Pearls Before Swine | Search

HEY THERE, GOAT. DID YOU ENJOY OUR BARBECUE YESTERDAY?
SURE DID. THANKS FOR INVITING ME.
YOU'RE WELCOME. AND HERE'S YOUR BILL.
BILL? YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY FOR A PARTY YOU INVITED ME TO?
NO. AND THAT'S WHY I'VE BROUGHT MY LAWYER.
PREPARE TO LOSE EVERYTHING.
I GIVE UP.

HEY, PIG... I HEAR YOU'RE HAVING A BACKYARD BARBECUE... HOPE YOU
DIDN'T INVITE A BUNCH OF LAZY FREELOADERS
I DON'T LIKE.
NO, NO...I JUST INVITED GOAT AND ZEBRA.
WHO ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
WE NEED TO START LOCKING THE
GATE.

I'VE SURE ENJOYED OUR DATE TONIGHT, PIGITA. BUT I WISH WE COULD DO SOMETHING THAT WAS EVEN MORE INTIMATE.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?
GROOMING FOR FLEAS. JUST LIKE MONKEYS.
SHE'S SO HARD TO READ.

HEY, IF IT ISN'T MY GOOD FRIEND, JEFF THE CYCLIST! HOW ARE YOU, JEFF?
BETTER THAN YOU. AND THAT IS WHY I SHOW MY SUPERIORITY BY RIDING MY BIKE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR CAR, INSTEAD OF IN THE BIKE LANE.
GOSH, JEFF. I WISH YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT BECAUSE--
EAT MY SPANDEX GREATNESS, FATTY McFAT FAT!!
AND THAT'S WHY I TRY TO RUN THEM OVER.
JEFF, YOU'RE ON MY BREAKFAST!
I STAMP OUT YOUR FATTENING FOOD AS A FAVOR TO YOU!!

DO YOU EVER THINK THAT AS A SOCIETY WE'VE GROWN SOFT? THAT RATHER THAN RELY ON OUR GOD-GIVEN ABILITIES, WE NOW JUST RELY ON SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ELSE TO GIVE US A BOOST?
I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE. I THINK--
SPARE A BUCK FOR TWO TIRED ROADRUNNERS?
THAT'S DISTURBING.
MONEY, PLEASE.

HEY, RAT, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND, BUT I HAVE A COUPLE FRIENDS COMING OVER. THEY'RE ROADRUNNERS.
ROADRUNNERS ARE GREAT, DUDE. THEY'RE RIDICULOUSLY FAST. I'D LOVE TO JUST WATCH HOW THEY MOVE.
THAT'S DISAPPOINTING.

ALL I DO IS WORRY.
ABOUT WHAT?
THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED.
THINGS THAT HAVEN'T HAPPENED.
THINGS THAT MIGHT HAPPEN.
WHAT GOOD DOES THAT DO?
BECAUSE IF I DON'T WORRY, LIFE'S BAD STUFF WILL SNEAK UP ON ME. WORRYING IS MY WAY OF SAYING @*#!% YOU, LIFE. YOU WON'T SURPRISE ME.
BUT YOU DO BELIEVE LIFE IS BAD ANYWAY.
SO WHY WORRY?
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
YEAH. SO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND RELAX.
RELAX.
I'VE BEEN WAITING TEN YEARS TO DO THAT.
NEVER STOP WORRYING.

HI, BOYS AND GIRLS. TODAY WE'RE GONNA LEARN ABOUT REVOLUTION. LIKE THE ONE JIHAD JERRY JUST PULLED OFF IN MR. RAT'S NEIGHBORHOOD.
AS YOU MAY NOTICE, I'M NOW DRESSED A LITTLE DIFFERENT. BUT DON'T WORRY, BOYS AND GIRLS. OTHER THAN THAT, EVERYTHING ELSE IN MR. RAT'S NEIGHBORHOOD WILL BE JUST LIKE IT ALWAYS WAS. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MR. TROWLEY?
DING! DING!
HEY, TROWLEY. SELL THIS OIL TO MR. MCFEELEY AT EXORBITANT PRICES.
Bad news. Meester McFeeley teken hostage by rival sect.

