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WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I'M WORRIED ABOUT GOING INTO THE SEA BECAUSE OF SHARKS.
RAT, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE SHARKS KILL IN THE ENTIRE WORLD EACH YEAR?
NO.
TEN. AND YET WE KILL 100,000,000 SHARKS EACH YEAR. WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?
THAT WE SHOULD HAVE KILLED TEN MORE SHARKS.
HOPE THEY EAT YOU.

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT WE'RE CONDEMNED TO LIVE THE SAME LIFE OVER AND OVER UNTIL WE GET IT RIGHT.
AAAAAAAUGGHHHHH!
SOME THOUGHTS ARE TOO BIG TO CONTEMPLATE.
HAVEN'T I DONE THIS ONE ENOUGH?

BRUSH BRUSH BRUSH
PTUI
AHHH
WELL, GOODNIGHT, RAT. I'M OFF TO BED.
LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE DIDN'T FLOSS.
MY DENTIST IS A TAD BIT AGGRESSIVE.

The best things in life aren't things.
They're expensive things.
NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

YOU MUST NOT HAVE THE RIGHT THINGS.

WHY I CAN'T MAINTAIN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
1) I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE.
2) I LOSE EVERYTHING OF VALUE IN MY LIFE.
3) THEY EVENTUALLY LOSE THEIR OOMPH.
WHY I CAN'T OWN APPLE AIRPODS
DIFFERENT LIST.
SAME RESULT.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHILOSOPHY BY WHICH YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE? SOME SET OF BELIEFS YOU'VE PICKED UP OVER YOUR LIFETIME?
DON'T JUDGE. DON'T BRAG. DON'T WORRY. AND GREET EVERYONE YOU KNOW LIKE IT'S THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE SEEN THEM IN TEN YEARS.
WHERE'D YOU LEARN ALL THAT?
MY DOG.
THEY MAY BE GURUS.
IF SHE FOUNDS A CHURCH, I'LL JOIN IT.

THANKS FOR APPLYING FOR A JOB AT OUR CABLE NEWS STATION. AS YOU MAY KNOW, OUR MISSION HERE IS TO KEEP OUR VIEWERS ---
AFRAID.
INFORMED.
I WAS SO CLOSE.

OH, GREAT WISE ASS, IS IT WRONG TO CRITICIZE OTHERS?
THE CRITICISMS YOU LEVEL MOST AGAINST OTHERS ARE OFTEN THE THINGS YOU HATE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF.
ARGGH
HE'S AN UNPREDICTABLE HOTHEAD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING PIG?
RUNNING FROM ALL MY PROBLEMS.
whooooosh
IT DOES HAVE A CERTAIN APPEAL.

HEY THERE, PIG, WANT TO HAVE A BEER WITH ME AND MY BUDDIES?
SURE, NEIGHBOR BOB. WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO TODAY?
WENT FISHING. I HOOKED A HUGE ONE. IT ALMOST PULLED THE ROD OUTTA MY HANDS. HAD TO FIGHT HIM FOR A HALF HOUR.
HE JUST KEPT SPRINGING OUT OF THE WATER AND TAKING LINE. I FINALLY GOT HIM CLOSE ENOUGH TO THE BOAT TO NET HIM.
TOOK TWO OF US JUST TO LIFT HIM UP FOR THE PHOTO. IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING OUTDOOR EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE.
HOW'D THE FISH FEEL?
THEY TOOK BACK MY BEER.

WELL, TIME TO CHECK THE OL' TWITTER FEED.
I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE. BROUGHT ME DOWN TOO MUCH.
NOT ME. I ADDED A FILTER THAT TAKES OUT ALL TWEETS THAT ARE NEGATIVE OR INSULTING.
REALLY? HOW IS IT?
THERE ARE NO TWEETS LEFT.
BUT THE BLANK SCREEN IS REFRESHING.

DO YOU EVER THINK YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ONLINE AND IT SKEWS YOUR PERSPECTIVE?
NOT AT ALL.
THOUGH IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN AFFECTED BY THE ELECTROMAGNETIC WAVES EMITTED BY BILL GATES' ARMY OF BANKERS HIDING IN THE CENTER OF OUR HOLLOW EARTH.
POOR SUCKER.

THIS BOOK I'M READING SAYS YOU SHOULD TRY TO DO ONE NICE THING A DAY.
I DO. LATELY, I'VE BEEN GOING TO THE CAFE AND BUYING THE DRINK OF WHOEVER'S BEHIND ME IN LINE.
THAT'S GREAT. WHAT ABOUT YOU, RAT?
I TRY TO STAND BEHIND HIM IN LINE.
I SAID NICE.
YOU DIDN'T SAY FOR WHO.

