Pearls Before Swine | Search

THE FAMILY CIRCUS KID?
YEAH. HE JUST RAN OVER FROM THEIR SUNDAY STRIP AND STARTED PUNCHING ME.
ARE OUR PANELS IN THE RIGHT ORDER NOW?
I KIND OF. I WAS TRYING TO PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER THE BEST I COULD.
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?
I DON'T KNOW. HE JUST KEPT SAYING...

WELL, WHERE THAT IDIOT NOW?

HE RAN TO ASK HIS MOMMY SOMETHING.
ASK HER WHAT?
"THIS'LL TEACH YOU LITTLE 'PEARLS' PUNKS TO*##** WITH THE F.C."
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
JEFFY KEANE BEAT ME UP.
A PIG?
HE SAID THAT EVEN AND THEN WORST PART. AFTER THAT, HE RIPPED ALL PANELS OF OUR STRIP APART AND THREW THEM TO THE GROUND.
"Do I need forgiveness for #%*#** up a pig?"

WHERE'S RAT TODAY?
PRACTICING HIS SKI JUMP POSE. HE'S GONNA USE IT WHENEVER SOMEONE BORES HIM. AS IF TO SAY, "I'M LEAPING RIGHT OVER YOUR TIRESOME CONVERSATION."
THAT'S RIDICULOUS. WHY DOES THE GUY HAVE TO BE SUCH A WEIRDO? WHY CAN'T HE JUST BE NORMAL NOW AND THEN?

Dere is frog.
You sure if me kees, he become bootiful princess?
ME SURE. ME SURE. KEES NOW.
SMOOOOCH
We got probbum, Bob.
BEHOLD! THOUGH PRINCE VALIANT, AN UGLY DRAGON TO SLAY.

DO YOU THINK IF WE'RE BAD IN LIFE, WE REALLY GO TO A PLACE CALLED "HECK"?
AND IF SO, WHAT'S IT LIKE?
HECK IS A SMALL, WINDOWLESS ROOM FILLED WITH NOTHING BUT THE SOUND OF POLKA MUSIC.
I WILL REPENT RIGHT NOW!
REMEMBER... ONLY SATAN COULD HAVE INVENTED THE ACCORDION.

DAD! WHY ARE
YOU TRYING TO
KISS FREDDY?!
BOB SAY IN
FAIRY TALE IT
MAKE FROGS
BECOME BOOT-
IFUL PRINCESS!
THAT'S NOT HOW THE FAIRY
TALE GOES, DAD! AND WHY
WOULD YOU WANT A BEAU-
TIFUL PRINCESS ANYWAYS?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MOM?
Has you seen new
haircut?
WHAT'S
THAT YOU SAY,
LARRY?
AHH!
ME LOVE
BAD NEW HAIR!
ME LOVE
BAD NEW
HAIR!!

Whuh you doing, Larry?
Me selling house, Bob. Amphibians ruin neighborhood.
But dey juss frogs, Larry. Dere easy way turn dem eento someting else.
Whuh dat?
Kissy, kissy, fairy tale frog.
I'M FEELING VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

YO, DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I TOLD PIG I HAD SOME GREAT NEWS ABOUT A COUSIN OF MINE GETTING MARRIED, AND HE SAID TO COME OVER 'CAUSE HE HAD SOME GRATER NEWS.
YEAH...I GOT A NEW ONE.
GRATES ON YOU, DOESN'T HE?
GOING HOME NOW.
STAY! SHRED SOME CHEESE!

HEY, RAT. I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND, HANNAH HIPPO.
HEY.
WELL, HELLO...I'D LOVE TO CHAT MORE, BUT I SIMPLY MUST BE LEAVING.
DIDN'T SHE SAY SHE WAS LEAVING?
OH, THAT'S JUST HANNAH'S WAY. SEE, THE HIPPO SAYS GOODBYE, BUT NEVER LEAVES.
I HATE THAT...WHEN YOU SAY GOODBYE, GET OUT. DON'T LINGER. LEAVE. YOUR CHAT PRIVILEGES ARE REVOKED.
FINE.
FINE.
I HAVE EARS, YOU KNOW...I DON'T NEED TO STAY HERE AND BE INSULTED.
DO WE NEED TO RENT A CRANE?
OH. I HEARD THAT. AND I AM SO OUT OF HERE.
SURE.
MORE COFFEE.