HI, BOYS AND GIRLS. THIS IS KING FRIDAY AND QUEEN SARA. KING FRIDAY IS USUALLY A HAPPY KING. BUT TODAY HE IS SAD. WHY? BECAUSE THE ARAB SPRING HAS THREATENED DESPOTIC MONARCHIES EVERYWHERE.
OH, NO, KING FRIDAY... IT'S JIHAD JERRY.
POP
POP
POP
OH, WELL... TRY TO HAVE A DEMOCRATIC FORM OF GOVERNMENT, JERRY.
YOU... PUT ON BURKA.

HI, BOYS AND GIRLS. I THINK IT'S TIME FOR SOME MAKE-BELIEVE... OH, TROUSY... COME TAKE US TO THE LAND OF MAKE-BELIEVE...
DING DING
DING DING
THIS IS HOW I GO TO THE LAND OF MAKE-BELIEVE, BOYS AND GIRLS.
CUT

HI, BOYS AND GIRLS. TODAY WE'RE GOING TO VISIT SOMEONE AT THEIR JOB. A JOB IS HOW YOU MAKE MONEY.
BUT SADLY, BOYS AND GIRLS, THIS PERSON IS BAD AT THEIR JOB. THIS PROVES YOU CAN SOMETIMES HAVE A JOB EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE @$#% YOU ARE DOING.
I DON'T THINK MR. ROGERS EVER SAID @$#%.
SEE, BOYS AND GIRLS--HE GOT PAID FOR THAT.

Okay, larry, fraternity decide let you back in, provided dere no more surprises from you drunken night.
Dere not. Me promiss. And juss be safe, me delete face-book account, tweeter account--
Tweeter account? We no check you Tweeter...Please no tell me you is post--
ME NO POST NUTTING! ME NO POST--
larryZZEcroc
Me totally want kiss zeeba on mouf.
Dis leetle bit of probbum, larry.
Account hacked. Me know nutting.

STORY UPDATE:
Larry's wife, Patty, has learned of the Badonkadonk Rub Heard Round The World
YOU STUPID IDIOT, LARRY! HOW COULD YOU POST A PHOTO ON FACEBOOK OF YOU RUBBING BUTTS WITH A ZEBRA?! THINGS ON THE INTERNET LIVE FOREVER!
IT NO LEAVE FOREVER! LARRY HAS PLAN!!
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? GO DOOR-TO-DOOR TO SIX BILLION STRANGERS ON THE PLANET AND POLITELY ASK THEM TO DELETE IT FROM THEIR COMPUTERS??
Hullo. Me larry. Me have favor to ask.

LOOK AT THIS
GUY WEARING
SUNGLASSES
INDOORS.
WHAT'S
WRONG
WITH
THAT?
HE'S A TOOL. JUST WANTS
TO SHOW US HOW AWESOME
HE IS. MAKES ME WANT TO
HIT HIM IN THE HEAD.
SHHHH...
HE'LL
HEAR
YOU.
GOOD. LET HIM HEAR THIS--LIGHT
IN HERE TOO BRIGHT FOR
YOU, SUPERSTAR?
D'YOU
SAY
SOMETHING,
PAL?
YEAH, I SAID SOME-
THING. I SAID TAKE
THIS, MR. TOO-
COOL-FOR-THE-
ROOM.
KONK
HE
FELL
ON A
GUIDE
DOG.
NOW WHAT'S
A GUIDE
DOG DOING
THERE?
CHECK.
PLEASE.

HEY, RAT. I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND, JIM. HE'S A PRO GOLFER WHO PLAYS ON ALL THE WORLD'S GREAT COURSES... AUGUSTA, PEBBLE BEACH... YOU NAME IT.
OH--?
HOW'D YOU SCORE AT K-TOPIA?
K-TOPIA?
KIDTOPIA PUTT-PUTT GOLF COURSE.
AFRAID I HAVEN'T PLAYED.
MAYBE WE SHOULD LEAVE.
HA! SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE FEARS THE HANSEL AND GRETEL PAR 3 FIFTH!

Hey, guys... Want have beer?
It hasn't.
Mebbe me drink by myself behind tree.

STORY UPDATE:
Someone has taken a photo of a drunken Larry in a bar greeting a zebra with the crocodiles’ sacred badonkadonkdonk greeting, which involves one party rubbing his buttocks (badonkadonks) against that of the second party.
ME GOTTA KEEL PERSON WHO HAVE PHOTO BEFORE LARRY WHOLE LIFE RUINED!!
You got photo, Larry. Was taken on you iPhone.
Larry iPhone? Den me just delete before anyone see!!
Dat GREAT idea.
If you no had posted on Facebook.
I NO POST ON--------
IT'S HILARIOUS. A FRIEND SENT IT TO ME.
CURSE YOU, SOSHILL MEEDIA!!

