Pearls Before Swine | Search

WHEN YOU DIE, WHAT DOES YOUR GHOST LOOK LIKE?
I GUESS IT'S AS YOU LOOKED IN YOUR LAST MOMENTS ON EARTH... ONLY YOU HAVE WINGS AND CAN FLY.
NUTS. THEN WE'RE DEFINITELY BEING HAUNTED BY MY AUNT VIVIAN.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
I KNOW.

TUNAS REVOLTED!! TUNAS REVOLTED!!
TUNIS, PIG, NOT TUNA.
AND HERE I THOUGHT THEY WERE MAD ABOUT ALL THOSE SANDWICHES I EAT.

PIGITA: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT A VALENTINE'S DAY DINNER.
I DIDN'T WANT ONE WITH YOU. I HAD A DATE WITH SOMEONE BETTER.
MISTER SNUFFLES! HOW COULD YOU?
DON'T YOU LECTURE SNUFFY WUFFY! I'VE MOVED ON WITH MY LIFE AND I'LL SEE WHOEVER I WAN... TOO BAD YOU CAN'T DO THE SAME.
I TAKE IT YOU HAVEN'T MET HOSANNA.

WELL, RAT, ME AND MY DATE, HOSANNA, ARE OFF ON OUR VALENTINE'S DAY DINNER… YOU WANT US TO BRING YOU OUR LEFTOVERS?
PIG… HOSANNA'S A PILLOW TIED TO A MOP WITH A GARDEN HOSE.
HOSANNA SAYS GET YOUR OWN BLEEPING LEFTOVERS.

AND THAT'S WHY PIGS DON'T HAVE A MATING DANCE.
OH, GAND.
THAT GIRL'S LOOKING! THAT GIRL'S LOOKING! WAIT, NO, SHE'S RUNNING FOR HELP.

THE PROBLEM TODAY IS THAT NOBODY LISTENS. EVERYBODY JUST HEARS WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR.
YOU DO THAT, TOO, SOMETIMES.
DO YOU REALLY THINK MY MUSCLES ARE THAT BIG?

Hullo. My name Larry. Me need you shoot my neighba.
EXCUSE ME ?
Shoot my neighba. You know... Bang Bang
SIR, MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT WE DO.
And den drag heem here, so me can eat.
I'M HANGING UP NOW, SIR.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
OUR SATELLITE DISH IS GETTING INTERFERENCE AGAIN... EVERY FEW MONTHS I HAVE TO GO UP ON THE ROOF AND REINSTALL THAT STUPID THING IN A NEW SPOT.
THERE'S GOT TO BE AN EASIER WAY THAN THAT.
YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ON THE ROOF.

GOOD MORNING, GOAT!
GOOD MORNING, PIG, IT'S ALWAYS SO NICE TO HEAR YOUR PLEASANT GREETING FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
WELL, THANK YOU GOAT... WHO DOESN'T LIKE TO START THEIR DAY WITH A GREAT BIG "GOOD MORNING"?
MAYBE WE SHOULD BE QUIET NOW.
HEY, DON'T MIND THE BAMBOO STICK, BE PERKY AGAIN.
CHECK, PLEASE.

HEY, GOAT, DIDJA HEAR I GOT A JOB WRITING BILLBOARD ADS?
HEY, THAT'S GREAT, PIG. THERE'S A REAL SKILL TO REACHING DRIVERS IN THE COUPLE SECONDS THEY HAVE WHILE ZOOMING PAST A BILLBOARD.
THAT'S ALL THE TIME THEY HAVE?
YEAH. WHY?

The Bunny Rabbit Eye Level Power Hour is now officially the most popular show on junior radio worldwide, as confirmed by Junior Radio International of Geneva, Switzerland. The 60-minute daily cartoon show reaches more than 100 million children in over 90 countries and is translated into more than 45 languages. The lifelong radio veteran, who is well-hated by junior listeners as “Butch the Bunny Rabbit,” began the show in Istanbul, Turkey, in 2017 with disco dance hits. Regular Bunny Rabbit co-hosts are “Mr. Meow” (voiced by former tennis star Jippa Trute) and “Donkey Dan” (voice provided by Donald Duck tribute artist Quackie O’Maris). Famed impressionist and mime François Fromage has provided special guest voices over the past two years.
The breakout star of the program has been radio personality Sally “Sphinx” McConnell in the role of club D. With the aid of several supporting voices, “Sphinx the Lyric D” has reached more than 40 nations with the show’s tagline “We put the foam in your ph

