Pearls Before Swine | Search

SMILES ARE CONTAGIOUS TOO.
SMILES ARE CONTAGIOUS TOO.
[:]

DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH IT! THAT'S MY MOST PRIZED POSSESSION!
DON'T CARE! I WANT IT!
STOP OR I'LL PUNCH YOU!
LET GO OF ME!
STOP! THIEF! COME BACK!
STRANGEST TIMES EVER.

THERE! ANOTHER PUZZLE COMPLETED!
I CAN ONLY MAKE SO MANY @&#$%*! PUZZLES!
THE QUARANTINE IS GETTING TO ME.

AND NOW A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE FROM "PEARLS BEFORE SWINE."
2020 CAN GO RIGHT BACK TO WHEREVER THE #@$% IT CAME FROM!
I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO A PROFANITY-FREE VERSION.
NO, REALLY, IT CAN GO SHOVE ITSELF RIGHT UP--

HEY THERE... LISTEN, THIS IS VERY HARD FOR ME TO SAY...
BUT I'M STARTING TO THINK THE PROBLEM IS YOU.
I MEAN, WE SPEND SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER...
BUT I'M SOMEHOW LONELIER WITH YOU THAN WITHOUT YOU.
I GET IT. YOU JUST WANT TO BE HELPFUL. DO WHATEVER I NEED...
AND I ADMIT... I WANT TO HOLD YOU... GO WITH YOU EVERYWHERE...
BUT I NEED MY LIFE BACK... I'M SO SORRY...
SO I PROPOSE WE TAKE A BREAK... STARTING NOW.
I MISSED YOU PHONE.
SO PATHETIC.
GET A ROOM.

I THINK LIFE RIGHT NOW IS BAD.
MAYBE. BUT IT HELPS TO BE POSITIVE.
I'M POSITIVE LIFE RIGHT NOW IS BAD.
HOW DOES THAT HELP?

HEY, NEIGHBOR BOB. JUST CAME OVER TO REMIND YOU TO STAY AT LEAST SIX FEET AWAY FROM ME FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.
YEAH, WELL, I THINK WE'RE ALL PRETTY AWARE OF THE CORONAVIRUS AND WHAT WE ALL HAVE TO DO NOW.
VIRUS?
MY SOCIAL DISTANCING WAS YEARS AHEAD OF ITS TIME.

WHY DO WE STILL LOOK LIKE THIS?
WELL, FIRST I WAS STUCK IN COLOMBIA WITHOUT ART SUPPLIES.
THEN I MANAGED TO GET HOME, AND ALL THE STORES WERE CLOSED.
BUT THE U.S. GOVERNMENT JUST DECLARED THIS STRIP TO BE AN ESSENTIAL SERVICE, SO THEY'RE SHIPPING ME EVERYTHING I NEED.
I ORDERED THEM ONLINE.
OF COURSE.
I WILL SAVE YOU ONE PUN AT A TIME!

HI, PROFESSOR? I WON'T
BE ABLE TO GO TO
CLASS FOR THE REST OF
THE YEAR ON ACCOUNT
OF NOT WANTING TO
CATCH THE CORONA-
VIRUS.
HAVE NO FEAR. WE'VE
MOVED ALL INSTRUCTION
ONLINE.
OUT OF AN ABUNDANCE
OF CAUTION, I'LL AVOID
THAT TOO.
MY EXCUSES ARE
GETTING FLIMSIER.

STEPHAN HAS BEEN CAUGHT WITHOUT DRAWING SUPPLIES. HENCE THE LOOK OF THE STRIP.
RECOMMENDATIONS DURING CORONAVIRUS OUTBREAK:
- KEEP A SAFE DISTANCE FROM OTHERS.
- AVOID ALL SOCIAL GATHERINGS.
- STAY HOME AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
THEY'VE SUMMED UP MY LIFE'S GOALS.

IS IT TRUE THAT OUR CREATOR, STEPHAN PASTIS, WAS IN COLOMBIA DURING THE CORONAVIRUS OUTBREAK AND GOT STUCK THERE WITHOUT HIS DRAWING SUPPLIES?
YOU HAVE NO PROOF.
IT IS SORTA HARD TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE.
SI. SEÑOR.

I do not like Kansas, <br>
Boston, or Chicago. In fact, I don’t even like America.
WHAT THE..?
THEN YOU CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR COUNTRY, YOU SOCIALIST COMMUNIST!
TOSS
READ THE TITLE.
BANDS I DON’T CARE FOR
CONTEXT TAKES FAR TOO MUCH TIME.

HEY, RAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?... I THOUGHT YOU WORKED TODAY.
I'M TELECOMMUTING. EVERYONE'S DOING IT. IT'S EFFICIENT AND TAKES ONE MORE CAR OFF THE ROAD.
THAT'S GREAT.
WAIT. AREN'T YOU A BARISTA?
I SAID MAKE IT YOURSELF, YOU PUTZ.
PERHAPS TELECOMMUTING CAN BE ABUSED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PIG?
CREATING THE HAPPINESS CALENDAR.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S LIKE A REGULAR CALENDAR, BUT ON EACH DAY, I INCLUDE SOMETHING IN LIFE THAT YOU CAN BE HAPPY ABOUT.
YOU'VE WRITTEN "CHEESE" ON EVERY SINGLE DAY.
IT'S A KEY PART OF THE HAPPINESS CALENDAR.

