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HEY, YOU'RE "PIG" FROM THE COMIC STRIP "PEARLS BEFORE SWINE"... MIND SIGNING MY "PEARLS" BOOK?
SURE! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
STACY... WITH AN "E"!
GOTCHA!
TO STEYCI

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, DAD?
Crocs climb zeeba wall. Now dey juss need way get down into zeeba yard.
HOW ARE THEY GONNA DO IT?
Dey essperimenting.
So much for 'pusheeng Bob.'

IF THAT READER IN CLEVELAND IS GONNA INTERRUPT OUR STRIP BY NOT TURNING OFF HIS CELL PHONE WHILE HE READS THE NEWSPAPER, I'M GONNA RUIN HIS DAY RIGHT BACK!
HOW YOU GONNA DO THAT?
FOUR DOWN IS 'EVE'!!
YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T GIVE AWAY THE CROSSWORD.
KEEP IT UP, PAL...THE SUDOKU'S NEXT!!

BEFORE TODAY'S PERFORMANCE OF "PEARLS," WE'D APPRECIATE IT IF ALL OF YOU READERS WOULD PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES SO AS TO NOT INTERFERE WITH OTHER READERS' VIEWING ENJOYMENT. THANK YOU...
HEY, RAT, WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?
A MONKEY IN PANTS STOLE MY --
IT'S THE GUY IN CLEVELAND AGAIN!!
USHER, PLEASE REMOVE THE CLEVELAND MAN.
HIM AGAIN?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
PLANNING A PARTY AT MY HOUSE, BUT I NEED SOME GAMES WHERE PEOPLE CAN WIN PARTY BAGS. DO YOU KNOW ANY GOOD GAMES?
DO THE ONE WHERE YOU PUT PENNIES IN A JAR, AND SEE WHO CAN COME THE CLOSEST TO GUESSING HOW MANY ARE IN THERE.
OOH, GREAT IDEA.
THREE.
YOU ARE REALLY GOOD AT THIS.

DO YOU EVER MEET A PERSON AND KNOW IMMEDIATELY YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE THEM?
OH, SURE.
YEAH...WHAT IS IT ABOUT CERTAIN PEOPLE THAT TELLS YOU THAT?
THEY'RE BREATHING.
MAYBE YOU'RE THE WRONG GUY TO ASK.
AND MOUTHS. THEY ALL SEEM TO HAVE MOUTHS.

HEY, PIG. DID YOU NEED
OH! THE TAPPING PIG! I-
I'M THE TAPPING PIG! I GO DOOR-TO-DOOR TAP DANCING FOR PEOPLE AND THEN KEEP TRACK OF WHETHER OR NOT THEY LIKED IT. SO FAR, EVERYONE'S LOVED IT!
LISTEN, PIG. I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO TALK TO YOU, BUT MY NEICE LARISA WAS EATEN BY LIONS LAST NIGHT. MY COUSIN DEAN WAS EATEN BY LIONS.
AND WHEN THEY WERE DONE, THEY ATE MY UNCLE STEVE. THEN HIS BROTHER PETE.
A WHOLE FAMILY WIPED OUT BY A GROUP OF HEARTLESS, INSATIABLE PREDATORS. WHERE DOES IT END... WHEN DOES THE MINDLESS VIOLENCE AND SUFFERING OF THIS WORLD END?!?!
tap tap
TAPPITY
TAP TAP
tappity
TAP TAP TAP
Not a fan.

WHERE IS PIG?
READING THE NEWS-
PAPER ON MY iPad.
HE WAS FASCINATED
THAT THE WHOLE
NEWSPAPER WAS ON
SUCH AN EASY-TO-READ
DEVICE.
NEW, HOW
WAS IT?
GREAT!
I READ THE
WHOLE
NEWSPAPER!
WHERE'S THE
iPad?
I USED IT
TO LINE MY
BIRD CAGE.
GUESS HE DOESN'T
LIKE BIRDS.

