Pearls Before Swine | Search

WHATCHA DOING, PIG?
I JUST JOINED TWITTER, BUT I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO NEXT.
WELL, YOU SEND OUT A TWEET.
Pig
Tweet.
THIS SEEMS POINTLESS.

HEY, TED. I HEAR WE'RE NO LONGER SUPPOSED TO USE THE TERM "CYCLIST."
CORRECT. IT'S DEHUMANIZING.
I UNDERSTAND. ARE ANY OF THESE TERMS PREFERABLE?
Heels on wheels
Lycra Loons
Pedaller Meddlers
Mob O' Snobs
HE SAID TO STICK WITH "CYCLIST."

DID YOU HEAR THERE'S A MOVE-
MENT TO DO AWAY
WITH THE WORD
'CYCLIST' ?
HOW
COME ?
CYCLISTS SAY ITS DEHUMAN-
IZING AND LEADS TO THEM
BEING DISLIKED.
I DISLIKE THEM FOR
MAKING STUPID REQUESTS
LIKE THAT.
MAYBE I'M
TALKING TO
THE WRONG
GUY.
HEY
TRUCKERS!
YOU NEED
A NEW
NAME!

OH, UNIVERSE. GIVE ME ANSWERS.
One cannot live life without a purpose. A reason to persevere. An answer to the question, 'Why am I here?'
Thus, pizza.
I KNEW THIS FELT RIGHT.

LARRY, I NOTICE YOU
HAVEN'T MADE ANY
CONTRIBUTIONS TO
THE CHURCH'S
COLLECTION CUP.
YEAH, I SAVE MY
BEER.
Wuh me need for?
BEER.
WELL, NOT TO BE TOO BLUNT ABOUT IT, BUT I THINK THE BLESSINGS
OF GOD ARE A BIT MORE IMPORTANT.
Me go fetch more beer.
BECAUSE ONE DAY THERE WILL BE A GREAT RAPTURE WHERE ALL THE
BELIEVERS WILL SUDDENLY DISAPPEAR FROM EARTH AND BE
TRANSPORTED TO HEAVEN, WHILE ALL THOSE STILL HERE WILL SUFFER
IN AN ETERNAL HELL.
CLICK
AAAAHHHHHHH
HIDING IN THE
CLOSET SEEMS UNETHICAL,
FATHER.
WE DO
WHAT WE
MUST, SON.
WHO LOOK LIKE
ME IS BLOW FUSE,
ME GO FETCH NEW BULB.
ME DONATE
EVERYTHING!!! GEEV BEER TO
ORPHANS!!!

HERE YOU GO, SIR.
WHAT IS THAT?
IT'S WHAT YOU ORDERED.
SOME MAN'S NAME WRITTEN IN MUSTARD?
OUR SIGNATURE DISH.
IF YOU ASK ME, IT'S NOT WORTH FIFTY BUCKS.

HI!
HI!
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
AM I IMPRESSING YOU?
Also, you all look much older than me.
EVERY HIGH SCHOOL REUNION EVER.
WHO DROVE THE BEST CAR?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOAT?
IT'S AN EXERCISE IN POSITIVITY. YOU WRITE DOWN YOUR HOPES FOR THE FUTURE.
CAN I TRY?
SURE.
That I've fled to Mars before this world goes kablooey.
I DON'T FEEL ANY BETTER.

How Life Works
by RAT
I sold my first book!
I'm making a living writing!
I'm famous!!
I'm–
AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THAT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR.
THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY OFF SUCCESS MOUNTAIN.

HOW'S YOUR NEIGHBOR ENJOYING COLLEGE?
GOOD. HE'S DECIDED TO STUDY ABROAD.
SEEMS LIKE A NARROW FOCUS.
I SENSE YOU'RE CONFUSED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
LOOKING BACK AT THE GOALS I SET FOR THIS PAST YEAR AND SEEING IF I FOLLOWED THROUGH ON THEM.
Spend more time on social media.
Hate myself for it.
LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER PRODUCTIVE YEAR.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS PLAYING?
JENGA.
OOOH, I LOVE JENGA. IT'S ONE BIG METAPHOR FOR LIFE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, YOU SPEND FOREVER BUILDING THIS BIG STRUCTURE ON A SOLID FOUNDATION. THEN SOMETHING GETS TAKEN AWAY. SAY YOUR JOB.
THEN YOUR CAR. THEN YOUR HEALTH CARE.
THEN YOUR TEETH. THEN YOUR HAIR.
THEN YOUR KNEES! THEN A PET! THEN A LOVED ONE! THEN YOUR PRIDE! THEN YOUR SANITY! THEN YOUR WILL TO GET UP IN THE MORNING!!!
ANYHOW, HAVE FUN PLAYING.
NEXT TIME, CANDYLAND.

