Pearls Before Swine | Search

Oh woooonmun.
Me get you biiiiiiig treat todayyyy.
What is it, Larry?
Ees a Zeeb-O'-Matic...It chop, slice and dice deeed zeeba...HAHA.
Now we make beeg yummy zeeba smoodie...Even zeeba mahgarreta.
Just tink, woonmun! Now we have zeeba coming out ears!!
You do know, Larry, that you still have to go out and kill a zebra first, right? ...See, it says, "zebra not included"?
HAHAHAHAHA...Oh, peese, woonmun. No treat have lieek zistoo. You tink Larry spend all dat money and not know dat? BAHAHAHA HA HUHHA HOHOGG HHEHEE...
RETURNS

WOW...LOOK AT THIS... THE COMIC STRIP FACTORY RAN OUT OF OUR NORMAL DOT EYES TODAY... I GUESS YOU AND ME WERE THE LAST TO GET THEM.
WHAT'S EVERYONE ELSE DOING?
WELL, THEY HAVE ONE BIG BOX OF STEREOTYPICAL COMIC EYES STILL LEFT... YOU KNOW, SHOCKED EYES, EVIL EYES... THAT SORT OF THING... AND I GUESS THEY'RE JUST RANDOMLY HANDING THEM OUT.
BUT WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU GET STUCK WITH EYES THAT DON'T MATCH YOUR PERSONALITY?
GOOD QUESTION, YOU $$$%@#&%.
I'M SCARED. HOLD ME.

I THINK ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS NOW-A-DAYS IS THAT WE HAVE NO SENSE OF COMMUNITY. NOBODY CARES ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHEN PEOPLE BORE ME, I CLOSE MY EYES AND TRY TO REMEMBER THE ORDER THE SEVEN DWARFS MARCHED IN.
WHY DO I TRY?
DOC... GRUMPY... HAPPY... DOPEY... NO NO NO DOC...

DON'T TELL ME THAT WAS YOUR LAST DOMINO.
IT WAS! IT WAS! I FINALLY WON A GAME! I WON! I WON! I'M THE CHAMP!
IT SEEMED APPROPRIATE.

HEY, RAT. SORRY TO BUG YOU ON YOUR CELL, BUT REMEMBER, TODAY'S THE DAY WE HAVE TO CLEAN OUT THE GARAGE.
YEAH. I KNOW...I JUST HAVE TO--WHOA, HANG ON A SEC--I'M GOING THROUGH A TUNNEL...I MIGHT LOSE THE--
*CLICK*
WHAT DID LIARS DO BEFORE CELL PHONES?

DOES LIVING NEXT DOOR TO A FRATERNITY OF PREDATORS EVER GET TO YOU?
CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!
SOMETIMES...

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, NEIGHBOR BOB?
MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME. SHE SAID I'M NOT TALL ENOUGH OR STRONG ENOUGH OR SMART ENOUGH.
HEY, TO HECK WITH HER, BOB. IT'S WHAT'S IN HERE THAT COUNTS.
AWW, THANK YOU, RAT...I GUESS I DO HAVE A PRETTY DECENT HEART.
HEART?...I THOUGHT THAT'S WHERE YOU KEPT YOUR WALLET.
NEVER MIND.

Danny Donkey stood on the edge of the cliff and pondered the end.
The end of the headaches and the stomach aches.
The end of the bills and the calls.
The end of the half-truths, the lies and the outright frauds.
The end of all that is bad.
And threw his lawyer over the cliff.
THIS IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE CHILDREN'S BOOK.
BUT I WROTE SUCH AN UPLIFTING ENDING.
YAY FOR DANNY! YAY!

What dat sound?
I DON'T KNOW... IT SOUNDED LIKE A DOOR BREAKING.

HOW'S YOUR SON DOING?
GOOD. THAT LITTLE ZEBRA HE WAS DATING IS LEAVING TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, SO I GUESS HER SPRING BREAK IS OVER, THANK GOD.
WONDERFUL. AND HOW'S YOUR SON TAKING IT?
OH, HAHAHA... HE'S FINE. HE KNOWS IT WAS JUST A SILLY CHILDHOOD CRUSH...
World ending.

I miss you.

WHAT'S THE
MATTER
WITH YOU,
PATTY?
OH, MYRNA
YOU CAN'T
TELL
ANYONE.
IT'S SO
HUMILIATING.
I WON'T.
I SWEAR.
WHAT IS IT?
I CAUGHT
JUNIOR
DATING
A ZEBRA.
YOU
WHAT ?!?
SHE'S THE NIECE
OF THAT ZEBRA
NEXT DOOR...
BUT I'VE LOCKED HIM IN
HIS ROOM AND TAKEN
AWAY HIS CELL PHONE
AND COMPUTER, SO AT
LEAST THEY'LL HAVE NO
WAY TO COMMUNICATE.

WELL, LARRY, IT LOOKS LIKE JUNIOR'S FINALLY OVER HIS "VEGETARIAN" PHASE... I CAUGHT HIM SNACKING ON A LITTLE ZEBRA YESTERDAY.
Hahaha...He cheep off ol' block.
YOU SHOULD GO CONGRATU- LATE HIM, LARRY... OUR PRAYERS HAVE FINALLY BEEN ANSWERED. OUR SON IS KILLING THINGS!
You right! Me tell heem!
He have funny way of killing tings.

