Pearls Before Swine | Search

WHAT'S THE MATTER, NEIGHBOR BOB?
I'M TRYING TO SUBMIT THIS VIDEO FOR WORK, BUT THE WIFI IN THIS CAFE IS RIDICULOUSLY SLOW.
OH, HMM. SO THROUGH A MIRACLE OF TECHNOLOGY, YOU CAN DO YOUR WORK FROM ALMOST ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, ALL ON THAT LITTLE DEVICE THAT GIVES YOU INFORMATION ON ANYTHING YOU WANT, BUT RIGHT NOW IT'S NOT SENDING THAT DATA MAGICALLY THROUGH THE AIR AS RAPIDLY AS YOU'D LIKE.
I CAN SEE HOW THAT WOULD TROUBLE YOU.
PLEASE DON'T ADD PERSPECTIVE TO MY LIFE.
HOW DO YOU EVEN GO ON?

YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST FEELING IS? LOOKING IN YOUR MIRROR AND REALIZING YOU HAVE ONLY YOURSELF TO BLAME FOR SOMETHING.
THAT'S ROUGH. BUT YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE YOUR SITUATION.
YEAH. I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
I GOT RID OF THE MIRROR.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
I WAS STANDING ON MY FRIEND GRACES HEAD TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB AND LOST MY BALANCE AND...
DON'T SAY IT.
I FELL FROM GRACE.
MAY YOUR OWN FALL BE SUDDEN AND STEEP.

HEY, SARAH. I'M WONDERING IF YOU'D LIKE TO START DATING.
SURE THING, PIG. BUT LEMME DO SOMETHING FIRST.
WHAT'S THAT?
EXPIRATION DATE. ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS HAVE THEM.
I FEEL LIKE A QUART OF MILK.

OH, GREAT WISE ASS, GIVE ME ADVICE FOR HOW BEST TO NAVIGATE LIFE.
DON'T CAUSE PROBLEMS WHERE THERE AREN'T ANY.
THERE GOES MY REASON FOR BEING.

I WANT TO BE WANTED
I WANT TO BE WANTED
I WANT TO BE WANTED
DON'T I HAVE TO BE WANTED
IF YOU WANT TO BE WANTED, YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WANTED. NOBODY WANTS TO WANT SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE WANTED.
SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE
COOL, COOL... DON'T CARE IF ANYONE WANTS ME. I'M JUST COOL AND UNCARING.
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD. YOU SEEMED LIKE A NICE GUY.
DON'T I HAVE TO BE WANTED
DON'T I HAVE TO BE WANTED
DON'T
I HAVE TO BE WANTED
LONELY FOREVER

I PROBABLY ONLY HAVE ABOUT TWENTY YEARS LEFT BEFORE THEY SEAL AWAY MY BODY AND I'M GONE FOREVER.
I DON'T LIKE TO THINK ABOUT DEATH.
I'M TALKING ABOUT TAKING ROCKETS TO OTHER PLANETS.
WHY DO I ENGAGE?
GET A LOAD OF DEBBIE DOWNER.

DO YOU THINK A COMIC STRIP CAN CHANGE THE WORLD
OH, FOR SURE.
LIKE IF YOUR FRIEND HAS A FULL BEER BOTTLE AND YOU HIT IT WITH THE BOTTOM OF YOUR BOTTLE. YOUR FRIEND'S BEER FOAMS UP AND SPILLS EVERYWHERE.
NOW THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS THAT.
I WAS THINKING SLIGHTLY BIGGER.
OH, I CAN MAKE THE SPILL BIGGER.
PLEASE. DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.

YOU MUST BE MY TINDER DATE.
YEAH. NICE TO MEET YOU.
SAME. SO THIS IS A LIST OF ALL MY POLITICAL BELIEFS AND OPINIONS, AND AT THE BOTTOM THERE'S A LITTLE QUESTION FOR YOU TO ANSWER.
Do you agree with all the political beliefs outlined above?
YES NO
If no, please shut your mouth and get out of my face.
DATING IS DIFFICULT NOW.

Neighbor Bob is really bugging me lately.
Well, you know what they say--let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Whoa. Thanks. I didn't even think about throwing rocks at him.
Never say that to someone who thinks he's perfect.
And take that, you fathead!
And that!

PIG, OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS GOTTEN QUITE COMPLEX, AND I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.
KISS.
AWWW.
KEEP
IT
SIMPLE,
STUPID.
I'M NO LONGER IN A RELATIONSHIP.

ARE YOU THE KIND OF GUY WHO LIKES TO PUT CREAM IN YOUR COFFEE OR DO YOU JUST LIKE IT BLACK?
BLACK?
RIGHT ANSWER.
SOME ISSUES AROUSE REAL PASSION.

