Pearls Before Swine | Search

HEY, DUDE, WHAT'S THAT?
BIRTHDAY GIFT. I HEARD IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, SO I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "I SHOULD GIVE HIM SOMETHING."
THERE'S NOTHING IN IT.
IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.

HEY, RAT... THIS IS MY FRIEND, SCIENTIST BOB. HE DOES FIELD RESEARCH INTO THE SOUNDS MADE BY DIFFERENT SPECIES OF ANIMALS.
HOW'S HE DO THAT?
THE COW SAYS "MOOOOOOOO..."
I QUESTION HIS METHODOLOGY.

I HATE HOW EACH TIME YOU TURN ON YOUR COMPUTER, I GET THESE PROMPTS FOR SOFTWARE UPDATES
WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEM?
THEY’RE ANNOYING. THEY’RE INTRUSIVE. I MEAN, WHY CAN’T THESE SOFTWARE MORONS GET THEIR PRODUCT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME? IT REALLY BUGS ME.
really?
REALLY.
I DON’T THINK MY WARRANTY COVERS THIS.
IT’S AN ACT OF GOD. HE GAVE ME A SHORT TEMPER.

HEY, GOAT... CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK? WE'VE GOT THIS NEW COLA CALLED "PRINCESS D." IT'S A TRIBUTE TO PRINCESS DIANA.
HMM... I'M NOT TOO BIG ON COLAS... GOT ANYTHING ELSE?
JUST "MOUNTAIN DEW."
SO THOSE ARE MY ONLY TWO OPTIONS?
IT'S DEW OR DI.
YOU ENTERTAIN NO ONE.

I HEARD YOU GOT A JOB WRITING THE BULLETIN FOR A LOCAL CHURCH.
YEAH. BUT APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T DISCUSS THE PASTOR'S SERMONS.
WHY NOT?
WHO KNOWS? I DID AN ARTICLE ON LAST SUNDAY'S SERMON AND THE GUY WENT NUTS. HERE, LOOK WHAT I WROTE.
BORING BORING BORING
Pastor's Dull Sermons Make Hell Seem Like Appealing Alternative
HE MUST REALLY BE SENSITIVE.
YEAH. NOW I'M GLAD I GAVE HIM TWO BIG THUMBS-DOWN.

HEY, RAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I GOT A JOB WRITING THE CHURCH BULLETIN FOR A LOCAL CHURCH. I'M SPPOSED TO FILL IT WITH LITTLE NEWS ITEMS ABOUT THE CHURCH AND ITS PARISHIONERS. HERE, HAVE A LOOK...
OLD MAN JOHNSON OUR CHEAPEST PARISHIONER
"EL CHEAPO" STIFFS COLLECTION PLATE AGAIN
THAT'S NOT WHAT PEOPLE PUT IN CHURCH BULLETINS.
I KNOW. MINE'S A HUGE IMPROVEMENT.

Hullooooo, zeeba neighba...Iseems...
Time for you eeep up.
Cross has monies for buy peeez...
WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?
No you business. How 'bout we just
desscuss you suurrender over eeet? Hyuck hyuck
NO
No tanks? But we eees have Clives Coffee.
Come from worlds best coffee beans.
WORLDS BEST WHAT?
Coffee beans. Take it from Meester Clive de Coffee...
ees Coffee-nominal !!
YOU FRRAUDS YOU CROKS ARE GET-
TING THAT CAH-
FEEE FROM BEING CHEAP
CORRPRIATE SHILLS
No we not! No we not! We jess...
MEESTAH BEAN
MEESTAH BEAN
It's COFFEE-NOMINAL!!
Now ha gud time, Larry.
Whoa, Me forgot eezy
rool-fee tumbah.

WHEN I WAS YOUNG, I WAS SO JUDGMENTAL OF OTHERS...NOW I REALIZE THAT ALL OF US- INCLUDING ME- ARE DEEPLY FLAWED.
THAT'S GREAT. SO NOW YOU FEEL MORE HUMBLE..?
PROUD. MY FLAWS HAVE MORE STYLE.
NEVER MIND.
WHY BE HUMBLE WHEN YOU CAN BE ME?