LISTEN, JOY, I STARTED TO TELL MY MOM ABOUT US, BUT SHE FREAKED OUT. SHE SAID IF SHE EVER HEARS I DATED PREY, SHE'S SHIPPING ME OFF TO PREDATOR SCHOOL.
WHAT? SO WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?
JUNIOR, I'M HOOOODONE...
DIDN'T I ASK YOU NOT TO SNACK BEFORE DINNER?
BUH I WUHH HUNEEE.
I AM NOT PLEASED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, L'IL GUARD DUCK?
I HAVE NO GIRLFRIEND.
I AM LONELY.
I AM EXPRESSING THAT, SIR.
OKAY. BUT IT GETS A LITTLE ANNOYING WHEN YOU JUST KEEP SAYING "LONELY" OVER AND OVER.
SORRY, SIR.
IT'S OKAY.
Companionaless.
Companionaless.
Companionaless.
Companionaless.
Companionaless.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
GOAT ASKED ME TO WATCH HIS GOLDFISH WHILE HE'S ON VACATION.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN FOR YOU TO SIT THERE AND GUARD HIM. HE JUST WANTS YOU TO FEED HIM AND STUFF. IT'S NOT AS IF HE'S GONNA STEAL A CADILLAC.
VROOM VROOM VROOOOM
WELL YOU DIDN'T MENTION HE LIKED JOYRIDING.
ON THE ROAD! STAY ON THE ROAD!!

WHEN YOU DIE, ARE YOU GONNA BE A BIG FAT IDIOT AND PUT "CREATOR OF 'PEARLS BEFORE SWINE'" ON YOUR TOMBSTONE?
WHAT'S IDIOTIC ABOUT TAKING CREDIT FOR CREATING A COMIC STRIP?
NOTHING'S WRONG WITH TAKING CREDIT FOR A COMIC STRIP... THE IDIOTIC PART IS TAKING CREDIT FOR THIS COMIC STRIP.
PLEASE GO AWAY.
HEY, SAY YOU DREW "PEANUTS". THAT'S GOT CACHET.

DAD. I'M AFRAID YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I WANT TO DATE A ZEBRA.
HAHAHA.. Dat gud one! Uhh.. Me want date..uh.. CHEEKEN LEG!! HAHAHA.. Does you want see movie, pretty cheeken leg??
What? What dat? You already going movies wid mash potato? ..Oh well.. Dat okay... Me see what ham sandwich doing.
BAAAAHAAHAHAW HOOHOOHOOHEE HEE SNNOOOORT
THIS MAY TAKE AWHILE.

DAD, I'M GOING ON A DINNER DATE.
Me see you dinner. Where you date?
WE SHOULD TALK, DAD.

DO YOU COME FROM A HUGE FAMILY, SIR?
NO, BUT A COUPLE OF THEM ARE A LITTLE PUDGY.
YOU'RE A COUPLE CANDIES SHORT OF A PIÑATA, SIR.

DAD, I MET A GIRL I REALLY LIKE.
Gud for you, son...Gud woornun important...She support you...Help you hunt.
DON'T COUNT ON IT.

I HAVE FIGURED OUT LIFE.
IT IS AIL CHARTED OUT ON
THIS. RAT'S ULTIMATE DIAGRAM oF
O'LIFE
IS THAT
SO ?
SEE ... IT ALL STARTS HERE WITH A STAGE I CALL “LIFE'S CHOICES'... YOU CAN: (1) STUDY HARD, (2) WORK HARD, OR (3) SIT ON YOUR REAR.
THESE CHOICES LEAD TO LIFE'S CONSEQUEN - (4) STUDY AND ACHIEVE SMARTNESS ... (5) WORK HARD AND ACHIEVE WEALTH ... OR (6) SIT AND ACHIEVE BUPKIS.
SO, YOU SAY, I'LL PICK (1) OR ri OR ri, BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY DEMAND A LOT OF WORK, THEY ULTIMATELY LEAD TO BETTER THINGS THAN ri, RIGHT? WRONG.
THEY ALL GO TO THE SAME @#o*@#!*o PLACE!
AND TO THINK SOME PEOPLE CALL THIS STRIP ‘DARK’....
KEEP IT UP, GUY! THIS'LL BE A HUGE HIT IN
CUBA!

LOOKS LIKE THAT ONE FAT SUMO SQUIRREL IS JUST DOMINATING THE COMPETITION... HE CAN'T EVEN FIND ANYONE FAT ENOUGH TO GIVE HIM A GOOD MATCH...
UH... LOOKS LIKE HE FOUND SOMEONE.
THIS IS SO HUMILIATING.

WELL, HELLO, I'M SUMO SQUIRREL... WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
NO, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS TRADITIONAL FOR SUMO WRESTLERS TO THROW SALT BEFORE A MATCH AND THAT YOU HAD RUN OUT OF SALT.
WELL, I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ANY SALT, BUT I CAN CHECK IN THE KITCHEN AND SEE WHAT I CAN FIND.
WHY IS THAT SQUIRREL THROWING MY LEFTOVER RAVIOLI ON THE LAWN?
DO ALL YOUR SQUIRRELS WEAR JOCK STRAPS?

GRUNT
GRUNT
GRUNT
GRUNT
GRUNT
LOOKS LIKE WE’VE GOT SUMO SQUIRRELS AGAIN.
BONZAI!
RRRRRRRGG