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WISE ASS ON THE HILL
OH, WISE ASS ON THE HILL, TELL US ALL... WHEN WILL THINGS GET BETTER?
WHEN YOU DECIDE THEY GET BETTER.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
THAT YOU CAN'T CONTROL EVENTS, BUT YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR REACTION TO THOSE EVENTS.
I WAS HOPING HE'D JUST SAY TUESDAY.

PIG SEEMS A LOT HAPPIER LATELY.
YEAH. HE NO LONGER LETS THE NEWS GET HIM DOWN.
WISH I COULD DO THAT. WHAT'S HIS SECRET?
HE SHUTS HIS EYES AND COVERS HIS EARS.
LALALALALA
THAT'S ONE WAY.
LIFE IS GREAT!

HI, PIG. WHAT'S UP?
I'VE DECIDED TO GO DOOR-TO-DOOR HUGGING PEOPLE BECAUSE I THINK OUR ONLY WAY OUT OF THESE DIFFICULT DAYS IS TO HUG OUR WAY OUT.
WE CAN'T HUG ANYMORE. IT'LL JUST SPREAD THE VIRUS.
THESE ARE MERCILESS TIMES.

WHAT ARE YOU WRITING, PIG?
I ALWAYS LIKE TO PUT TOGETHER A DETAILED PLAN FOR THE UPCOMING WEEK. IT MAKES ME A LOT MORE PRODUCTIVE.
THAT SOUNDS REALLY SMART. CAN I SEE IT?
SURE.
Monday: Get through today.
Tuesday: Get through today.
Wednesday: Get through today.
Thursday: Get through today.
Friday: Get through today.
Saturday: Get through today.
Sunday: Get through today.
THE NEXT FORTY YEARS LOOKS MUCH THE SAME.

HI, GUYS. THANKS FOR JOINING THE ZOOM CALL.
AS YOU KNOW, THIS OFFICE WILL REMAIN CLOSED FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE, SO WE'LL KEEP DOING THESE EPIDEMIC MEETINGS ONLINE.
AND AGAIN, WE KNOW THESE ARE DIFFICULT TIMES...
...AND THAT YOU'RE ALL AT HOME, AND MANY OF YOU DON'T HAVE HOME OFFICES.
SO WE WANT TO TRY TO KEEP THESE MEETINGS AS CASUAL AS POSSIBLE.
BUT, RAT, I THINK WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING IS PUSHING IT.
IT'S CALLED A BEER BELLY TOWER.
THESE CALLS ARE RAPIDLY DEVOLVING.
MY HOUSE, MY RULES, PEOPLE.

HI. I'M CALLING ABOUT MY CABLE BILL.
CAN YOU HOLD?
WHO?
WHAT? NEVER MIND.
PUT ME DOWN NOW.
HOW DOES THIS HELP?

OH, UNIVERSE... HOW MUCH MORE SUFFERING MUST WE ALL ENDURE?
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?
MAYBE IT'S BETTER TO BE SURPRISED.

WHAT'S THE MOST DIFFICULT PART ABOUT WORKING AT HOME NOW?
HAVING TO BE MY OWN BOSS.
GET THAT REPORT DONE, YOU LAZY TURD!
THAT PART CAN BE UNCOMFORTABLE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
REACHING INTO THE HOPE BUCKET. I DO IT WHENEVER I GET DOWN AND THINGS FEEL HOPELESS.
AND THAT GIVES YOU HOPE?
CHEESE.
IT'S THE CLOSEST THING WE HAVE.

OH, WISE ASS ON THE HILL, IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES, HUMANITY SEEKS YOUR WISDOM.
CAN A LEFTOVER PIECE OF PIZZA IN THE FRIDGE BE RESISTED FOR MORE THAN A DAY?
IT CANNOT.
I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR CONFIRMATION.

WHAT'S THERE TO CELEBRATE RIGHT NOW?
NOTHING WHATSOEVER.
THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING IT?
BECAUSE YOU CAN ONLY CRY SO MUCH.
VARIETY IS IMPORTANT.

OH, GRAND GIVER O' CASH, I NEED TO BORROW FUNDS TO PURCHASE A HUGE NEW HOUSE.
I SEE. I SHALL CHARGE YOU 3% INTEREST.
OH, GRAND GIVER O' CASH, I NEED TO BORROW MONEY TO ADD A POOL TO MY SWIMMING POOL.
I SEE, I SHALL CHARGE YOU 4% INTEREST.
OH, GRAND GIVER O' CASH, I NEED TO BORROW CASH FOR A BRAND NEW MERCEDES.
I SEE, I SHALL CHARGE YOU 5% INTEREST.
GRAND GIVER O' CASH, I'M TRYING TO BETTER MYSELF BY GOING TO COLLEGE AND STUDYING HARD, BUT I NEED A LOAN TO DO IT.
OH.
IF I CAN GET A JOB AND ONE DAY BUY A HUGE HOUSE, I'LL CONTRIBUTE TO THE ECONOMY.
THEN I SHALL CHARGE YOU 7%, THE HIGHEST RATE OF ALL!
WAIT. WHY?
BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU'LL GET FOR SEEKING AN EDUCATION.
WHAT'S THE LESSON HERE?
NEVER TRY TO BETTER YOURSELF.
I NEVER DO!