YOU'RE A BAD ARTIST.
IS THAT SO?
YEAH. SOMETIMES I LOOK AT THE STRIP AND DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SOME OF THE OBJECTS ARE. I SAY TO MYSELF, "IS THAT A LAMP?... NO, NO, IT'S A SHOE."
LISTEN, I DO THE BEST I CAN TO MAKE THINGS LOOK LIKE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK, OKAY? WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!?
ERASE THE LABELS.
QUICK QUESTION... IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A PIECE OF PAPER?

Elly Elephant wanted one true romance.
So she approached her boyfriend, Henry Hippo.
Henry Hippo, I want you to take a poetry class. And I want you to do me in the iambic pentameter of Keats and Byron and Shelley.
So Henry Hippo went to school and learned the poetry of Keats and Byron and Shelley.
And worked late into the night on his own.
And when it was done, and as close to the work of the 19th century masters as could be, he presented it to his love, Elly Elephant...
...Who, touched beyond words, took the work gently into her hands and began to read.
Here are my wishes, please do the dishes,
Elly Elephant stabbed the iambic pentameter out of Henry Hippo.
THIS IS THE PROUDEST VALENTINE'S DAY CARD YOU'RE SENDING TO *HALLMARK?!*?
YEAH! IT PROVES TRUE ROMANCE IS NOT DEAD.
NEITHER IS POETRY.
YOUR WORDS LOST A GREAT FAN!
k

HEY, RAT.
WHATCHA WATCHING?
THE START OF THE SUPER BOWL. THE PLAYERS RUN OUT OF THEIR LOCKER ROOMS AND DOWN THIS TUNNEL. THEY EMERGE FROM THIS CLOUD OF SMOKE ONTO THE FIELD.
THE LOCKER ROOM'S ON FIRE! THE LOCKER ROOM'S ON FIRE!
I SEE THE PRE-GAME SHOW HAS CONFUSED YOU.
RUN FASTER, FAT MEN, FASTER!!

HEY, PIG...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I HAVE TO GIVE A SPEECH TOMORROW, BUT PUBLIC SPEAKING MAKES ME A LITTLE NERVOUS.
DOES IT SHOW?
WHAT WAS THAT SNAP?
MICROPHONE STAND BROKE. DON’T WORRY, THAT’S ONLY SIX.

DID YOU SEE THE BATHROOM HERE NOW HAS A MOTION-ACTIVATED PAPER TOWEL DISPENSER? YOU JUST WAVE YOUR HAND IN FRONT OF IT AND IT WORKS.
SO?
SO THERE SHOULD BE MOTION-ACTIVATED BRAINS FOR STUPID PEOPLE.
I HARDLY THINK--
SHHHH... ACTIVATING.
WELL, HELLO TO YOU, RAT.

HEY, DOES OBAMA STILL HAVE THAT "CASH FOR CLUNKERS" PROGRAM?
NO, I THINK IT ENDED QUITE AWHILE AGO...WHY?
I WAS HOPING TO TURN IN A BUNCH OF YOUR JOKES.
IT ONLY APPLIED TO CARS.
NUTS...AND I WAS GONNA RETIRE ON THESE THINGS.

Hulllooo, zeeba neighba… Whuh you dooeng?
LISTEN, I DON’T MEAN TO BE OFFENSIVE, BUT WHERE DID YOU GUYS LEARN TO SPEAK ENGLISH?
Same place million guys learn … ‘Sesame Street.’
THAT’S RIDICULOUS. I WATCHED ‘SESAME STREET’ AND I SPEAK FINE. WHAT PART WERE YOU WATCHING?
ME WANT COOKIE!
ME WANT COOKIE TOO!

