Pearls Before Swine | Search

HIYA, GOAT. WANT SOME DINNER? I'M COOKING LIVER AND ONIONS.
NO. TOO DEPRESSED.
HOW COME?
I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO ON A DATE TONIGHT, BUT THE GIRL JUST CALLED AND SAID SHE'S GOING OUT WITH SOME OTHER GUY... I WAS LIKE, WHAT AM I, CHOPPED LIVER?
WHAT THE @#*&! IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS..
A STINKING LOSER IS WHAT YOU ARE
WHY MUST I LIVE IN A COMIC STRIP?

FINALLY GOT RID OF CABLE AS A WAY TO SAVE MONEY. FIGURE I CAN SKIP T.V.
YEAH. I THINK WE'RE ALL FIGURING OUT WAYS TO SAVE MONEY. I'M SKIPPING EATING OUT.
YEAH. I SKIP MOVIES
HAIRCUTS.
SOME THINGS SHOULDN'T BE SKIPPED.
OH, AND SOAP. I'M NOW AU NATUREL.
BREATHING. I'IL SKIP BREATHING.

DOES SOMEONE ON "FACEBOOK"
SEE IT WHEN
YOU DECLINE
THEIR FRIEND
REQUEST?
NO. ALL THEY
NOTICE IS
THAT YOU'RE
STILL NOT
ON THEIR
FRIEND LIST.
SO THEY DON'T
GET A MESSAGE
THAT SAYS, "RAT
HAS REJECTED
YOUR OFFER OF
FRIENDSHIP"?
OH, DEFINITELY
NOT. I'M SURE
"FACEBOOK"
WOULD NEVER
WANT TO
HUMILIATE
SOMEONE
LIKE THAT.
THAT'S TOO BAD.
END OF
CONVERSATION.
IT SHOULD
SAY, "RAT
HAS REJECTED
YOUR SAD
LITTLE
LOSERFACE."

FOUND THE FAT MAN!
SOME PEOPLE WATCH ALFRED HITCHCOCK MOVIES FOR MORE THAN JUST SPOTTING THE ALFRED HITCHCOCK CAMEOS.
OFF TO RENT MORE.

Whuh you reading, Bob?
Ees bok on how crocs keel prey with death roll.
Roll keel dem?
Oh, yeah. It snap neck. Why?
Peese. Eet wid dinner.

HEY, RAT, HAVE YOU MET MY FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR?
ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES.
HE'D PROBABLY LIKE IT IF YOU BOUGHT HIM A BEER.
WHY SHOULD I BUY HIM A BEER?
ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT SMOKEY GOING HOME SOBER.
THIS COULD GET ANNOYING.
ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT SMOKEY GOING HOME LONELY.
CREEP.

WHY ARE YOU WEARING A HALO AND WINGS?
I, RAT, HAVE FOUND RELIGION.
YOU?
YES, MY BROTHER. I AM EVEN FASTING FOR LENT.
FASTING?...WHAT ARE YOU GIVING UP?...MEATS?...ALCOHOL?
MORONS.
MORONS?
YES, BROTHER. FOR THE NEXT 24 DAYS, I WILL NO LONGER CHAT WITH THE SIMPLETONS AND IDIOTS AROUND ME.
HOW CAN YOU CLAIM TO BE RELIGIOUS IF YOU'RE GOING AROUND CALLING PEOPLE YOU TALK TO "MORONS" AND "SIMPLETONS" AND "IDIOTS"?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA RESPOND?
I'D BE BREAKING MY FAST.
WHY DO I—
AWAY, CHOWDERHEAD! TEMPT ME NOT!!

I SAW THE PRETTIEST WOMAN YESTERDAY. I JUST FELL HEAD OVER HEELS.
YOU REALLY LOVED HER, HUH?
NO. I JUST FEW. HEAD OVER HEELS.
I SHOULD WATCH WHERE I'M GOING.

HEY, RAT, THE GUY WHO OWNS
OUR ENTIRE AVENUE AND
BUILT ALL THE HOUSES ON IT
IS AT OUR FRONT DOOR AND
SAYS OUR RENT IS DUE.
HOW DO YOU
KNOW IT'S
HIM?
BECAUSE HE LOOKS
LIKE A RICH GUY
THAT WOULD DO
THAT SORT OF
THING.
WHAT THE HECK'S
THAT S'POSED TO
MEAN?... TELL
HIM WE WANT
SOME I.D.
MY FRIEND WOULD LIKE SOME I.D.

HEY RAT, THANKS
FOR LETTING ME
STAY AT YOUR
HOUSE WHILE
MINE IS BEING
PAINTED.
IT'S NO SKIN
OFF MY
NOSE, DUDE.
PIG'S THE ONE
VOLUNTEERING
HIS BEDROOM.
THIS IS PIG'S BEDROOM?
YEP, THIS IS
WHERE THE
MAGIC HAPPENS.
THE WHAT??
TA- DAAAAAAAAAAAAA
NEVER
MIND.
AND WHOOOOO
WOULD LIKE TO BE
SAWED IN HALF
BY THE GREAT
PIGINI??
PSST...
DON'T
VOLUNTEER.

I SURE MISS PHONE BOOTHS.
WHO NEEDS STUPID PHONE BOOTHS WHEN EVERYONE HAS A CELL PHONE?
FORGOT ABOUT THAT GUY.

