Pearls Before Swine | Search

LOOK AT THIS
GUY WEARING
SUNGLASSES
INDOORS.
WHAT'S
WRONG
WITH
THAT?
HE'S A TOOL. JUST WANTS
TO SHOW US HOW AWESOME
HE IS. MAKES ME WANT TO
HIT HIM IN THE HEAD.
SHHHH...
HE'LL
HEAR
YOU.
GOOD. LET HIM HEAR THIS--LIGHT
IN HERE TOO BRIGHT FOR
YOU, SUPERSTAR?
D'YOU
SAY
SOMETHING,
PAL?
YEAH, I SAID SOME-
THING. I SAID TAKE
THIS, MR. TOO-
COOL-FOR-THE-
ROOM.
KONK
HE
FELL
ON A
GUIDE
DOG.
NOW WHAT'S
A GUIDE
DOG DOING
THERE?
CHECK.
PLEASE.

HEY, RAT. I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND, JIM. HE'S A PRO GOLFER WHO PLAYS ON ALL THE WORLD'S GREAT COURSES... AUGUSTA, PEBBLE BEACH... YOU NAME IT.
OH--?
HOW'D YOU SCORE AT K-TOPIA?
K-TOPIA?
KIDTOPIA PUTT-PUTT GOLF COURSE.
AFRAID I HAVEN'T PLAYED.
MAYBE WE SHOULD LEAVE.
HA! SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE FEARS THE HANSEL AND GRETEL PAR 3 FIFTH!

Hey, guys... Want have beer?
It hasn't.
Mebbe me drink by myself behind tree.

STORY UPDATE:
Someone has taken a photo of a drunken Larry in a bar greeting a zebra with the crocodiles’ sacred badonkadonkdonk greeting, which involves one party rubbing his buttocks (badonkadonks) against that of the second party.
ME GOTTA KEEL PERSON WHO HAVE PHOTO BEFORE LARRY WHOLE LIFE RUINED!!
You got photo, Larry. Was taken on you iPhone.
Larry iPhone? Den me just delete before anyone see!!
Dat GREAT idea.
If you no had posted on Facebook.
I NO POST ON--------
IT'S HILARIOUS. A FRIEND SENT IT TO ME.
CURSE YOU, SOSHILL MEEDIA!!

Hey, Larry.
Whuh is Da Bruderhood of Zeeba Zeeba Eata fraternity greeting?
Ees badonkadonk rub. Me rub badonkadonk against you badonkadonks.
Why?
Becuss you ees get drunk een bar and someone took peecture of you rubbing badonkadonks.
So? Whuh wrong wid doing ultimate greeting of friendship wid udder crockydiles?
Was not udder crockydile.

PASTIS!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?.. I KILLED YOU IN YESTERDAY'S STRIP!!
I'M BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND! BESIDES, IN THE STRIP, I'M A CARTOON CHARACTER JUST LIKE YOU. AND YOU CAN'T HURT A CARTOON CHARACTER!
SEE?
POP!
THAT'S VERY DISTURBING.
HERE, KICK ME WITH MY OWN LEG.

STORY UPDATE
Stephan Pastis has returned from Kansas City convinced that Rat's attack upon John Glynn has dissipated any anger Rat harbored toward him. Stephan now feels safe enough to enjoy a meal out with Pig and Goat.
So what have you been doing lately, Steph?
Re-watching The Sopranos! I sure love that last episode where the screen goes black and you don't know what happened to Tony!
Oh, I think it's obvious he died! That's why the screen suddenly

STORY UPDATE:
Stephan Pastis is on the run from Rat, who is upset at Stephan for shipping him to Siberia. Today, Stephan's travels bring him to Kansas City, Missouri.
STEPHAN PASTIS! WHAT BRINGS YOU TO K.C.?
HI, JOHN GWYNN, V.P. OF MY K.C. FAN CLUB... IVE JUST COME FOR A LITTLE VISIT. I WAS HOPING IF I COULD STAY AWHILE.
SURE, STEPHAN...WELCOME TO THE SYNDICATE!
GEE, THANKS, JOHN. AND TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION, IVE BROUGHT YOU A "STEPHAN PASTIS" MASK. NOW YOU CAN BE I'M FAMOUS. HERE, TRY IT ON.
HA HA HA.... I"M STEPHAN PASTIS....I"M STEPHAN PASTIS....HOW DO I LOOK?
I DON'T THINK I WANT TO BE STEPHAN ANYMORE.
SORRY, SIR. YOU LOOKED LIKE ANOTHER ROTUND IDIOT I KNOW.

