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I THINK LIFE RIGHT NOW IS BAD.
MAYBE. BUT IT HELPS TO BE POSITIVE.
I'M POSITIVE LIFE RIGHT NOW IS BAD.
HOW DOES THAT HELP?

HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB. JUST CAME OVER TO REMIND YOU TO STAY AT LEAST SIX FEET AWAY FROM ME FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.
YEAH, WELL, I THINK WE'RE ALL PRETTY AWARE OF THE CORONAVIRUS AND WHAT WE ALL HAVE TO DO NOW.
VIRUS?
MY SOCIAL DISTANCING WAS YEARS AHEAD OF ITS TIME.

WHY DO WE STILL LOOK LIKE THIS?
WELL, FIRST I WAS STUCK IN COLOMBIA WITHOUT ART SUPPLIES.
THEN I MANAGED TO GET HOME, AND ALL THE STORES WERE CLOSED.
BUT THE U.S. GOVERNMENT JUST DECLARED THIS STRIP TO BE AN ESSENTIAL SERVICE, SO THEY'RE SHIPPING ME EVERYTHING I NEED.
I ORDERED THEM ONLINE.
OF COURSE.
I WILL SAVE YOU ONE PUN AT A TIME!

HI, PROFESSOR? I WON'T
BE ABLE TO GO TO
CLASS FOR THE REST OF
THE YEAR ON ACCOUNT
OF NOT WANTING TO
CATCH THE CORONA-
VIRUS.
HAVE NO FEAR. WE'VE
MOVED ALL INSTRUCTION
ONLINE.
OUT OF AN ABUNDANCE
OF CAUTION, I'LL AVOID
THAT TOO.
MY EXCUSES ARE
GETTING FLIMSIER.

STEPHAN HAS BEEN CAUGHT WITHOUT DRAWING SUPPLIES. HENCE THE LOOK OF THE STRIP.
RECOMMENDATIONS DURING CORONAVIRUS OUTBREAK:
- KEEP A SAFE DISTANCE FROM OTHERS.
- AVOID ALL SOCIAL GATHERINGS.
- STAY HOME AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
THEY'VE SUMMED UP MY LIFE'S GOALS.

IS IT TRUE THAT OUR CREATOR, STEPHAN PASTIS, WAS IN COLOMBIA DURING THE CORONAVIRUS OUTBREAK AND GOT STUCK THERE WITHOUT HIS DRAWING SUPPLIES?
YOU HAVE NO PROOF.
IT IS SORTA HARD TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE.
SI. SEÑOR.

I do not like Kansas, <br>
Boston, or Chicago. In fact, I don’t even like America.
WHAT THE..?
THEN YOU CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR COUNTRY, YOU SOCIALIST COMMUNIST!
TOSS
READ THE TITLE.
BANDS I DON’T CARE FOR
CONTEXT TAKES FAR TOO MUCH TIME.

HEY, RAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?... I THOUGHT YOU WORKED TODAY.
I'M TELECOMMUTING. EVERYONE'S DOING IT. IT'S EFFICIENT AND TAKES ONE MORE CAR OFF THE ROAD.
THAT'S GREAT.
WAIT. AREN'T YOU A BARISTA?
I SAID MAKE IT YOURSELF, YOU PUTZ.
PERHAPS TELECOMMUTING CAN BE ABUSED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
CREATING THE HAPPINESS CALENDAR.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S LIKE A REGULAR CALENDAR, BUT ON EACH DAY, I INCLUDE SOMETHING IN LIFE THAT YOU CAN BE HAPPY ABOUT.
YOU'VE WRITTEN "CHEESE" ON EVERY SINGLE DAY.
IT'S A KEY PART OF THE HAPPINESS CALENDAR.

HEY, GOAT, DID YOU SEE THAT THE LOTTO JACKPOT IS UP TO ALMOST ONE BILLION DOLLARS? IT'S CRAZY. SO I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT A HUNDRED DOLLARS' WORTH OF LOTTERY TICKETS.
PIG, THE ODDS OF THAT $100 WINNING YOU ONE BILLION DOLLARS ARE ABOUT THE SAME AS IF YOU HAD JUST BURIED IT IN THE GROUND.
I'LL TRY ANYTHING.

DID YOU HEAR THE FEDERAL RESERVE BOARD JUST MET AND MAY BE TIGHTENING THE NATION'S MONEY SUPPLY?
NO.
APRIL FOOLS!!
MOST APRIL FOOLS JOKES ARE LESS SAD AND NERDY.
I KNOW. MAYBE I'LL FIND AN ECON GRAD.

I'M TRYING TO MAKE A DECISION AND IT'S SO HARD.
GO WITH YOUR GUT.
I GO EVERYWHERE WITH MY GUT.
NOT WHAT I MEANT.
I'D BE HAPPY TO LEAVE IT AT HOME.

HEY, GIMME A COFFEE.
WHAT SIZE WOULD YOU LIKE?
LARGE.
WE DON'T HAVE 'LARGE.' WE HAVE GRANDE OR VENTI.
OH, WELL. THEN GIVE ME AN ARREVEDERCI BELLA A CAPPELLA BECAUSE IT'S JUST AS MEANINGLESS AND EVEN MORE POMPOUS.
HE GAVE ME A 'TALL.'

