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Bad news, brudder crocs... Brudder Bob drown een storm drain.
Why he een storm drain?
Crocs tink it lead to zeeba house. But no true. Ees sewer system dat lead eenside zeeba house.
How we get een dere?
Ees one small step for Larry... One giant leap for croc-kind.

Grate no come off storm drain, Bob.
Water at knees, Larry.
SHUT MOUF, Bob... Larry need tink. Larry need find person help Bob... AHA! Larry got plan!
Do plan FAST, Larry. Water at Bob chest.
Dear Bob's Congrissmun

So storm drain no go to zeeba house, Larry?
No. Drain juss woosh rain to ocean, Bob.
Den Bob want out. Bob no want die.
No panic like girl, Bob. Me juss pull off grate. It no raining. You no die.
Me starting panic, Larry.
Dat real bad break, Bob.

Hey, zeeba neighba... Croc has question.. What storm drains in curb do..?
THEY CARRY EXCESS RAINWATER TO THE OCEAN..
Dey not secrete pathway into mebbe you house ?
NO.
Bad news, Bob.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I GOT A JOB WRITING MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS FOR THE WORKPLACE.
WHAT ARE THOSE?
THEY’RE THESE POSTERS THAT BUSINESSES PUT UP ON THEIR WALLS TO INSPIRE THEIR EMPLOYEES. HERE, I’LL SHOW YOU ONE...
SEE, IT SAYS, “TEAM,” AND EACH OF THE LETTERS STANDS FOR SOMETHING...T OGETHER, E VERYONE, A CHIEVES...M UCH!
AWWWW... THAT’S SWEET. YOU WROTE THAT?
NO, NO... I WROTE THIS...
TH.
I.S
T.his
E.mployer
A.nnoys
M.e...
This Employer Annoys the S#@! Out of Me.
THAT’S NOT VERY INSPIRATIONAL.
PROFANITY IS THE KEY TO ANY GOOD MOTIVATIONAL POSTER.

Hi, CAN I HELP YOU?
Hi. Me is Corporal Sanders. Peese fill bucket wid free cheekon so me can test quality.
IT'S COLONEL SANDERS.
AND YOU'RE NOT HIM.
How you know dat?
FOR ONE THING, HE'S DEAD.
Oh. News travel slow een Kentuckyland.

BEHOLD... THE "CHAIR O' GREAT AUTHORITY"... IT GIVES ME GREAT AUTHORITY.
WHY?
POW
PLEASE DON'T CHALLENGE THE CHAIR O' GREAT AUTHORITY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I'M HUNGOVER. NOW THAT I AM A GREAT WRITER, I TRY TO ONLY WRITE WHEN I'M IN THE THROES OF DIONYSIAN BLISS.
HERE, READ MY WORK FROM LAST NIGHT AND TELL ME IF I STRUCK ANY NUGGETS OF LITERARY GOLD ...
BEER
GOOD.
I'D SAY
NO.
CURSES. BUY ME ANOTHER SIX-PACK.

RAT, I'VE BEEN READING YOUR WORK AND I DON'T THINK I LIKE IT... I'M ALWAYS PORTRAYED AS A DUMB GUY.
YES, WELL, ALL GOOD WRITERS EXPOSE AND EXPLOIT THE LIVES OF THOSE AROUND THEM. THAT'S CALLED "OUR GIFT TO THE WORLD."
WELL, CAN'T YOU AT LEAST GIVE ME A COOL NICKNAME OR SOMETHING?
SURE, I GUESS. WOULD THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY?
"Real happy," replied Lardo, the Drooling Idiot.

HEY, RAT, PIG JUST READ ME
ONE OF YOUR STORIES... THE
WRITER HAS FRIENDS NAMED
'PIG,' 'ZEBRA,' AND 'GOAT'... AND
HE CALLS GOAT AN ARROGANT
'NO-NOTHING' FATHEAD.'
WHOA WHOA WHOA... THAT'S
NOT SUPPOSED TO BE YOU.
HERE, LOOK AT THE
SPELLING...
Goatt
THE LAWYERS ASSURED
ME THAT WAS
SUFFICIENT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I AM ERNEST HEMINGRAT. I AM GOING TO BE A GREAT WRITER BY CHRONICLING THE EVERY DAY HAPPENINGS AROUND ME. I SHALL LEAVE OUT NOTHING.
BUT WOULDN'T IT BE HARD TO HAVE EVERY EMBARRASSING DETAIL OF YOUR LIFE KNOWN TO EVERYONE?
YES, WHICH IS WHY I'VE DECIDED TO ONLY CHRONICLE YOU.
ME? BUT HOW WILL I BE DEPICTED?
"Poorly," he told the fat, stupid pig.

Danny Donkey hated men who followed trends.
I hate them.
He hated baggy jeans.
He hated caps that had to be worn a certain way.
He hated stubble.
And he really, really hated neatly trimmed goatees.
ARE YOU DONE?
BUT MOST OF ALL HE HATED OVERSENSITIVE TALENTLESS CARTOONISTS WHO THINK THEY'RE GOD'S GIFT TO CARTOONING.
HEH HEH HEH
DON'T WE ALL, DANNY DONKEY...
DON'T WE ALL

I'M TOO STRESSED. TOO NERVOUS. TOO RUSHED. I NEED PEACE IN MY LIFE. I NEED CALM.
TRY MEDITATION.
DIDN'T WORK.

