BY A LEAK IN OUR BASEMENT.
OH, NO, EVEN YOUR FAVORITE RICHIE RICH ONE?
NO. THAT WAS THE ONLY ONE I WAS READING AT THE TIME.
SO THAT ONE'S NOT RUINED?
I GOT 99 PROBLEMS, BUT RICHIE RICH AIN'T ONE.
NOT ONE PERSON OVER 50 IS GOING TO GET THAT.
AND WILL ANYONE UNDER 50 KNOW WHO RICHIE RICH IS?
OH, GREAT. A STRIP THAT APPEALS TO NO ONE.

MY FRIEND'S HAVING TROUBLE GETTING A JOB. HE CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT. NO ONE WILL HIRE HIM.
WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?
SLOTH MAN.
I THINK I SEE THE PROBLEM.
ALL HE NEEDS IS A BRANCH.

SIR, YOUR RÉSUMÉ IS QUITE IMPRESSIVE. YOUR CREDENTIALS ARE AMAZING. THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT I'M NOT SURE IS RIGHT FOR THE JOB. PERHAPS IT'S YOUR NAME.
SLOTH MAN :)
I THINK THAT'S IT.
IT'S AN APPEARANCE THING, ISN'T IT?

WHERE WERE YOU?
PUTTING BIG ROCKS OVER ALL THE GOPHER HOLES IN OUR YARD. I FIGURE IF THOSE LITTLE IDIOTS CAN'T GET OUT, THEY'LL GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.
RRRRR RRRRRR
RESOURCEFUL LITTLE GUYS.

WHAT IS VICE?
IMMORALITY. WRONGDOING.
SO JOE BIDEN IS THE PRESIDENT OF IMMORALITY AND WRONGDOING?
LET'S START OVER.
THAT MAN SHOULD NOT GET NEAR THE WHITE HOUSE.

YO, FRED. I'M HERE FOR THE PARTY.
YOU DIDN'T R.S.V.P.
WHO CARES?
WELL, THAT'S HOW WE KNOW HOW MANY GUESTS TO EXPECT.
WHAT DOES THAT MATTER?
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW WE KNOW HOW MUCH FOOD TO PREPARE.
THERE'S FOOD BEHIND YOU. I'LL EAT THAT.
YEAH, BUT THAT MEANS THAT SOMEONE WHO COMES LATER WON'T GET ANY FOOD.
OH. BECAUSE YOU HAVE TOO MANY GUESTS?
EXACTLY.
HEY, FRED. I'M HERE FOR THE PARTY.
SHOVE
STUCK. QUICK, LOCK THE DOOR BEFORE HE GETS MY FRUIT SALAD.

HOW COME IF YOU LOOK AT PHOTOS OF PEOPLE FROM THE 1800S, ALMOST NOBODY IS EVER SMILING?
WELL, PIG, THAT'S A COMPLEX QUESTION, BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S BECAUSE--
THEY HAD NO SUPER BOWL, NETFLIX, OR CHEESE PUFFS.
OF COURSE.
NO. NOT "OF COURSE."
THERE WAS NO HAPPINESS BEFORE THAT.

WELL, RAT, MY GIRLFRIEND PIGITA AND I ARE OFF TO THE BIG SACK RACE AT THE PARK.
YOU GUYS ARE GOOD AT THAT?
OH, SHE'S GREAT IN THE SACK.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA SET HER OFF.

HEY, RAT, THIS IS MY FRIEND, BARNEY BARNACLE. I WAS TALKING TO HIM ABOUT POLITICS, BUT HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHO BARACK OBAMA IS.
WHAT - HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK?
THAT HURTS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I HAVE A LITTLE PAIN IN MY KNEE. I'M GONNA GO ON THE INTERNET AND LOOK UP WHAT IT MIGHT BE.
OH, GREAT. I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA DIE!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!
LIFE WAS MUCH LESS SCARY BEFORE THE INTERNET.