OHH, AUNT VIVIAN... I KNOW THIS WORLD TURNED YOU INTO A HAM, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY HERE.

WHERE CAN I GO?
FLY TO THE SPIRITUAL REALM, WHERE WE HAVE NO PHYSICAL FORM! THERE YOU CAN ONCE AGAIN BE WITH MY DEAR DEPARTED UNCLE GEORGE! OHH, IMAGINE HOW MUCH HE'S MISSED YOU!
NOT THAT MUCH.
OH, GREAT. YOU AGAIN!?

WHEN YOU DIE, WHAT DOES YOUR GHOST LOOK LIKE?
I GUESS IT'S AS YOU LOOKED IN YOUR LAST MOMENTS ON EARTH... ONLY YOU HAVE WINGS AND CAN FLY.
NUTS. THEN WE'RE DEFINITELY BEING HAUNTED BY MY AUNT VIVIAN.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
I KNOW.

TUNAS REVOLTED!! TUNAS REVOLTED!!
TUNIS, PIG, NOT TUNA.
AND HERE I THOUGHT THEY WERE MAD ABOUT ALL THOSE SANDWICHES I EAT.

PIGITA: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT A VALENTINE'S DAY DINNER.
I DIDN'T WANT ONE WITH YOU. I HAD A DATE WITH SOMEONE BETTER.
MISTER SNUFFLES! HOW COULD YOU?
DON'T YOU LECTURE SNUFFY WUFFY! I'VE MOVED ON WITH MY LIFE AND I'LL SEE WHOEVER I WAN... TOO BAD YOU CAN'T DO THE SAME.
I TAKE IT YOU HAVEN'T MET HOSANNA.

WELL, RAT, ME AND MY DATE, HOSANNA, ARE OFF ON OUR VALENTINE'S DAY DINNER… YOU WANT US TO BRING YOU OUR LEFTOVERS?
PIG… HOSANNA'S A PILLOW TIED TO A MOP WITH A GARDEN HOSE.
HOSANNA SAYS GET YOUR OWN BLEEPING LEFTOVERS.

AND THAT'S WHY PIGS DON'T HAVE A MATING DANCE.
OH, GAND.
THAT GIRL'S LOOKING! THAT GIRL'S LOOKING! WAIT, NO, SHE'S RUNNING FOR HELP.

THE PROBLEM TODAY IS THAT NOBODY LISTENS. EVERYBODY JUST HEARS WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR.
YOU DO THAT, TOO, SOMETIMES.
DO YOU REALLY THINK MY MUSCLES ARE THAT BIG?

Hullo. My name Larry. Me need you shoot my neighba.
EXCUSE ME ?
Shoot my neighba. You know... Bang Bang
SIR, MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT WE DO.
And den drag heem here, so me can eat.
I'M HANGING UP NOW, SIR.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
OUR SATELLITE DISH IS GETTING INTERFERENCE AGAIN... EVERY FEW MONTHS I HAVE TO GO UP ON THE ROOF AND REINSTALL THAT STUPID THING IN A NEW SPOT.
THERE'S GOT TO BE AN EASIER WAY THAN THAT.
YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ON THE ROOF.

GOOD MORNING, GOAT!
GOOD MORNING, PIG, IT'S ALWAYS SO NICE TO HEAR YOUR PLEASANT GREETING FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
WELL, THANK YOU GOAT... WHO DOESN'T LIKE TO START THEIR DAY WITH A GREAT BIG "GOOD MORNING"?
MAYBE WE SHOULD BE QUIET NOW.
HEY, DON'T MIND THE BAMBOO STICK, BE PERKY AGAIN.
CHECK, PLEASE.

HEY, GOAT, DIDJA HEAR I GOT A JOB WRITING BILLBOARD ADS?
HEY, THAT'S GREAT, PIG. THERE'S A REAL SKILL TO REACHING DRIVERS IN THE COUPLE SECONDS THEY HAVE WHILE ZOOMING PAST A BILLBOARD.
THAT'S ALL THE TIME THEY HAVE?
YEAH. WHY?

