Pearls Before Swine | Search

YOU EVER NOTICE HOW MUCH LINT YOU GET FROM THE LINT SCREEN IN THE DRYER?
SURE. WHY?
BECAUSE THAT'S YOUR CLOTHING STOLEN PIECE-BY-PIECE BY YOUR DRYER.
SO?
SO WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
LINT. IT'S ALL THE RAGE.
CHECK PLEASE.

WELL, GUYS, THIS IS IT... TIME TO JUMP OFF THIS MOUNTAIN AND END OUR MISERABLE LIVES FOREVER... WHAT’S THE VIEW LIKE FROM UP THERE?
TO DIE FOR.
LET’S KEEP THINGS SERIOUS, BOB.

LOOK, RAT. IT'S SOME CUTE 'LIL' SCOUT GIRLS SELLING 'LIL' SCOUT' COOKIES. I'LL TAKE A BOX!
THANK YOU, MISTER..
UH...I'M SORRY. BUT I DON'T THINK I GOT ANY COOKIES.
THAT'S RIGHT, FATTY. AND IF YOU SAY A WORD ABOUT IT, WE'LL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER SPEAK AGAIN.
THAT'S DISILLUSIONING.
STILL TALKING SMACK, TUBBY?

LARRY, I NEED YOU TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE.
No can do. Larry dead.
YOU’RE NOT DEAD, LARRY.
Me got angel wings.
YOU MADE THOSE OUT OF PAPER.
Where me get dis?
THE HARP STORE. LARRY, NOW KNOCK IT OFF. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROOF YOU EVER WENT TO THE AFTERLIFE.
My Husbann went to afterlie and all me got was dis lousy t-shirt
HOW ‘BOUT I SEND YOU BACK FOR SOMETHING NICER?
Whoa. Suddenly fee like taking out garbage.

I HAVE NOT GONE TO CHURCH IN A LONG TIME.
OH, YEAH? WHY IS THAT?
I'M PERFECT NOW.
OF COURSE.
SURE HAS FREED UP TIME TO GET DRUNK WATCHING FOOTBALL.

Try the one at the County Fairgrounds. They have cows and games and cotton candy.
WHY'D YOU WRITE THAT, PIG?
I'M ANSWERING THIS WOMAN'S PERSONAL AD.
MARRIED WOMAN SEEKS AFFAIR
SHE MAY NOT FIND THAT HELPFUL.

DAD, YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WALKER DOLPHINS.
Me keel dem.
REALLY? ALL BY YOURSELF?
HAHAHA. OF COURSE, SON. WHO ELSE EEN NEIGHBAHOOD CAPABLE OF KEELING VICIOUS DOLFEEN?
Well, that was a refreshing breakfast.

HEY, GOAT... THANKS FOR INVITING ME AND NEIGHBOR BOB TO THE MOVIES ON FRIDAY. I KNOW I WANT TO GO, BUT BOB IS STILL ON THE FENCE.
WHY CAN'T HE DECIDE?
WHO SAID I CAN'T DECIDE? :)
YOU JUMP TO A LOT OF CONCLUSIONS.

DAD, ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE STANDING OUT THERE FOR WHAT THEY THINK IS YOUR MEMORIAL DINNER. I THINK YOU SHOULD GO OUT THERE AND SAY SOMETHING TO THEM.
Hi. Me dead. Give me back food or me haunt you forever.
Me hate freeloaders.

DAD! DAD! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!
Me not dead, son... Does mom tink me dead, too?
OF COURSE. WHY?
'Cause den me going Las Vegas.
NOT SMART, DAD.
Now remember, if wife ask, me still dead.

GOOD MORNING, PIG... WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?
I REALLY LOVE FOLK MUSIC, SO I'M DEBATING WHETHER TO JOIN N.E.F.F.A.
WHAT'S THAT?
THE NEW ENGLAND FOLK FESTIVAL ASSOCIATION.
WHY DON'T YOU?
BECAUSE I REALLY BELIEVE IN WOMEN'S RIGHTS, SO I'D ALSO LIKE TO JOIN N.O.W.- THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR WOMEN.
SO WHY NOT JOIN BOTH?
BECAUSE I CAN'T AFFORD THE DUES FOR BOTH.
SO IT'S ONE OR THE OTHER?
IT'S N.O.W. OR N.E.F.F.A.
ARE THERE REFUNDS FOR COMIC STRIPS?
NOPE.

I dont believe it, Mom. Dad can't be gone. Those dolphins couldn't have eaten him.
PLEASE, SON. THE MEMORIAL'S STARTING. YOU NEED TO GET YOUR JACKET.
Here you go, son.
THANKS.

I THINK MY NEIGHBOR LARRY DIED... ALL THE OTHER CROCS ARE GOING OVER TO HIS HOUSE.
I GUESS THEY'RE PAYING THEIR RESPECTS.
OR MAYBE NOT.
HEY... ME GET DEAD GUY'S T.V.

RAT! RAT! I WON A TROPHY IN MY PING PONG LEAGUE!!
FOR WHAT? WINNING THE WHOLE LEAGUE?
"BEST PARTICIPATION BY SOMEONE IN OUR LEAGUE WHO CAN BREATHE AND HAS PARTICIPATED."
AND THEY SAY WINNING AWARDS DOESN'T MEAN WHAT IT USED TO.
OH, I DIDN'T WIN. I WAS SEVENTH RUNNER-UP.