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH PIG'S GYMNASTICS TRAINING?
THEY'VE GOT HIM DOING THE VAULT.
THE VAULT? I HOPE SOME- ONE EXPLAINS TO HIM THAT AT THE END OF THAT RUN, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HIT THAT SPRINGBOARD AND LAND ON TOP OF THE VAULT.
WHAT ELSE WOULD HE DO?

HEY, PASTIS, SINCE THIS COMIC
IS SUPPOSEDLY READ BY LOTS
OF PEOPLE, I’D LIKE TO START
INTRODUCING NEW PHRASES
INTO THE POPULAR LEXICON...
YOU KNOW, LEAVE MY MARK.
WHAT KIND
OF PHRASES?
CATCHY
ONES. LIKE
‘PULLING
A PASTIS.’
WHAT’S
‘PULLING
A PASTIS’?
‘TO FAIL, TO FALL ON
ONE’S FACE, TO TURN
ONE’S OWN LIFE INTO
A GROSS ABOMINATION
OF ALL THAT IS
WONDERFUL.’
OH, SURE... KILL
THE MESSENGER.

MY GOAL IN LIFE IS TO LEAVE EVERY PLACE I VISIT A LITTLE BETTER THAN WHEN I ARRIVED.
I THINK YOU DO THAT.
YOU DO?
YEAH. EVERY TIME YOU LEAVE A ROOM, I SAY TO MYSELF, "HEY, THE ROOM'S A LITTLE BETTER.
OHH, THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!
THE BEST INSULTS ARE THE ONES THAT LOOK LIKE COMPLIMENTS.

HOW'S PIG DOING ON THE WOMEN'S GYMNASTICS TEAM?
HE'S DOING THE RINGS.
THE RINGS?? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH UPPER BODY STRENGTH IT TAKES TO HANG FROM THOSE THINGS?
YEAH. I'M NOT SURE HOW HE'S ABLE TO DO IT.

PIG IS TAKING GYMNASTICS. HE WANTS TO ONE DAY BE ON THE U.S. OLYMPIC TEAM. CAN YOU IMAGINE ANYTHING MORE EFFEMINATE THAN THAT?
ARE YOU NUTS? THERE'S NOTHING EFFEMINATE ABOUT WANTING TO BE ON A GYMNASTICS TEAM.
THERE IS WHEN IT'S THE WOMEN'S GYMNASTICS TEAM.
CALL ME NADIA.

Dear David Beckham,
You are a great
soccer player! How
can I be a great
soccer player?
Dear Andy...
Practice!
Practice!
Practice!
How
else ?

HEY, WHY'D THEY CHANGE THE COLOR OF THESE DINER STOOLS?
I DUNNO. WHY'S IT MATTER?
BECAUSE THIS REPRESENTS CHANGE. I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE. I LIKE EVERY ASPECT OF MY DAY TO REMAIN EXACTLY THE SAME, AS DEVIATIONS SUCH AS THIS CARRY THE DEVASTATING POTENTIAL FOR DESTROYING THE FRAGILE BALANCE THAT IS ME.
IT'S A CHAIR.
IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE AT HOME, CRYING, IN A DARK CORNER OF MY CLOSET.

DO YOU THINK I'M FAT?
YES. YOU'RE FAT.
YOU KNOW, MOST FRIENDS TRY TO SAY SOMETHING REASSURING WHEN THEY'RE ASKED A QUESTION LIKE THAT.
REST ASSURED, YOU'RE FAT.
NEVER MIND.

PARDON ME, SIR, BUT I FEEL COMPELLED TO WARN YOU OF SOMETHING... YOUR NEW PEN PALS -- THE CROCS -- ARE JUST BEFRIENDING YOU TO EAT YOU.
EAT ME? WHY?
YOU'RE A PIG, SIR... THE CROCS LEARNED YOU'RE THE SOURCE OF PORK AND SAUSAGE AND HAM AND BACON.
OH MY.
YOU'RE SHOCKED.
I'M HUNGRY.
YOU'RE DISTURBING ME, SIR.

I'M AFRAID OF THE FUTURE.
WHY ?
BECAUSE IT'S SO NEBULOUS.
WHAT DOES NEBULOUS MEAN ?
IT'S REALLY UNCLEAR.
THEN WHY USE THE WORD ?
I'M AFRAID YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
THAT'S PRETTY CLEAR.

Hulllooo leetle piggy... How you like play game? We call 'No Go Croc Mout.'
OH, BOY! HOW'S IT WORK?
You ees run toward croc mout'! Eef you avoid mout', you WEEN!
I WIN? OH, BOY! BUT WHAT IF I CAN'T AVOID IT?
Uh. You lose.
NUTS.
Weening not eevryting.

DID I GET ANY MAIL?
DID I GET ANY MAIL?
YOU DID, ACTUALLY. YOU BETTER NOT BE ACTING AS YOUR OWN PEN PAL AGAIN.
I'M NOT. I GOT A REAL PEN PAL. SOMEONE WHO WRITES ALL THE TIME! SOMEONE WHO KEEPS INVITING ME TO HIS HOUSE! FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO NEEDS A FRIEND AS MUCH AS I DO! HE'S EVEN GIVEN ME A NICKNAME, STRANGE AS IT IS.
WHAT'S THE NICKNAME?
Dear Bacon Butt