Pearls Before Swine | Search

HEY, PIG. DID YOU EVER LOOK INTO HIRING PRIVATE SECURITY TO PROTECT OUR HOUSE? THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS GETTING TOO DANGEROUS.
YEAH, BUT IT WAS EXPENSIVE, SO I HIRED A GUY WHO WAS A LITTLE CHEAPER.
WHO'D YOU GET?
THE PILLOW MAN FEARS NO ONE.
PERHAPS WE SHOULD SPEND MORE MONEY.

I JUST SEEM TO BE GETTING LESS AND LESS PRODUCTIVE WITH MY TIME.
I USED TO BE THAT WAY, TOO. THEN I STARTED DOING VISUALIZATION. YOU JUST VISUALIZE WHATEVER IT IS YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE AND SOMEHOW IT HAPPENS.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO VISUALIZE?
NAPPING.
I'M SLIGHTLY MORE AMBITIOUS.
OH, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM.

DO YOU EVER BECOME CONSCIOUS OF YOUR TONGUE? WHERE IT IS IN YOUR MOUTH? WHAT IT'S DOING? HOW IT FEELS?
NOT REALLY. BUT I AM NOW.
AS ARE MILLIONS OF READERS WHOSE MORNINGS I'VE NOW DERAILED.
THAT SEEMS UNFAIR.
ITH WHY I THON'T READ THE COMICTH THANYMORE.

LISTEN TO THIS GREAT ETHICS QUESTION... FIVE PEOPLE ARE TIED TO A RAILROAD TRACK. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO FLIP A SWITCH, AND THEREBY DIVERTING A TRAIN AND SAVING THEIR LIVES...
BUT - IF YOU DO - YOU KILL A GUY WHO IS STANDING ON ANOTHER TRACK. WHAT DO YOU DO?
I'D NEED MORE INFO.
LIKE WHAT?
AM I IN THE MIDDLE OF PLAYING CANDY CRUSH?
MAYBE YOU'RE THE WRONG GUY TO ASK.
IF SO, PEOPLE ARE GONNA DIE.

HEY, PIG. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
JUST DOING SOME STRETCHING WHILE WATCHING T.V. I LOVE WATCHING T.V. AND I THINK IT COUNTS AS EXERCISE.
IT'S ONLY EXERCISE IF YOU DREAD IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS AND HATE IT WHILE IT'S HAPPENING.
YOU'VE CONVINCED ME TO JUST EAT CHEESE PUFFS.

TODAY IS GONNA BE TERRIBLE. GIMME A LARGE COFFEE TO GET THROUGH IT.
HERE YOU GO.
BIGGER.
HERE YOU GO.
BIGGER!
HERE YOU GO.
THESE ARE THE DAYS I AVOID HIM.

HEY, PIG. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HAVING A MEETING OF MY SELF-ESTEEM CLUB. WE HELP EACH OTHER GAIN CONFIDENCE.
WHO'S IN IT?
WELL, MY FRIEND QUINCY. BUT WE CALL HIM ‘Q.’ WHEN HE ENTERS WE ALL SHOUT ‘RAH’ TO CHEER HIM UP.
THEN THERE'S MY PAL WIL. HE LIKES TO HEAR PEOPLE SAY ‘YES’ TO EVERYTHING. BUT HE'S FRENCH, SO WE SAY ‘OUI.’
WELL, IF YOU WANT, I CAN HELP GREET THEM WHEN THEY COME IN. TELL ME AGAIN WHAT WE'LL DO WITH EACH OF THEM.
WE WILL ‘OUI’ WIL, ‘RAH’ Q.
YOU SHOULD HAVE NO SELF-ESTEEM AT ALL.

HOW'S IT GOING, PIG?
GREAT. I'M HAVING A TERRIFIC MORNING. AND ALL BECAUSE I HAVEN'T CHECKED THE NEWS ON MY PHONE ONCE.
NOT ONCE. BECAUSE I'M HAPPY WHEN I DON'T. AND I DON'T NEED TO. I LOVE THE OUTDOORS. AND I--
WHY DO I DO THAT?

Today's Edition:
You photograph well.
So cameras make me look better than I actually do?
I gotta go.
That is sooo helpful.
For an average mind, you catch on quick.

I JUST HAD ONE OF THE MOST TRAGIC THINGS HAPPEN TO ME THAT CAN EVER HAPPEN TO ANYONE.
OH, GOD, WHAT HAPPENED?
I FOUND A HOLE IN MY FAVORITE SOCK.
PERSPECTIVE CAN BE A DIFFICULT THING.

HI. WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
UH. JUST WONDERING. DOES THE STAR OF "GODFATHER 2" HAVE A BROTHER NAMED CAP?
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT AL PACINO?
YES.
SO HIS BROTHER WOULD BE... CAP PACINO.
GET IT?
I’VE BEEN BANNED FROM OUR CAFÉ.