WHAT'S THIS COUCH DOING OUT HERE ON THE CURB?
IT'S NEIGHBOR BOB'S. IT'S HOW HE GETS RID OF STUFF HE DOESN'T WANT. A LOT OF PEOPLE DO IT.
IT'S JUST THAT EASY?
YUP.
SOME THINGS I JUST SHOULDN'T MENTION.

DO YOU HAVE ANY ASPIRATIONS IN LIFE?
I AM A REGIUST. AND AS A REGIUST, I MOCK THE LOFTY ASPIRATIONS OF OTHERS AND MAINTAIN FOR MYSELF BUT ONE SIMPLE GOAL.
WHICH IS WHAT?
TO BE SO GREAT THAT WHEN I DIE, THE WORLD ENDS.
TRY HUMILITY.
IN THE RACE FOR GREATNESS, HUMILITY IS BUT A BOOBY PRIZE.

GOSH, THAT WOMAN SITTING NEXT TO ME SURE IS PRETTY.
WELL, SAY SOMETHING TO HER. NOTHINGS GUNNA HAPPEN IF YOU JUST SIT THERE.
EXCUSE ME, BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT THE CHILDREN'S SONG "RING AROUND THE ROSIE. A POCKETFUL OF POSIES, ASHES, ASHES, WE ALL FALL DOWN" IS ACTUALLY A REFERENCE TO THE BLACK DEATH, A PLAGUE THAT KILLED MILLIONS?
PERHAPS SILENCE IS THE BETTER APPROACH.

I HEAR YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT YOUR NEW FROG NEIGHBORS.
Yeah. Me hate slimy amphibians almost as much as me hate you.
WELL, THE REASON THAT THEY'RE 'SLIMY' IS THAT THEY BREATHE THROUGH THEIR SKIN. IF THEIR SKIN ISN'T MOIST, THEY CAN'T DO THAT.
WHY ARE YOU BLOW-DRYING FREDDY?
Ohh, just styling hair.

HEY, RAT, I'M HOME!
WHERE YOU BEEN?
GROCERY STORE... DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE SPRAYERS NOW THAT GO OFF IN THE PRODUCE SECTION?
YEAH. THEY'RE FOR KEEPING THE PRODUCE FROM WILTING.
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE FOR?
YEAH. WHY?
NO REASON.

Hey, son... Where my wife? We want her sign petition against sheety amphibian thieves moving centro neighborhood.
She's at the hairdresser, dad... and Freddy's family are not thieves-- they're--
AH!
HE STEAL WIFE HAIR!
Excuse us, Junior. I'd like to talk to your dad.
Why you blame me? He one make you look terrible.

HEY THERE,
PIG... YOU
LOOK HAPPY.
I AM! I JUST
MEASURED MYSELF.
I'M FIVE FEET, NINE
INCHES TALL!
GEE, PIG... THAT
SOUNDS A
LITTLE HIGH.
WELL, I DID MEASURE
MYSELF WITH SHOES.
EVEN WITH
SHOES, THAT
SOUNDS HIGH.
HERE. MEASURE FOR
YOURSELF. I'LL STAND
AGAINST THAT FENCE.
I THINK
I SEE
THE PROBLEM.
YOU MISJUDGED! IT'S OKAY. WE ALL MAKE MENTAL BOOBOOS.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GOAT!! I GOT YOU A GIFT CARD FROM STARBUCKS!! DRINK ALL THE MOCHAS YOU WANT..
JEEZ, GOSH, RAT.. THANK YOU!.. BUT ALL I WANT TO-- HOW MUCH MONEY DID YOU PUT ON IT ?
NONE. I JUST GOT YOU THE CARD.
YOU’RE A BIT OF AN INGRATE.

