Pearls Before Swine | Search

Tracking the Coronavirus
New cases
35,488
% change
-52%
Tracking the Desperation Caused by Isolation and Loneliness
New cases
5,382,548
% change
+38%
CASES ARE RISING.

TOURNAMENT BRACKET
MORNING PEOPLE
GRAMMAR SNOBS
MORNING PEOPLE
INTERNET TROLLS
ELEVATOR WHISTLERS
INTERNET TROLLS
SOCIAL MEDIA OVERSHARERS
PEOPLE WHO INCLUDE YOU IN TEXT CHAINS YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ON
SOCIAL MEDIA OVERSHARERS
TELEMARKETERS
PEOPLE WHO DRIVE 55 IN THE FAST LANE
DEBBIE DOWNERS
THE "I'M OFFENDED" CROWD
THE "I'M OFFENDED" CROWD
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
CYCLISTS
SOME PEOPLE USE THESE BRACKETS FOR COLLEGE BASKETBALL
PEOPLE WHO TURN EVERY MINOR BATTLE TO THE DEATH
HOW FAR DO YOU HAVE SELF-RIGHTEOUS VEGANS GOING?

OH, GREAT WISE ASS, I'VE TURNED TO ALL THE GREAT RELIGIONS AND PHILOSOPHIES OF THE EAST AND WEST, AND I STILL DON'T KNOW THE SECRET OF HAPPINESS.
DRINKING WINE IN A BUBBLEBATH.
IT WAS SO DARN OBVIOUS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
TRYING TO SET SOME WORK GOALS.
OH, YEAH? LIKE WHAT?
Don't do any.
HELPS TO KEEP ME FOCUSED.

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT (UPDATED FOR THE PRESENT.)
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
ANY QUESTIONS?
SO SOCIAL MEDIA IS A HEALTHY BREAKFAST?

HEY, THOMAS! YOU ANSWERED.
HEY, DAD. WHY WOULDN'T I?
YOU KEEP YOUR RINGER OFF.
YEAH. I JUST HAPPENED TO BE LOOKING AT THE PHONE. BUT THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TEXT.
YOU DON'T ANSWER THE TEXTS.
WHEN THAT HAPPENS, JUST CALL.
MY KIDS WILL BE GREAT AT AVOIDING BILL COLLECTORS.

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU SHOULD SAY SOMETHING?
I USE THE OLD BUDDHIST TEST.
WHAT'S THAT?
I ASK:
1) IS IT NICE?
2) IS IT TRUE?
3) IS IT NECESSARY?
IF IT FAILS ALL THREE, I SAY IT.
YOU MAY HAVE THAT WRONG.
HMM... SHOULD I SAY WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY NEXT?

- BOUGHT HOUSE.
- RAISED TWO KIDS.
- SAVED FOR RETIREMENT.
- RAN MARATHON
- HEAD OF OWN COMPANY
- READ 1,000 BOOKS.
WHAT’S THAT, NEIGHBOR BOB?
A LIST OF MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS SO FAR IN LIFE. HELPS TO KEEP ME FOCUSED. YOU SHOULD TRY IT.
Enjoyed cheese.
ONE OF US HAS WASTED A WHOLE LOT OF TIME.

COVID begins. Lockdown begins.
Help kids with online classes. Work from home.
Get binge watching subscription of choice.
CASES DOWN! Move four spaces.
Get frustrated with kids.
Move two spaces.
Cases rising. No toilet paper.
COVID TESTING DAY
Move two spaces.
Test negative. Move forward three spaces. Hope it’s accurate.
Contemplate moving to South Pacific and not telling anyone.
CASES DOWN! Move forward four spaces!
Schools close again. Find child care.
Remember how much you love co-workers.
Help kids with more online classes.
YOU HIT BREAKING POINT.
ANOTHER COVID TESTING DAY
Plan family’s healthy, Plan first family vacation. Everyone on a plane! Hawaii!
Move forward 5 spaces.
COVID. Vacation nonrefundable. Lose $5,000.
Play kid’s new boxing game. Smash TV. LOSE TURN and patience.
FINISH
Driver’s license in photo! Pizza in house! Hope kids don’t see it online.
Help kids with more online classes.

IF THERE IS A GOD, WHY DOES HE LET ALL THE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN THE WORLD HAPPEN?
BECAUSE HE'S GIVEN US BEER. AND BEER IS GOD'S WAY OF APOLOGIZING FOR EVERYTHING ELSE.
SO ALCOHOL IS GOD'S MAKE-UP GIFT.
NOT TEQUILA. THAT'S FROM SATAN.

Dear cell phone company,
Every time I call someone who doesn't pick up, I hear your automated recording tell me two things:
1) To leave a message at the tone; and
2) To hang up when I'm finished.
Please be advised I have mastered these skills and no longer need your instruction.
GOOD COMIC STRIPS HELP MOVE SOCIETY FORWARD.

CAN I HELP YOU?
YES, MY FRIEND AND I JUST FOUND OUT YOU'RE ON THE COUNTY'S LIST OF REGISTERED PHILATELISTS AND WE WANT YOU OUT OF OUR TOWN.
DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I DO?
WE ASK QUESTIONS LATER, PHIL.
PHILATELISTS CAN BE VICIOUS WHEN CORNERED.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, GOAT?
IT'S A MAP OF OUR NEIGHBORHOOD THAT SHOWS WHERE ALL THE REGISTERED PHILATELISTS LIVE.
OH MY GOD. THERE'S ONE LIVING RIGHT NEXT DOOR.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I SHOULD PROBABLY ASK WHAT A PHILATELIST IS.

WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT, PIG?
THAT DOG IS DOING HIS BUSINESS ON OUR LAWN AGAIN.
PROUD OF YOUR POTTY HUMOR?
WATCH ME GO.

I HAVE SO MANY PROBLEMS I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.
WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE THAT, I SIT DOWN AND START WRITING OUT POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS.
1) Get rocket.
2) Leave planet.
MAYBE MORE PRACTICAL.
HURRY UP, TECHNOLOGY. HURRY UP, TECHNOLOGY.

AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM THIS COMIC STRIP’S CREATOR, STEPHAN PASTIS.
MOST PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THAT CARTOONISTS HAVE TO SUBMIT THEIR SUNDAY STRIPS WEEKS IN ADVANCE. IT MAKES IT HARD TO BE TOPICAL.
FOR EXAMPLE, TODAY’S STRIP WAS DRAWN ON JANUARY 8. AND WHEN I DREW IT, I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WOULD BE HAPPENING IN THE WORLD TODAY.
SO PLEASE HELP BY PICKING THE MOST APT PANEL BELOW AND TOSSING THE REST.
OPTION 1:
THE PANDEMIC’S OVER AND OUR LIVES CAN RETURN TO NORMAL.
OPTION 2:
THE VIRUS IS WORSE THAN EVER AND EVERYTHING IS BAD.
OPTION 3:
THINGS ARE OKAY NOW BUT WILL SOON GET WORSE BECAUSE WE’RE STUCK IN AN ENDLESS *&@!*#% LOOP!!
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP!
PLEASE DON’T PICK (3). PLEASE DON’T PICK (3)...

HEY, RAT, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DRINK SO MUCH BEER?
BECAUSE IT MAKES DUMB GUYS SEEM OKAY, OKAY GUYS SEEM GREAT, AND GREAT ME SEEM LIKE I CARE.
I'M AFRAID TO ASK WHERE I FALL.
RELAX. YOU'RE OKAY.

IT'S INTERESTING READING ABOUT THE GILDED AGE, THE ROARING TWENTIES, AND THE PSYCHEDELIC ERA, AND WONDERING WHAT OUR ERA WILL BE CALLED.
WHAT A EUROCENTRIC WAY TO LOOK AT ERAS, YOU FIRST-WORLD SNOB.
CANCELED.
THE JUDGMENT AGE.
THAT HAPPENED FAST.

INFLEXES ON THE HILL
OH, GREAT WISE ASS ON THE HILL, WHY ARE WE HERE ON THIS EARTH?
NO ONE KNOWS.
SO WHAT DO WE DO?
THE BEST WE CAN. ALSO, ICE CREAM GOOD.
WE HAVE ALL WE NEED.

IF I CAN JUST ADD A FEW MORE FOLLOWERS ON SOCIAL MEDIA, I'LL HAVE MORE THAN ANYONE I KNOW.
AND THEN WHAT?
I'LL ADD MORE.
AND THEN WHAT?
MORE.
THEN WHAT?
TRUE INNER PEACE.
I WON'T WAIT UP.

WHERE YOU GOING WITH THOSE TWINKIES?

I INVITED OVER PEOPLE FROM BOTH SIDES OF THE POLITICAL SPECTRUM TO TRY AND HAVE AN OPEN, HONEST DIALOGUE.

TWINKIES? DO I HAVE AN OPINION ON THOSE?

YES. WE MUST HAVE OPINIONS.

SUPPORT THE TWINKIE!

DE-FUND THE TWINKIE!

THAT WENT WELL.

MAYBE I SHOULDA HAVE GONE WITH DING DONGS.

ISN'T IT INCREDIBLE THAT WE HOLD A DEVICE IN OUR HANDS THAT GIVES US MINUTE-BY-MINUTE UPDATES ON EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENING IN THE WORLD?
ON A SIDENOTE, WHY AM I ALWAYS SO DEPRESSED?
THERE COULDN'T BE ANY CONNECTION.
OH, LOOK, ANOTHER NATURAL DISASTER.

I WILL PADDLE MY BOAT HOW I WANT TO!
I WILL PADDLE MY BOAT WHEN I WANT TO!
I WILL PADDLE MY BOAT WHERE I WANT TO!
I WILL PADDLE MY BOAT HOW I WANT TO!
I WILL PADDLE MY BOAT WHEN I WANT TO!
I WILL PADDLE MY BOAT WHERE I WANT TO!
Though I must admit progress has been slow.
I CALL IT WHY OUR COUNTRY’S NOT PROGRESSING!
JUST HIT THE OTHER GUY WITH YOUR OAR!

Hullo, zeeba neighba. Dis Clift. He is, like, writer of books.
WHAT USE DO A BUNCH OF ILLITERATE PREDATORS HAVE FOR A WRITER?
Slow, mopey guy we can eat in hard times.
You not good for self-esteem.

I WANT TO WORK REALLY HARD SO I CAN RETIRE EARLY ONE DAY.
WHAT WILL YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE RETIRED?
OH, YOU KNOW. SLEEP LATE, COME INTO THE CAFE FOR COFFEE, WATCH SOME T.V., NAP IN THE AFTERNOON.
THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT YOU DO NOW.
WORKING HARD IS FOR SUCKERS.