I GET SO TIRED OF UNMOTIVATED PEOPLE SOMETIMES. HOW CAN SOMEONE HAVE NO PASSION IN LIFE? NO RAISON D'ETRE?
OH, I'VE GOT SOME OF THAT.
THAT'S RAISIN BRAN.
IT'S A REASON FOR EXISTENCE.
NOT REALLY, BUT IT'S A PRETTY GOOD CEREAL.

YOU EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE DAYS WHERE YOUR BRAIN JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO BE FUNCTIONING CORRECTLY?
BONK BONK BONK
WORKS WITH THE T.V.

HEY, RAT, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND, BOB. HE'S A MECHANICAL ENGINEER. YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE HIM, THOUGH... HE THINKS HE'S MISSING SOMETHING.

CHARISMA?

MY KEYS.
MY MISTAKE.

WOMEN MUST SURE LOVE ALL THOSE PENCILS, BOB.

WHY DO ALL OF
THESE OBITUARIES
ALWAYS SAY THAT
SO-AND-SO "PASSED
AWAY PEACEFULLY"?
WHAT DO YOU
MEAN, 'WHY'?
BECAUSE THE
PERSON DIED
PEACEFULLY.
YEAH, WELL, WHEN I DIE, I'M GONNA
GO OUT PUNCHING NURSES AND DOCTORS.
JUST SO SOMEONE CAN FINALLY SAY,
"HE PASSED AWAY VIOLENTLY."
WHAT
A
GOAL.
BRING
IT ON,
DEATH!

HEY, DAD,
WHY'S YOUR
PAL BOB
IN THE
BATHROOM?
He changing clothes. Gonna dress like person from City Planning Department. Tell Zeeba he have to tear down bed wall around property.
DOES HE
REALLY
RESEMBLE
A PERSON?
Peese,
son.
No eensult
us.
Yeah.
No eensult
us.
Whoa.
Resemblance
uncanny.

THIS GUY'S COMPLAINING TO THE NEWSPAPER ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF SWEARING IN OUR COMIC STRIP.
WHAT DID WE SAY?
RAT CALLED SOMEONE A 'GRAWKING IDIOT'.
THAT'S NOT SWEARING.
HOW DO YOU FIGURE?
GRAWKING MEANS 'LOVABLE'. I JUST USE THE SQUIGGLES BECAUSE I'M TOO EMBARRASSED TO USE THE 'L WORD'.
SO YOU WERE JUST CALLING SOMEONE A 'LOVABLE IDIOT'?
OF COURSE. WHAT DID THE READER THINK 'GRAWKING' MEANT?
PSST PSST
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'LL BE WASHING OUT MY VIRGIN EARS AND WEEPING.
WANT TO HOLD MY GRAWKING TEDDY BEAR?

LOOK AT THOSE TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER. THEY'RE EACH SPENDING THE ENTIRE TIME E-MAILING AND TEXTING ON THEIR I-PHONES.
SO?
SO IT'S LIKE THEY'RE EACH SAYING TO THE OTHER, "I'M PHYSICALLY HERE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, BUT YOU'RE A LITTLE BORING, SO I'D RATHER SPEND TIME WITH OTHER PEOPLE WHO AREN'T HERE".... DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S WRONG?

THE KEY TO HAPPINESS IS KNOWING YOUR LIMITATIONS AND ACCEPTING THEM.
I'M SURPRISED TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT, RAT. IT'S A PRETTY MATURE OUTLOOK.
YEAH... LIKE YOU'RE A POMPOUS IDIOT, AND I ACCEPT THAT.
WHY DO I HAVE THESE CONVERSATIONS?
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SMART. PLEASE, KNOW YOUR LIMITATIONS.

YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON THAT iPHONE. IT'S NOT HEALTHY.
BEEP BOOP BEEP
CRUSH
THE "MONTY PYTHON" APP.
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

EXCUSE ME, STEPH, BUT MAY I MAKE A LITTLE ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT A LOOMING SHORTAGE IN ONE OF THE WORLD'S RESOURCES?
I GUESS SO. WHAT IS IT?
YOUNG GIRLS WRITING TEXT MESSAGES MUST STOP USING ALL THE WORLD'S EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!
BECAUSE A RAT WITH A @#$%^&* BLOWHORN WANTS TO USE THEM?
HEY, IT'S OKAY FOR A COMIC STRIP SUPERSTAR.

I AM GOING TO DEVELOP A CHARMING SMILE BECAUSE CHARM IS THE KEY TO CONVINCING OTHERS.
YOU'VE CONVINCED ME OF SOMETHING.
DOES SOMEONE NEED TO VISIT THE POTTY?

I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY TOMORROW FOR A JOB INTERVIEW.
WELL, LIKE THEY SAY, "THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM."
WHAT ABOUT THE WORM? HE GOT UP EARLY AND DIED.
I THINK I'LL SLEEP IN.

IF YOU USE YOUR IMAGINATION, YOU CAN SEE LOTS OF THINGS IN THE CLOUD FORMATIONS. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU SEE, GOAT?
WELL, THOSE CLOUDS UP THERE LOOK TO ME LIKE THE MAP OF THE BRITISH HONDURAS ON THE CARIBBEAN.
THAT CLOUD UP THERE LOOKS A LITTLE LIKE THE PROFILE OF THOMAS EAKINS. AND THAT GROUP OF CLOUDS OVER THERE GIVES ME THE IMPRESSION OF THE STONING OF STEPHEN.
UH HUH...THAT'S VERY GOOD...WHAT DO YOU SEE IN THE CLOUDS, PIG?
I SEE CHARLIE BROWN...
STUPID RUNAWAY MACY'S FLOATS...

HEY, RAT, DID YOU CHANGE THE GREETING ON OUR ANSWERING MACHINE?
YEAH. SEE WHAT YOU THINK.
HI. YOU'VE REACHED RAT AND PIG. PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE BEEP. BUT IF IT'S LONGER THAN TEN SECONDS, I WILL DRIVE TO YOUR HOUSE AND PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.
I LIKE TO ENCOURAGE BREVITY.

HEY, RAT... I THINK WE NEED TO CHANGE THE GREETING ON OUR ANSWERING MACHINE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY OLD ONE?
LEAVE US THE @#$% ALONE.
COULD BE FRIENDLIER.

WHAT ARE YOU READING, RAT?
CHEMISTRY BOOK. I'M LEARNING ALL ABOUT VALENCE ELECTRONS. THEY'RE WHAT DETERMINE IF ONE ELEMENT CAN BOND WELL WITH ANOTHER.
WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT THAT?
BECAUSE KNOWLEDGE LIKE THAT HAS PRACTICAL USES, YOU MORON. USES I CAN PASS ON TO EVERYONE I KNOW WHO MAY BE DEALING WITH DIFFICULT INTERPERSONAL ISSUES.
IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S YOUR VALENCE ELECTRONS.

WHAT ARE YOU READING, GOAT?
CHEMISTRY. THIS CHAPTER EXPLAINS HOW EACH ELEMENT HAS VALENCE ELECTRONS, WHICH ARE WHAT DETERMINE HOW EASY OR HARD IT IS FOR ONE ELEMENT TO MIX WITH ANOTHER.
SOUNDS BORING. HEY, DID YOU GET THIS INVITE TO PIG'S PARTY ON FRIDAY? HE WANTS US TO R.S.V.P. IF WE'RE NOT GOING, WHICH I DON'T THINK I AM.
YEAH. I DON'T WANT TO GO EITHER. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL HIM. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY?
MY VALENCE ELECTRONS DO NOT LIKE YOUR VALENCE ELECTRONS.