Pearls Before Swine | Search

ADVICE FROM TWO GUYS WHO ARE JUST AS SCARED OF THESE TIMES AS YOU
RUN FOR THE HILLS!!
ANOTHER SATISFIED CUSTOMER.
HE'S NOT REALLY RUNNING.

OH GREAT BOX O' ANSWERS. OUR GOVERNMENT IS A MESS. NO ONE HAS A CLUE. WHAT IS THE ANSWER?
NO.
WELL... ARE YOU INVOLVED IN ANY GROUPS?
NO.
DO YOU GO TO ANY RALLIES?
NO.
DO YOU READ UP ON ISSUES?
NO.
DO YOU WRITE YOUR REPRESENTATIVE?
NO.
DO YOU KNOW THE NAME OF YOUR REPRESENTATIVE?
NO.
DO YOU EVEN VOTE?
NO.
STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP
IT HAD NO ANSWERS.

WHERE'S GUARD DUCK LATELY? I DON'T SEE HIM IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE ANYMORE.
OH, HE HAS A DIFFERENT ASSIGNMENT NOW.
MORE IMPORTANT THAN GUARDING YOUR HOUSE?
IT APPEARS THAT WAY.
NO RUSSIANS WILL MESS WITH MY DEMOCRACY.

HOW'S YOUR CAMPAIGN FOR VILLAGE IDIOT AGAINST LARRY THE CROC GOING
NOT GOOD BUT THEN WE HEARD FACEBOOK WILL RUN POLITICAL ADS EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT TRUE SO WE STARTED RUNNING ADS ABOUT HIM
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING
LARRY CAN READ
THAT'S DEFAMATORY
WE THINK IT WILL RUIN HIM

HOW'S YOUR RACE FOR VILLAGE IDIOT GOING?
NOT GOOD, ACCORDING TO THE POLLING.
What are your thoughts on the race for village idiot?
I think Pig is best: 4%
I think Larry is best: 4%
I think all of the
candidates in all the
races are village idiots: 92%
IT'S A FAIR POINT.

CAN I HELP YOU?
YES, I'M RUNNING FOR VILLAGE IDIOT AND I'D LIKE YOUR VOTE.
WELL... HOW STUPID ARE YOU?
I BOUGHT GLUTEN-FREE FOOD BECAUSE IT SOUNDED LIKE A GREAT DEAL ON GLUETNS.
YOU HAVE MY VOTE.
I WON'T LET YOU DOWN.

PIG RUNS FOR VILLAGE IDIOT
WELL, MY CAMPAIGN FOR VILLAGE IDIOT JUST GOT A LOT TOUGHER.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I GOT A CHALLENGER.
WHO ELSE WANTS THE OFFICE?
YOU GOT THIS, DAD.
Larry fore Veelage Ediot

HEY, I GOT NOMINATED FOR A CITY OFFICE.
THAT'S GREAT, PIG.
YEAH, IT'S NOT ONE OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS ONES, BUT IT'S SOMETHING.
HEY, THE IMPORTANT PART IS YOU'RE GETTING INVOLVED. WHAT'S THE OFFICE?
VILLAGE IDIOT.
I NOMINATED HIM.
NEVER MIND.
I WAS SO PROUD I CALLED MY MOM.

TRICK OR TREAT!
HA. GOOD COSTUME.
TRICK OR TREAT!
OOH. SPOOKY.
TRICK OR TREAT!
VERY SCARY.
AAAHHHHH
WHO KNEW A YEAR COULD BE SO SCARY?
IT WAS SAD WHEN HE CRIED.

HEY RAT, HOW COME YOU'RE NOT AT THE CAFE TODAY?
THE WORLD'S FALLING APART, SO I'M TAKING OFF.
AND GOING WHERE?
TO LIVE IN A BIG FLUFFY CLOUD.
YOU KNOW A CLOUD IS NOT EXACTLY--
AAAHHH!!!
WHUMP!!
--SOLID.
DOES EVERYWHERE SUCK NOW?

Dear World,
You've done lots
to try and bring
me down this
year.
But I'm
still
standing.
IN
YOUR
FACE,
WORLD.
SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA
LET THE WORLD KNOW
WHO'S BOSS.

WISE ASS ON THE HILL
OH, WISE ASS ON THE HILL...HAS THE PERIOD OF THE LAST SEVEN MONTHS JUST BEEN ONE REALLY LONG DAY?
YES. IT HAS.
GREAT. SO WE HAVEN'T AGED?
YOU'VE AGED FASTER.
THAT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
WRITING A LETTER TO A GUY WHO MADE ME MAD. I'M TRYING TO LOGICALLY LAY OUT WHAT HE SAID AND WHY IT WAS WRONG.
CAN I SEE IT?
SURE.
GRPRRR
IT'S A ROUGH DRAFT.

