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WHAT ARE YOU READING, PIG?
A MAGAZINE ON MODEL TRAINS. I THINK I'M GONNA BUILD MY OWN TRAIN LAYOUT.
OH, YEAH? I USED TO DO THAT. STANDARD GAUGE OR NARROW? "O" SCALE? "G" SCALE? "S" SCALE?
ONE THAT GOES "CHOO CHOO."

IN MEDIEVAL TIMES, WHY DID THEY SOMETIMES CONFINE PEOPLE IN STOCKS?
TO PUNISH THEM FOR SERIOUS CRIMES LIKE DESERTION FROM THE ARMY OR LARCENY.
NOT FOR HAVING A LARGE BUTT THAT CONTINUALLY SMOOSHES THE REMOTE SO DEEP BETWEEN THE SOFA CUSHIONS THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN EVER FIND IT?
NO.
SEE?
SILENCE, YE OF THE BIG BUTT.
I'M NOT SEEING THIS.

Dear Diary,
Today I fell into the laundry basket. When I came out, I was Gym Sock Nose Guy. My mission: Harness my superhero powers to defeat the forces of intolerance.
LEAVE, SMELLY.
NO.
Score one for the good guys.

THUD
WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE, YOU STUPID PIG?
I'VE... FALLEN INTO THE LAUNDRY BASKET.
WELL THEN GET OUT.
I'D LIKE TO, BUT... OH, NO.
OH, NO WHAT?
WHAT?
I'D... I'VE BEEN BITTEN BY... SOME SORT OF... LAUNDRY BUG.
YOU WHAT?
I... I'M... FEELING WEAK... NOT MYSELF... OH, GAHD, WHAT IS HAPPENING... I AM... I AM...
GYM SOCK NOSE GUY!
THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T ACCEPT STORYLINES FROM PIG.
UH OH... EPISODE TWO: THE TRIUMPH OF THE SMELWINESS.

I'M SORRY, RAT, BUT WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE EMPTY "POP-TARTS" BOX BACK IN THE CUPBOARD AFTER YOU TAKE THE LAST ONE?
SO THE "POP-TART" FAIRY WILL REFILL IT.
SO THAT'S HOW THEY GET IN THERE.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME USE YOUR COMPUTER WHILE MINE IS BROKEN, GOAT.
NO PROBLEM, PIG.
HEY... WANNA SEE A PICTURE OF A CUTE LITTLE EARTH- WORM DRESSED LIKE AN ANCIENT SOLDIER?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THIS E-MAIL... IT SAYS IT CONTAINS A 'TROJAN WORM'.
PIG, DON'T!
MY FILES...
SINCE WHEN IS 'HARD DRIVE' ERASED A PICTURE OF AN EARTHWORM?

ZEBRA! ZEBRA! I TOLD GUARD DUCK ABOUT THE CROCS IN YOUR HOUSE AND HE GOT RID OF THEM! THEY'RE GONE! THEY'RE GONE!
I HAVE MY HOUSE BACK?!
THAT'S SORTA GONE, TOO.
HEY. TOMAHAWK MISSILES ARE NOT SURGEONS' SCALPELS.

WHAT IS ZEBRA DOING IN MY LIVING ROOM?
I TOLD HIM HE COULD STAY THERE. DON'T WORRY. I GAVE HIM ALL THE HOUSE RULES ABOUT NOT USING ALL THE HOT WATER, NOT EATING YOUR CHEESE POOFS AND MAKING MORE COFFEE IF HE FINISHES THE POT.
OH...WELL, THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER, BUT I THINK YOU FORGOT THIS ONE...MIND GIVING IT TO HIM?
OH, SURE.
'GET OUT OR I PUMMEL YOUR HEAD.'
HERE. HIDE IN THE CLOSET.

Okays. Okays. So far we is trash zebra house. Whuh we do now?
Cost zeeba monies? CALL CHINA!!
HAHAHA DAT GREAT IDEA!
HEY CHINA!!
Dat no right China, Larry.
Yeah... How dis cost heem monies?