OH, WISE ASS ON THE HILL, WHY IS IT THAT I GET DEPRESSED IF I DON'T STAY BUSY?
TOO MUCH TIME TO THINK.
SO?
SO THE MORE I THINKY, MY MOOD STARTS TO STINKY.
HE'S EITHER BRILLIANT OR PLAGIARIZING FROM DR. SEUSS.

HEY, RAT, IF YOU'RE NOT BUSY TOMORROW, I'M HAVING A LITTLE MEET AND GREET AT MY HOUSE.
I'LL COME BY, BUT I WON'T DO A MEET AND GREET.
WHAT WILL YOU DO?
A SEE AND FLEE.
DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS A THING.
I JUST WAVE FROM THE PORCH.

I'M SO ANGRY AT YOUR SIDE.
US? LOOK AT YOU.
CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO THIS COUNTRY?
WHY CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
OH, MY GOD. I CAN'T EVEN GET THROUGH TO YOU.
YOU DON'T EVEN TRY TO LISTEN TO ME.
I DON'T EVEN WANT TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY RULED BY YOU MORONS.
TELL ME ABOUT IT, JERK.
THINK THEY DIED FOR THIS?
NO.
WE CAN PROBABLY DO BETTER.
WE FINALLY AGREE.

I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN.
I'M A GUEST AT A PARTY I DIDN'T ASK TO COME TO.
AND YET THE TREATMENT OF ME HAS BEEN LESS THAN STELLAR!
IF I'D KNOWN THIS WAS A PARTY, I WOULD'VE DANCED A WHOLE LOT MORE.

I HAVE A NEW MOTTO. WANT TO SEE?
SURE.
THAT'S GREAT.
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION.
IT'S A GIVEN.
NEVER MIND.
REMOVES A LOT OF PRESSURE.

The key to a fulfilling life
is to take real chances,
embrace risk. For we
are all too afraid of the
unknown.
Hey, Pig, I forgot
to ask... Do you
want ranch or
vinaigrette?
You
pick.
That was exhilarating.

I STARTED MEDITATING FOR HALF AN HOUR EVERY MORNING BEFORE WORK.
THAT'S GREAT. HAS IT CHANGED YOUR LIFE ?
OH, FOR SURE.
I'M A HALF HOUR LATE FOR WORK.
NOT WHAT I MEANT.
MY BOSS SEEMS LIKE LESS OF A FAN.

HEY, SILLY QUESTION, BUT DO YOU LEAVE YOUR TEABAG IN OR TAKE IT OUT?
I LIKE TO LEAVE IT IN.
THAT'S TOO BAD, BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE IT OUT.
WHO SAYS?
THE LEAVE-IT-IN'ERS ARE AN ARROGANT BUNCH.

I COULD CARE LESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
GOOD, SO IT WON'T MATTER WHEN I TELL YOU THAT THE CORRECT EXPRESSION IS "I COULDN'T CARE LESS".
I COULD CARE LESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
I COULD CARE LESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
I hate that I still care.

READER ADVISORY:
The content of this strip will be disturbing to some readers.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, PIG?
I HEARD SOMETHING TERRIBLE THIS MORNING. IT RUINED MY WHOLE DAY.
WOULD IT HELP TO TALK ABOUT IT?
I DON'T KNOW. EVERYONE!
WELL, TRY.
YEAH. WHAT DID YOU HEAR?
1-877-KARS-4-KIDS...THAT'S K-A-R-S... KARS FOR KIDS...1-877-KARS-4-KIDS...
NOOO...
IT'S STUCK IN MY HEAD FOREVER!
I TRIED TO WARN YOU!
SORRY, EVERYONE!

I'M THINKING ABOUT HIRING SOMEONE TO HELP US WITH CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE, BUT THEY'D HAVE TO BE REALLY DEPENDABLE.
HEY, CAN I INTERVIEW FOR THE JOB?
NO. SORRY.
WHY NOT?
YOU'RE A FLAKE.
IT'S SO HARD TO FIND THE RIGHT EMPLOYEE.
CEREAL RACIST.

Hullo zeeba neighba... Leesten. We all born to certain destiny. Yours is be lunch. Mine is eat lunch.
I like to think we make our own destiny. And I want a long, full life where I seek knowledge, attain wisdom, and have enlightening experiences.
Got any stoopid cousins?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOAT?
PULLING THE WEEDS IN MY GARDEN.
WE HAVEN'T HAD TO DO THAT AT ALL IN OUR GARDEN THIS YEAR.
OH, YEAH? WHAT ARE YOU GROWING?
WEEDS.
NO ONE APPRECIATES MY GARDENING TIPS.

HEY, RAT, WHY THE BIG SMILE?
BECAUSE STUDIES SHOW THAT THE PHYSICAL ACT OF SMILING CAN ACTUALLY IMPROVE YOUR MOOD.
AND HAS IT?
I'M MISERABLE AS HELL.
WELL, NOW YOU JUST LOOK CREEPY.
LOOK HOW ANGRY YOU'RE MAKING ME.