PARDON ME, RAT, BUT I'M PASTOR PORCUPINE, AND THE CHURCH HAS ASKED ME TO PUNISH YOU FOR TAKING CASH FROM THE CHURCH BASKET.
PUNISH ME? HOW?
WELL, I GUESS I'D CRASH INTO YOU A FEW TIMES AND STICK YOU WITH SOME OF THESE QUILLS. BUT I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THAT BECAUSE I THINK THE GUILT YOU FEEL IS PUNISHMENT ENOUGH.
DON'T FEEL GUILTY.
BUT YOU SHOULD.
I NEED A FILTER.

HELLO, RAT. SORRY TO BOTHER YOU AT HOME, BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN CHURCH IN QUITE A WHILE. IS THERE A REASON FOR THAT?
IT'S THE BASKET YOU PASS. IT MAKES ME FEEL GUILTY.
NOT PUTTING MONEY IN THE CHURCH BASKET IS NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY.
I TAKE CASH OUT OF IT.
PLEASE DON'T STEAL CHURCH MONEY.
I SAW IT AS A GIFT FROM GOD.

HEY, RAT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
DRINKING. IT'S A BAR.
BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD TO WATCH NEIGHBOR BOB'S KID.
I DO.
SO YOU JUST LEFT HIM AT HOME BY HIMSELF?
YOU CAN'T LEAVE A LITTLE KID AT HOME BY HIMSELF.
YOU CAN'T BRING HIM INSIDE A BAR.
I KNOW THAT.
HEY, SO...OH GOD.
THAT WAS ALL KINDS OF WRONG.
OH, GREAT. NOW HE'S GONNA WANT A BEER.

OKAY, LIBBY, I WANT TO DO A STRIP WHERE RAT AND PIG ARE AT A HUGE BATTLE AND THERE ARE PLANES AND FIREBOMBS AND TANKS AND MAYBE EVEN A DINOSAUR AND...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LEAVING. I'M BORED OF DRAWING. BESIDES, THERE'S A MAGICAL WORLD OUT THERE TO EXPLORE.
BUT IT'S NOT EVEN SNOWING.
DO I NEED TO HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH THE SYMBOLISM ?
HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD! HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD!! HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD!!

LISTEN, KID, I KNOW I WAS A LITTLE HARD ON YOUR ART SKILLS, BUT DO YOU THINK THERE'S ANY WAY YOU COULD--
DRAW YOU AS A SQUARE-JAWED CARTOONING GOD SURROUNDED BY SCANTILY CLAD WOMEN?
OOH, STEPHAN!
WHAT A MAN!
I'LL BET STACI'S SORRY SHE LEFT ME NOW!
PLEASE DRAW MY COMIC FOREVER.
NAH. THE ART FORM'S DYING.

PEARLS IS NOW DRAWN BY A SECOND-GRADER
SO DO YOU THINK THE KIND OF STUFF HE TALK ABOUT WILL CHANGE NOW THAT WE HAVE A REAL ARTIST?
NO. HE'LL ALWAYS BE A TALKING HEAD STRIP.
THAT SOMETIMES HAS MARTIAN ROBOT ATTACKS?
STOP SHOWING OFF.
I COULD DO BETTER IF I HAD MORE SPACE.

HI, MR. PASTIS. YOU DRAWING A CROC SCENE?
YES, LIBBY, I AM... AND LET ME GUESS... YOU CAN DRAW IT BETTER. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? HERE'S MY PEN, LIB. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
Ugh, Stephan taste like @&*# !
GOOD RIDDANCE!
Now we drawn gud, dis strip funnier already!
I DON'T APPROVE.
FIRST TRY.

STEPHAN GETS OWNED BY THE SECOND-GRADER ACROSS THE STREET
LISTEN, LIBBY, I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE RANDOMLY RIPPING MY DRAWING. NOW IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE TO SAY, SAY IT.
IT'S OKAY, MR. PASTIS! CALM DOWN. LET ME THINK OF A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY TO SAY THIS.
YOU DRAW LIKE G#%$.
OH, SO TRUE.
GO AWAY NOW, LIBBY.
OH, AND YOU WRITE LIKE G#%$, TOO.