Okay... Wees finally in zeeba house... Whuh we do now?
KEEL ZEEBA
Zeeba no here, Larry.
KEEL BOB!
Dis last time YOU geet peegyback ride.
Hey, me juss brainstorming, Bob.

HEY, STEPH, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
SURE, PIG... ANYTHING.
I DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS, BUT I SORTA THOUGHT OF A NEW CHARACTER FOR THE STRIP AND I WANTED TO SEE IF YOU LIKED IT.
HEY, THAT'S GREAT, PIG. I CAN ALWAYS USE A NEW CHARACTER. WHO IS IT?
WELL, SEE, HE'S A SUPERHERO... AND HE'S VERY TOUGH.
OH, YEAH? LIKE A REAL TOUGH GUY?
OHH, YEAH. AND HE'S VERY SOPHISTICATED AND HANDSOME. AND WOMEN LOVE HIM.
A LADIES MAN, HUH?... WHAT'S HIS NAME?
GYM SOCK NOSE GUY.
I THINK SOMEONE FAR FAR AWAY IS CRAVING FOR HELP.
IT'S A GYM! IT'S A SOCK! IT'S GYM SOCK NOSE GUY!

YOU GOTTA LET ME STAY HERE, RAT. THE CROWS HAVE TAKEN OVER MY HOUSE. I HAVE NOWHERE TO LIVE...C'MON...WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?
YOU'VE STUMPED ME.
IT'S NOT A QUIZ, RAT! I'M JUST ASKING YOU FOR A FAVOR!
DOING FAVORS FOR FRIENDS IS LIKE GIVING BON BONS TO FAT PEOPLE. THEY JUST WANT MORE.
YOU'RE GONNA DO NOTHING AND JUST LET ME SLEEP ON THE STREET?
THAT SOUNDS HARSH. I'LL DRIVE BY AND WAVE.
OH, JOY.
WAIT...I'M BUSY LATER. LET ME GIVE IT TO YOU NOW.

RAT! THANK GOD YOU'RE HOME. I NEED A PLACE TO STAY... THE CROWS FLEW THROUGH A SKYLIGHT INTO MY HOUSE.
WHERE YOU LOOKING TO STAY?
I WAS HOPING HERE.
OH. NEW, THIS IS THE DIKEMBE MUTOMBO FINGER WAG... IT MEANS, "GET THAT WEAK CRAP OUT OF HERE."
IS THAT A NO?
AND THIS IS THE RAT HIGH FIVE. IT MEANS, "WHOA, YOU'RE NOT AS DUMB AS YOU LOOK."
HEY. DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING.

CREEEEAK
CRAAAAAACK
CREEEEEEEK
CRACK
CRASH
Me tole you skylight have weight leemit.

HEY, ZEBRA, WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE? I WAS READING AND EVERYTHING WENT DARK.
I'M LATE FOR SOMETHING.

DUDE... WHAT'S WITH THE BAG ON YOUR HEAD?
PRIVACY. I'M TRYING TO PRESERVE A LITTLE OF IT.
THAT'S STUPID. I'VE SEEN YOU BEFORE.
YEAH, WELL MAYBE YOU'RE NOT THE REASON.
Censorsheep!!
Censorsheep!!

HEY THERE, ZEBRA...
I HEARD YOU GOT A NEW SKYLIGHT...
CAN I COME IN AND SEE IT?
SURE, PIG.
BUT I'M GETTING RID OF IT.
GETTING RID OF IT? WHY??
Is like very own 'Food Channel.'
No drool on screen, Bob.

HEY, RAT. IT'S ME, GOAT.
AHHH...WHAT'S YOUR STUPID FACE DOING ON PIG'S NEW COMPUTER?
IT'S 'CHAT'...IT'S A VIDEO-PHONE.
WHY WOULD I WANT TO SEE YOUR DUMB FACE WHEN WE TALK? I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.
AW, DON'T BE SUCH A MISANTHROPE...HEY, WHAT KIND OF BEER IS THAT?
WHAT KIND OF—YOU CAN SEE ME?
OF COURSE I CAN! IT'S A VIDEOPHONE.
AAAUUUGH!!! GET OUT OF MY @#$%& HOUSE!!
HEY HEY HEY...CALM DOWN...JUST TERMINATE THE CALL IF YOU DON'T—
IT BROKE.