INTRODUCING... THE UNDERSTANDER FROM Pig, Incorporated.
AVAILABLE WHEREVER GADGETS ARE SOLD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, NEIGHBOR NANCY?
THAT GUY IN THE PURPLE SHIRT DOWN THE BAR CUT ME OFF WHEN I WAS TURNING INTO THE PARKING LOT. NOW I WANNA PUT A DRINK ON HIS HEAD.
OH...SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED "THE UNDERSTANDER!"
JUST PUSH THE BUTTON
THE MAN DOWN THE BAR LOST HIS MOM TO CANCER LAST WEEK. HE WANTED TO FLY TO HER FUNERAL, BUT COULDN'T BECAUSE HE GOT LAID OFF AND DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY.
HE'D NORMALLY DISCUSS THIS SORT OF THING WITH HIS AUNT, BUT SHE'S RECENTLY SPIRALLED INTO LIFE AFTER HIS PET TURTLE OF SEVEN YEARS DIED.
EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.
I THINK IT CAN SAVE THE WORLD.
I'LL TAKE TWELVE.

BE HONESTDO YOU THINK THIS HAT I JUST BOUGHT LOOKS COOL ON ME
DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO BE HONEST
YES MORON THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING
IT DOES NOT LOOK COOL
CRACK
NO ONE WHO WANTS HONESTY WANTS HONESTY

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
FLOATING CLUELESSLY THROUGH LIFE.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT. YOU GOTTA FOLLOW THE NEWS, STAY INFORMED, WORRY LIKE THE REST OF US!
I THOUGHT SO TOO, BUT IT TURNS OUT I CAN JUST BE HAPPY.
NOW I FEEL UNINFORMED.

WHAT CAN I DO TO BE A GOOD GUY?
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.
THAT'S NOT THAT HARD.
WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
I HATE MYSELF.
LET'S TRY AGAIN.
AND I HATE MY NEIGHBOR. I MUST BE GREAT.

HEY, NEIGHBOR NIKKI... HOW GOES IT?
I'M BARELY HOLDING IT TOGETHER.
GEE, YOU'D NEVER KNOW FROM LOOKING AT YOU.
DOES THAT HELP?
A LITTLE CLEARER.

HEY, PIG. HOW'S IT GOING?
GOOD. JUST SITTING HERE WITH MY FRIEND, ASHLEY. IT'S KINDA STRANGE, BUT WE CALL HER 'ASH.'
WHY IS THAT STRANGE? 'ASH' IS A PRETTY COMMON NICKNAME FOR SOMEONE NAMED ASHLEY.
SHE'S CREMATED.
SOMEONE SHOULD BURN DOWN THIS COMIC STRIP.

WELL, I'M OFF TO HAVE SURGERY.
SURGERY? WHAT ARE YOU HAVING DONE?
I'M GETTING THE CONFUSER TAKEN OUT OF MY HEAD.
THE WHAT?
THE CONFUSER. IT'S THE PART OF YOUR BRAIN THAT MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND MATH, LITERATURE, AND WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD.
THAT COULD BE HELPFUL.

OH, HIGH HEAVENS, THERE IS SO MUCH SUFFERING.
PAIN, FEAR, LONELINESS.
DESPERATION, WARS, DISASTERS.
PANIC, DISEASE, DEATH.
GIVE US ONE REASON WHY ANY OF US SHOULD WANT TO GO ON!
THE LOVE OF A DOG.
IT'S ALL OKAY.

WHERE’S PIG TODAY?
STILL IN BED. HE COULDN’T SLEEP LAST NIGHT.
AGAIN? I TRIED TO TELL HIM WHAT I DO WHEN I CAN’T SLEEP AND NEED TO RELAX.
WHAT’S THAT?
I GET ON MY PHONE AND GOOGLE RANDOM STUFF I WANT TO LEARN ABOUT.
I WONDER IF HE TRIED THAT.
Google
All the ways you can die

WELL, RAT, IN ORDER TO HAVE AN EDUCATED AND INFORMED STAFF, I'M GONNA START GIVING YOU A WORD OF THE DAY THAT I'LL PICK RANDOMLY FROM THE DICTIONARY.
LET'S SEE... TODAY'S WORD IS...
ERGOPHOBIA',
THE DEFINITION OF WHICH IS, UH... 'FEAR OF WORKING.'
HE WENT HOME ON DISABILITY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE WORLD'S HARDEST PROFESSION? SOLDIER? BRAIN SURGEON? COP?
BARBER.
EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY, YOUR WORK IS BEING UNDONE.
NOT THE ANSWER I WAS EXPECTING.
IT'S A TORTURED EXISTENCE.

I MISSED MY FITNESS CLASS AGAIN TODAY.
WELL, WHEN IT COMES TO FITNESS, IT'S BETTER IF YOU SET A GOAL.
Tomorrow I will miss my fitness class.
I'M NOT SURE HOW THAT HELPS.

CAN I HELP YOU?
YEAH, I'M GOING AROUND REMINDING PEOPLE THAT A LOT OF THE THINGS THEY DON'T LIKE CAN BE FIXED IF WE AMEND THE CONSTITUTION.
YEAH, LIKE CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM AND TERM LIMITS AND THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE?
BANNING SPEAKING UNTIL I'VE HAD MY FIRST CUP OF COFFEE.
IT SEEMS PEOPLE HAVE OTHER PRIORITIES.