Pearls Before Swine | Search

WHO THE HECK IS THAT?
THAT'S MY LATE UNCLE GEORGE.
HE'S THE UNCLE WHO USED TO TAKE ME TO BASEBALL GAMES WHEN I WAS A KID AND BUY ME A SODA AND A HOT DOG AND SOMETIMES EVEN A T-SHIRT.
SO IN YOUR HONOR, UNCLE GEORGE, I RECENTLY TOOK MY OWN NEPHEW TO A BASEBALL GAME.
GOT HIM A SODA FOR $10, A HOT DOG FOR $16, AND A DECENT SEAT FOR $300!!
HE DIED ALL OVER AGAIN.
DID I MENTION THE $80 T-SHIRT?

HEY, PIGITA, LOOK WHAT I MADE IN CERAMICS CLASS...
IT'S ME AS A LAMP!
THAT'S VERY NICE.
HOW DO I MAKE IT GO ON?
TO TURN ME ON, JUST TOUCH ME RIGHT HERE.
I NEED TO START GOING TO CLASSIER RESTAURANTS.
NO, NO. YOU'RE TOUCHING THE WRONG SPOT.

HI, NEIGHBOR BOB... I JUST CAME BY TO SAY I WON'T BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU A BIRTHDAY PRESENT THIS YEAR.
SAME FOR NEXT YEAR.
AND THE YEAR AFTER THAT.
JUST KNOW THAT I WAS PREPARED TO SPEND A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY ON ALL OF THEM.
LEAP YEAR BABIES ARE THE BEST.

SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR MORNING WITH WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY, BUT WE'VE HAD A TRAGEDY.
OH, MY GOODNESS... WHAT HAPPENED?
I'VE FORGOTTEN OUR NETFLIX PASSWORD.
DO YOU THINK MAYBE WE'RE ALL TOO FRAGILE THESE DAYS?
COULDN'T YOU HAVE GIVEN A TRIGGER WARNING?

PIG, I'D LIKE TO TAKE A PHOTO
OF YOU FOR A PHOTO ALBUM
I'M DOING... WHAT DO YOU
THINK IS YOUR BEST SIDE?
HANG ON, I'LL SHOW YOU...
CLICK
PLEASE
TURN THE
LIGHTS
BACK ON.
HELLO,
DARKNESS,
MY OLD
FRIEND.

I JUST READ THIS BIG BOOK ON THE HISTORY OF WAR. IT'S SO DEPRESSING. WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN GO TO WAR?
WELL, YOU HAVE TWO SIDES THAT DON'T SEE THINGS THE SAME WAY. THINGS ESCALATE. AND SOON THEY'LL STOP AT NOTHING TO DESTROY EACH OTHER.
BEST DESCRIPTION OF TWITTER I'VE EVER HEARD.
NOT WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.
DO YOU DO THEIR P.R.?

OH, GREAT WISE ASS, HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO SHOW SUCH PATIENCE WITH EVERYONE YOU MEET?
I REMEMBER ONE THING ABOUT EVERY LIVING BEING ON THIS EARTH... NOBODY IS HERE BY CHOICE.
WE ARE ALL JUST HERE AT A GATHERING WE'VE BEEN FORCED TO ATTEND.
LIKE AN OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY!
LIFE IS ONE BIG OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
JUST WADING THROUGH THE WATER TO STAY WARMED UP.
FOR WHAT?
I’M GONNA HAVE A SWIM RACE AGAINST MIKE LOVE.
THE LEAD SINGER OF THE BEACH BOYS?
YEAH, MY MOM KNOWS HIM, BUT SHE SAYS HE TAKES FOREVER TO GET READY FOR A SWIM RACE.
JUST TELL HIM TO GET OVER HERE SO YOU CAN RACE.
MAMA SAID YOU CAN’T HURRY LOVE.
NO, YOU JUST HAVE TO WADE.
HOW MANY HEARTACHES MUST I STAND?

