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RAT ATTENDS A STRANGER'S FUNERAL TO GET THE FREE FOOD.
I'M SORRY, SIR... WERE YOU A FRIEND OF BOB'S? I'VE NEVER MET YOU.
UH, YEAH. WE WORKED TOGETHER.
BOB NEVER HELD A JOB IN HIS LIFE.
UHH... THE LORD'S WORK. WE DID THE LORD'S WORK TOGETHER.
BOB WAS AN ATHEIST.
THAT MADE IT HARD.

DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE WRONG TO ATTEND A COMPLETE STRANGER'S FUNERAL JUST TO GET THE FREE FOOD?
OF COURSE IT'D BE WRONG. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK?
I SURE DO MISS AL.
BOB.
OH.

Zeeba neighba! Zeeba neighba!
Come QVICK! Ees Jeemy Heendreks
FREE een CONCERT!
IT'S JIMI HENDRIX!... AND
HE DIDN'T PLAY THE UKULELE.
NOT? He no
beleeve me
ees Jeemy? Ees
he stoopid??
Prove to heem,
Jeemy… Burn
geetar! Burn
geetar!!
And da
wind
cry
moran.
Me not feel
great, Bob.

MAN, I'D LOVE TO TALK TO THAT HOT CHICK ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ME, BUT SHE'S CLEARLY ONE OF THOSE PRIM AND PROPER TYPES.
TRY A LITTLE HUMOR. WOMEN LOVE A GUY WHO CAN DEMONSTRATE A SUBTLE WIT.
HOW OBVIOUS. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? ALRIGHT, PAL, HERE I GO...
YO...PULL MY FINGER.

MY PROBLEM IN LIFE IS THAT WHENEVER SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS TO ME, I ALWAYS FEAR THAT SOMETHING BAD WILL FOLLOW. SO I CAN NEVER ENJOY ANY OF MY SUCCESS.
YEAH. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. I CAN NEVER ENJOY MY SUCCESS EITHER.
WHY IS THAT?
I DON'T HAVE ANY.

PIG, WE'VE BEEN GOING OUT FOR SIX YEARS... EITHER YOU GIVE ME A RING OR WE'RE FINISHED.
OH, PIG! IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
HOOKED A FAT ONE.

HEY, NEIGHBOR GEORGE. WHAT'S WRONG?
I GOTTA MEET MY MOTHER FOR LUNCH AND IT BURNS ME OUT. SHE'S GETTING OLD AND SHE'S ALWAYS COMPLAINING... SHE'S VERY NEGATIVE.
WHAT DOES SHE COMPLAIN ABOUT?
LATELY, IT'S THE FACT THAT HER SPINE IS COMPRESSING. IT HAPPENS SOMETIMES WHEN YOU GET OLDER AND YOUR BONES LOSE THEIR DENSITY. THAT'S WHY OLDER PEOPLE SOMETIMES LOSE SOME OF THEIR HEIGHT.
THAT DOESN'T SOUND TOO BAD. I BET SHE'LL BE FINE.
EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

HEY, PIG... GET ME A BEER... I DON'T WANT TO MISS THIS PART.
I DON'T WANT TO MISS IT EITHER.
CURSE THOSE ROOF FISH.

HEY, LOOK! A DVD OF "THE OFFICE"! THAT'S MY FAVORITE SHOW!
DON'T TOUCH IT, PIG... IT'S THE ROOF FISH... THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL YOU.
THE ROOF FISH?
THEY SIT ATOP THE PANEL AND TRY TO CATCH YOU USING THINGS THEY KNOW TEMPT YOU. IF YOU FALL FOR IT, THEY EAT YOU.
SO MUCH FOR OUR BACON BREAKFAST.

OH NO. SOMEONE HAS SHOT BOB THE CROc. LARRY THE CROC INSISTS IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN HIM BECAUSE HE WAS HOME WATCHING TV. WHY DOES SHERLOCK NOT BELIEVE HIM?
HOW TO DRAW PIG
YOUR DRAWING
This drawing of a vase was submitted by Jerry Scott of Malibu, CA.
Which one of these comics was around when Hitler invaded Poland?
A) Blondie
B) Mary Worth
C) Prince Valiant
D) Barney Google
E) Many of the above
F) all of the above
(Answer)

SOMETIMES I LOOK UP AT THE SKY AND WONDER IF ANYTHING I EVER ACCOMPLISH IN LIFE WILL HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANCE.
SOMETIMES I LOOK UP AT THE SKY AND GET HIT BY BIRD DROPPINGS.
FRIENDS LIKE US HAVE LOTS IN COMMON.

I'VE REACHED A CONCLUSION. I HATE THE WORLD.

IS THAT SO?
YES, BUT WHEN I'M DRUNK, I LOVE THE WORLD.
AND THIS MEANS?
THAT MY GETTING TOASTED IS A SELFLESS ACT OF KINDNESS.
YOU COULD AT LEAST BUY THE BEER.