IT'S LATE. WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING IN BED?
I READ A BOOK ON PRE-DESTINATION. IT EXPLAINS HOW EVERYTHING THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE HAS ALREADY BEEN DETERMINED.
SO?
SO MY LAZINESS HAS BEEN ORDAINED BY GOD.
SO I WON'T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS NEXT PUNCH?
YOU'RE MISUSING THE DOCTRINE.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING, PIG?
THE HAT O’ GREAT HAPPINESS.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
NO.
THEN WHY ARE YOU WEARING IT?
IT SENDS IT TO OTHERS.
HARD NOT TO LIKE YOU.
I THINK I’M MAKING SOMEONE GIDDY.

HOW DOES PIG DEAL WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON
COMFY CORNER
WHAT'S THAT
PILLOWS GOOD BOOK BUCKET OF CHEESE
I DIDN'T KNOW CHEESE CAME IN BUCKETS
PERSONALLY, I'D THROW IN BEER

O, GREAT WISE ASS, HOW HAVE YOU MANAGED TO KEEP IT TOGETHER SO WELL WITH ALL THAT'S GOING ON... THE VIRUS, THE ECONOMY, THE CHAOS.
I'M JUST VERY, VERY DRUNK.
HE'S WISER THAN I THOUGHT.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY, WE NOW HAVE ALL OF THE COLLECTIVE KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD LITERALLY IN OUR HANDS.
WE CAN KNOW ANYTHING WE WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING INSTANTANEOUSLY.
SO HOW DID PEOPLE GET STUPIDER?
WE SHOULD GOOGLE THAT.
IT SAYS, "NO CLUE."

WHADDYA GOT THERE, PIG?
IT'S A POSTER I MADE TO KEEP OUR MORALE HIGH.
Be happy!
AND ALSO TO COUNTER YOURS.
AAAUUGHH!!
I LIKE TO REFLECT OUR TIMES.

HEY, GUYS. THANKS FOR ALL COMING OVER DESPITE ALL THIS QUARANTINE STUFF. I'VE MISSED SOCIALIZING AND PARTIES AND PEOPLE.
AND I DON'T CARE WHAT THE DISTANCING RULES ARE. I NEED THIS.
WHAT THE? THAT STUPID PIG'S HAVING A PARTY IN OUR HOUSE DURING COVID.
HAS IT COME TO THIS?
MR. CLOONEY WOULD LIKE YOU TO LEAVE NOW.
SHOULD I LAUGH OR CRY?
I FIND GIN HELPS.

WELL, GUESS WHO’S NOW AN EXPERT ON GOTHIC ARCHITECTURE!
WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO LEARN ABOUT BORING ARCHITECTURE?
‘CAUSE SOMEONE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS BIG BUTTOX FLYING AROUND IN THE SKY! AND I SAID, “A BIG FLYING BUTT IN THE SKY? NOW THAT’S SOMETHING I GOTTA LEARN ABOUT!”
THEY’RE CALLED ‘FLYING BUTTRESSES.’ NOT ‘FLYING BUTTOCKS.’
ARCHITECTURE’S BORING AGAIN.

HEY, GOAT, WHAT'S GOING ON?
OH, JUST READING SOME STORIES ABOUT THE PANDEMIC.
'PANDEMIC' IS TODAY'S 'MAGIC WORD'!!
JUST TRYING TO TURN A NEGATIVE INTO A POSITIVE.

HEY, WE JUST GOT A LETTER FROM "THE POWERS THAT BE IN THE UNIVERSE."
LET'S SEE IT.
Dear Everyone,
As you know, we try to balance every year with both good and bad.
But this year...
Oopsie Doopsie!
THAT'S ALMOST AN APOLOGY.
I DON'T LIKE THEIR ATTITUDE.

HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB, WHAT'S YOUR NET WORTH?
HEY, PIG. JUST SO YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE RUDE TO ASK THAT.
MAYBE TEN BUCKS.
YOU SHOULDN'T GET PAID FOR THIS.

HIYA, RAT.
PIG? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I BURIED MYSELF IN THE GROUND TO SYMBOLIZE THE HOLE WE ALL HAVE TO DIG OURSELVES OUT OF RIGHT NOW.
AND?
I CAN'T GET OUT.
THIS YEAR IN A NUTSHELL.
HEY, MAYBE IT'S BETTER DOWN HERE.

DO YOU AND RAT HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE?
NO.
WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU GET SERIOUSLY ILL?
MAKE A WISH TO THE WELLNESS FAIRY.
THAT MIGHT NOT WORK.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE DEBT FAIRY.