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LEFT!
HALT!
GO AWAY, BOB. THE SCHOOL PROVIDES ME WITH PROTECTION.
SWIMMING IN A BIG SCHOOL AGAIN, TIMMY?
IT DOES, HUH. WHAT IS IT, TIMMY - THE SIZE? THE SHAPE?
I DON'T KNOW, BOB. YOU HAVE TO ASK MY BUDDIES.
E
A
T
T
I
N
Y
THAT IS A CRUEL JOKE.
THAT HAS A BRIEF CHARACTER.
CARTOONING IS A CRUEL BUSINESS.
WE'LL MISS YOU LITTLE TIMMY!

THE JOKES YOU WROTE ON YOUR BLOG YESTERDAY HAD ME ROLLING ON THE FLOOR.
REALLY?
YEAH, THE LACK OF HUMOR SO DEPRESSED ME THAT I SET MYSELF ON FIRE AND HAD TO ROLL AROUND ON THE FLOOR TO PUT MYSELF OUT.
WHY ELSE WOULD I BE ROLLING ON THE FLOOR?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOAT?
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THIS ALGORITHM.
CAN AL GORE EVEN DANCE?
PERHAPS I SHOULD START OVER.
PERHAPS HE SHOULD STOP DANCING.

CAN I HELP YOU?
HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB. JUST WANTED TO SHOW YOU MY NEW DOOFUS-OMETER. IT BEEPS TO WARN ME OF APPROACHING DOOFI.
IT'S YOUR PHONE. AND YOU'VE SET THE ALARM TO GO OFF ANY SECOND BECAUSE IT GIVES YOU A JUVENILE THRILL TO CALL ME A 'DOOFUS'.
I'VE LOST THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
LOOKING AT THIS LITTLE CARD IN THE FRONT OF MY LIBRARY BOOK. IT'S GOT A BUNCH OF NAMES ON IT.
YEAH, THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD THE BOOK BEFORE YOU.
YOU LITTLE TRAMP.

OKAY, GUYS, THIS IS IT, THE DRAMATIC END TO OUR SAD, LITTLE LEMMING LIVES... ALRIGHT, BOB, YOU JUMP TO YOUR DEATH FIRST.
I CAN'T.. I'M ALREADY TOUCHING THE GROUND.
WE NEED TO STAGGER OUR JUMPING TIMES.

HEY, RAT. YOU'RE BACK?
BACK FROM WHAT?
LAST WEEK, THE CREATOR OF "GARFIELD" HAD YOUR HEAD CHOPPED OFF. YOU CAN'T JUST REAPPEAR WITHOUT EXPLANATION.
LOOK, GUYS. I GLUED RAT'S HEAD BACK ON.
THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!
I NEED A NEW JOB.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Hullo. Me ees from guvmint. You mees deadline for Obamabare.
I THOUGHT THAT GOT EXTENDED.
No for zeebas.
SO WHAT NOW?
So now you ees subject to addenestrative penalty.
OH, GREAT. AND HOW MUCH IS THAT?
Dis hurt me more den yo.
A lot.
OUR GOVERNMENT IS OUT OF CONTROL.

LISTEN, MR. DAVIS, I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED. COULD I... MAYBE... GIVE YOU SOME MONEY TO SMOOTH THINGS OVER?
SURE. WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU MAKE IN A YEAR.
I MADE THAT IN THE TIME IT TOOK YOU TO WRITE THAT SENTENCE.
CAN I WASH YOUR CAR?
I THROW THEM OUT WHEN THEY'RE DIRTY.

HEY, STEPH. IT'S ME, PIG... WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?
I'M GOING TO JIM DAVIS' STUDIO TO APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT WE DID TO GARFIELD, BUT I'M LOST IN SOME MIDWESTERN CORNFIELD...
HANG ON A SEC, PIG... I THINK I HEAR SOMETHING...
IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME...
BUILD WHAT? BUILD WHAT?
SUCTION CUP CATS THAT STICK TO YOUR CAR WINDOW...
THINGS ARE GETTING WEIRD, PIG.

HOW'D RAT'S TRIP TO APOLOGIZE TO JIM DAVIS GO?
GOOD, CONSIDERING HE ATE THE GUY'S MAIN CHARACTER. IN FACT, I HEAR JIM DAVIS IS SENDING BACK AN EMISSARY OF HIS OWN.
SHOULD WE GET MAD OR THANK HIM?
I'D BEAT YOU, BUT I HAVE NO LIMBS.

I can't believe I ate Garfield. That's bad, isn't it?
Yeah. Jim Davis is gonna be pretty upset. You should go to him and apologize.
Isn't he, like, the head of the whole Garfield empire?
He's a cartoonist like any other cartoonist. Just go and see him.
A visitor approaches, my lord.
Off with his head.

DOCTOR, IF I'M NOT HAVING A BOY OR A GIRL, WHAT'S IN MY BELLY?
LASAGNA. YOU ATE TOO MUCH LASAGNA.
LASAGNA? THAT CAN'T BE. I MEAN, I DID GO TO GARFIELD'S HOUSE, AND WE DID HAVE LASAGNA, BUT THAT CAN'T BE ALL LASAGNA IN THERE.
IT'S NOT.
OH, THIS IS AN UPLIFTING SERIES.
JIM DAVIS'S LAWYER ON LINE THREE.

