Pearls Before Swine | Search

HEY. I'M YOUR BRAIN. I'M LEAVING.
HEY, I'M YOUR BRAIN. I'M LEAVING.
LEAVING? DON'T I NEED YOU?
NEED ME? ALL YOU DO IS WATCH 'AMER-I-CAN IDOL' AND EAT CHEESE POOFS.
BU TWHERE WILL YOU GO? HOW WILL I FIND YOU?
YOU WON'T, ME- MAN...
YOU'VE LOST
YOU WON'T, MEAN...
YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND.
LET'S PLAY 'SCRABBLE' FOR CASH.

Dear Pigita,
You are a good girlfriend.
I wish I was a good boyfriend. It's just that I get nervous around you.
I always think I'll screw up.
YOU STUPID PIG... CHICKS DON'T LIKE THAT... CHICKS LIKE GUYS WHO ARE CONFIDENT.
I KNOW.
I always screw up.

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO, GOAT?
I'M REMINDING THESE PEOPLE WHO POST ON MY BLOG TO STOP BEING SO PETTY.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THERE ARE SOME ANONYMOUS FOLK OUT THERE WHO SEE THE INTERNET AS NOTHING MORE THAN AN OUTLET FOR THEIR IMMATURE RANTS.
I know you are, but what am I?

NUTS! THE COP BEHIND US IS PULLING ME OVER.
RELAX...I'LL HANDLE THIS.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING?
NO, SIR, WE DON'T...AND BY THE SOUND OF YOUR QUESTION, I TAKE IT YOU DON'T EITHER.
HE KNEW MORE THAN HE WAS LETTING ON.

LARRY, YOUR COUSIN DEAN CALLED... THE LIONS ATE HER HUSBAND NICK LAST NIGHT... APPARENTLY, THEY THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE WHO STOLE THE ZEBRA MEAT.
WOT?
YEAH, I GUESS SOMEONE XEROXED OFF THOUSANDS OF FLYERS CONTAINING A BOGUS "CONFESSION" FROM NICK AND PUT THEM UP ALL OVER THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
WOT?
OH... AND I FOUND A $200 KINKO'S RECEIPT IN YOUR POCKET.
WOT?

Croc Safehouse wehre U is live wile we hyde from angree lions 'less we fud we steeled,
Fehouase is live wile we hyde from angree lions 'less we fud we steeled
Fehouase is live wile we hyde from angree lions 'less we fud we steeled
CRUNCH
CRUNCH
CRUNCH CRUNCH
Nice sign, bro.
Me speak gud croc.
CRUNCH
CRUNCH CRUNCH

Hey, dude. Thanks for inviting us over to your party.
Oh, no probbum, duudde... We want welcome fellow predators to neighbahood... We is friends, no enemees.
Hey, no worrie, bro... What's this?
Oh... Dat is outdoor movie screen... We rent... But peese no touch curtain.
Worries. We've got worries.
Me told you no touch curtain.

WOW... CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS STORY?... THIS--
WHAT'D YOU SAY, GOAT?
OH, I WAS GOING TO TELL RAT SOMETHING BUT HE'S LISTENING TO MUSIC ON HIS IPOD.
OH, HE'S NOT LISTENING TO MUSIC... HE JUST WEARS THAT SO PEOPLE *THINK* HE'S LISTENING TO MUSIC. THEN THEY DON'T TALK TO HIM. AND THAT MAKES HIM HAPPY BECAUSE HE THINKS EVERYONE BUT HIM IS AN 'IDIOT FATHEAD.'
I DENY THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE, RAT?
I'M BEING CARRIED OFF BY TATA, THE WILLOWY TEMPTRESS O' TEMPTATION!
SHE WILL WRECK ME, RUIN ME, REDUCE ME TO A WRETCHED PILE O' RUEFUL REGRET!
THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET GO?
SHE SMELLS GOOD.

WHOA! WHO’S THAT UP THERE?
NUTS! IT’S TATA, THE WILLOWY TEMPTRESS O’ TEMPTATION!
WHAT’S SHE DO?
SHE TRIES TO GET YOU TO FOLLOW HER, AND IF YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO DO IT, SHE WRECKS YOU, RUINS YOU, AND REDUCES YOU TO A LIF OF UNSPEAKABLE REGRET …
ADMITTEDLY, IT’S HARD TO EXPLAIN MY DECISION MAKING.

HEY THERE, ZEBRA... WE GONNA WATCH 'LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE'?
CAN'T. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET MY NETFLIX MOVIES SINCE MAIL DELIVERY STOPPED.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR MAIL?
DON'T KNOW... THE MAILMAN JUST STOPPED SHOWING UP... WE'RE ALL KINDA WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM.
I could have done without the mace aperitif.