HEY, NEIGHBOR NANCY. I THINK YOUR BABY JUST WOKE UP.
TALK TO HER. JUST HEARING A VOICE OFTEN COMFORTS A NEWBORN.
WHAT DO I SAY?
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
HI. WELCOME TO OUR WORLD. SORRY ABOUT THE PLANET. WE WERE ARGUING AND COULDN'T DO ANYTHING.
AND SORRY ABOUT ALL THAT DEBT. WE WERE ARGUING AND COULDN'T DO ANYTHING.
AND SORRY ABOUT ALL THE SHOOTINGS. WE WERE ARGUING AND COULDN'T DO ANYTHING.
ON THE PLUS SIDE, THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD SMELLS GREAT.
WAY TO BRING IT AROUND.
I LIKE TO END ON AN UPLIFTING NOTE.

HEY, PIGITA, WANT TO GO OUT TONIGHT?
LET ME CHECK MY DAILY PLANNER... NOPE ... LOOKS LIKE I'M BUSY TONIGHT.
HOW 'BOUT TOMORROW?
LET'S SEE... NOPE. BUSY EVERY NIGHT FOR THE NEXT NINE YEARS.
SHE IS SO DARN ORGANIZED.

HEY, RAT...HOW COME YOU'RE NOT DRINKING BEER?
I REALIZED IT DOESN'T MAKE MY PROBLEMS GO AWAY. IT JUST MAKES THEM DISAPPEAR FOR A WHILE.
SO NOT A CURE FOR LIFE'S ILLS?
MORE OF A CRAPPY MAGIC SHOW.
THERE SHOULD BE REFUNDS.
LET'S DRINK TO FORGET THIS.

VOCABULARY
QUIZ
Define the word 'innate.'
YESTERDAY,
NATE
SWALLOWED
AN ACORN.
IT IS
NOW
IN NATE.
SOME WORDS ARE EASIER TO FIGURE OUT THAN OTHERS.

HOW OTHER PEOPLE SEEM TO GO THROUGH LIFE...
I will try this new thing!
I will try this new thing!
I WILL TRY THIS NEW THING!
Me
ARRGH
All the times I've been hurt
GOTTA LET THAT GO.
NO. SAFER MY WAY.

DO YOU HAVE ANY MOTTO THAT GUIDES YOU IN LIFE?
I'VE ALWAYS LIKED THAT LINE FROM 'FORREST GUMP'- 'LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES... YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA GET.'
I DO. I'LL GET THE ONE WITH THE COCONUT INSIDE AND I'LL FEEL COMPELLED TO FINISH THE STUPID THING.
HOW 'BOUT GETTING YOUR OWN MOTTO?
OKAY. 'LIFE IS ONE BIG COCONUT SURPRISE.'

WELL, I FINALLY QUIT MY JOB.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO FOR MONEY?
I'M HOPING TO FREELANCE.
WHY IS LANCE INCARCERATED?
YOU SHOULD BE INCARCERATED.
I COULD SAY HI TO LANCE.

DANNY DONKEY WAS TIRED OF THE LONG WALK TO THE NEAREST LIQUOR STORE.
SO HE ATTENDED A CITY COUNCIL MEETING.
I PROPOSE TO BUILD THREE LIQUOR STORES IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.
ALL THE PEOPLE IN ATTENDANCE BOOED.
BOO
BOOO
BOOOO
AS YOU SEE, SAID THE MAYOR, THAT'S A LOT OF BOOS YOU'RE GETTING. AND IF YOU EVER COME BACK, YOU'LL BE SURE TO GET EVEN MORE.
SO DANNY DONKEY WENT HOME.
AND ONE MONTH LATER HE WENT TO ANOTHER CITY COUNCIL MEETING.
I NOW PROPOSE TO BUILD SIX MORE LIQUOR STORES IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID LAST TIME? SAID THE MAYOR.
YES, SAID DANNY. THAT'S WHY I CAME BACK. I WANTED TO GET EVEN MORE BOOS.
DANNY WAS FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM THE CITY COUNCIL MEETING.
CAN I BOO THIS STUPID STORY?
ONLY AT THE GROCERY STORE.
IT'S STUPID IF I BOO, ISN'T IT?
YES.
ONLY AT THE GROCERY STORE.
That's a personal right.

HEY GUYS, LET ME GET THE BILL... I'LL WRITE A CHECK.
THANK YOU, PIG.
THANK YOU.
YEAH, I GOT THE CHECKBOOK YESTERDAY. SO FAR, I'VE BOUGHT A T.V, CLOTHES, FURNITURE.
PIG, YOU REALIZE YOU CAN ONLY WRITE CHECKS FOR THE AMOUNT YOU HAVE IN YOUR ACCOUNT, RIGHT?
THIS CHANGES THINGS.
YES.
LIKE YOU CAN LIVE IN JAIL NOW.

YES! I WON ANOTHER GAME OF TRIVIA! I AM THE KING OF THIS GREAT GAME!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LOOKING UP A WORD... AH, HERE IT IS...
TRIVIAL: OF LITTLE OR NO IMPORTANCE:
Dear Trivial Pursuit,
Please re-name your stupid game.

TODAY'S PHRASE
'I should probably let you go.'
TRANSLATION:
You are boring the bejeesus
out of me.
INTERESTING.
WELL, I SHOULD PROBABLY LET YOU GO.
HEY...
DON'T 'LET YOU GO' ME.

HEY, PIG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT.
YOU'RE EATING A DONUT.
RIGHT. WELL, MY PROBLEM WITH FOOD IS, I ALWAYS EAT EVERY BITE IN FRONT OF ME.
SO?
SO DONUTS HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS ALREADY REMOVED THE MIDDLE.
YOU MAY BE MISINFORMED.
TO REWARD MYSELF, I HAVE A MAPLE BAR.