HEY, RAT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS EXPLOSIVE MINE I PUT HERE? IT HAS A BIG SCRATCH ON IT.
YEAH. I DID THAT.
WHY?
BECAUSE I WAS RESTING MY BIC LIGHTER HERE, AND YOU TOUCHED IT AND SCRATCHED IT.
SO I SCRATCH YOUR BIC, YOU SCRATCH MINE?
YOU’RE AN ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE.

MY THERAPIST SAYS I HAVE O.C.D.
MY DOCTOR TOLD ME THE SAME. IT'S WHY I'M SO FAT.
YOU'RE OVER- WEIGHT BECAUSE OF OBSESSIVE- COMPULSIVE DISORDER?
OH.
THOUGHT THAT MEANT 'OVEREATS CHEESE DAILY.'
PERHAPS WE SHOULD REVIEW OUR ACRONYMS.
IS 'S.I.D.' 'STILL SHOULD TRY DIETING'?

I JUST WENT TO THE CITY PLANNER FOR A PERMIT AND I THINK HE ASKED FOR A BRIBE.
I THINK IF A CITY OFFICIAL WAS THAT CORRUPT, HE WOULD HAVE BEEN EXPOSED.
BY A NEWSPAPER...LIKE THE ONE I USED TO WORK FOR...BEFORE PEOPLE STOPPED SUBSCRIBING...BUT IT'S OKAY. BECAUSE LOCAL GOVERNMENT WILL DO WHAT'S RIGHT WHEN OPERATING UNSEEN.
WELL, THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.
THAT MIGHT BE SARCASTIC.
IF YOU’RE NOT PAYING FOR JOURNALISM, YOU’RE PAYING FOR NOT HAVING JOURNALISM!

EXCUSE ME, BUT SOME OF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS OFFENSIVE TO ME. I WONDER IF YOU COULD KEEP YOUR VOICES DOWN.
SURE, SENSITIVE GUY.
AND I WONDER IF YOU COULD ENCASE YOURSELF IN A SOUNDPROOF BUBBLE SO THE REST OF US CAN LEAD OUR LIVES LIKE WE USED TO.
SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THIS YEARS AGO.

EXCUSE ME BUT I DIDN'T LIKE THAT WORD YOU USED A MOMENT AGO. IT WAS OFFENSIVE TO ME.
WHO ARE YOU?
MY FRIENDS CALL ME 'A SENSITIVE SOUL.'
NICE. CAN I USE THE ACRONYM?
NOW I'M OFFENDED.
@## STARTED IT.
BOYCOTT!

Things I thought I needed when I was young:
Fame.
Riches.
Glory.
Things I now need:
Bed.
Coffee.
Pizza.
I WASTED SO MANY YEARS.

UGH... THIS STORY IS HORRIBLE.
Badness in the world
Goodness in the world
I'LL EVEN THIS THING YET.

HEY GOAT... I MADE YOU A 'THINKING OF YOU' CARD.
WELL, THAT WAS THOUGHTFUL.
Thinking of you... Makes me sad.
MAYBE THINK OF OTHERS NEXT TIME.
THANKS. YOUR LIFE WAS REALLY BRINGING ME DOWN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DRINKING A COKE.
IT'S NINE IN THE MORNING. YOU CAN'T DRINK A COKE AT NINE IN THE MORNING.
WHO SAYS?
IT'S ACTUALLY A LAW.
I NEED TO STAY BETTER INFORMED.
YOU DO.
IF ONLY HE HAD WAITED 'TIL NOON.

Enjoying
the company
of others.
Social
media:
Staring at
an electronic
device by
yourself.
SOMETHING'S
BEEN
MISNAMED.

Me at the beginning of a new challenge:

GO! GO! GO! GO! (hop hop hop hop hop hop hop)
Me after encountering the first small obstacle:

Everything is useless... GIVE UP NOW
WELL, YOU'RE GOOD AT STARTING OUT.

EVEN BETTER AT QUITTING.

WELL, IT'S BEEN GREAT TALKING TO YOU, BUT I THINK I'D BETTER GET GOING.
HOW COME?
I'M GOOD FOR AN HOUR OF CONVERSATION. AFTER THAT, MY TRUE SELF COMES OUT AND SOMEBODY LEAVES IN TEARS.
IT'S GOOD TO KNOW ONE’S LIMITATIONS.

Dear Mama,
Good news!
Your dreams for your son's life have come true.
If those dreams were of me spending life fat on a couch.
ITS ALL IN HOW YOU FRAME IT.