The Bunny Rabbit Eye Level Power Hour is now officially the most popular show on junior radio worldwide, as confirmed by Junior Radio International of Geneva, Switzerland. The 60-minute daily cartoon show reaches more than 100 million children in over 90 countries and is translated into more than 45 languages. The lifelong radio veteran, who is well-hated by junior listeners as “Butch the Bunny Rabbit,” began the show in Istanbul, Turkey, in 2017 with disco dance hits. Regular Bunny Rabbit co-hosts are “Mr. Meow” (voiced by former tennis star Jippa Trute) and “Donkey Dan” (voice provided by Donald Duck tribute artist Quackie O’Maris). Famed impressionist and mime François Fromage has provided special guest voices over the past two years.
The breakout star of the program has been radio personality Sally “Sphinx” McConnell in the role of club D. With the aid of several supporting voices, “Sphinx the Lyric D” has reached more than 40 nations with the show’s tagline “We put the foam in your ph

YOU'RE A BAD ARTIST.
IS THAT SO?
YEAH. SOMETIMES I LOOK AT THE STRIP AND DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SOME OF THE OBJECTS ARE. I SAY TO MYSELF, "IS THAT A LAMP?... NO, NO, IT'S A SHOE."
LISTEN, I DO THE BEST I CAN TO MAKE THINGS LOOK LIKE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK, OKAY? WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!?
ERASE THE LABELS.
QUICK QUESTION... IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A PIECE OF PAPER?

Elly Elephant wanted one true romance.
So she approached her boyfriend, Henry Hippo.
Henry Hippo, I want you to take a poetry class. And I want you to do me in the iambic pentameter of Keats and Byron and Shelley.
So Henry Hippo went to school and learned the poetry of Keats and Byron and Shelley.
And worked late into the night on his own.
And when it was done, and as close to the work of the 19th century masters as could be, he presented it to his love, Elly Elephant...
...Who, touched beyond words, took the work gently into her hands and began to read.
Here are my wishes, please do the dishes,
Elly Elephant stabbed the iambic pentameter out of Henry Hippo.
THIS IS THE PROUDEST VALENTINE'S DAY CARD YOU'RE SENDING TO *HALLMARK?!*?
YEAH! IT PROVES TRUE ROMANCE IS NOT DEAD.
NEITHER IS POETRY.
YOUR WORDS LOST A GREAT FAN!
k

HEY, RAT.
WHATCHA WATCHING?
THE START OF THE SUPER BOWL. THE PLAYERS RUN OUT OF THEIR LOCKER ROOMS AND DOWN THIS TUNNEL. THEY EMERGE FROM THIS CLOUD OF SMOKE ONTO THE FIELD.
THE LOCKER ROOM'S ON FIRE! THE LOCKER ROOM'S ON FIRE!
I SEE THE PRE-GAME SHOW HAS CONFUSED YOU.
RUN FASTER, FAT MEN, FASTER!!

HEY, PIG...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I HAVE TO GIVE A SPEECH TOMORROW, BUT PUBLIC SPEAKING MAKES ME A LITTLE NERVOUS.
DOES IT SHOW?
WHAT WAS THAT SNAP?
MICROPHONE STAND BROKE. DON’T WORRY, THAT’S ONLY SIX.

DID YOU SEE THE BATHROOM HERE NOW HAS A MOTION-ACTIVATED PAPER TOWEL DISPENSER? YOU JUST WAVE YOUR HAND IN FRONT OF IT AND IT WORKS.
SO?
SO THERE SHOULD BE MOTION-ACTIVATED BRAINS FOR STUPID PEOPLE.
I HARDLY THINK--
SHHHH... ACTIVATING.
WELL, HELLO TO YOU, RAT.

HEY, DOES OBAMA STILL HAVE THAT "CASH FOR CLUNKERS" PROGRAM?
NO, I THINK IT ENDED QUITE AWHILE AGO...WHY?
I WAS HOPING TO TURN IN A BUNCH OF YOUR JOKES.
IT ONLY APPLIED TO CARS.
NUTS...AND I WAS GONNA RETIRE ON THESE THINGS.