Pearls Before Swine | Search

Hello there, mister. I don’t believe we’ve met...
Bzzzzzzz
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Bzzz
Bzzz
Bzzz
Do you talk?
What’s the matter with you, pal? - can’t you see that’s a bee? What bee do you know that talks?
Living in a comic strip can be very confusing.
Bzzz
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Bzzz
I tell you, Fowl, the idiots in this place are really getting to me.
Aww, forget about it, Larry... he’s just a dumb pig.

WHO'S THAT SITTING NEXT TO YOU, RAT?
PABLO, THE DRUG-SNIFFING DOG.
OHH... THOSE DOGS ARE AMAZING!
WHAT POLICE AGENCY DOES HE WORK WITH?
POLICE AGENCY?
OOOOOOOH... LOOK AT THE FLYING MONKEYS...

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD HOW DURING ALL THE ROMAN WARS, THE SOLDIERS GOT DRESSED UP ?
THEY DIDN'T GET DRESSED UP. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
'CASUALTIES.'
YEAH, IT SAYS RIGHT HERE THAT AFTER THE BATTLE OF CARTHAGE, THE FIELD WAS FILLED WITH ALL THESE CASUAL TIES.
HISTORY IS SO CONFUSING.

I DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY THE CRC STORY ENDED, STEPHAN... I LIKE THE ENDINGS OF CHRISTMAS STORIES TO MAKE ME FEEL WARM AND HAPPY AND NICE.
HMM... WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND, PIG?
WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER
OKAY... JUST FOR YOU, PIG.
"FEAR NOT, FOR BEHOLD, I BRING YOU TIDINGS OF GREAT JOY... FOR UNTO YOU IS BORN THIS DAY IN THE CITY OF DAVID, A S'NIOR."

MERRY CHRISTMAS, PIGITA!
WHAT IS THAT HANGING FROM YOUR EARS?
SCENTED AIR FRESHENERS... I ALWAYS LIKE TO SMELL MY BEST.
THOSE ARE FOR YOUR CAR, YOU IDIOT... THEY'RE NOT SOMETHING YOU WEAR.
YOU MAY NOT LIKE YOUR NECKLACE.

I HAVE DEVELOPED A THEORY THAT EXPLAINS THE ENTIRE HUMAN CONDITION. IT’S CALLED ‘AIRPLANEREFLEXOLOGY’.
WHAT IS IT?
TWO PEOPLE. EACH IN CRAMPED CONDITIONS ON A PLANE. PERSON ‘A’ CAN EASE HIS DISCOMFORT BY RECLINING HIS SEAT.. BUT THERE’S A CATCH…
HIS INCREASED COMFORT CAN ONLY COME AT THE EXPENSE OF PERSON ‘B’ WHO IS FURTHER CRAMPED BY THE RECLINED SEAT IN FRONT OF HIM.
SO WHY WOULD PERSON ‘A’ DO IT?
BECAUSE THE AIRLINE SAYS HE CAN. AND HUMANS ARE INVARIABLY QUEUE-ING. PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY CAN, REGARDLESS OF ITS EFFECT ON OTHERS. AND THAT’S WHY THE WORLD IS IN THE STATE IT’S IN.
SO WHY DON’T YOU DO SOMETHING TO TRY AND CHANGE THAT?
BECAUSE I’D SPILL MY FELLOW PASSENGER’S TRAY TABLE IF THEY LET ME.
WONDERFUL.
HEY.. PHILOSOPHERS LOVE WISDOM, NOT MANKIND.

I'M SO SORRY MY DAD ATE YOUR UNCLE'S LEG, JOY. HE RUINED CHRISTMAS.
IT'S OKAY. MAYBE WE COULD ALL JUST SING SOME CHRISTMAS CAROLS TOGETHER. THAT WOULD END IT NICE.
Jeengle bells
Zeebas smell
Uncle Pete lose leg.
Da croc-o-dile
Eat leg while
Pete hop on stump all day.
NEVER MIND.