IS IT IMPORTANT TO BOTHER VOTING?
OF COURSE IT IS, PIG. IT'S THE FOUNDATION OF OUR DEMOCRACY AND YOUR OBLIGATION AS A CITIZEN.
I DIDN'T THINK PICKING SEXIEST MALE ATHLETE ON ESPN.COM WAS THAT IMPORTANT.
LET'S START OVER.
TOM BRADY, I GIVE THEE MY VOTE.

STUPID FOOTBALL GAME. THIS TEAM'S ONLY CHANCE IS TO THROW A HAIL MARY.
WHAT'S THAT?
WHEN YOU'RE ALL OUT OF OPTIONS, YOU JUST HURL THE FOOTBALL INTO THE AIR AND HOPE FOR THE BEST.
ONLY WORKS IN FOOTBALL.
WE'LL SEE HOW THIS TURNS OUT.

HEY, PIG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I GOT A JOB WRITING MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS.

I THINK I'VE SEEN THIS ONE BEFORE.

YEAH, BUT I'VE UPDATED IT TO BETTER APPLY TO OUR TIMES.
EVEN RUDE PEOPLE NEED INSPIRATION.

HI, STEPH.
HEY, RAT.
PIG SAYS YOU REALLY LOVE THE LATEST ARCADE FIRE ALBUM.
YEAH. IT'S GREAT.
DO YOU OWN IT?
YEAH. I BOUGHT IT IN THE iTUNES STORE.
SO YOU PURCHASED THEIR MUSIC?
YEAH. I JUST SAID THAT. WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING?
NO REASON.
BEHOLD, SPOTIFY GENERATION, THE LAST MAN STILL BUYING MUSIC!
OOOH.
WOW.
CAN I GET A PIC?
DON'T SOME OF THEM BUY VINYL RECORDS?
OH, YEAH. BUT THAT'S COOL.

HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB. WHERE WERE YOU THIS MORNING?
PICKING UP A CHECK FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF VETERANS AFFAIRS.
THERE'S A DEPARTMENT FOR THAT?
YEAH. WHY WOULDN'T THERE BE?
I THINK IF A MARRIED SOLDIER CHEATS, IT'S NOBODY'S BUSINESS BUT THEIR OWN.
YOU MAY BE CONFUSED.
AND THEY PAY YOU TO DO IT?

ABNORMAL
IT'S ALL IN HOW YOU SEE IT.
EXTRAORDINARY
FRIENDS ARE GOOD.

WISE ASS
ON DUTY
OH, GREAT WISE ASS, TEACH ME ABOUT LIFE.
LIFE IS LIKE STAYING IN A HOTEL ROOM, ONLY YOU DON'T KNOW THE CHECK-OUT TIME.
LIFE IS ONE SCARY VACATION.

WHEN I WAS A KID, THE NAMES OF STADIUMS MEANT SOMETHING TO ME, LIKE CANDLESTICK PARK. NOW EVERYTHING'S NAMED FOR CORPORATIONS. LEVI'S STADIUM, CHASE CENTER, ORACLE PARK.
WHAT'S NEXT? NATIONAL LANDMARKS? PLACES IN NATURE?
ALREADY HAPPENING.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
AMAZON RAINFOREST.
MAYBE I SHOULD DO ALL THE TALKING.
AND AMAZONIAN WOMEN. THOSE POOR WOMEN.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
OH, JUST HAVING A LITTLE WINE AND CHEESE SOCIAL WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES.
JUST REMEMBER... IF EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD GOES SOUTH, WE WILL ALL TURN INTO ANIMALS FIGHTING FOR SURVIVAL.
I LIKE TO INTRODUCE REALITY INTO ALL HOITY-TOITY AFFAIRS.

Dear Powers-That-Be-in-the-Universe,
Yesterday someone told me they watch TV as an escape.
Someone else said they eat as an escape. And someone else said they drink as an escape.
This raises my question...
Is this life or a prison break?
PRISON HAS FREE FOOD.

HARK!
A NEED.
HEY, PIG.
WHAT'S WITH THE CHEERLEADER OUTFIT?
HIYA, NEIGHBOR NORA.
I'M THE REASSURER!
THE
REASSURER?
YES. HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I KNOW YOU'VE HAD SOME
SETBACKS LATELY.
BUT THAT THIS TOO SHALL
PASS.
BECAUSE WHILE LIFE CAN BE MEAN AND BAD AND SCARY,
IT CAN ALSO BE JOYOUS AND GREAT AND THRILLING.
THANK YOU,
PIG.
SURE.
OH. ONE MORE THING.
GOOOOOOOO, NORA!!
I'M IN GREAT DEMAND.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PRINCIPLES YOU LIVE BY?
YEAH, THE GUY IN CHARGE OF OUR HIGH SCHOOL LIVES ACROSS THE STREET.
YOU MAKE CONVERSATION DIFFICULT.