HEY, PIG. WHERE WERE YOU THIS MORNING?
I HAD TO GO WITH PIGITA TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE. SHE'S HAVING TROUBLE DRINKING MILK.
WHAT'D THE DOCTOR SAY?
HE SAID SHE HATES PEOPLE WHO ARE MISSING TOES.
THE TERM IS 'LACTOSE INTOLERANT.'
YEAH. AND TO ME, THAT'S RACIST.

HI, PIG. I'M GONNA BE LEAVING THE STRIP FOR AWHILE. RAT JUST GOT BACK FROM SIBERIA AND I THINK HE'S A LITTLE UPSET WITH ME FOR SENDING HIM THERE.
OHH. HE JUST TALKS TOUGH.
HE'LL GET OVER IT.
YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT. BUT IT'S STILL A GOOD EXCUSE TO TAKE A VACATION.
OKAY, NEIL, IF YOU'RE REALLY GONNA GO, COME DOWN HERE AND GIMME A BIG HUG.
IT'S NICE TO BE IN A STRIP SO FILLED WITH LOVE.

HELLO?
HI. THIS IS SOUTHNORSTERY AIRLINES. WE'VE FOUND YOUR LUGGAGE WITH THE CAT INSIDE. HE'S UNHARMED, BUT A LITTLE ANGRY. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE IT SENT?
YAKUTSK, SIBERIA
I'LL KILL HIM IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO.

STEPH! STEPH! RAT WAS IN YOUR LOST LUGGAGE! HE SNUCK INSIDE BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO PAY FOR AIRLINE TICKETS! NOW HE'S LOST! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
WE SHOULD TRY TO GET HIM BACK, STEPH.
SHHH.
SAVOR THE MOMENT.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, STEPH?
I FLEW FROM L.A. TO OAKLAND AND THE AIRLINE LOST MY LUGGAGE. IT HAD ALL MY CLOTHES, MY HAT, MY CONTACT LENSES. THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT IS.
OH, NO, STEPH... WAS THERE ANYTHING IN THERE YOU CAN'T REPLACE?
WHERE THE (G** D***) AM I?

YOU EVER NOTICE HOW SOME OF THE OLDER COMIC STRIPS ALWAYS
HAVE A WIDE-EYED OPEN-MOUTHED GUY IN THE LAST PANEL?
YEAH. IT'S A VISUAL CUE SO THE READER KNOWS HE JUST READ THE PUNCHLINE.
WHY DON'T YOUR STRIPS HAVE THAT?
I DON'T KNOW... I GUESS I HOPE THE JOKE IS WELL-WRITTEN ENOUGH THAT THE
READER DOESN'T NEED AN OBVIOUS CUE LIKE THAT.
!
GET RID OF HIM.
WHOA... NOW I GET THIS STUPID STRIP.
ZONKS!

LOOKS LIKE ONE OF YOUR NEIGHBORS GOT HIMSELF APPOINTED TO THE CITY PLANNING COMMISSION.
WHAT’S THAT?
THEY’RE THE GUYS WHO ISSUE PERMITS FOR ANY CONSTRUCTION YOU WANT TO DO.
SO THEY DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TEAR DOWN STUFF YOU BUILD WITHOUT A PERMIT, DO THEY?
SURE THEY DO. THEY JUST BRING OVER THE WRECKING BALL AND DOWN IT GOES. WHY?
WALL WALL
WHAT WALL?
IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A WALL PERMIT TO FILE FOR.

WHAT'S THE
MATTER
WITH
YOU?
I CAN'T FIND MY CELL PHONE
ANYWHERE. I THINK I LEFT
IT IN THE DINER. ZEBRA'S
THERE NOW, SO I'M TELLING
HIM WHERE TO LOOK FOR IT.
WHAT'S THAT IN YOUR HAND?
GET HELP.