I THINK YOU'RE A BIT OF A SELFISH NARCISSIST.
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
GO BACK AND READ MY SPEECH BALLOON IN THE FIRST PANEL.
I CAN'T. THIS IS A SEQUENTIAL ART FORM AND NOW WE HAVE TO MOVE ON TO THE NEXT PANEL.
AND HERE WE ARE ALREADY.
CURSE THIS STUPID ART FORM!

DID YOU KNOW YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GET A NEW PILLOW EVERY YEAR?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I’VE HAD MINE FOR YEARS.
YEAH, WELL, YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO.
WHERE’D YOU GET THAT INFORMATION?
THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF PILLOW RETAILERS.
I’M STARTING TO THINK THE SOURCE OF NEWS MATTERS.

HEY, RAT, DO YOU WANT TO COME WITH US? I'M DRIVING GOAT AND HIS PALS DOWNTOWN.
SURE. I'VE GOT SHOTGUN.
I ALREADY TOLD HIM I'M SITTING IN FRONT.
NO, I MEAN I'VE GOT THE SHOTGUN.
HAVE YOU BEEN DOWNTOWN LATELY?

ARE THERE ANY GROUPS YOU CAN MAKE FUN OF AND NOT TRIGGER ANGRY LETTERS TO THE EDITOR?
OH, YEAH. STUPID PEOPLE.
WHY IS THAT?
NO ONE THINKS THEY'RE IN THAT GROUP.
HAHAHAHAH
Dear Sirs...

HELLO.
WELL, A PLEASANT GOOD EVENING TO YOU, PIG. IT'S ME, GOAT. I'M IN NEW YORK.
WHO SAYS, A PLEASANT GOOD EVENING AT FOUR IN THE AFTERNOON?
PEOPLE HERE. WE'RE AHEAD OF YOU.
YEAH, WELL, SORRY WE CAN'T ALL KEEP UP WITH YOU AND YOUR SNOOTY GREETINGS, YOU ARROGANT SNOB.
NEW YORKERS CAN BE SO RUDE.

DO YOU THINK THE POOR CONDITION OF OUR CITIES IS PARTLY DUE TO THE FACT THAT THERE ARE VERY FEW REPORTERS STILL COVERING CITY GOVERNMENT?
NO, I THINK GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS WILL ACT HONESTLY AND PRODUCTIVELY EVEN WITHOUT JOURNALISTS KEEPING A CHECK ON THEM.
HAHAHAHAHA
SARCASM KEEPS ME FROM CRYING.

WHAT ARE YOU READING, RAT?
A BIOGRAPHY OF THOMAS JEFFERSON.
HE'S GOTTA BE ONE OF THE MOST BRILLIANT AND ACCOMPLISHED AMERICANS TO EVER LIVE.
I MEAN, HE WAS A FOUNDING FATHER, AN ARCHITECT, A STATESMAN, THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA AND THE PRIMARY AUTHOR OF THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
AND HE WROTE WHAT IS ARGUABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT LINE IN AMERICAN HISTORY... "WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT... THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL..."
SO HOW COULD THE GUY WHO WROTE THAT THINK IT WAS OKAY TO OWN OTHER HUMANS? :)
BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE COMMITTEE ON AMERICAN HISTORY THAT MAKES NO SENSE.
PROBABLY DIDN'T NEED THE MEGAPHONE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
TRYING TO THINK REALLY DEEP THOUGHTS, BUT IT'S NOT REALLY WORKING.
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN IT'S NOT WORKING?
I JUST GET UP AND STAND OVER HERE.
IF TODAY'S JOKE IS ABOUT "THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX," I WILL THROW YOU DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.
YOUR HUMOR IS MAKING PEOPLE VIOLENT.
HE'S REALLY GOT US BOXED IN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
WRITING A VALENTINE'S DAY CARD TO THIS GIRL. I THINK WE'D BE PERFECT TOGETHER, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL HER.
JUST TRUST YOUR INSTINCT.
I'm the biscuit. You're my gravy.
MAYBE IGNORE YOUR INSTINCT.
I'm the telephone pole. You're my pigeon.

WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT MOUNTAIN RANGE IN UTAH?
YOU MEAN THE WASATCH MOUNTAINS?
WASATCH, YOU SAY?
I SAID THE NAME OF THE MOUNTAINS...
WASATCH, YOU'RE SAYING?
I'M SAYING THE NAME OF THE STUPID MOUNTAINS!!
THIS COMIC STRIP IS SHORTENING MY LIFE.

SO I GET TO STARBUCK'S THIS MORNING AND THEY GIVE ME A HOT LATTE WHEN I CLEARLY SAID "ICED". EVEN THEIR WiFi KICKS OUT RIGHT AS I'M TRYING TO POST STUFF ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
I WAS BORN IN 1925 IN A HOUSE WITHOUT RUNNING WATER OR ELECTRICITY. THEN MY FAMILY LOST WHAT LITTLE WE HAD IN THE GREAT DEPRESSION. AFTER WHICH I WAS DRAFTED AND HAD TO FIGHT THE NAZIS ON THE BEACHES OF NORMANDY.
PLEASE STOP PUTTING MY LIFE IN PERSPECTIVE.
I'M SORRY. TELL ME AGAIN ABOUT THE LATTE.

IF YOU WERE ALLOWED ONE DO-OVER IN YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
THE ENTIRE THING.
YOU NEED TO BE SLIGHTLY MORE SPECIFIC.
THE MOMENT OF BIRTH TO THE MOMENT RIGHT NOW.

I HAVE AN OPINION, BUT IF I SAY IT, I DON'T WANT YOU TO MAKE FUN OF ME.
I THINK THE KEY TO OUR NATION MOVING FORWARD IS TO START RESPECTING OTHERS' OPINIONS.
GREAT. I THINK THE EARTH IS FLAT.
UNLESS YOUR OPINION IS THAT STUPID, IN WHICH CASE I MUST DECLARE YOU A MORON OF THE FIRST ORDER.
THERE ARE LIMITS.

THE ADVENTURES OF...
SUPERVOLCANO!
IS IT A BIRD? IS IT A PLANE?
IT'S A SUPERVOLCANO!!
GREETINGS! I AM SUPERVOLCANO, ONE OF ABOUT 20 SUCH VOLCANOES ON EARTH.
I'M 1,000 TIMES MORE POWERFUL THAN REGULAR OLD VOLCANOES LIKE MOUNT ST. HELENS IN WASHINGTON...
ME PUNY MT. ST. HELENS.
BUT WHEN JUST ONE OF US ERUPTS, THE EFFECT ON THE PLANET COULD BE CATASTROPHIC.
WE TURN THE SKY RED UNDER YELLOWSTONE IN...
ALL OF WHICH IS WHAT MAKES ME SO DARN SUPER!
UH-OH, I'M FEELING A RUMBLE IN MY TUMMY!
KAA-BOOM
THANKS FOR NOTHING, SUPERVOLCANO.
DON'T MOST SUPERHEROES HELP PEOPLE?
HUSH. I'M WAITING FOR MARVEL TO CALL.

WHATCHA DOING, RAT?
WATCHING THESE VIDEOS ON FACE-BOOK OF PEOPLE FALLING FLAT ON THEIR FACES.
I RARELY LAUGH. I JUST WONDER WHY THE PERSON FILMING IT DOESN'T PUT DOWN THEIR PHONE AND HELP.
HOW DARE HE DIMINISH MY FUN.

I THINK THAT FUTURISTIC-LOOKING CYBERTRUCK MADE BY TESLA IS A PERFECTLY DESIGNED CAR.
HOW DO YOU FIGURE?
WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHENEVER YOU SEE SOMEONE DRIVING AROUND IN ONE OF THOSE THINGS?
PUNCH HIM IN THE HEAD.
AND IN THAT BIG TANK, YOU CAN'T GET TO THEM!
MY GOD, YOU’RE RIGHT.
THEY THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING!

OH, GREAT WISE ASS, I LIVE MY LIFE WITH ABUNDANT CAUTION AND FEAR.
WHY IS THAT, MY SON?
BECAUSE DYING IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU.
NOT TRUE.
WHAT'S WORSE?
NOT LIVING.
I'VE WASTED A LOTTA YEARS.