Pearls Before Swine | Search

WHAT'S THE MOST DIFFICULT PART ABOUT WORKING AT HOME NOW?
HAVING TO BE MY OWN BOSS.
GET THAT REPORT DONE, YOU LAZY TURD!
THAT PART CAN BE UNCOMFORTABLE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
REACHING INTO THE HOPE BUCKET. I DO IT WHENEVER I GET DOWN AND THINGS FEEL HOPELESS.
AND THAT GIVES YOU HOPE?
CHEESE.
IT'S THE CLOSEST THING WE HAVE.

OH, WISE ASS ON THE HILL, IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES, HUMANITY SEEKS YOUR WISDOM.
CAN A LEFTOVER PIECE OF PIZZA IN THE FRIDGE BE RESISTED FOR MORE THAN A DAY?
IT CANNOT.
I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR CONFIRMATION.

WHAT'S THERE TO CELEBRATE RIGHT NOW?
NOTHING WHATSOEVER.
THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING IT?
BECAUSE YOU CAN ONLY CRY SO MUCH.
VARIETY IS IMPORTANT.

OH, GRAND GIVER O' CASH, I NEED TO BORROW FUNDS TO PURCHASE A HUGE NEW HOUSE.
I SEE. I SHALL CHARGE YOU 3% INTEREST.
OH, GRAND GIVER O' CASH, I NEED TO BORROW MONEY TO ADD A POOL TO MY SWIMMING POOL.
I SEE, I SHALL CHARGE YOU 4% INTEREST.
OH, GRAND GIVER O' CASH, I NEED TO BORROW CASH FOR A BRAND NEW MERCEDES.
I SEE, I SHALL CHARGE YOU 5% INTEREST.
GRAND GIVER O' CASH, I'M TRYING TO BETTER MYSELF BY GOING TO COLLEGE AND STUDYING HARD, BUT I NEED A LOAN TO DO IT.
OH.
IF I CAN GET A JOB AND ONE DAY BUY A HUGE HOUSE, I'LL CONTRIBUTE TO THE ECONOMY.
THEN I SHALL CHARGE YOU 7%, THE HIGHEST RATE OF ALL!
WAIT. WHY?
BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU'LL GET FOR SEEKING AN EDUCATION.
WHAT'S THE LESSON HERE?
NEVER TRY TO BETTER YOURSELF.
I NEVER DO!

IT'S LATE. WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING IN BED?
I READ A BOOK ON PRE-DESTINATION. IT EXPLAINS HOW EVERYTHING THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE HAS ALREADY BEEN DETERMINED.
SO?
SO MY LAZINESS HAS BEEN ORDAINED BY GOD.
SO I WON'T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS NEXT PUNCH?
YOU'RE MISUSING THE DOCTRINE.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING, PIG?
THE HAT O’ GREAT HAPPINESS.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
NO.
THEN WHY ARE YOU WEARING IT?
IT SENDS IT TO OTHERS.
HARD NOT TO LIKE YOU.
I THINK I’M MAKING SOMEONE GIDDY.

HOW DOES PIG DEAL WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON
COMFY CORNER
WHAT'S THAT
PILLOWS GOOD BOOK BUCKET OF CHEESE
I DIDN'T KNOW CHEESE CAME IN BUCKETS
PERSONALLY, I'D THROW IN BEER

O, GREAT WISE ASS, HOW HAVE YOU MANAGED TO KEEP IT TOGETHER SO WELL WITH ALL THAT'S GOING ON... THE VIRUS, THE ECONOMY, THE CHAOS.
I'M JUST VERY, VERY DRUNK.
HE'S WISER THAN I THOUGHT.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY, WE NOW HAVE ALL OF THE COLLECTIVE KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD LITERALLY IN OUR HANDS.
WE CAN KNOW ANYTHING WE WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING INSTANTANEOUSLY.
SO HOW DID PEOPLE GET STUPIDER?
WE SHOULD GOOGLE THAT.
IT SAYS, "NO CLUE."

WHADDYA GOT THERE, PIG?
IT'S A POSTER I MADE TO KEEP OUR MORALE HIGH.
Be happy!
AND ALSO TO COUNTER YOURS.
AAAUUGHH!!
I LIKE TO REFLECT OUR TIMES.

HEY, GUYS. THANKS FOR ALL COMING OVER DESPITE ALL THIS QUARANTINE STUFF. I'VE MISSED SOCIALIZING AND PARTIES AND PEOPLE.
AND I DON'T CARE WHAT THE DISTANCING RULES ARE. I NEED THIS.
WHAT THE? THAT STUPID PIG'S HAVING A PARTY IN OUR HOUSE DURING COVID.
HAS IT COME TO THIS?
MR. CLOONEY WOULD LIKE YOU TO LEAVE NOW.
SHOULD I LAUGH OR CRY?
I FIND GIN HELPS.