RAT'S PREGNANCY
A Very Special Pearls Before Swine Series
TODAY'S EPISODE:
The Ultrasound
WELL, DOCTOR, IS IT A BOY? A GIRL?
IT'S NOT A GIRL.
IT'S A BOY! IT'S A BOY!
IT'S NOT A BOY.
I'M VERY CONFUSED.
WE ALL ARE!!

END
When I was a kid, my dad drove me around in the back of his pickup truck.
When I was a kid, I flew across the country by myself.
When I was a kid, I spent every day in the community swimming pool, and his parents were nowhere home.
When I was a kid, I ate everything I dropped on the ground and just figured that was already there.
When I was a kid, every time I got was treated with a PB & J and a "walk it off."
Stephan babysits his nephew in 2014.
Here's his list of allergies. Some games that improve his cognitive skills. And please stay within 10 inches of him at all times.
I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or me.
Let's go crazy and eat trans fats.

OKAY, GUYS, IT'S TIME FOR US LEMMINGS TO START JUMPING TO OUR DEATHS. SO IF YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE FOR GLORY IN LIFE, I'M AFRAID IT'S TOO LATE. FRED, YOU START US OFF.
FRED RULES--
IT'S NEVER TOO LAAAMATE
HE ALWAYS DID HAVE STYLE.

HEY, GOAT. HAVE AN INVITE.
THANK YOU. WHAT'S THE EVENT?
BABY CHRISTENING FOR LITTLE RAT.
WONDERFUL. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO FOR THE CHRISTENING?
HIT HIM WITH A CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE?
THAT'S FOR SHIPS.
SORRY. NEW TO THIS.

HEY, GOAT, HAVE A BEER WITH ME.
PREGNANT WOMEN CAN'T DRINK ALCOHOL... ALL THE RESEARCH SHOWS IT.
BUT I'M A PREGNANT GUY! THERE'S NO RESEARCH AT ALL!
*BURPY*
BABY MADE A BEER BELCH.

LOOK, GUYS. I PICKED THIS PRETTY DAISY FROM MY GARDEN.
OH MY GOD. THAT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY *SOBBB* ENTIRE LIFE. AND I WANT TO JUST HOLD IT...
PREGNANCY IS TRANSFORMATIVE.
THAT COMMENT ENRAGED ME AND NOW I WANT TO KILL YOU.

SO NOW THAT I'M EXPECTING, SHOULD I PAINT THE EXTRA ROOM PINK OR BLUE?
YEAH. UM... I HATE TO ASK THE OBVIOUS, BUT HOW EXACTLY DID YOU GET PREGNANT?
I GOT-
VISITED BY MAGICAL FAIRIES!
THAT SOUNDS WORSE.
SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THIS COMIC STRIP?!

WE NEED A PLOT TWIST. SOMETHING TO SHAKE UP THE STRIP. SOMETHING BIG.
OOH. YOU MEAN LIKE A DEATH OR MARRIAGE OR...
I'M PREGNANT.
NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING.
HEY, IF YOU THOUGHT I WAS MOODY BEFORE...

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A WRITER
TODAY I WILL WRITE TEN PAGES.
WHOA. CAN'T WRITE WITHOUT COFFEE.
GOSH. NOW I'M HUNGRY.
I NEED INSPIRATION. I'LL WATCH YOUTUBE.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
LUNCH BREAK
STILL NOT INSPIRED. I NEED A WALK.
OKAY. NOW I'M READY.
UH-OH. NO PRINTER INK. I'LL BUY SOME.
OKAY. NOW I'M ALL SET.
COULD USE MORE COFFEE.
AND ONE GAME OF WORDS WITH FRIENDS.
RING RING RING
HEY, RAT. IT'S ME, PIG. I WONDER IF YOU HAVE TIME TO TALK.
GREAT. NOW I'VE WASTED MY WHOLE DAY. I GIVE UP.
TODAY I WILL WRITE TEN PAGES.

HI, RAT. IT'S YOUR MOTHER. I'M CALLING TO TELL YOU THAT AUNT MILLIE DIED. HER MEMORIAL'S ON TUESDAY. HER FUNERAL'S ON WEDNESDAY. AND INSTEAD OF SENDING FLOWERS, THE FAMILY WOULD LIKE PEOPLE TO MAKE DONATIONS TO SAINT ANTHONY'S, HER CHURCH ON MAIN STREET.
YOU'RE QUIET. DO YOU NEED A MOMENT?
YES. TO FIGURE OUT WHO AUNT MILLIE IS.
I'M NOT AS CLOSE TO MY FAMILY AS I COULD BE.

MY FRIENDS INVITED ME TO THEIR PLACE OF WORSHIP, BUT I'M NOT GONNA GO.
WHY NOT?
THEY HAVE RABIES.
RABIES?
HIS FRIENDS ARE JEWISH. AND THE WORD HE'S LOOKING FOR IS 'RABBIS'.
WE SHOULD HAVE THESE DISCUSSIONS LESS OFTEN.

WHERE YOU OFF TO, GOAT?
MY SPIN CLASS.
YOU NEED A CLASS TO LEARN HOW TO SPIN??
THEY DON'T TEACH US HOW TO SPIN. WE RIDE BIKES.
TO WHERE?
NOWHERE.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OKAY, NOW BE SERIOUS.