Okay, zeeba neighba, crocs has new stratagee. We ees smash you wid rock. Me say where to throw. Burt throw. Dat prove we great team. Dat prove we work togedder. Dat—
CRACK
Speech go on leetle long.

RAT GAVE UP HIS "SESAME STREET" PROTEST.
HOW COME?
PBS AGREED TO LET HIM REVIVE ONE OF THEIR OLD CHILDREN'S SHOWS.
RAT HOSTING A CHILDREN'S SHOW? WHICH ONE?
PLEASE DON'T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR...

THIS PROTEST IS STUPID.
STUPID?! THERE'S AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF YOUNG MEN OUT THERE WHO CAN'T GET JOBS. SO INSTEAD OF BUYING HOMES AND STARTING FAMILIES, THEY'RE STUCK LIVING WITH FRIENDS IN CRAPPY, ONE-ROOM APARTMENTS.
OCCUPY SESAME STREET
FINE. BUT WHAT'S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH SESAME STREET?
THEY PROMOTE IT.
PROMOTE IT HOW??
Bert and I would like to go to sleep now.
PIPE DOWN, YOU BRAINWASHING MUPPET.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE PROTESTING "SESAME STREET."
YOU CAN'T HUH?... WELL, THINK ABOUT IT...
THE SHOW TEACHES YOUNG PEOPLE THAT THE 99% OF AMERICANS WHO ARE NOT RICH HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO GET USED TO THEIR SUBSTANDARD LIVING CONDITIONS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
Hey kids, It's fun to live in garbage cans.
See?
HEY, C'MON, HE'S GROUCHY ABOUT IT.

WHY IS EVERYONE GOING TO THESE "OCCUPY WALL STREET" PROTESTS?
BECAUSE THEY VIEW IT AS THE CENTER OF CORPORATE GREED.
BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER STREETS IN NEW YORK? WE SHOULD BE PROTESTING ON THOSE, TOO.
WHICH ONES DO YOU SUGGEST?
OCCUPY SESAME STREET
PLEASE LEAVE.
SHUT YOUR FACE, GROVER!

WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
VITO CORLEONE.
I'M GOING TO A MOB COSTUME PARTY.
A MOB COSTUME PARTY?
YEAH. AND THIS IS A STATUE OF JIMMY HOFFA. GUARD DUCK MADE IT FOR ME. I BRING ONE EVERY YEAR.
WHAT FOR?
AT THE END OF THE PARTY, THE MOBSTERS BLOW IT UP. THERE'S A LITTLE FUSE IN HIS HEAD. BUT I THINK WE NEED TO CHANGE THE DESIGN.
WHY?
BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS TAKING SOMEONE ELSE'S FUSE AND THEY PULL ON THE FUSE TO MAKE IT SHORTER. THAT WAY IT BLOWS UP RIGHT WHEN THEY LIGHT IT.
BUT THAT'S NOT SAFE.
I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I'M CHANGING IT.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
I'M GONNA MAKE THEM A HOFFA THEY CAN'T RE-FUSE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, PIG?
MY STUPID COMPUTER. IF I DON'T USE AN ANTI- VIRUS PROGRAM, I GET SOME RUSSIAN-MADE VIRUS ON MY COMPUTER THAT STEALS MY CREDIT CARD NUMBER.
BUT IF I DO USE AN ANTI-VIRUS PROGRAM, IT SLOWS MY COMPUTER DOWN TO A CRAWL AND INTERRUPTS EVERYTHING I DO WITH STUPID MESSAGES.
YEAH, BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO?
I E-MAILED MY CREDIT CARD NUMBER TO THE RUSSIANS.
IT'S A BIG TIME-SAVER.

HEY, RAT, I'M TRYING TO SET UP THAT POKER GAME YOU ASKED FOR, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO TO INVITE.
WHO CARES? WE JUST NEED PLAYERS. ASK ANYONE WITH ARMS THAT CAN HOLD CARDS.
THAT HURTS.
TRY TO BE MORE SENSITIVE AROUND MR. BUFFALO HEAD.

LOOK WHAT I BOUGHT, RAT...IT'S THE 'MOUNTED BUFFALO HEAD OF REGRET.'
WHAT'S THE REGRET?
NOT DUCKING.
IT'S REALLY LIMITED HIS OPTIONS.