ECONOMICS SURE IS A TOUGH TOPIC TO TEACH YOURSELF. RIGHT NOW I'M TRYING TO LEARN ABOUT GROSS PROFITS.
WHAT'S THERE TO KNOW?
THANKS FOR THE HELP.
THEY'RE TWO OF THE GROSSEST.

HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT MY LIL' GUARD DUCK IS STARTING A NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH PROGRAM. HE WANTS TO KEEP AN EYE ON THE COMMUNITY.
THAT'S GREAT. BUT HOW INTRUSIVE IS HE GONNA BE?
THAT'S FAIRLY INTRUSIVE.

HEY, PIG. HOW GOES IT?
OKAY, I GUESS. I'M HAVING SOME DOCTORS MEET ME HERE ABOUT GETTING THIS MOLE REMOVED.
HEY! WHAT THE @#$% ARE YOU DOING?!?
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC.

HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB. THANKS FOR MEETING ME.
SURE, PIG. WHADDYA NEED? I’VE GOT A MEETING FOR WORK I HAVE TO GET TO.
WELL, LISTEN, I KNOW YOU HAVE TROUBLE MEETING WOMEN, SO I WANTED TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THE NICE LADY SITTING NEXT TO ME. SHE’S SINGLE.
DUNNO, PIG. I HAVEN’T BEEN WITH A FEMALE SINCE I HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN FIFTH GRADE.
SO?
SO I DON’T KNOW HOW TO ACT AROUND THEM. IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME.
AWW. WHAT’S THERE TO KNOW, BOB. THIS IS MY NEIGHBOR..GINA.
PLEASURE TO MEET YOU…
EWWWW! GIRL COOTIES! GIRL COOTIES!
I’LL BE LEAVING NOW…
BOB, GIRLS DON’T HAVE…
SMACK SMACK
TAG! NOW YOU’VE GOT GIRL COOTIES!

HEY, GOAT, I'VE DECIDED TO BECOME A SUPERHERO. MY SUPERPOWER WILL BE A WHIP THAT CAN DO ANYTHING... EVEN PERFORM MIRACLES!
GOOD FOR YOU, PIG. WHERE YOU GONNA FIND A WHIP LIKE THAT?
YOU KNOW, "MIRACLE WHIP" DOESN'T ACTUALLY CONTAIN A MIRACLE WHIP.
NUTS. MORE WHITE GOO.

HI, BOB. THIS IS LARRY'S WIFE, PATTY... I'M AFRAID I'VE GOT
SOME BAD NEWS... YOUR BUDDY LARRY DIED.
Died?
I'M AFRAID SO. NOW I ASSUME YOU HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS, BUT
RIGHT NOW ALL I CAN REALLY TELL YOU IS THAT THE MEMORIAL
WILL BE AT OUR HOUSE ON FRIDAY.
Can me juss ask one ting?
SURE
Will dere be free beer?
THANKS FOR BEING THERE FOR US, BOB.
Whoa. Me not say me going yet.

GOOD MORNING, SIR. MIND IF WE COME IN AND TELL YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT OUR RELIGION?
SURE. I'M CURRENTLY SEARCHING FOR ONE.
WONDERFUL. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
ONE WHERE I CAN DRINK A LOT OF BEER AND PUNCH THE PEOPLE I DON'T LIKE.
MY SPIRITUAL SEARCH CONTINUES.

AHHHH
AHHHH
HHH HHHHH HAA
SON, YOU HAVE TO CALM DOWN. I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR DAD, BUT SCREAMING ABOUT HIM RIGHT NOW IS NOT GONNA--
AHHHH
HHH HHHHH
HHHHHH H
YOU SAID NOT TO SCREAM ABOUT HIM !!
I'M NOT. THE WATER IS BUCKLING MY FLOORS.
MAYBE WE SHOULD AGREE ON PRIORITIES.
OKAY. I VOTE WE RUN FOR A MOP.

HEY, SON, DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR
DAD IS? AYT, I SEE IS A TRAIL OF WATER AND BONES.
THE KILLER DOLPHINS!
THE KILLER DOLPHINS? SON, FOR DAD TO GET A KILLER DOLPHIN INTO THIS HOUSE, IT WOULD HAVE TO HAVE ON THE GREATEST DISGUISE EVER. ONE THAT TOTALLY HID THE FACT THAT IT WAS A DOLPHIN.
THAT WOULD DO IT.
AHHHHHHH

Josephine
Ana, Dylan, Marlene
Charlotte, Aiselle
Daniel, Gabe, Olivia
Daves
Jesse, Grace, Emily
Allison, Jack, Ana
Gabrielle, Benjamin
CHARLIE, Jessica

HEY, JEF THE CYCLIST...
I DONT GET SOMETHING.

WHAT'S THAT?

CYCLISTS ARE ALWAYS SO ANGRY ABOUT
PEOPLE WHO DRIVE CARS IRRESPONSIBLY.
BUT CYCLISTS I SEE OFTEN BLOW RIGHT
THROUGH STOPLIGHTS AND STOP SIGNS.

SO SHOULDN'T TRAFFIC
LAWS APPLY TO
EVERYONE EQUALLY?

I GUESS. IF
PEOPLE WERE
EQUAL.

THEY'RE
NOT.

I TAKE IT YOU HAVEN'T
SEEN THE "PYRAMID OF
HUMANITY."

I FEEL SO
SCUM-LIKE
FOR NOT
KNOWING.

IT'S OKAY.
MY PEOPLE EXPECT
VERY LITTLE OF
YOU.