Pearls Before Swine | Search

I COULD CARE LESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
GOOD, SO IT WON'T MATTER WHEN I TELL YOU THAT THE CORRECT EXPRESSION IS "I COULDN'T CARE LESS".
I COULD CARE LESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
I COULD CARE LESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
I hate that I still care.

READER ADVISORY:
The content of this strip will be disturbing to some readers.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, PIG?
I HEARD SOMETHING TERRIBLE THIS MORNING. IT RUINED MY WHOLE DAY.
WOULD IT HELP TO TALK ABOUT IT?
I DON'T KNOW. EVERYONE!
WELL, TRY.
YEAH. WHAT DID YOU HEAR?
1-877-KARS-4-KIDS...THAT'S K-A-R-S... KARS FOR KIDS...1-877-KARS-4-KIDS...
NOOO...
IT'S STUCK IN MY HEAD FOREVER!
I TRIED TO WARN YOU!
SORRY, EVERYONE!

I'M THINKING ABOUT HIRING SOMEONE TO HELP US WITH CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE, BUT THEY'D HAVE TO BE REALLY DEPENDABLE.
HEY, CAN I INTERVIEW FOR THE JOB?
NO. SORRY.
WHY NOT?
YOU'RE A FLAKE.
IT'S SO HARD TO FIND THE RIGHT EMPLOYEE.
CEREAL RACIST.

Hullo zeeba neighba... Leesten. We all born to certain destiny. Yours is be lunch. Mine is eat lunch.
I like to think we make our own destiny. And I want a long, full life where I seek knowledge, attain wisdom, and have enlightening experiences.
Got any stoopid cousins?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOAT?
PULLING THE WEEDS IN MY GARDEN.
WE HAVEN'T HAD TO DO THAT AT ALL IN OUR GARDEN THIS YEAR.
OH, YEAH? WHAT ARE YOU GROWING?
WEEDS.
NO ONE APPRECIATES MY GARDENING TIPS.

HEY, RAT, WHY THE BIG SMILE?
BECAUSE STUDIES SHOW THAT THE PHYSICAL ACT OF SMILING CAN ACTUALLY IMPROVE YOUR MOOD.
AND HAS IT?
I'M MISERABLE AS HELL.
WELL, NOW YOU JUST LOOK CREEPY.
LOOK HOW ANGRY YOU'RE MAKING ME.

I SAW YOU PUTTING OUT YOUR GARBAGE AND RECYCLING BINS. WHAT WAS THAT THIRD BIN?
OH, I PUT ALL MY TROUBLES IN THERE, AND THE GARBAGEMEN TAKE THEM AWAY.
I KNEW HE HAD AN ADVANTAGE.

YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALWAYS SO GLOOMY ON MONDAYS, SO I THOUGHT I'D START BEGINNING EACH WEEK WITH AN OPTIMISTIC THOUGHT.
EVEN IF OUR COUNTRY'S DEBT ONE DAY OVERWHELMS US, OR THE WORLD BECOMES TOO HOT, OR WE SIMPLY HAVE TOO MANY PEOPLE AND NOT ENOUGH DRINKABLE WATER, WE CAN ALWAYS JUST FLEE TO THE WOODS AND FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR SURVIVAL.
HAVE A GREAT WEEK.
I'M NOT SURE HE MAKES MONDAYS BETTER.

DID YOU GET THIS NEW CHRISTOPHER MOORE BOOK? IT LOOKS GOOD
NO... BUT LOOK HOW EASY IT IS TO BUY NOW.
JUST GO ON YOUR PHONE... CLICK HERE... THEN HERE... AND IT DOWNLOADS.
WHOA... THAT IS EASY.
THANKS FOR COMING BY, PIG!
HAVE A GOOD DAY, SAM!
I LIKE MAKING IT HARD.

A TEST FOR WHETHER YOU ARE A PATIENT OR IMPATIENT PERSON
When the light turns green and the car ahead of you does not accelerate within one second, do you honk?
NO.
I honk before the light even changes because I can anticipate their idiocy.
MY KIND SHOULD HAVE ITS OWN CLASSIFICATION.

I'M WORTHY
HOW DO YOU KNOW
I'm worthy of love.
I'm worthy of love.
Ice cream accepts me.

HEY, STEPH, YOUR VOLUME OF EMAILS TO PEARLSCOMIC@GMAIL.COM IS REALLY DOWN THIS WEEK.
INTERESTING.
HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU MY OPINION THAT CYCLISTS SHOULD MAYBE STOP AT STOP SIGNS LIKE THE REST OF US?
IT’S UP SIGNIFICANTLY.
TELL DRIVERS TO OBEY LAWS, YOU MORONIC @#!

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU? LOSS OF A RELATIVE? A LIFETIME IN JAIL? A DEBILITATING ILLNESS?
STEPPING WITH YOUR BARE FOOT ON A LEGO.
OKAY. THAT IS THE WORST.
NOW MAYBE WE CAN DEBATE SECOND WORST.

HOW COME PEOPLE WRITE R.I.P. AFTER SOMEONE THEY LOVE DIES?
IT STANDS FOR...
OH. JUST FIGURED IT OUT.
YOU DID?
IT'S THE SOUND THEIR HEARTS MAKE.
AS GOOD AN EXPLANATION AS ANY.
STUPID, VULNERABLE HEART.