HI, MOM... NO, PIG'S NOT HERE YET... I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S GONNA ASK ME TO MARRY HIM... I'M JUST ASSUMING...
I MEAN, WHY ELSE WOULD HE CALL ME AN HOUR BEFORE OUR DINNER DATE AND TELL ME TO EXPECT SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND SPECIAL...
I'VE GOT TO GO, MOM.

EVERYWHERE I GO, I WANT TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM, BUT NO ONE LISTENS.
YEAH. DON’T BOTHER, DUDE. IT’S LIKE CASTING PEARLS BEFORE SWINE.
HONK HONK
PEARLS BEFORE SWINE
CLAR CLAR CLAR
THAT WAS ODD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT REMORA FROM A LONG SHOWER.
IT WAS A VERY LONG SHOWER.
HOW YOU GONNA GET THOSE STUPID THINGS OFF?
I DON'T KNOW.
I TRIED EVERY-THING. ALL I KNOW IS IT'S GONNA TAKE SOMETHING WITH A LOT OF FORCE.
HOLD STILL. REAL STILL.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
REMORA. THEY'RE THOSE LITTLE FISH
THAT STICK TO SHARKS AND MANTA
RAYS AND STUFF.
THOSE ANIMALS LIVE IN
THE WATER.
I TAKE VERY LONG SHOWERS.

Oookay, zeeba neighba... Now you had it. Dis is all-powerful, all-loving Box God. We pray to them. He hate you.
Is that so?
Yes! Me just ask and he keel you face! So geev up now!
I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOUR BOX GOD!
Whuuuh?? Is you STOOpid? Now you so ded, it almost funny. O, let us PRAY...
Oh, all-powerful Box God, ARISE and show you is all-powerful! Box God of revengessas by chanting you WAH SONG of FURIOUS death.
I love you... You love me... We a happy fam-i-ly!
Dat wasn't right song, Bob.
Me get dem confused.

I'M A BAD LISTENER.
HOW SO?
I ONLY HEAR THINGS I WANT TO HEAR AND DISREGARD THE REST.
OHH, THAT'S NOT A GOOD WAY TO BE..HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT TRYING TO CHANGE?

HAVE YOU AND MAX MET ANY FEMALE LIONS?
Nada, bro. Manes weren't big enough. Roars weren't loud enough.
WHAT'S LEFT?
Physical size, I guess. But what can I do about that?
Cool it with the 'roids, Max.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I GOT AN E-MAIL FROM A DEPOSED NIGERIAN KING. HE NEEDS MY HELP CASHING A SIXTEEN MILLION DOLLAR CHECK. I’M GOING TO MEET HIM NOW. I’VE HIT THE BIG TIME.
THAT’S A SCAM, PIG. THEY STEAL YOUR MONEY.
YOU SOUND JEALOUS.

SO HAVE YOU AND MAX HAD ANY LUCK MEETING LADIES?
NOPE... OUR MANES WEREN'T BIG ENOUGH.
AREN'T FEMALE LIONS ATTRACTED TO ANYTHING OTHER THAN MANE SIZE?
WELL, THERE'S THE LOUDNESS OF YOUR ROAR, BUT THERE'S NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO ABOUT THAT. EITHER YOU GOT IT OR YOU DON'T.
YOU'RE REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES, MAX.

I HEARD SOME FEMALE LIONS ARE VISITING YOU TODAY.
Yep. Me and Max are back on the market, so we want to look our best.
WHAT'S A FEMALE LION ATTRACTED TO?
Manes, mostly. The bigger the mane, the more likely the female is to see you as dominant.
Enough with the blow dryer, Max.

WELL, HELLO, MA'AM... YOU'RE QUITE ATTRACTIVE. DO YOU FIND ME ATTRACTIVE?
NO.
SIMON SAYS FIND ME ATTRACTIVE.
SIMON SAYS BUY ME ANOTHER BEER.

YOU READY FOR OUR VACATION, PIGITA? GOT THE TICKETS… THE SUNSCREEN… WAIT… THE FIGHT. WHAT ARE WE GONNA FIGHT ABOUT? I DUNNO. WELL, WE HAVE TO FIGHT. IT'S VACATION… HERE, PICK A CARD FROM THE FIGHT BOX. I WANT TO STRUCTURE EVERY MINUTE OF THE VACATION AND YOU DON'T. BUT NOT BAD. YOU PICKED THIS PLACE AND I DIDN'T, SO SUBTLY TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT… A CLASSIC!! LET'S PICK IT! OKAY FINE, BUT LET'S HURRY, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO MAKE YOU LATE MY WHOLE LIFE! ISN'T IT INCREDIBLE HOW WE'RE REALLY going? OH, SO INCREDIBLE.

DO YOU EVER LOOK DOWN AT YOUR ALPHABET SOUP AND SEE ACTUAL WORDS?
YEAH, BUT THAT'S JUST WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PUT RANDOM LETTERS TOGETHER. IT'S THE LAW OF PROBABILITIES.
NO ONE LIKES YOU
THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.