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EXCUSE ME, GOAT, BUT IS THAT THE "NEW YORK TIMES" YOU'RE PERUSING?
YES. WHY?
NO COMICS SECTION.
SUPPORT OUR OWN, SIR.

Okay, woomun, lesteen...Crocs geet wheels. Run over deer. Eet.
THAT'S A GOLF CART, LARRY. IT'S NOT GONNA RUN OVER ANYTHING.
Whoa whoa whoa, Ms. Larry. Dat no true.
Me run over beetle.
Next time me do talking, Bob.
Hey, whuhn you know...leetle guy still alive.

BOB! BOB! Guess whuhh me see.
Whuh?
Dead deer. On highway. Stoopid tings try run across. Geer hit.
Dead deer taste gud.
Me know dat, Bob. So go steal beeegest truck possible. We zoom down highway. Run over beeeeg deer herd.
How 'bout YOU go run across highway, Bob?
GIMME BACK THE CART, PIG.
Peese no hit me, Man-e-en-Funny-Pants.

EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUPPORT OUR CAUSE? MAYBE SIGN SOME OF OUR PETITIONS?
I'M SORRY. I'M NOT VERY POLITICAL.
OH, PLEASE, SIR...WE'VE BEEN OUT HERE IN THE HOT SUN ALL DAY. COULD YOU AT LEAST JUST WEAR ONE OF OUR SHIRTS OR SOMETHING?
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, FINE.
THIS IS AWKWARD.

SORRY I'M LATE, GOAT. THERE WAS SOME CONSTRUCTION, SO I HAD TO WALK A DIFFERENT WAY.
THAT'S OKAY. HEY, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND, CHRIS…CHRIS, THIS IS PIG.
PIG, HUH? WHAT DO YOU GO BY?
THE CHEESE STORE AND THE BAKERY.
A NAME, PIG…HE'S LOOKING FOR A NAME.
OH. I THINK IT'S LOU'S CHEESE STORE. THEY HAVE VERY GOOD CHEESE.
NEVER MIND.

MY NEIGHBOR, MR. DEATH, STARTED A SHOE REPAIR BUSINESS. IT'S PRETTY CONVENIENT. HE PICKS UP THE WORN-OUT SHOES RIGHT FROM THE CUSTOMERS' HOMES.
HOW'S THAT GOING?
NOT SO WELL.
WHY NOT?
I'VE COME FOR YOUR SOLE.

HEY, PIGITA... MY NEIGHBORS BOB AND BETTY ASKED IF WE'D BE INTERESTED IN DOING SOMETHING WITH THEM.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM.
WELL, FOR ONE THING, THEY'RE SWINGERS.
SHE DOESN'T APPROVE OF YOUR LIFESTYLE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, PIG?
IT'S MY NEIGHBOR, JUAN.
HE'S SO RUDE TO PEOPLE, BUT I DON'T THINK HE
REALIZES IT.
WELL, IT CAN BE PAINFUL FOR SOME PEOPLE TO SEE THEMSELVES AS THEY TRULY ARE.
SO IT ACHES JUAN TO KNOW JUAN?
SURELY, YOU CAN DO BETTER.

WELL, GOAT, I'M OFF... I JOINED TOASTMASTERS INTERNATIONAL AND HAVE MY FIRST MEETING.
GOOD FOR YOU, PIG. ARE YOU GOING TO IMPROVE YOUR PUBLIC SPEAKING SKILLS?
IT APPEARS THERE'S BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING.

HEY, NEIGHBOR WILLY! WAIT TO GOING TO MARS?
CAN'T. HAVE TO STUDY.
WHY?
I NEED A 4.6 G.P.A.
WHAT FOR?
TO GET INTO A TOP-TIER, IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL.
WHERE, IF I WORK REALLY HARD, I CAN GET A DEGREE AND THEN A SIX-FIGURE JOB.
WHERE, IF I WORK EVEN HARDER, I CAN MAKE A LOT OF MONEY FOR MANY YEARS.
WHICH, IF EVERYTHING GOES RIGHT, WILL ALLOW ME TO RETIRE COMFORTABLY AT 65.
THEN WHAT?
THEN MAYBE I'LL HAVE A COUPLE YEARS LEFT BEFORE I DIE.

WHAT'S THE KEY TO BEING HAPPY?
I THINK IT'S LEARNING TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
WHICH MOMENT? BECAUSE MANY OF MINE ARE CRAPPY.
THIS MOMENT.
THIS MOMENT? OH, HOW BORING.

PROMOTE PEACE... 'CO-EXIST'... 'SAVE THE PLANET'... WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL ME WHAT TO DO ON THEIR BUMPER STICKERS?
I DON'T KNOW. WHY DOES IT MATTER?
BECAUSE IT BOTHERS ME. SO I'VE CREATED MY OWN…
Stop telling me what to do on your bumper stickers.
I THINK IT HURTS YOUR CASE THAT IT'S ON A BUMPER STICKER.
HEY. STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO.

HEY, PIG. I WANT YOU TO MEET ONE OF THE BEST ENTERTAINMENT LAWYERS IN HOLLYWOOD... I'M SELLING A 'PEARLS' MOVIE SCRIPT AND HE'S GONNA HELP ME.
HI... I'M LES ABELL.
OHH, DON'T SAY THAT. I BET IF YOU TRY A LITTLE HARDER, ONE DAY YOU'LL BE JUST AS GOOD AS ALL THE OTHER LAWYERS.
WHAT THE @#&$ IS HE TALKING ABOUT?
PIG... HE'S LES ABELL.
WELL, DON'T SAY IT IN FRONT OF HIM.

