DEAR TIGER WOODS,
OKAY, DUDE, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
A FEW WEEKS AGO, I MOCK YOU FOR NO LONGER WINNING TOURNAMENTS... THE NEXT DAY, YOU WIN THE MASTERS... THAT WAS AN OBVIOUS ATTEMPT TO SHOW ME UP.
IN ORDER TO RESOLVE WHAT HAS NOW BECOME A VERY PUBLIC FEUD BETWEEN THE TWO OF US, I SUGGEST ONE OF THE FOLLOWING: EITHER (A), YOU GIVE ME 25% OF THE $13.5 MILLION THAT I INSPIRED YOU TO WIN AT THE MASTERS, OR (B), WE FIGHT IN THE CHURCH PARKING LOT AFTER SCHOOL.
... IT WORKED IN JUNIOR HIGH.