HEY, PIG, WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO?
WITH ALL THAT'S GOING ON, I REALLY NEED TO DO SOME SPIRITUAL HEALING.
THAT'S WISE. CHURCH? PRAYER? MEDITATION?
BUYING PIZZA.
HE'S A TRUE BELIEVER.

HEY, RAT, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO TODAY?
I DON'T KNOW. WHAT DAY'S TODAY?
MONDAY.
OHH. MONDAY. YEAH. MONDAY I SIT AROUND THE HOUSE FOR SIXTEEN HOURS. THEN GO TO SLEEP.
AS I DO TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY, SATURDAY AND SUNDAY.
I THINK WE CAN ALL STOP ASKING THAT QUESTION.

THE LIFE
O' PIG
TRIP
CRACK
HARD
NOT TO
ADMIRE.
JUST A LITTLE TAPE HERE,
AND A LITTLE TAPE THERE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RAT?
SPENDING SOME TIME WITH OUR COMIC-STRIP EDITOR, REED JACKSON. CHECK OUT THIS PIECE OF GRAFFITI, REED.
GRAFFITO. IT'S ONE ITEM AND GRAFFITI IS THE PLURAL.
THERE'S A REASON WE KEEP EDITORS IN DARK, LITTLE ROOMS.

HEY, RAT, WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THIS QUARANTINE WEEKEND?
PROBABLY SOME D & D.
OH, COOL. DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS?
DRINK AND DRINK.
NEVER MIND.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE SOME KINKY WEEKENDS.

WISE ASS ON THE HILL
OH, WISE ASS ON THE HILL, TELL US ALL... WHEN WILL THINGS GET BETTER?
WHEN YOU DECIDE THEY GET BETTER.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
THAT YOU CAN'T CONTROL EVENTS, BUT YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR REACTION TO THOSE EVENTS.
I WAS HOPING HE'D JUST SAY TUESDAY.

PIG SEEMS A LOT HAPPIER LATELY.
YEAH. HE NO LONGER LETS THE NEWS GET HIM DOWN.
WISH I COULD DO THAT. WHAT'S HIS SECRET?
HE SHUTS HIS EYES AND COVERS HIS EARS.
LALALALALA
THAT'S ONE WAY.
LIFE IS GREAT!

HI, PIG. WHAT'S UP?
I'VE DECIDED TO GO DOOR-TO-DOOR HUGGING PEOPLE BECAUSE I THINK OUR ONLY WAY OUT OF THESE DIFFICULT DAYS IS TO HUG OUR WAY OUT.
WE CAN'T HUG ANYMORE. IT'LL JUST SPREAD THE VIRUS.
THESE ARE MERCILESS TIMES.

WHAT ARE YOU WRITING, PIG?
I ALWAYS LIKE TO PUT TOGETHER A DETAILED PLAN FOR THE UPCOMING WEEK. IT MAKES ME A LOT MORE PRODUCTIVE.
THAT SOUNDS REALLY SMART. CAN I SEE IT?
SURE.
Monday: Get through today.
Tuesday: Get through today.
Wednesday: Get through today.
Thursday: Get through today.
Friday: Get through today.
Saturday: Get through today.
Sunday: Get through today.
THE NEXT FORTY YEARS LOOKS MUCH THE SAME.

HI, GUYS. THANKS FOR JOINING THE ZOOM CALL.
AS YOU KNOW, THIS OFFICE WILL REMAIN CLOSED FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE, SO WE'LL KEEP DOING THESE EPIDEMIC MEETINGS ONLINE.
AND AGAIN, WE KNOW THESE ARE DIFFICULT TIMES...
...AND THAT YOU'RE ALL AT HOME, AND MANY OF YOU DON'T HAVE HOME OFFICES.
SO WE WANT TO TRY TO KEEP THESE MEETINGS AS CASUAL AS POSSIBLE.
BUT, RAT, I THINK WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING IS PUSHING IT.
IT'S CALLED A BEER BELLY TOWER.
THESE CALLS ARE RAPIDLY DEVOLVING.
MY HOUSE, MY RULES, PEOPLE.

HI. I'M CALLING ABOUT MY CABLE BILL.
CAN YOU HOLD?
WHO?
WHAT? NEVER MIND.
PUT ME DOWN NOW.
HOW DOES THIS HELP?

OH, UNIVERSE... HOW MUCH MORE SUFFERING MUST WE ALL ENDURE?
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?
MAYBE IT'S BETTER TO BE SURPRISED.