LOOK AT THAT GUY HOLDING HIS CELL PHONE SO CLOSE TO HIS HEAD. DO YOU THINK IT'S TRUE THAT THOSE THINGS CAN BE DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH?
SOMETIMES.

HEY THERE, PIG. JUST WANTED TO SAY THANKS FOR BEING SO NICE AND WELCOMING ME BACK TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
IT'S MY PLEASURE, MR. DEATH. HEY, HOW COME YOU'RE NOT WEARING THE GIFT I GOT YOU?? I BOUGHT IT ON MY LAST VACATION.
OH, THAT'...? WELL, I...
OH, C'MON, MR. DEATH... YOU'RE REALLY GONNA HURT MY FEELINGS.
HAPPY?
YOU LOOK SOOOO CUTE.

DID YOU HEAR THAT THE GRIM REAPER GUY IS MOVING BACK INTO THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR TO YOU?
YEAH, I SURE MISSED MR. DEATH. I'M EVEN MAKING A SIGN ON BEHALF OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD WELCOMING HIM BACK.
I GUESS HE AND MRS. DEATH WERE SEPARATED FOR A WHILE.
THIS TOWN WELCOMES DEATH
MAYBE WE COULD RE-WORD THAT.
HOW 'BOUT THIS?
EAGERLY AWAITING DEATH

Hullooo, zeeba neighba, leestn... Crocs buy eeendustrial strengf trash compakker.
WHAT FOR?
Shove you eenside. Crush you like Hefty bag.
DO YOU THINK THAT CAN CRUSH AN ANIMAL MY SIZE?
Do me trink? Me know. Me and Burt be like professional scientist. Did many test.
WHERE'S BURT?
He scream a lot for professional scientist.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
PLAYING PING PONG WITH RAT.
BUT HE'S JUST SMASHING THE BALL INTO YOUR FACE.
YEAH. RAT SAYS THE "PING" IS WHEN YOU HIT IT WITH THE PADDLE. BUT THE "PONG" IS WHEN YOU SMASH SOMEONE'S FACE. OTHERWISE, HE SAYS IT'D BE CALLED 'PING PING'.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU PLAY--
MAY I ONE DAY BE A PINGER?
A PONGER BE A PINGER? NOW I HAVE TO PADDLE YOU FOR ASKING.

HEY, RAT, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU'RE NOT EATING YOUR SOUP THE RIGHT WAY...WHEN YOU DIP THE SPOON, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MOVE IT AWAY FROM YOU, NOT TOWARD YOU.
LIKE THAT?
NOT QUITE.
SHOULD I TRY AGAIN, MISS MANNERS?

HEY, PAT... I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET OUR NEWEST CHARACTER, MIKEY THE MOUSE.
THAT'S IT?... HE'S JUST A MOUSE? NO WEIRD FREAKISH TRAIT LIKE ALL OUR OTHER CHARACTERS?
FOOSHHH
HE DOES SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST.
IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.
FEEL FREE TO ROAST MARSHMALLOWS.

I JUST READ THOMAS MANN'S NOVEL 'DEATH IN VENICE.'
GREAT. THAT'S A REAL CLASSIC.
OH. AND I CAN SEE WHY. MAN GOES TO VENICE. MAN DIES.
A CLASSIC!!!
MAYBE GREAT LITERATURE ISN'T YOUR THING.
SO IS 'CLASSIC' CODE FOR BORING AND SUCKY?

Hullo zeeba neighba.
Leesten. You got long arms? Me drop keys through grate.
OH, YOU MEAN THE SEWER GRATE?
Barbecue.
Dat guy never helpful.

I HATE EVERYBODY.
I HATE EVERYTHING.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE SO UNHAPPY, YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT MOVING ABROAD.
DIDN'T HELP.

WHO WERE YOU YELLING AT ON THE PHONE?
THE PEOPLE WHO COLOR MY SUNDAY STRIPS.
I THOUGHT YOU COLORED THEM.
WELL, I DO. BUT THEN MY COLOR FILE GETS SENT TO SOME COMPANY THAT LIKES TO REFORMAT IT FOR THE COLOR PAPERS LIKE THE SUNDAY PAPER.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT.
DON'T BOTHER, REALLY. ALL I KNOW IS THAT THOSE GUYS ARE ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE COLOR THAT APPEARS IN THE SUNDAY STRIP.
WHY'D YOU GET TICKED AT THEM?
THEY TOOK OUR STRIP A FEW WEEKS AGO AND TOLD ME TO BE MORE CAREFUL.
WILL THEY LISTEN?
OH, YEAH, LISTEN, ALL RIGHT. DEAR EDITOR... THIS IS STEPHAN PASTIS... DARN IT. I THINK THAT REALLY INTIMIDATED THEM.
IT SURE DID.
I'LL GET THEM FOR THIS.
WHOA, HE MUST BE MORE BUZZED ON THE INK.

LOOK AT ALL THIS E-MAIL. I'VE GOT HUNDREDS I HAVEN'T EVEN READ.
HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO ALL THOSE?
WELL, ONE LITTLE SHORTCUT I'VE LEARNED IS TO FIRST CLICK THE 'SELECT ALL' FEATURE.
THEN WHAT?
[Delete]
IT'S A BIG TIME-SAVER.