Hey, Larry.
Whuh is Da Bruderhood of Zeeba Zeeba Eata fraternity greeting?
Ees badonkadonk rub. Me rub badonkadonk against you badonkadonks.
Why?
Becuss you ees get drunk een bar and someone took peecture of you rubbing badonkadonks.
So? Whuh wrong wid doing ultimate greeting of friendship wid udder crockydiles?
Was not udder crockydile.

PASTIS!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?.. I KILLED YOU IN YESTERDAY'S STRIP!!
I'M BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND! BESIDES, IN THE STRIP, I'M A CARTOON CHARACTER JUST LIKE YOU. AND YOU CAN'T HURT A CARTOON CHARACTER!
SEE?
POP!
THAT'S VERY DISTURBING.
HERE, KICK ME WITH MY OWN LEG.

STORY UPDATE
Stephan Pastis has returned from Kansas City convinced that Rat's attack upon John Glynn has dissipated any anger Rat harbored toward him. Stephan now feels safe enough to enjoy a meal out with Pig and Goat.
So what have you been doing lately, Steph?
Re-watching The Sopranos! I sure love that last episode where the screen goes black and you don't know what happened to Tony!
Oh, I think it's obvious he died! That's why the screen suddenly

STORY UPDATE:
Stephan Pastis is on the run from Rat, who is upset at Stephan for shipping him to Siberia. Today, Stephan's travels bring him to Kansas City, Missouri.
STEPHAN PASTIS! WHAT BRINGS YOU TO K.C.?
HI, JOHN GWYNN, V.P. OF MY K.C. FAN CLUB... IVE JUST COME FOR A LITTLE VISIT. I WAS HOPING IF I COULD STAY AWHILE.
SURE, STEPHAN...WELCOME TO THE SYNDICATE!
GEE, THANKS, JOHN. AND TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION, IVE BROUGHT YOU A "STEPHAN PASTIS" MASK. NOW YOU CAN BE I'M FAMOUS. HERE, TRY IT ON.
HA HA HA.... I"M STEPHAN PASTIS....I"M STEPHAN PASTIS....HOW DO I LOOK?
I DON'T THINK I WANT TO BE STEPHAN ANYMORE.
SORRY, SIR. YOU LOOKED LIKE ANOTHER ROTUND IDIOT I KNOW.

HEY, PIG. WHERE WERE YOU THIS MORNING?
I HAD TO GO WITH PIGITA TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE. SHE'S HAVING TROUBLE DRINKING MILK.
WHAT'D THE DOCTOR SAY?
HE SAID SHE HATES PEOPLE WHO ARE MISSING TOES.
THE TERM IS 'LACTOSE INTOLERANT.'
YEAH. AND TO ME, THAT'S RACIST.

HI, PIG. I'M GONNA BE LEAVING THE STRIP FOR AWHILE. RAT JUST GOT BACK FROM SIBERIA AND I THINK HE'S A LITTLE UPSET WITH ME FOR SENDING HIM THERE.
OHH. HE JUST TALKS TOUGH.
HE'LL GET OVER IT.
YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT. BUT IT'S STILL A GOOD EXCUSE TO TAKE A VACATION.
OKAY, NEIL, IF YOU'RE REALLY GONNA GO, COME DOWN HERE AND GIMME A BIG HUG.
IT'S NICE TO BE IN A STRIP SO FILLED WITH LOVE.

HELLO?
HI. THIS IS SOUTHNORSTERY AIRLINES. WE'VE FOUND YOUR LUGGAGE WITH THE CAT INSIDE. HE'S UNHARMED, BUT A LITTLE ANGRY. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE IT SENT?
YAKUTSK, SIBERIA
I'LL KILL HIM IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO.

STEPH! STEPH! RAT WAS IN YOUR LOST LUGGAGE! HE SNUCK INSIDE BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO PAY FOR AIRLINE TICKETS! NOW HE'S LOST! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
WE SHOULD TRY TO GET HIM BACK, STEPH.
SHHH.
SAVOR THE MOMENT.