HEY, GOAT, DID YOU SEE THAT THE LOTTO JACKPOT IS UP TO ALMOST ONE BILLION DOLLARS? IT'S CRAZY. SO I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT A HUNDRED DOLLARS' WORTH OF LOTTERY TICKETS.
PIG, THE ODDS OF THAT $100 WINNING YOU ONE BILLION DOLLARS ARE ABOUT THE SAME AS IF YOU HAD JUST BURIED IT IN THE GROUND.
I'LL TRY ANYTHING.

DID YOU HEAR THE FEDERAL RESERVE BOARD JUST MET AND MAY BE TIGHTENING THE NATION'S MONEY SUPPLY?
NO.
APRIL FOOLS!!
MOST APRIL FOOLS JOKES ARE LESS SAD AND NERDY.
I KNOW. MAYBE I'LL FIND AN ECON GRAD.

I'M TRYING TO MAKE A DECISION AND IT'S SO HARD.
GO WITH YOUR GUT.
I GO EVERYWHERE WITH MY GUT.
NOT WHAT I MEANT.
I'D BE HAPPY TO LEAVE IT AT HOME.

HEY, GIMME A COFFEE.
WHAT SIZE WOULD YOU LIKE?
LARGE.
WE DON'T HAVE 'LARGE.' WE HAVE GRANDE OR VENTI.
OH, WELL. THEN GIVE ME AN ARREVEDERCI BELLA A CAPPELLA BECAUSE IT'S JUST AS MEANINGLESS AND EVEN MORE POMPOUS.
HE GAVE ME A 'TALL.'

HEY, NEIGHBOR NANCY. I THINK YOUR BABY JUST WOKE UP.
TALK TO HER. JUST HEARING A VOICE OFTEN COMFORTS A NEWBORN.
WHAT DO I SAY?
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
HI. WELCOME TO OUR WORLD. SORRY ABOUT THE PLANET. WE WERE ARGUING AND COULDN'T DO ANYTHING.
AND SORRY ABOUT ALL THAT DEBT. WE WERE ARGUING AND COULDN'T DO ANYTHING.
AND SORRY ABOUT ALL THE SHOOTINGS. WE WERE ARGUING AND COULDN'T DO ANYTHING.
ON THE PLUS SIDE, THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD SMELLS GREAT.
WAY TO BRING IT AROUND.
I LIKE TO END ON AN UPLIFTING NOTE.

HEY, PIGITA, WANT TO GO OUT TONIGHT?
LET ME CHECK MY DAILY PLANNER... NOPE ... LOOKS LIKE I'M BUSY TONIGHT.
HOW 'BOUT TOMORROW?
LET'S SEE... NOPE. BUSY EVERY NIGHT FOR THE NEXT NINE YEARS.
SHE IS SO DARN ORGANIZED.

HEY, RAT...HOW COME YOU'RE NOT DRINKING BEER?
I REALIZED IT DOESN'T MAKE MY PROBLEMS GO AWAY. IT JUST MAKES THEM DISAPPEAR FOR A WHILE.
SO NOT A CURE FOR LIFE'S ILLS?
MORE OF A CRAPPY MAGIC SHOW.
THERE SHOULD BE REFUNDS.
LET'S DRINK TO FORGET THIS.

VOCABULARY
QUIZ
Define the word 'innate.'
YESTERDAY,
NATE
SWALLOWED
AN ACORN.
IT IS
NOW
IN NATE.
SOME WORDS ARE EASIER TO FIGURE OUT THAN OTHERS.

HOW OTHER PEOPLE SEEM TO GO THROUGH LIFE...
I will try this new thing!
I will try this new thing!
I WILL TRY THIS NEW THING!
Me
ARRGH
All the times I've been hurt
GOTTA LET THAT GO.
NO. SAFER MY WAY.

DO YOU HAVE ANY MOTTO THAT GUIDES YOU IN LIFE?
I'VE ALWAYS LIKED THAT LINE FROM 'FORREST GUMP'- 'LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES... YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA GET.'
I DO. I'LL GET THE ONE WITH THE COCONUT INSIDE AND I'LL FEEL COMPELLED TO FINISH THE STUPID THING.
HOW 'BOUT GETTING YOUR OWN MOTTO?
OKAY. 'LIFE IS ONE BIG COCONUT SURPRISE.'

WELL, I FINALLY QUIT MY JOB.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO FOR MONEY?
I'M HOPING TO FREELANCE.
WHY IS LANCE INCARCERATED?
YOU SHOULD BE INCARCERATED.
I COULD SAY HI TO LANCE.