WELL, GUESS WHO’S NOW AN EXPERT ON GOTHIC ARCHITECTURE!
WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO LEARN ABOUT BORING ARCHITECTURE?
‘CAUSE SOMEONE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS BIG BUTTOX FLYING AROUND IN THE SKY! AND I SAID, “A BIG FLYING BUTT IN THE SKY? NOW THAT’S SOMETHING I GOTTA LEARN ABOUT!”
THEY’RE CALLED ‘FLYING BUTTRESSES.’ NOT ‘FLYING BUTTOCKS.’
ARCHITECTURE’S BORING AGAIN.

HEY, GOAT, WHAT'S GOING ON?
OH, JUST READING SOME STORIES ABOUT THE PANDEMIC.
'PANDEMIC' IS TODAY'S 'MAGIC WORD'!!
JUST TRYING TO TURN A NEGATIVE INTO A POSITIVE.

HEY, WE JUST GOT A LETTER FROM "THE POWERS THAT BE IN THE UNIVERSE."
LET'S SEE IT.
Dear Everyone,
As you know, we try to balance every year with both good and bad.
But this year...
Oopsie Doopsie!
THAT'S ALMOST AN APOLOGY.
I DON'T LIKE THEIR ATTITUDE.

HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB, WHAT'S YOUR NET WORTH?
HEY, PIG. JUST SO YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE RUDE TO ASK THAT.
MAYBE TEN BUCKS.
YOU SHOULDN'T GET PAID FOR THIS.

HIYA, RAT.
PIG? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I BURIED MYSELF IN THE GROUND TO SYMBOLIZE THE HOLE WE ALL HAVE TO DIG OURSELVES OUT OF RIGHT NOW.
AND?
I CAN'T GET OUT.
THIS YEAR IN A NUTSHELL.
HEY, MAYBE IT'S BETTER DOWN HERE.

DO YOU AND RAT HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE?
NO.
WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU GET SERIOUSLY ILL?
MAKE A WISH TO THE WELLNESS FAIRY.
THAT MIGHT NOT WORK.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE DEBT FAIRY.

HI, RAT.

HEY, RACHEL.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR ANYTHING BAD I'VE DONE TO YOU THIS YEAR.
WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING?
I DO IT EVERY YEAR BEFORE YOM KIPPUR.
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL TRADITION. I SHOULD GO AROUND THE NEIGH-BORHOOD AND DO THAT.
HEY, RAT.
HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB.
SORRY YOU GOT YOUR PANTIES IN A BUNCH OVER SOMETHING I SAID.
NOT REALLY THE SAME.
I THINK THAT OVERSENSITIVE NINNY APPRECIATED IT.

HEY, I HEARD A GREAT JOKE THIS MORNING... SO ATTILA THE HUN INVADES THIS TOWN AND KILLS EVERY ROMAN HE SEES...
TOO SOON.
PERHAPS THE WORLD OF HUMOR IS NOW A TAD TOO RESTRICTIVE.
YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO ROMAN-AMERICANS.

WOW, RAT... HOW DO YOU EAT SO MUCH AND STILL STAY THIN?
EXERCISE.
OH, YEAH? WHAT DO YOU DO?
WORRY CONSTANTLY.
NOT SURE THAT'S EXERCISE.
SURELY IT COUNTS FOR SOMETHING.

CAN I HELP YOU?
YES, I'M SENATOR WEASEL. M-NEASELEY. I'M RUNNING FOR RE-ELECTION AND HERE IS MY PROMISE TO YOU.
I'LL ALWAYS DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU.*
*EXCEPT WHEN THE VOTE COULD HARM ME IN ANY WAY POLITICALLY, IN WHICH CASE I WILL DO WHAT IS BEST FOR ME, BECAUSE WHAT I CARE ABOUT MOST IS RETAINING POWER AND STATUS.
SEEMS LIKE A BIG EXCEPTION.
THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS TO THE EXCEPTION.

CAN I HELP YOU?
HI. I'M SENATOR WEASEL MCWEASELY. I'M RUNNING FOR RE-ELECTION AND I'D LIKE YOUR VOTE.
WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR?
RE-ELECTION EVERY SIX YEARS.
I WAS HOPING YOU'D LOOK OUT FOR ME.
I PROMISE TO LOOK OUT FOR ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR CALENDAR?
TOSSING IT. I'VE DECIDED THAT 2020 NEVER EXISTED.
NONE OF THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED HAPPENED. NONE OF US GOT OLDER. NONE OF US MISSED ANYTHING.
DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THAT EASY.
DID I STILL DRINK ALL THAT GIN?

I THINK THE KEY TO SURVIVING TIMES LIKE THESE IS TO EACH HAVE A LITTLE STAIRWAY TO THE STARS THAT YOU CAN CLIMB TO GET AWAY.
I THINK THE KEY IS TO NOT UTTER USELESS GIBBERISH.
LET'S SEE WHOSE WAY'S BETTER.
I SHOULD BE LESS CYNICAL.