TREECK OR TREET!
WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
Me Gollum. From Lord of Reengs.
GOLLUM? WHY GOLLUM?
DA PRESHISS
AAAHHH

HEY THERE, MAX... I HEAR YOU STILL DIDN'T GET YOUR EX-WIFE'S SHIPMENT OF FROZEN ZEBRA... HOW YOU HANGING IN THERE?
THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO TAKE A BREAK FROM OUR RELATIONSHIP.

WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH
YOU GUYS?
Duuude... It's the ex-wives. They didn't make their support payment this week.
YOU MEAN
THOSE
FROZEN
ZEBRAS
THEY SHIP
YOU?
Yep. And I'm ticked, bro. That's supposed to be on our front porch every Monday. I swear, when I find out what's going on, I'm gonna kill someone.
Me caught it. Me swear.

ANYTHING?
NO.
IS THAT IT?
NOPE.
HOW 'BOUT NOW?
NOTHING.
ANYTHING?
NOPE.
GREAT PUMPKIN, MY FANNY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
Me celebrating! Rumor is da crocs keel stoopid antelope across street!! HAHAHA... In you face, wussy zeeba! WOOHOOO!!
WHAT'S ALL THE NOISE?
Sign not my idea.

HEY, RAT, LISTEN. PLEASE DON'T ERASE STUFF IN THE COMIC STRIP... IT SORTA DESTROYS THE ILLUSION THAT THIS IS HIS OWN QUASI-REAL WORLD.
THIS FROM THE GIGANTORHEAD EGOMANIAC WHO WALKS IN AND OUT OF HIS OWN COMIC STRIP?
HEY HEY HEY. WATCH WHO YOU'RE CALLING A GIGANTORHEAD EGO --
OHHHH... NOW WAS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?
WHOA... BIG IMPROVEMENT.
IT'S OKAY, STEPHAN... HEADS ARE OVERRATED.

NUTS! MY MOM'S COMING OVER IN FIVE MINUTES AND I FORGOT TO CLEAN UP MY STUFF.
RELAAAX, LITTLE BUDDY I GOT YOU COVERED.
SOMETIMES IT PAYS TO LIVE IN A COMIC STRIP.
I KINDA WANTED THAT SHOE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW, RAT?
THIS IS BOB... BOB HAS CHOSEN TO LEAD AN INSURRECTION AGAINST MY RULE.
FOR THIS, HE WILL SLEEP WITH THE FISHES... AN EXAMPLE TO ALL...
IT'S HARD TO INTIMIDATE A PEOPLE WHO FLOAT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT.
I AM A KING. THESE ARE MY PEOPLE. THEY KNOW THAT UNDER ME, THEIR WELL-BEING IS ASSURED.
WHAT THEY DO NOT KNOW IS THAT TODAY IS 'WHIMSICAL TUESDAY,' WHEN BAD THINGS JUST HAPPEN.
KSSHH
'WHIMSICAL TUESDAYS' ARE A GOOD DAY TO STAY IN BED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I AM A KING. THESE ARE MY PEOPLE. THEY LOOK TO ME FOR SAFETY AND SECURITY.
I LIKE TO KEEP EXPECTATIONS LOW.

Hey guys... What going on here?
Yo, dude. Just having some friends over for a barbecue. I’d invite you over, but I only have enough for them.
Hey... Dat is no probbum, dude.
LOSER HUMANS
That’s the great part about being a predator, isn’t it? ... You can just go out and kill something for yourself, unlike those dumpy whiny humans who have to go to restaurants for their meat.
CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP

WHAT ARE YOU READING, PIG?
A MAGAZINE. I LIKE TO STAY INFORMED ABOUT THE WAR IN IRAQ AND WHY WE'RE FIGHTING THERE.
WHAT MAGAZINE?
'SKY MALL.'
IT'S NOT SUPER INFORMATIVE.

LISTEN, ORVILLE... I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET HAVING TO LIVE WITH STEVE AND HIS NOISY WHEEL, SO I BOUGHT YOU THIS LIL' TYPEWRITER. MAYBE BEING CREATIVE AND WRITING STORIES CAN HELP YOU INDULGE YOUR LITERARY PASSIONS.
SQUEAK
SQUEAK
SQUEAK
SQUEAK
TYPE
TYPE
TYPE
I hate Steve.

BEG YOUR PARDON, GOAT, BUT THIS WAS TO BE MY AUTUMN OF READING FAULKNER, A GOAL IMPEDED BY THE INFERNAL RACKET THAT IS STEVE.
WHAT CAN I DO?
I'M PLEASED YOU ASKED, BECAUSE I BELIEVE I HAVE A COMPROMISE THAT WILL BE ACCEPTABLE TO ALL.
GREAT! WHAT IS IT?
SHIP STEVE TO THE IDITAROD.
SO CLOSE.