Pearls Before Swine | Search

I HEARD YOU WENT ON A DATE LAST NIGHT.
YEAH... HER NAME IS PIGITA, BUT EVERYONE CALLS HER "MOODY."
WHY IS THAT?
I LOVE YOU, PIGGY WIGGY.
WELL, I LOVE --
I'M GONNA SLAP YOUR BIG FAT FACE.
CHECK, PLEASE.

CAN I HELP YOU, MATE?
HI. I'M PIG. I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR.
I HEARD YOU JUST MOVED HERE FROM AUSTRALIA.
THAT'S TRUE.
WELL, I DID SOME RESEARCH AND FOUND OUT THAT ALTHOUGH IT'S SUMMER HERE, IT'S WINTER FOR YOU... KNOWING THAT, I THOUGHT I'D DRESS APPROPRIATELY.
BUT I'VE GOTTA SAY. IT'S KINDA STRANGE TO SEE YOU WEARING JUST A T-SHIRT... YOU MUST BE REALLY COLD.
SLAM!!!!
I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS.

WHAT I THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME WHEN I DIE
GEE, THAT'S A PRETTY HEAVY TOPIC TO WRITE ABOUT. WHAT DID YOU CONCLUDE HAPPENS? SALVATION? REINCARNATION?
I'D RATHER NOT SAY RIGHT NOW.
I FALL OVER.

A SIDE OF BACON, PLEASE.
HOW CAN SOMEONE LIKE YOU ORDER THAT?
IT'S A PIG-EAT-PIG WORLD.

HOW'D YOUR DATE WITH THAT ZEBRA GO LAST NIGHT?
NOT SO GOOD. A CROCODILE KILLED HER.
HOW WAS THE REST OF THE DATE?

WHO ATE THE LAST PIECE OF CAKE?
NOT ME, YOU MORON.
NOT ME YOU MORON
FRIEND OF YOURS?

D'YOU HEAR NEIGHBOR BOB GOT FIRED FROM HIS JOB?
NO. WHAT'D HE DO?
HE GOT BORED WHILE AT WORK AND DECIDED TO CATCH A MOVIE.
THAT'S A PRETTY UNFORGIVING EMPLOYER.
YEAH, AS IF BEING AN AIRLINE PILOT ISN'T STRESSFUL ENOUGH.

WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING IN THERE?
A BOXING MATCH...
...BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN, THEY LET THE FIGHTERS TAKE A BREAK AND GO ICE SKATING.
THAT'S CALLED HOCKEY, YOU DUMB PIG.
IT'S NICE... MAYBE IT'LL CATCH ON.

HOW'S YOUR EFFORT GOING TO PROTECT YOUR FELLOW ZEBRAS FROM THE LIONS?
NOT GOOD... THE POPEMOBILES WERE A COMPLETE FIASCO
POPOMOBILES?
YEAH... YOU KNOW THAT LITTLE BUBBLE CAR THE POPE RIDES IN?... EACH OF THE ZEBRAS BOUGHT ONE.
DID THEY WORK?
TOO WELL... AFTER AWHILE, NONE OF THE ZEBRAS WOULD GET OUT OF THEIR CARS AND THE WHOLE HERD DIED OFF.
BUT I THOUGHT THEY WERE PROTECTED
THEY WERE.
BUT IT'S HARD TO MAKE BABIES BLOWING KISSES THROUGH WINDOWS.

THIS BOOK I'M READING SAYS THAT WHEN A MAN GETS MARRIED, HIS LIFE IS OVER... HOWEVER, MOST MEN WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT FACT.
OH.
INSTEAD, THEY ENTER A STAGE OF DENIAL WHERE THEY TRY TO CONVINCE THEMSELVES AND OTHERS THAT THEY REMAIN FREE, VIRILE BEINGS.
WHEN DOES THAT END?
WHEN THEY BUY THEIR FIRST MINI-VAN... THEN THE GIG IS UP.

SCOTT ADAMS IS SUING ME...
HE SAYS MY BILDERT STRIP IS A COMPLETE RIP-OFF OF HIS "DILBERT" STRIP.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
FIND A LAWYER WHO'LL RECOGNIZE THE OBVIOUS DIFFERENCES AND DEFEND ME.
DILBERT: FIVE LUMPS OF HAIR.
BILDERT: NO MORE THAN FOUR.

GOAT SAYS YOUR BILDERT STRIP IS A BLATANT RIP-OFF OF "DILBERT."
HE DID, HUH? WELL, ASK HIM IF HE THINKS DA VINCI'S "LAST SUPPER" IS A RIP-OFF... AFTER ALL, THE LAST SUPPER WASN'T HIS IDEA, NOW WAS IT?
YOU'RE A GOOD DEBATER.

