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THE CROCS ARE ASKING THE CITY TO TEAR DOWN YOUR WALL ON THE GROUND THAT IT POSES A DANGER TO CHILDREN.
HOW DO THEY FIGURE THAT?!
THEY SAY A HELPLESS CHILD COULD CLIMB ON TOP AND SUFFER A TRAGIC FALL. BUT THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED, AND THEY HAVE NO PROOF IT EVER WOULD.
Why me got wear funny costume, Bob.?
Shut mouf and walk closer to edge, Burt.

DO YOU REALIZE THAT IN 1985, THERE WERE ONLY 13 BILLIONAIRES IN THE U.S., AND TODAY THERE ARE MORE THAN 1,000? SO WHILE MOST OF US STRUGGLE, THERE'S THIS CLASS OF THE SUPER RICH WHO'VE THRIVED.
THAT'S NOT FAIR. WE NEED TO CHANGE THAT.
I AGREE.
BUT HOW?
BY JOINING THAT CLASS.
I THINK YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.
LET ME BE ONE OF YOU, RICH PEOPLE!

GUARD DUCK STARTED PLAYING BINGO WITH THE SENIORS AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER.
WHY BINGO?
DOCTOR SAID HE HAS HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. IT'S SUPPOSED TO HELP HIM RELAX.
THAT'S GREAT. HOW'S HE DOING WITH IT?
NO, I DO NOT WANT TO FORM A BINGO ALLIANCE.

Elly Elephant was thinking of Henry Hippo.
So she sat in her kitchen and tried to envision her dream man.
"I will take this empty basket and put in one avocado for each trait I want in a man."
So she put in one avocado for sensitivity, and one for handsome, and one for adventurous.
"And I want him to be dependable," she said, adding in another avocado. But when she did, out fell adventurous.
"Okay, he can't be needy," she said, squeezing in another. But out fell sensitive.
"The basket can't hold all the avocados," Elly cried in despair. "They are too many. I will learn to be happy with the one avocado I have."
Elephant was soon seen dipping Henry into guacamole.
This is an uplifting tale.
"Oh. THIS IS AN UPLIFTING TALE."
"So remember, people. Be happy with the crappy partner you have."
"I WILL STRIVE TO BE ALONE FOREVER!"

TOOOT
PEARLS
10th Anniversary
12/31/01 - 12/31/11
SOMEHOW I EXPECTED MORE.
CAN I GO HOME NOW?

HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB...WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I DUNNO. JUST BEEN REAL DOWN LATELY. I NEED A REAL SHOT IN THE ARM.
BLAM
DID THAT HELP?

Look... It shiftly leetle rat. Mebbe he got idea how crocs can geet down eento zeeba yard.
DUDE. JUST GO DOWN A LADDER.
Any more idea?

HEY, GOAT... WANT TO PLAY BADMINTON WITH ME AND PIG? YOU JUST TAKE A RACKET AND HIT THIS LITTLE THINGIE.
YOUR LITTLE THINGIE THERE IS CALLED A 'SHUTTLECOCK.'
SOMEHOW I DIDN'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.

Okay, guys, we is wait here for zeeba neighba. When he show up, Bob smash heem wid rock.
How long we got wait?
Long as it take.
Toss
THUD
Me got bored.

I'M HAVING A BAD DAY...A REAL BAD DAY.
DON'T BE DOWN, RAT. YOUR LIFE'S NOT THAT BAD. JUST ASK THE SPECTRAL TORTOISE O' PERSPECTIVE.
YOU COULD BE DEAD.
HE'S QUITE THE PICKER-UPPER.

Well now, there's a constellation you don't see every day.

HEY, PIG. WHAT's WRONG?
OH, ZEBRA... I'VE BEEN HEARING VOICES.
REALLY?
REALLY.
WELL, LOOK... IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. MAYBE GET YOU HELP... A GOOD PSYCHOLOGIST.
HOW WILL THAT MAKE THE COUPLE NEXT DOOR STOP FIGHTING?
THOSE ARE YOUR VOICES?
HEY... WHAT CAN HE DO ABOUT THEIR BARKING DOG?

WHAT ARE YOU WRITING, PIG?
A BUCKET LIST OF ALL THE THINGS I’D LIKE TO DO BEFORE I DIE.
1) STAND ON IT.
2) PUT IT ON HEAD.
3) ROLL IT DOWN STREET.
YOU KNOW, THINGS ON YOUR BUCKET LIST DON’T HAVE TO INVOLVE BUCKETS.
WHOA. NOW THAT BROADENS THINGS.

YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH A LOT IN LIFE, RIGHT?
SURE.
WHY?
BECAUSE I JUST FIGURED OUT THAT WITH YOU BEING 43 YEARS OLD AND THE AVERAGE LIFE EXPECTANCY FOR A MAN BEING 76 YEARS OLD, YOUR LIFE IS AT LEAST 56 PERCENT OVER.
SO?
SO IF YOUR LIFE IS A FOOTBALL GAME, YOU'RE WELL INTO THE THIRD QUARTER AND DOWN 20 POINTS.
ARE YOU DONE?
THROW A HAIL MARY, STEPH!!
LEMME GUESS. YOU'RE BANKING ON A MIRACULOUS FOURTH QUARTER COMEBACK.

WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING, STEPH?
A NEW GERMAN BEER. IT'S GREAT.
GERMAN? HA! I DRINK AN ALL-AMERICAN BEER WITH ITS RED, WHITE AND BLUE LABEL AND ITS ALL-AMERICAN ADS FILLED WITH AMERICAN FLAGS AND AMERICAN BARBECUES AND AMERICAN BASEBALL...
THAT BEER YOU'RE HOLDING IS NOW OWNED BY A EUROPEAN COMPANY.
I KNEW THAT.

WHERE WERE YOU GUYS?
SEEING THAT NEW 4D MOVIE.
4D? THE FOURTH DIMENSION IS TIME.
YEAH. THE MOVIE ENDS BEFORE IT STARTS.
NEVER MIND.
STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN IN THE FOURTH DIMENSION.
LOOK! MY POPCORN'S STILL WARM.

WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING, GOAT?
IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE. IT'S A CLASSIC CHRISTMAS MOVIE.
IS THAT THE ONE WHERE THEY SAY, "EVERY TIME A BELL RINGS, A PIG GETS BEATEN."?
THAT'S NOT THE SAYING.
PLEASE DON'T RUIN THE FUN.
WHY IS THAT A CLASSIC?

T-SHIRT SHOP
I'M
WITH
STUPID
I'M
WITH
STUPID
I'M
WITH
STUPID
I'M
WITH
STUPID

HEY, YOU'RE "PIG" FROM THE COMIC STRIP "PEARLS BEFORE SWINE"... MIND SIGNING MY "PEARLS" BOOK?
SURE! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
STACY... WITH AN "E"!
GOTCHA!
TO STEYCI

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, DAD?
Crocs climb zeeba wall. Now dey juss need way get down into zeeba yard.
HOW ARE THEY GONNA DO IT?
Dey essperimenting.
So much for 'pusheeng Bob.'

IF THAT READER IN CLEVELAND IS GONNA INTERRUPT OUR STRIP BY NOT TURNING OFF HIS CELL PHONE WHILE HE READS THE NEWSPAPER, I'M GONNA RUIN HIS DAY RIGHT BACK!
HOW YOU GONNA DO THAT?
FOUR DOWN IS 'EVE'!!
YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T GIVE AWAY THE CROSSWORD.
KEEP IT UP, PAL...THE SUDOKU'S NEXT!!

BEFORE TODAY'S PERFORMANCE OF "PEARLS," WE'D APPRECIATE IT IF ALL OF YOU READERS WOULD PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES SO AS TO NOT INTERFERE WITH OTHER READERS' VIEWING ENJOYMENT. THANK YOU...
HEY, RAT, WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?
A MONKEY IN PANTS STOLE MY --
IT'S THE GUY IN CLEVELAND AGAIN!!
USHER, PLEASE REMOVE THE CLEVELAND MAN.
HIM AGAIN?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
PLANNING A PARTY AT MY HOUSE, BUT I NEED SOME GAMES WHERE PEOPLE CAN WIN PARTY BAGS. DO YOU KNOW ANY GOOD GAMES?
DO THE ONE WHERE YOU PUT PENNIES IN A JAR, AND SEE WHO CAN COME THE CLOSEST TO GUESSING HOW MANY ARE IN THERE.
OOH, GREAT IDEA.
THREE.
YOU ARE REALLY GOOD AT THIS.

DO YOU EVER MEET A PERSON AND KNOW IMMEDIATELY YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE THEM?
OH, SURE.
YEAH...WHAT IS IT ABOUT CERTAIN PEOPLE THAT TELLS YOU THAT?
THEY'RE BREATHING.
MAYBE YOU'RE THE WRONG GUY TO ASK.
AND MOUTHS. THEY ALL SEEM TO HAVE MOUTHS.

HEY, PIG. DID YOU NEED
OH! THE TAPPING PIG! I-
I'M THE TAPPING PIG! I GO DOOR-TO-DOOR TAP DANCING FOR PEOPLE AND THEN KEEP TRACK OF WHETHER OR NOT THEY LIKED IT. SO FAR, EVERYONE'S LOVED IT!
LISTEN, PIG. I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO TALK TO YOU, BUT MY NEICE LARISA WAS EATEN BY LIONS LAST NIGHT. MY COUSIN DEAN WAS EATEN BY LIONS.
AND WHEN THEY WERE DONE, THEY ATE MY UNCLE STEVE. THEN HIS BROTHER PETE.
A WHOLE FAMILY WIPED OUT BY A GROUP OF HEARTLESS, INSATIABLE PREDATORS. WHERE DOES IT END... WHEN DOES THE MINDLESS VIOLENCE AND SUFFERING OF THIS WORLD END?!?!
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TAPPITY
TAP TAP
tappity
TAP TAP TAP
Not a fan.