DAD! YOU KILLED ZEBRA'S UNCLE!! HOW COULD YOU??
No, son, no... Is bucket of 'KFC'. Me realized keesmas about love. And peace. And brudderhood.
HE REALIZED THAT AFTER HE KNOCKED ME UNCONSCIOUS, HE COULDN'T DRAG ME ONTO THE BARBECUE BECAUSE I WAS TOO FAT. THAT, OF COURSE, DIDN'T STOP HIM FROM EATING PART OF MY LEFT LEG.
Way to bring down mood, Stumpy.

GEE. THIS
ALL LOOKS
GREAT!
SHOULD WE
SAY GRACE
BEFORE
WE EAT?
SURE...
WAIT...WHERE'S
UNCLE PETER?
I THOUGHT
HE WAS WITH
MY—
DAD.
OHHH...THIS
IS A
HEARTWARMING
CHRISTMAS
STORY.
GET
SOME
HELP,
STEPH.

THE CROC/ZEBRA CHRISTMAS DINNER
IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO SEE OUR FAMILIES GETTING ALONG.
I KNOW... AND IT WAS SO NICE OF YOUR FAMILY TO GIVE MY MOM AND DAD THAT KEY OF FRIENDSHIP.
WELL... SYMBOLS CAN BE IMPORTANT.
YEAH... AND I JUST KNOW THAT KEY WILL LEAD TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF INTERACTION BETWEEN OUR FAMILIES...

THE CROC/ZEBRA CHRISTMAS DINNER
THANKS SO MUCH FOR INVITING US OVER. IT'S BEEN A TOUGH YEAR FOR ME...LOT OF HEALTH ISSUES...GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT...HARD FOR ME TO MOVE AROUND NOW...
Eat me.
Eat me.
Eat me.
Eat me.
I'M FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE.

THE CROCS/ZEBRA CHRISTMAS DINNER
AS A SMALL THANKS FOR INVITING US OVER, WE ZEBRAS WANTED TO GIVE YOU THIS... A SYMBOLIC KEY TO OUR DOOR, REPRESENTING HOW YOU NOW VIEW US ZEBRAS AS REAL FRIENDS.
YES, WELL, THIS WAS REALLY JUNIOR’S IDEA, BUT THANKS... AND I BELIEVE MY HUSBAND LARRY HAS A PRESENT FOR YOU...
Zeebas is FUD.
THE WINE, LARRY... THE WINE.
Hope you likes posters.

Rat, ever since you got that 'Blackberry,' it's all you do
I mean, I like you, but I don't like having to own my own 'Blackberry' just to communicate with you.
Why is that?
It's rude, and it's impersonal. I like personal contact...
PAT PAT PAT PAT
There, there.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH RAT?
HE'S BECOME A 'BLACKBERRY' FIEND. HE SENDS OUT E-MAIL DAY AND NIGHT.
IN FACT, I HAD TO GET MY OWN BECAUSE IT'S NOW THE ONLY WAY TO STILL COMMUNICATE WITH HIM.
BUT THAT'S NUTS.
Bite me.
TYPITY
TYPITY
TYPITY
TYPE

DAD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Me vun't smash zeeba over hed. Bah humbug.
YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF DAD, DRESSING UP AS JOSEPH TO DO A SURPRISE ATTACK. CAN A CROCODILE ACT ANY MORE SHAMEFULLY?
Is zeebas here yet?

JACQUE-LINE dey tell me, PAH
RUMP PUM PUM PUM RUMM
DD
WELL... JUNIOR'S AGREED
TO COME BACK HOME FOR
CHRISTMAS DINNER... BUT
ON ONE CONDITION... HE
GETS TO BRING THAT
ZEBRA'S ENTIRE FAMILY.
Gud. ME set
Chreesmas
trap!
CHRISTMAS
TRAP,
LARRY?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS, LARRY... I FOUND JUNIOR... HE'S STAYING WITH THAT ZEBRA NEXT DOOR.
WHUH??
THIS IS YOUR FAULT, LARRY! IF YOU HAD EATEN HIM LIKE A NORMAL CROCODILE, THIS NEVER WOULD'VE HAPPENED!!
But me love Junior...
Chreesmas make you very stressed.