YOU EVER FEEL LIKE MAYBE YOU'RE NOT AS YOUNG AS YOU'D LIKE TO THINK? LIKE MAYBE YOU'RE OLD NOW? I MEAN, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
CAN YOU REMEMBER THESE?
OH, GAWD.
HEY, PIG ... GOAT'S OLD.
HA HA HA... WHAT IS THAT?

YOU EVER HAD A FRIEND AS CLOSE AS RAT IS TO ME WHO ONE DAY JUST THREW YOU UNDER THE BUS?
OH, PIG... DID RAT BETRAY YOU?
NO.
WHAT'D HE DO?
HE THREW ME UNDER THE BUS.
WHAT'S THIS BETRAYAL THING?

Whuh you doing, Bob?
Beeg gopher paratroop drop on zebra property. Ees Bob's Beeg Plan.
Para-troop drop?
Yeah. Me teach gophers to parachute jump off beeg cliff and trow grenade at moment dey ees hit ground.
How dey remember all dat?
Protectee, Larry, protectee, protectee, protectee, protectee. Dat key to military. Soldier ees protectee so many time it become like
Me sense flaw een plan, Bob.

WHAT ARE YOU WRITING, PIG?
GAME SHOW CONCEPTS…SEE, I’VE BEEN WATCHING THIS SHOW CALLED “MINUTE TO WIN IT,” (WHICH HAS THESE CHALLENGES YOU HAVE TO ACCOMPLISH IN A MINUTE), SO I THOUGHT, WHY NOT DO THE SAME THING, BUT SET IT IN A BATHROOM?
I SEE…AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?
“HOUR TO SHOWER.”
UH…I DON’T THINK—
OKAY OKAY OKAY HOW ‘BOUT “DAY TO GO POTTAY.”

HEY, STEPH, YOU WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT BERKELEY, RIGHT?
YEP. I'M A CAL BEAR FOR LIFE.
AND DOES YOUR SCHOOL HAVE A RIVAL CALLED...UHH... "STANFORD"?
YEP. WE CAN'T STAND 'EM. WHY?
NO REASON.
TAKE IT OFF.
PIPE DOWN, SAD PUBLIC SCHOOL HIPPIE BOY.

PIG... IT'S ME, RAT... I CAN'T SLEEP... I'M TOO AFRAID.
AFRAID OF THE DARK?
AFRAID OF LAZY CARTOONISTS WHO USE DARK ROOM GAGS TO SAVE THEMSELVES TWO PANELS OF DRAWING.
THAT HURTS.

HEY, RAT, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET SOME PEOPLE. THEY'RE HUGE FANS OF YOURS.
THEY REALLY, REALLY LIKE ME :)
WELL, I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR. THEY THINK YOU'RE OKAY.
YOU JUST SAID THEY'RE HUGE FANS.
I PREFER THE TERM 'PORTLY'.
SORRY. THEY'RE PORTLY FANS.
PARDON ME WHILE I BEAT THE PORTLY PIG.
HEY, DUDE, WE LIKE YOU, BUT NOT A LOT.

Hey, son, wann feesh wid me and Bob? Lake s'pose have huge feesh.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS USING FOR BAIT?
Bob.
You made me miss feesh.

Zeeba neighba...look out weendow... Ees thundering hoofs of hunded zeeba migrating cross Serengeti. Come outside...Join you people...
HOOF HOOF HOOF HOOF HOOF
You drawings not dat photo-realistic, Larry.
Hey, Zeeba hoofs no go ‘HOOF HOOF,’ Bob.

I am a moron who deserves this
I am a moron who deserves this
FOR THE LAST TIME, "PEARLS" IS NOT GETTING ITS OWN POSTAGE STAMP.
HEY! BEETLE BAILEY GOT ONE!!
MAY I MAKE A DESIGN COMMENT?

WELCOME, EVERYONE, TO OUR ANNUAL "ONE HOUR LUNCHEON TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU'RE SORRY FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU'VE DONE WRONG OVER THE LAST YEAR," WHICH RAT HERE ASKED ME TO SCHEDULE TODAY AT THIS ODD HOUR OF TEN IN THE MORNING.
WHY NOW?
BECAUSE THIS IS THE MOMENT WE SET THE CLOCKS FORWARD. OH, WELL... MEETING ADJOURNED.
YOU HAVE TO ADMIRE HIS PLANNING.

HEY, PIG...HOW'S YOUR EX, PIGITA? I HEARD SHE WAS DATING DONNY THE DUNG BEETLE.
NOT ANYMORE. NOW SHE'S LOOKING FOR A GUY WHO'LL DROP EVERYTHING FOR HER AND JUST TAKE HER IN HIS ARMS.
THIS IS NOT GOING WELL.

I DON'T GET IT, DONNY... WHY DID MY EX GAL CALL YOU A DUNG BEETLE?
I HAVE NO IDEA, MY DEAR. I'M A SCARAB, NOT A LOWLY DUNG BEETLE WHO LIVES IN A GROSS, DISGUSTING BALL OF ---
HERE, DONNY ... I THINK YOU DROPPED YOUR HOUSE.
I'M PLANNING EXTENSIVE REMODELS.

THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME OUT TONIGHT, DONNY. NOW THAT I'M SINGLE, IT'S NICE TO DATE NEW GUYS. TELL ME AGAIN WHAT YOU ARE.
SURELY, MY DEAR. I AM A SCARAB BEETLE. WE WERE HELD SACRED BY THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS. WE WERE EVEN WORSHIPPED.
HEY, DONNY THE DUNG BEETLE!!
I KNOW NOT OF WHO HE SPEAKS.