MY DILBERT STRIP HAS IMPROVED SINCE MY INTRODUCTION OF THE PRICKLY-HAIRED BOSS.
THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE DILBERT'S BOSS.
PLEASE. DILBERT'S BOSS'S HAIR STICKS UP AT A NINETY DEGREE ANGLE FROM THE TOP OF HIS HEAD... THE HAIR ON DILBERT'S BOSS IS AT AN OBVIOUS SEVENTY-EIGHT DEGREE ANGLE.
YOU NEED TO THINK BEFORE YOU TALK.
SORRY. I LEFT MY PROTRACTOR AT HOME.

WHAT'D YOU BUY?
A COLLECTION OF LAST YEAR'S "DILBERT" STRIPS.
I FIGURE IF EVERYONE IS GONNA ACCUSE ME OF RIPPING IT OFF, I MIGHT AS WELL AT LEAST SEE THE STUPID STRIP.
HOW IS IT?
BORING... DID I MENTION I RECENTLY HAD ABOUT 365 NEW IDEAS FOR MY BILDERT STRIP?

I HEARD YOU'RE DRAWING A COMIC STRIP THAT IS A RIP-OFF OF "DILBERT."
OH, I SEE. JUST BECAUSE I DO A STRIP ABOUT AN OFFICE WORKER NAMED "BLOBERT," I'M RIPPING SOMEONE OFF, HUH?
THE TIE THAT CURLS UPWARD IS ANOTHER HINT.
PLEASE. IT'S WINDY WHERE BLOBERT LIVES.

WHAT ARE YOU DRAWING?
A NEW COMIC STRIP.
IT’S CALLED “BILBERT” AND IT’S ABOUT THIS GUY WHO WORKS IN A CUBICLE AND HAS THIS STUPID BOSS.
GEE, THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE LIKE THAT “DILBERT” STRIP.
OKAY...STOP RIGHT THERE.
JUST ‘CAUSE I DO A STRIP THAT SOUNDS VAGUELY LIKE SOME OTHER STRIP IS NO REASON TO ACCUSE ME OF RIPPING SOME GUY OFF.
I’M SORRY...I DIDN’T MEAN THAT.
SO WHO’S HIS LITTLE FRIEND?
THAT’S HIS DOG, BOSBERT.

I'VE HEARD THAT YOUR FELLOW ZEBRAS ARE TRYING TO FOOL THE LIONS BY PLAYING DEAD.
YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT WORKING.
OF THE ONE HUNDRED REPORTED INSTANCES OF ZEBRAS FAKING THEIR DEATH, NINETY-NINE WERE KILLED BY THE LIONS.
WELL... AT LEAST ONE GUY MADE IT.
NO... HE WASN'T FAKING.

THE MAN WHO OWNED THE GOLDFISH STORE DIED TODAY.
HOW SAD...ARE YOU GOING TO THE FUNERAL?
I'D LIKE TO, BUT THE FAMILY SAID I COULDN'T COME.
WHY NOT?
THEY'RE HAVING A PRIVATE FLUSHING.

DID YOU KNOW THAT DURING RAINSTORMS, SOME TURKEYS TILT THEIR HEAD BACK TO DRINK THE RAIN AND THEN DROWN?
THAT'S JUST A MYTH... NO LIVING CREATURE CAN BE THAT STUPID.
...CAN'T... BREATHE...

TELEVISION IS CLEARLY THE MOST IMPORTANT DEVELOPMENT OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY.
WHAT ABOUT THE POLIO VACCINE?? THAT WAS KIND OF IMPORTANT.
NOT TO ME, IT ISN'T... I DON'T HAVE POLIO.

CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?
YEAH, I JUST PUT MY A.T.M. CARD IN YOUR A.T.M. OUTSIDE AND I CAN'T GET IT BACK.
WE DON'T HAVE AN A.T.M.
WHAT'S THAT OUT FRONT?
A NEWSPAPER RACK.
...CAN I BORROW A QUARTER?

MY MOM IS AN OX.
WHAT?
LOOK... SHE SIGNED HER LETTER "MOM OX."
SHE'S GIVING YOU HUGS AND KISSES
I DON'T WANT THEM FROM AN OX.

READY TO RAT BROKER...CAN I HELP YOU?
YEAH...YESTERDAY YOU TOLD ME TO PUT MY KID'S ENTIRE COLLEGE SAVINGS INTO SOME INTERNET STOCK AND TODAY IT DROPPED 97%...
THAT'S BAD...YOU SHOULD SELL THAT DOG.
WHAT??!! JUST YESTERDAY YOU GAVE IT YOUR HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION
GOOD POINT...YOU SHOULD BUY MORE.
BUT YOU JUST SAID--
FORGET WHAT I SAID...
FORGET? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR MY KID'S COLLEGE?
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT BEING A STOCK BROKER?

DID YOU HEAR MR. BAILEY'S GUIDE DOG LOST HIS SIGHT?
HOW AWFUL. HOW WILL MR. BAILEY GET AROUND?

HEY, A HOPSCOTCH BOARD!
YIPPEEEE!!
IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?