HEY, GOOD MORNING, THERE, PAT, OH BUDDY OF MINE.
OH, NO, NEIGHBOR BOB.
WHAT?
YOU'VE TRIGGERED THE MUCH-TOO-EARLY-ON-A-MONDAY TO-BE-PERKY PUNCHER.
THWACK!!
FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, NO TALKING 'TIL TEN.

WHEN I USED TO COMMUTE ON THE SUBWAY, THERE WOULD ALWAYS BE THIS ANGRY GUY NEAR THE TICKET BOOTHS.
HE WOULD SHOUT HIS OPINION ON ALL SORTS OF TOPICS. ALWAYS MAD. ALWAYS YELLING.
AND MAYBE SOME OF IT MADE SENSE. OR HAS RIGHT. BUT THAT WASN'T THE POINT.
THE POINT WAS THAT I JUST WANTED TO BUY MY TICKET, GET ON THE SUBWAY, AND HAVE A PLEASANT DAY.
BUT THAT GUY KNEW FOR THAT SHORT MOMENT, I HAD NO CHOICE BUT LISTEN. SO I DID.
WHERE IS THAT GUY NOW?
IN MY POCKET. ON MY PHONE. EVERY TIME I LOOK AT SOCIAL MEDIA OR THE INTERNET AND LET SOMEONE MAKE MY DAY UNPLEASANT.
BUT NOW I HAVE A CHOICE.
FLING
YOU MIGHT STILL NEED A PHONE.
SAY HELLO TO AN OLD FRIEND.

PIG'S BUDDY, WILL, GOT THROWN INTO PRISON FOR A CRIME HE DIDN'T COMMIT.
OH, NO. WHAT'S PIG GONNA DO?
TRY TO DRUM UP PUBLIC SUPPORT. BUT I THINK HE'S JUST CONFUSING PEOPLE.
HOW SO?
FREE WILL
MUST BE A PHILOSOPHY MAJOR.
DEEP.

HEY, LOOK, WE GOT FORTUNE COOKIES.
MINE SAYS, "NEXT YEAR BRINGS YOU GREAT SUCCESS."
HOW NICE.
YEAH, BUT THEY'RE ALL TOO GENERAL AND BLAND LIKE THAT. I'D PREFER SOME SPECIFICITY. READ YOURS.
You will get run over by a 1989 Accord.
SPECIFICITY IS OVERRATED.

WHICH PIZZA DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD GET?
ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS? YOU GET THAT ONE. IT'S THE ONLY ONE THAT COMES WITH DRINKS.
SIR, THE MARGHERITA PIZZA IS NOT, IN FACT, TOPPED WITH MARGARITAS.
THAT'S VERY MISLEADING.

LOOK AT THE HOUSE OF THIS GAMBLER.
NICE.
AND CHECK OUT WHERE THIS BLACKJACK PLAYER LIVES. AND THIS POKER PLAYER'S FANCY BACKYARD.
DUDE, WHAT KIND OF MAGAZINE ONLY COVERS WHERE GAMBLERS LIVE?
BETTOR HOMES AND GARDENS.
YOU'VE CRAPPED OUT.

WELCOME SIR. OUR SPECIALS TONIGHT ARE GRUYERE TOULLES WITH DEEP CHEESE FLAVOR AND STEELHEAD TROUT ROE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO ORDER?
GIMME FOUR ALL-SEASON TIRES WITH A 30000 MILE WARRANTY.
MICHELIN STAR RESTAURANTS ARE NOT WHAT YOU'D THINK.

PIG CAN'T TAKE ALL THE DEPRESSING STORIES IN THE NEWS LATELY, SO HE BOUGHT SOME NOISE-CANCELING HEADPHONES.
I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE FEEL THAT WAY.
HE'S PRETTY SERIOUS ABOUT IT.
I THOUGHT I RECOGNIZED THOSE TOES.

HEY, PIG. WHADDYA GOT THERE?
HEY, NEIGHBOR HOG. THEY'RE BOXES OF STENCIL NUMBERS.
WHAT FOR?
WE SELL THEM TO PEOPLE WHO WANT TO PAINT THEIR ADDRESSES.
WELL, SINCE I'M A FRIEND, WOULD YOU MIND IF I BORROWED THAT BOX OF FOURS JUST FOR THE NIGHT...SO I CAN LOOK THROUGH AND FIND ONE I LIKE?
LEMME ASK RAT.
MAY THE FOURS BE WITH HUGHH?
THAT'S REALLY EMBARRASSING.
SORRY FOR MAKING YOU LUKE BAD.

Dear life,
Every time I do something bad, I regret it afterwards. But it's too late then.
So please invent a type of regret I can feel beforehand.
Call it a 'preget.'
Hopefully I get royalties.

HEY, NEIGHBOR NANCY, I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD BUY YOU A CUP OF COFFEE SOME TIME.
SURE. I LOVE VANILLA LATTES. JUST LEAVE IT ON THE FRONT PORCH.
MY PICK-UP LINES ARE NOT AS SUCCESSFUL AS THEY COULD BE.