HEY, RAT... DID YOU SEE FRED, MY NEW WALKING STICK INSECT? HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE BRANCHES AROUND HIM.
WHOA. THAT’S WEIRD, DUDE.
OH. WAIT A MINUTE... HEE HEE HEE... THAT’S JUST A STICK I GAVE YOU.
HEH HEH... YEAH, YOU’RE RIGHT.
...NO... NO... THAT IS FRED.
WAS FRED.
Medic.

ALRIGHT, PIG... YOU READY TO TRY THE VIDEO PHONE?
YEAH, LEMME JUST
FIND WHERE THE
CAMERA IS, SO I
CAN GET MY FACE
IN FRONT OF IT...
LET'S SEE, IS THAT
IT OVER —
AAAAHHHH
... THERE?
IN THE MONITOR,
PIG... IT'S IN THE
MONITOR.

WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE, RAT?
IT'S TUBEY, MY CYLINDRICAL PILLOW ACQUAINTANCE.
HEY! THAT'S JUST LIKE ME AND MY FAVORITE STUFFED ANIMAL, MR. PITTERS! MAYBE TUBEY AND MR. PITTERS CAN BE BEST BUDDIES AND--
KA-THUNK
WE'RE WORKING ON TUBEY'S SOCIAL SKILLS.

ALRIGHT, YOU DUMB PIG. SINCE YOU HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE FINDING US AN ACCOUNTANT, I WENT OUT AND HIRED OUR NEIGHBOR ALAN. HE'S SMART. HE'S HONEST. AND HE HAS THIRTY YEARS' EXPERIENCE AS AN ACCOUNTANT.
OH, YEAH? ANY CATCH?
HE'S A LITTLE BURNED OUT.
YAAAAAY... MORE NUMBERS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FINALLY FOUND US AN ACCOUNTANT.
YEAH. HIS NAME IS ANDY THE AARDVARK. HE'S 'POSED TO BE A WHIZ WITH NUMBERS.
WHAT'S THE CATCH?
NO CATCH. WE JUST STOP BY AND TALK TO HIM ABOUT OUR TAXES.
Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
I FORGOT HE'S NOCTURNAL.

RAT, THIS IS BEANIE THE BEAR. HE'S AN ACCOUNTANT. I TOLD HIM WE NEEDED SOMEONE TO DO OUR TAXES AND HE SAID HE COULD DO IT.
OH, YEAH? WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS?
I'M HONEST.
I'M DILIGENT.
I'M GOOD WITH NUMBERS.
ANY DRAWBACKS?
I'M ASLEEP FROM NOVEMBER THROUGH MARCH.
BUT HE REALLY PICKS IT UP POST-HIBERNATION.

WHAT AM I DOING?
PUTTING UP MY HOMEMADE TEXAS A & M AGGIES FLAG.
SINCE WHEN ARE YOU AN AGGIES FAN?
SINCE I SAW THEIR LOGO ON SOMETHING AND THOUGHT IT WAS AN A.T.M. MACHINE. NOW I JUST LIKE THE WAY IT LOOKS.
YEAH, WELL, THEIR COLORS ARE MAROON AND WHITE, NOT GREEN. SO TAKE IT DOWN BEFORE SOME AGGIE FAN THINKS YOU'RE A MORON.
OH, I DIDN'T KNOW. CAN I PUT UP MY MIA HAMM POSTER INSTEAD?
DUDE, SHE HASN'T PLAYED IN YEARS.
SO YOU DON'T KNOW THIS EITHER?
NO, BUT SHE'S SO GREAT. AND IT'S NOT A FLAG. I MEAN, HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE THEM?
BECAUSE BUT WHY NOT?
BECAUSE I DO NOT LIKE GREEN AGS AND HAMM!!!
ONE FISH, TWO FISH, RED FISH, DEAD FISH.