I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF I SHOULD STILL BUY GAS AT THAT PLACE ON MY CORNER.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS A CAR WASH.
IT USED TO BE. NOW IT'S JUST AN EXPENSIVE GAS STATION. I CAN DRIVE TO A CHEAPER ONE FIVE MILES AWAY. BUT THAT MAKES ME USE MORE GAS.
SO IS THE CLOSE GAS STATION CHEAPER?
I THINK IT'S A WASH.
YOU SAID IT WAS A GAS STATION.
CAN WE DISCUSS THIS LATER?
SURE. RIGHT NOW YOU SOUND PRETTY CONFUSED.

RAT GETS A PERSON PET
FLUSH
IT'S NICE WHEN THEY'RE HOUSE-TRAINED.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE THERE, RAT?
A PERSON. I GOT HIM AT THE PERSON STORE.
IS HE HARD TO CARE FOR?
NOT REALLY. YOU JUST GIVE HIM A FLATSCREEN AND ESPN AND HE'LL SIT THERE FOR HOURS.
WANT TO GIVE HIM A TREAT?

LISTEN, DAD, YOU NEED TO ADJUST TO THE FACT THAT WE'RE GONNA HAVE AMPHIBIANS LIKE FREDDY LIVING ACROSS THE STREET.
Okay. Me learn adjust.
THANKS MR. LARRY.
PUTTING ON BLINDERS IS NOT ADJUSTING TO FREDDY.
Freddy? Who dis Freddy?
OVER HERE, MR. LARRY.

HI, JUNIOR. WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?
FREDDY THE FROG. HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE MOVING IN ACROSS THE STREET.
READY... I DON'T THINK WE'VE HAD AMPHIBIANS ON THE BLOCK BEFORE.
I KNOW MOM. WHICH IS WHY WE NEED TO DO EVERYTHING WE CAN TO MAKE THEM FEEL AS WELCOME AS POSSIBLE..
BOOOOOOO.
MAKE DAD GO INSIDE.
WHERE YOU TAIL, FORMER FISH?!

I WISH I COULD MEET SOMEONE TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH.
TELL ME YOUR WISH, AND I’LL SHAKE MY BUTT.
AND POOF, THE MARRIAGE FAIRY APPEARED.
BUT BEFORE ELLY COULD ANSWER, SHE RAN INTO HER FRIEND, RITA RABBIT.
WHAT’S WRONG, RITA RABBIT?
MY HUSBAND WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET ME HERE, SHE SAID, BUT HE’S AN HOUR LATE.
HE’S ALWAYS AN HOUR LATE. THAT IS, WHEN HE EVEN REMEMBERS.
OF COURSE, IF IT’S HIS FRIEND, IT’S DIFFERENT, SAID RITA RABBIT. THEN HE DROPS EVERYTHING.
IT’S JUST SO FRUSTRATING, ELLY ELEPHANT. TO BE MARRIED, BUT SO ALONE. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE ME?
ELLY ELEPHANT CRUSHED THE MARRIAGE FAIRY WITH THE SUGAR DISPENSER.
WHAM
WELL NOW, THAT’S A HEARTWARMING TALE.
YOU SMASH A NEW LITTLE HOPE-SHAKER! YEILD RITA RABBIT!!
NONE FROM THE CONDIMENTS ‘TIL FAIRY!

BEHOLD! I, RAT, HAVE INVENTED THE 'BOX O' SUPERIOR WISDOM'...REACH IN AND GRAB BRILLIANCE!
IT'S BEER.
YES. DRINK EIGHT AND YOU'LL THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.
THAT IS NOT WISDOM.
Ohhhhh...AHHH
WELL, LISTEN ME TO YOU, MISTER MISE GUY...
ANOTHER SATISFIED CUSTOMER.

I GOT A GERMAN SHEPHERD.
HEY, GOOD FOR YOU, PIG. IS HE HOUSE-TRAINED?
ARE YOU HOUSE-TRAINED?
JA.
THAT WAS PROBABLY INSULTING.

WHAT ARE YOU READING, GOAT?
"OF MICE AND MEN"...IT'S THE STORY OF TWO FRIENDS. ONE IS SHORT AND CRAFTY AND THE OTHER IS AN OVER-SIZED FELLOW WITH MENTAL CHALLENGES.
DO WE GET ROYALTIES FOR THIS?
NO.
I'M FAMOUS! I'M FAMOUS!!