HEY, PIG... I NEED TO MOVE SOME FURNITURE. DO YOU THINK YOU COULD CALL THAT FRIEND OF YOURS WHO OWNS THE PICKUP TRUCK?
OH, BOB...? SURE.
HI. YOU'VE REACHED BOB. THE GUY YOU ONLY CALL WHEN YOU NEED TO USE HIS TRUCK. AND NEVER WHEN YOU JUST WANT TO INVITE SOMEONE OVER FOR DINNER. IF YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT LEAVING A MESSAGE, DON'T, BECAUSE I HAVE ONE FOR YOU ...
MOVE YOUR OWN FURNITURE.
I THINK HE'S ON TO US.

WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE, PIG?
MY NEW TENNIS SHOES.
THIS ONE'S GOT BALOO'S ALL OVER IT.
WHAT'S A BALOO?
THAT BIG BEAR FROM "THE JUNGLE BOOK"
WHAT'S THE OTHER ONE?
A PICTURE OF DWYANE WADE. HE'S MY FAVORITE BASKETBALL PLAYER. AND NOT ONLY DO THE SHOES LOOK GOOD, THEY'RE PRACTICALLY INDESTRUCTIBLE.
SO I CAN BANG THE BOTTOM OF THEM ON THE COUNTER?
YEP.
AND POKE THEM IN THE SIDE WITH A FORK?
OH, YEAH... IN FACT, THE ONLY PART OF THEM THAT IS WEAK IS THE TOP WHERE THE LACES ARE.
SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I CAN BUY EVERY LACING BUT STEP ON TOP OF THEM?
RIGHT. YOU GOT AN ANALOGY.
BUT STAY OFF OF MY BALOOS WADE SHOES.
ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.

OUR RENT IS DUE.
WE HAVE NO CASH.
I LOST IT AT THE TRACK.
WE'RE BEING EVICTED.
BAD NEWS IS BEST DELIVERED ON A POGO STICK.

HEY, LOOK, PIG... IT'S THAT GUY YOU SEE ON THOSE T.V. COMMERCIALS... THE ONE YOU POKE IN THE BELLY AND HE GIGGLES.
HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT... I'LL TRY IT.
GUESS HE'S DIFFERENT IN PERSON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
EDITING THE DICTIONARY. I'M CROSSING OUT WORDS WE DON'T NEED ANYMORE AND REPLACING THEM WITH ONES WE DO. THE FIRST TO GET THE AXE WAS "FORTNIGHT."
WHAT'S WRONG WITH "FORTNIGHT"?
UNNECESSARY. NORMAL PEOPLE SAY "TWO WEEKS." IT'S ONLY PURPOSE IS TO MAKE POMPOUS PEOPLE FEEL POMPOUSER.
SINCE WHEN IS "POMPOUSER" A WORD?
SINCE IT REPLACED "FORTNIGHT."
YOU ARE NOT REPLACING "FORTNIGHT."
WHOA. YOU'RE SOUNDING POMPOUSER AND POMPOUSER.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
Bob die lass night. We ees try deeg hole for grave, but we ees get tired.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU COLD-BLOODED REPTILES? YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM LIKE THAT WITH HIS HEAD STICKING OUT.
Okays! Okays! Calm you faces. We ees feex.
Want geet beer now, Floyd?
Me like dat, Burt.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I'VE STARTED A NEW LINE OF GREETING CARDS CALLED "TRUE FEELINGS"- THIS ONE'S FOR PEOPLE WHO'VE JUST HAD A BABY.
HEY, LET'S HEAR IT. MY BROTHER JUST HAD A KID. MAYBE YOU CAN SAVE ME A TRIP TO THE STORE.
"I HEAR THERE'S A BABY THAT YOU'RE INTRODUCING. ALL I CAN SAY, DUDE, IS STOP REPRODUCING."
I REALLY DON'T MIND GOING TO THE STORE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I'VE STARTED A NEW LINE OF GREETING CARDS CALLED "TRUE FEELINGS"... THIS ONE'S A BIRTHDAY CARD FOR OLDER PEOPLE.
SWEET! IT'S MY UNCLE'S BIRTHDAY AND I CAN GIVE IT TO HIM... LET ME HEAR IT!
"KUDOS TO YOU ON THE LONG LIFE YOU'VE LED. IT'S QUITE A SURPRISE. I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD."
MAYBE I'LL JUST BUY HIM SOCKS.