WOMAN, LOOK.
JUNIOR RUN AWAY.
LEAVE US NOTE!
RAN AWAY? NOTE? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
"DEAR MOM AND DAD. IF I CANNOT HAVE MY ZEEBA GIRLFRIEND OVER FOR CHRISTMAS DINNER, I CANNOT BE DERE EEDER."
OMYGAND! MY SON HAS RUN AWAY! HE COULD BE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD BY NOW!! HE COULD BE ON THE STREETS! COLD! STARVING!! ALONE!!!

Whuh da matter you, Wmomun?
Your son, that's what-- he asked if he could invite that little zebra friend of his over for Christmas dinner.
WHUH? Christmas about brudderhood, not hatred, and me hate zebbas!
Gud!
Yeah, well, it's not gonna happen. I grounded him for two weeks.
Being all cooped up in his room will at least force him to THINK about what he said... what else can he do in there?
BYE

WELCOME TO
CLUB BRAIN
WHERE THE MINDS
UNWIND!
YO CHECK OUT
THE CEREBELLUMS
ON THOSE BABES.
LET'S FOLLOW
THEM, BOB...
HEEEYY THERE,
LADIES... WANNA
SEE A HUGE
HYPOTHALAMUS?
GO AWAY,
CREEP.
GIVE ME SOME
ASPIRIN, WILL
YOU, PHYLLIS?
THIS LOSER'S
GIVING ME A
HEADACHE.
SURE.
HERE
YOU GO.
HEY
HEY
HEY
WHAT?
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN
ON DRUGS.
YOU WILL NEVER HEAR
A BETTER PICK-UP LINE.

WELL, SIR, I CONTINUE MY PUSH TO RID OUR NEIGHBORHOOD OF HOLIDAY INSURGENTS.
WHAT'S A HOLIDAY INSURGENT?
SCUM, SIR...TROUBLE-MAKERS...NEIGHBORS WHO DISRUPT OUR OTHERWISE HARMONIOUS CHRISTMAS AESTHETIC WITH TACKY DECORATIONS.
WHO DOES THAT?
NEIGHBOR BOB, SIR. HE INSISTS ON DECORATING HIS FRONT LAWN WITH THOSE LIGHTED REINDEER WHOSE HEADS BOB UP AND DOWN...HE HAS TWO OF THEM.
I THINK HE HAS THREE.
TWO.

BEHOLD!! IT IS I, EGO-MAN, AND MY CRIMEFIGHTING ASSISTANT, CAPTAIN TOO-FAT-TO-BE-OF-ASSISTANCE BOY!!
GADZOOKS!
SO WHAT’S YOUR SIDEKICK DO TO FIGHT CRIME?
HE STANDS THERE AND YELLS "GADZOOKS!"
EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
I AM NOT RAT.
I AM EGO-MAN,
HERE TO INTRODUCE
MY NEW SIDEKICK.
CAPTAIN TOO-FAT-TO-BE-OF-
ASSISTANCE-BOY.
I DIDN'T PICK THE NAME.

THIS IS A NICE PLACE.
It is. Of niceness. Yes.
YOU KNOW. . . WHY DO YOU GET SO NERVOUS WHEN YOU TALK TO ME?
BECAUSE YOU KEEP STARING INTO MY EYES LIKE YOU CAN SEE STRAIGHT INTO ME AND THAT WORRIES ME BECAUSE IT'S NOT A NICE PLACE IN THERE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
PLEASE TAKE YOUR NAPKIN OFF MY HEAD.

THANKS FOR MEETING ME HERE, CHRISTMAS TREE GIRL.
YOU'RE WELCOME. BUT I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK IN --
WHAT'S THAT HITTING ME UNDER THE TABLE ?
SHOES.
WHY ARE YOU WEARING CLOWN SHOES ?
I AM A BIG FAN OF CLOWNS. BIG FAN. BIG, BIG FAN. IT IS MY HOMAGE TO --
SQUEEZE SQUEEZE
WHAT WAS THAT ?
I WANTED TO SEE IF YOUR NOSE HONKED.